1550 Loring Lane - 10. Winky

Winky

Cal opened the screen door to his porch and stepped inside quietly. He gently knocked the snow off his boots trying not to make a sound. It was late, again. He didn’t want to go inside and face the music, again. They were trying really hard to make this week as stress-free as possible, for her sake. But Jess wasn’t as good at hiding his irritation as Cal was.

The apartment he’d looked at was so white, so sterile and empty. While the 1550 Loring Lane building was clean and well kept, it didn’t feel like home. Of course, this house was no longer feeling much like home either. It was as cold inside as it was out on the porch. Maybe this was all for the best. Sure, he’d miss seeing that special little girl every morning, but otherwise he almost felt relieved. No, that wasn’t right either. He’d miss seeing Jess too.

In frustration, Cal sat down on the cold bench and looked around. The cascading icicle lights looked so warm and festive, inviting others with their whimsy. Outside the screens were more lights, outlining the windows and bathing the space with gentle white light. If only this lovely display of Christmas cheer could be carried inside the house to forestall the ire of his husband. ‘Christmas cheer,’ he thought. He needed a subtle reminder for Jess to be not so harsh in front of Angie.

He grabbed his boots and padded up to the door. “Ow!” he exclaimed as his socked toe hit a box lodged against the door jamb. “What is that?” Cal picked up the package and put it under his arm, careful not to get the dirty snow clinging to his boots onto the brown wrap. He closed his eyes, took a deep breath, and turned the knob.

“Merry Christmas Eve, eve! I come bearing gifts,” he called out.

“Daddy!” the little girl called out. “You’re home.” She ran to him and gave his waist a big-girl hug. “Is it for me?”

“I don’t know sweetie,” Cal said. “Let me get my coat off and we’ll see.”

“You’re late,” the voice of his husband announced, booming across the room. “I put dinner in the fridge.”

Cal looked up and tried to smile at the man, but Jess’s scowl was too bitter and too riling. “I left a message.”

“I know,” Jess said, shaking his head. “If it weren’t for…”

“Is it for me? Is the package for me?” Angie squealed in delight.

“Where did you get that?” Jess asked, his face a little more open with some curiosity gleaming from his eyes.

“I found it on the porch,” Cal said. “I really am sorry I’m late.”

Jess snorted and waved away his husband’s apology. That was the way things were now. Cal was used to it.

“Let’s see who it’s from, honey,” Jess said, crouching down and taking the box from Cal’s hands. “It’s to Angie Forman, and I can’t read the return address. It’s all smudged.”

“Let me see,” Cal said, hanging up his coat on the rack. “Hm! Even the postmark is hard to read.”

“Can I open it?” Angie said, jumping up and down. “Please, let me open it.”

“Is it safe do you think?” Jess asked, his golden brown eyes looked up into Cal’s striking blue ones. “I mean, who except family or friends would know Angie’s name?”

“People at school I suppose,” Cal said. “I’m sure it’s safe enough. But, if it’s a Christmas present it should wait.”

“No, Daddy!” Angie squeaked, her voice rising up a couple octaves. “I wanna open it now. Please!”

“We could let her open this one,” Jess smiled at Cal. “It wouldn’t hurt.”

Cal looked over at the mountain of gaily wrapped gifts spilling out from under the Christmas tree. Both of them had been feeling guilty. That was quite obvious. “Let her open it.”

“You can,” Jess said, handing her the box. Angie didn’t take long to rip off the brown paper in large pieces, throwing it behind her. The box was one of those clothing boxes taped tightly shut. She tore the top off with one powerful pull, snapping the tape and ripping the thin cardboard in two.

“It’s a book, Daddy!” she shouted excitedly. “And there’s a toy too.” Sure enough, from within the tattered confines of the twisted wreckage, a book emerged. “It’s called the Littlest Winky.”

“I’ve never heard of that one,” Jess said. “Let me see.” He looked at the cover and picked up the small dangling ornament to read, “’The Littlest Wichtel.’ What’s a ‘wichtel?’” he asked Cal.

“I’ve never heard of it.” Cal shrugged and looked at the small ornament hanging on a thick red thread. The first thing they saw was the tall, red cone-shaped hat on top of the little guy’s head. He had a long, fluffy white beard and a blue tunic fastened with a brown belt. There were cute little knobs for hands, feet and nose. Tiny white circles with small black specks were painted for the eyes. Cal noticed it seemed to be staring right at him. “It’s like a little gnome or something.”

“Let me see,” Jess said, taking it from his husband’s hand. “It does. I wonder what a ‘wichtel’ is?”

“Probably a little gnome or something,” Cal said with a sigh.

“I’m looking it up,” Jess said. “Don’t roll your eyes at me.”

“I’m not,” Cal said, breathing deeply, rolling his eyes inside his mind.

“It’s Winky, my Christmas elf,” Angie announced to them, ignoring the ornament and opening the book. “I’m going to read all about him.” She took the book and scurried over to the couch, jumping up and nestling herself in the cushions. “Daddy, read it with me.”

“In a minute,” Cal said. “I’m starving.”

“It says here a ‘wichtel’ is a sprite or gnome-like creature. It’s pronounced with a V, not a W,” Jess announced, reading from his iPad. “It’s a German word.”

Cal stifled an ‘I told you so’ and headed to the kitchen. “I’ll be right back, sweetie.”

“Okay!” Angie called back, her nose already firmly wedged into another page of the storybook. Cal smiled at her over his shoulder and went into their kitchen.

“So how is he?” Jess snarled right behind him. “Did you have a quickie tonight?”

“You know there isn’t anyone else,” Cal said tiredly. He opened the fridge and looked inside. “We both promised to make this a happy Christmas for her. Don’t start with me.”

Cal grabbed the casserole dish which was still rather warm, and placed it on the counter. “I went to look at that apartment over by Loring Park. I think I should sign the lease.”

Jess’s face was scrunched in distaste, his lips pursed angrily. “At least you won’t have to hide him anymore.”

“I’ve told you a hundred times. There is no one else,” Cal groaned. “It was your idea I move out.”

“Technically it was our counselor’s idea,” Jess said thoughtfully. “I just happen to agree.”

“Well, after the next few days, I’ll be gone,” Cal said, taking a plate from the cupboard. “Then we can start over.”

Jess’s eyes were both stony and wet. He wiped them and crossed his arms. “You know I never wanted this. I love you so much but…”

“I know. It’s not good for Angie,” Cal said, scooping some goulash onto his plate. It was still steaming. “When we agreed to this, we decided it was for the best.”

“I know,” Jess said. He chewed his lip thoughtfully as Cal positioned his plate in the microwave. “I want us to work.”

“I do too,” Cal said, turning and hugging the other man. Jess was stiff in his arms. He was shaking and it was killing Cal inside. “Please, let’s try this. It’s our only chance. We give Angie a nice, family Christmas and then next year we work on us.”

Jess pulled away. “Your mother’s coming over after Angie goes to bed.” Cal could see he didn’t look happy at that idea. “You know what she’s going to say.”

“We explain what the counselor said and she’ll understand,” Cal said. The microwave beeped and he pulled the plate from it. “I’ll eat and we’ll face her together. Okay?”

“Okay,” Jess said. “I’ll go sit with Angie until she gets here.”

“Fine,” Cal said abruptly, sitting at the kitchen table. “I’ll stay in here.”

Jess turned and marched out of the room, but not before giving Cal a look of dismay and contempt.

*************

“I don’t see how this will help,” Trudy said, shaking her head. “Why would someone advise this?”

“He thinks we need to reconnect from the base of our relationship. If we start off fresh, you know, getting to know one another again, it will help us heal,” Cal explained. His eyes shifted to Jess who gave him a half-smile.

“When two people love each other like you two do, you need time together not apart,” Cal’s mother said, taking a sip of her hot chocolate. “You know your father and I didn’t always see eye to eye, but we worked it out together.”

“I don’t think it’s the same for us,” Jess said. “Our counselor said for us to heal our relationship, we need to heal ourselves first, as individuals.”

“This guy sounds off his rocker,” Trudy scowled. She looked at her son, “What’s his name, Xian? That’s a weird name to begin with.”

“He’s a holistic counselor with his roots in Eastern mysticism. Xian is his professional name,” Cal explained. “He comes highly recommended.”

“It sounds like mumbo jumbo to me,” Trudy said. “There’s a child involved here. It’s not just you two figuring out if your auras blend or not.”

“That’s not what Xian said,” Jess said. “He thinks we need to strengthen our auras separately so when they combine there will be more connections. I know it sounds different, but he’s a licensed life coach.”

“You know what we called life coaches in my day?” Trudy asked. “We called them ‘friends.’”

“Mom, don’t be disrespectful,” Cal said, grimacing at her.

Trudy adjusted her glasses and picked up her purse. She pulled out a tissue and wiped her nose, gently. “What you guys really need is a vacation. When is the last time the two of you went off together?”

Cal was taken aback. “I guess right before we got Angie.”

“We took her to the Wisconsin Dells this summer,” Jess said. “We got along great on that trip.”

“No, you need a vacation with just the two of you,” Trudy said. “You know, I have some money squirreled away and…”

“No, Mom, we’re not taking your money for a vacation,” Cal said firmly.

“You’ll give money to Yoga Beary your swami, but you won’t consider a nice romantic getaway?” she said, giving both boys a slightly lurid look.

“Mother!” Cal said, blushing, peeking at Jess. His husband looked like he’d swallowed a frog. He appeared to be both revolted and jumpy.

“I’m just saying. When your father and I got on each other’s nerves, we dumped you and Fran off at my mother’s and had a nice, hot throw down, er, time alone. If you get my drift,” she said, winking at them.

Cal thought he’d throw up at the idea of his mother and father ‘throwing down’ whatever that meant. Jess now looked a little green. Cal understood his husband’s state of mind.

“Don’t do this son,” Trudy said, leaning over and grasping his hand. She turned and grabbed Jess’s hand too. “This will only make you grow farther apart, not closer.”

“Mom, we’ve got no choice,” Cal said, wiping his eyes. Jess was misty eyed too. Cal wanted so badly to embrace him, make him feel things again. But they’d tried that. It hadn’t worked.

“Well, you’ll do what you will I guess,” Trudy said, heaving her bulk out of the chair. “I’ll be on my way. I said my piece.”

“I, we appreciate what you’re saying…” Cal began.

“There is no other way,” Jess finished.

Trudy shook her head and went into the living room. The lights on the Christmas trees sparkled brightly, filling the room with a white glow. As Cal’s mother got into her coat, she spied Angie’s new book. “What’s this?”

“We got it today. Did you send it?” Jess asked. Trudy looked at the cover and pursed her lips. She opened it and paged through it briefly. “It came with a cute little ornament.”

“I didn’t send it. It’s cute though. My grandmother,” she said with a sigh and looked at her son. “Your great-grandmother was from Germany and she talked about the mischievous elves who stole their shoelaces and hid the pin cushion. I remember her talking about such things. So magical. You know, that’s what the two of you need, a little hocus pocus.”

“I think we’ll try reconnecting on a more spiritual level,” Jess said, taking the book from her hand.

“I still think you two should go away, oil each other up, and do nasty things together,” she smirked at her son. “That’s how you were conceived I believe.”

Cal’s mouth dropped open as his mother patted his arm. He had images of his mother, at least forty pounds overweight, and his father, who tipped the scale at almost three hundred pounds, rolling around in an oil bath. Jess looked like he’d just seen the Apocalypse.

“Bye now,” she said and walked out the door.

“That’s quite the image,” Jess said.

“I’ll take the couch tonight,” Cal said.

“Yeah,” Jess said. He paused, almost said something, and then slowly walked up the stairs. Cal watched him, his heart growing ever heavier in his chest.

************

“Do you really have to go into work on Christmas Eve?” Jess snarled. “I doubt people will be calling in frantically ordering commercial floor cleaners on a day like today.”

“I have some last minute end-of-year paperwork to get done,” Cal said, pulling on his coat. He patted his pants’ pockets. “Keys, I need my keys.”

Jess came close and growled in his ear. “This may be our daughter’s last Christmas with both her dads. Can’t you stick around?”

“Jess, I need to get into the office. Where is your set of car keys?”

“I don’t have them,” Jess said. “I dropped off the SUV for servicing and forget to keep the set to your car.”

“Damnit!” Cal swore, looking through the bowl next to the front door.

“You said a bad word,” Angie piped up from the couch. She was reading her new storybook again. “You shouldn’t use that word, Daddy.”

“I know,” Cal said, flustered and looking around wildly.

“Fine. If you’re leaving us stuck here, I’m calling Terence. He wanted to do some last minute shopping anyway,” Jess said, jutting out his chin. “We’re not sitting around waiting for your dumb ass.”

“Daddy,” Angie scolded. “You can’t use bad words either.”

“I’m sorry honey. Sometimes your dad makes me a little angry,” Jess said, digging in his coat pocket. “Where’s my phone?”

“Honey, have you seen my keys?” Cal asked, running his fingers through his hair in frustration.

“Winky took them,” Angie said without looking up from her book. “He took your phone too, Daddy.”

Jess scowled and went into the kitchen to see if he’d left it on the charger. “It’s not in here either.”

“Sweetie, did you take Daddy’s keys?” Cal asked, hovering over her. He felt if he didn’t get out of the house, he’d strangle Jess. This morning his husband had purposely locked him out of the bathroom for over an hour.

“Why would I take your keys, Daddy?” Angie said, turning the page. “Winky took them. He said you and Daddy have been naughty.”

“Honey, I need my car keys,” Cal said, a little too loudly.

“Don’t yell at her,” Jess called from the other room. “Where is it?” Both the little girl and Cal heard a drawer slam and Jess marched into the room looking around in irritation.

Angie pursed her lips and slammed the book shut. She crossed her arms and glared from one man to the other without another word.

“Listen, Angie, Daddy needs his keys to go to work,” Cal said sweetly through gritted teeth.

“And Daddy needs his phone,” Jess said, stepping into the room. “Now, we won’t be mad if you just tell us where you put them.”

“I told you. I didn’t take them. When people are mean, Winky takes things to teach them a lesson,” Angie said. Her face was getting red and tears formed at the corners of her eyes. “I’m not dumb. You are mad.”

“We’re not mad,” Cal said, sitting next to her. “Your dad and I need our phone and keys.”

“You’re mad at each other,” she said, openly crying now. “You hate each other.”

Jess and Cal looked at each other in shock. Something passed between them, a sense of their failure. It softened their expressions. Their ‘last family Christmas together’ sham hadn’t fooled her. Their wickedly smart daughter had figured them out. Jess walked in and sat next to his husband.

“Your daddy and I don’t hate each other,” Jess said softly. He brushed the blonde locks from her red forehead. “We are having trouble getting along right now.”

“You don’t like Daddy,” she said hotly, “And Daddy doesn’t come home until late. You are mean to each other.”

Cal choked, “Honey, it’s not like that.”

“Yes, it is. Winky told me,” she said. “Is it because of me?”

“No,” both men said at once. “It’s not you, honey,” Jess said.

“It’s that sometimes we don’t always get along. That’s all,” Cal said.

“I don’t believe you,” Angie sobbed.

“How about we do something together today?” Cal said, pulling her closer. He put his other arm around Jess. His husband slid closer. “We could do something as a family.”

“Like what?” Angie sniffed. She stopped crying for a moment and a smile began to creep across her lips. “Like ice skating? You promised and we haven’t gone yet.”

Cal shrugged his shoulders and looked at Jess. “What do you think Daddy?”

Jess nodded once and then he struggled to make a smile. Cal leaned over and kissed him, chastely but sweetly. Jess responded with a squeak. He swallowed hard.

“Let’s go skating,” Jess said.

“Okay, I’ll get the skates,” Cal said. “Does that sound good, honey?”

Angie smiled and slowly climbed down from the couch. “Can we get hot chocolate after?”

Cal chuckled. “I think we have to.”

“I’ll grab my wallet,” Jess said. “Get your snow pants and mittens.”

Soon the three of them were bundled up and walking down the street toward the park. There was a fresh batch of snow covering all the trees. Angie was waddling along in her winter wear and her fathers followed along watching her. Cal felt his throat tighten up as he saw her look back at him and wave.

“She’s so smart,” Jess said, hearing his husband’s sigh. “She gets that from her daddy.”

Cal looked at him, smiling. “She’s also very stubborn and gets that from me too.”

Jess grinned and nudged him with his shoulder.

When they got to the outdoor rink, there were several families all watching as kids skated around chasing one another. On one side was an area for the younger kids and the three of them made their way over.

“I can get her skates laced up,” Cal said when they got to the benches. “You can skate with her first.”

“No, you first,” Jess said. “I wanna see how she’s doing. I haven’t seen her skate since last Christmas.”

“She’s doing really well,” Cal said, pulling on a skate and tugging on the laces. “Last March, she started skating backwards.”

“Really?” Jess said, looking into his daughter’s eyes. “You can skate backwards?”

Angie nodded enthusiastically. “Daddy showed me. You were busy.”

Jess’s eyes fell. “I was at the studio, honey.”

“I know,” Angie said. She stood up and swayed a little, Jess grabbing her hand. “I got it Daddy. I’m okay.”

“You are,” Jess said, wiping his face.

“Let’s go, sweetheart,” Cal said, standing up and taking her hand.

“I can do it by myself,” their little girl said. “See Daddy?” And off she went, at first a little unsteady, but recovering quickly. Cal followed along, watching her intently.

Jess watched as his husband so carefully coached and coaxed her along, giving her confidence and instruction. The man was so handsome, rugged, yet with a heart so tender. It made his stomach ache to think what they were planning. He’d married Cal because he couldn’t imagine life without him. Now watching as he skated along, his muscles filling out his blue jeans so perfectly, it took his breath away. There was such joy on Cal’s face.

Jess sighed and made up his mind. This wasn’t going to work.

Cal returned and stepped out of the rink. “She’s doing really well, huh?”

“She is,” Jess said, smiling at him. “Oh, my God, she is skating backwards.”

Sure enough, the young girl was awkwardly gliding and looking behind her. Angie’s face looked serious, like she was going to succeed regardless.

“You know, she gets her determination from you,” Cal said, elbowing his husband.

“Yeah?” Jess said, his eyebrows arched. “She also gets easily frustrated like me.”

Cal touched Jess on the face, tenderly caressing his cheek.

“I’m going to join her,” Jess said. He quickly moved around his husband and stepped up into the rink.

Cal felt his heart lift as the other man joined their daughter. Angie looked up with such happiness and glee. Jess laughed and the sound reverberated throughout the rink. It was like music. Cal had missed it.

At one time, he could make his husband laugh like that. It jingled in his stomach. Jess’s mirth could uplift even the worst days. Cal couldn’t remember the last time his husband sounded so happy. His mind was quick and his passion even more fierce. Cal loved that in him. How had he forgotten that?

Jess and Angie skated by, the man flashing him a wide, white smile of unrestrained excitement. Cal watched as they passed. He couldn’t help but notice Jess’s nice, plump ass. God, when was the last time they’d been spontaneous? It had been forever, before Angie probably.

Everything was so planned now. Nothing was left to chance.

Cal decided that was it. They’d made the wrong choice. He’d have to try harder to make his husband smile. That was the problem.

***********

“My favorite part was when Daddy fell on his butt,” Angie said, flashing a grin. “He’s not as good a skater as he thinks he is.”

“I think I bruised something,” Cal said. He leaned forward, stuck out his tongue, and in an exaggerated fashion, rubbed his rear vigorously. Jess leaned back and laughed. Cal couldn’t help but feel his insides get a little mushy and his nether regions more taut.

“I have to go to the bathroom,” Angie whispered to them. She pushed her hot chocolate cup forward into the middle of the table.

“Are you okay by yourself?” Cal asked.

“I’m not a little girl anymore, Daddy,” she said earnestly. “I can do it by myself.”

“Of course,” Cal said, leaning back. He looked around the coffeehouse and sighed. It was nice and cozy in this wood paneled place with the smell of fresh ground coffee permeating the air. He felt more alive than he had in months. “She’s growing up.”

“She is,” Jess said, wrapping his hands around the mug. He was silent for a moment and then opened and closed his mouth.

“What is it?” Cal asked.

Jess smiled. “I want to show you something,” he said, pulling his wallet from his back pocket. He dug through and found something. “Do you want to see what I’ve been working on?”

Cal nodded and his husband handed him a small photo. “Whoa!” he said. “Shit, Jess! This is a painting of me.” Cal looked around nervously and then whispered, “In the nude.”

“That’s what I was doing at the studio,” Jess said, looking down. “It was going well until we started fighting.”

Cal looked up and could see the pain in his husband’s eyes. “Is that why it’s not finished?”

“I suppose so,” Jess said. “I can’t get back into it. I just stare at the canvas and it hurts.”

Cal was speechless at first. Then he looked at the picture again. Jess’s talent was obvious in every brushstroke. “It’s amazing,” Cal said. “These past few months I’ve been so distant and you were creating this. I’m sorry.”

“I’ve been a little bitchy too,” Jess said. “All your long days have been tough to take.”

“I’m sorry about that,” Cal said, looking down at the table. “I wanted to take you to Mexico. I took on a couple more accounts and it was harder than I thought it would be.”

“You what?” Jess said, shocked. “Why didn’t you tell me?”

“I did tell you,” Cal said softly. “Not about Mexico, but I took on extra work for the money. I wanted to treat you. It became too much I guess. It was supposed to be a surprise. It became a nightmare.”

Jess took the photo from his husband fingers and looked at it again. The man in the picture looked smug and sneaky, his eyes filled with deceit. He looked up at Cal. His husband looked nothing like that. Cal was in pain, scared, with a transparent openness. “I guess we haven’t been listening to each other much.”

Cal shook his head slowly. “No, we’ve both been working so hard and-“

Jess touched his husband’s hand, and interrupted with a gleam in his eye. “Maybe we should start that vacation early.”

Cal squinted at him, confused. “What?”

“Don’t your mom and dad go to Christmas Eve services? Angie loves all the music,” Jess said, waggling his eyebrows. “We could be all alone for at least an hour and a half.”

Cal had his phone out and was already waiting for Trudy to answer.

***********

“Mom, admit it. You took our phone and keys,” Cal said, looking at her sternly.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” his mother said. “I’ve been delivering Christmas baskets for the church all day. What are you implying?”

“Wait, Trudy. You didn’t take Cal’s keys and my cell phone last night?” Jess asked, puzzled.

“You misplaced them,” she said, shaking her head. “You two are a pair.”

“Daddy!” Angie cried out. “Winky is gone.”

“What?” they all responded and moved quickly over to the Christmas tree.

“Winky disappeared,” the little girl said, pointing to the empty spot on the branch.

“What are you talking about?” Cal’s mother demanded. “First I get accused of stealing your dumb keys and now a Christmas ornament?”

Jess looked blankly into space. “When we came home this afternoon, Cal’s keys and my cell phone were sitting on the dining room table on Angie’s book.”

“Now the little gnome is missing,” Cal said, equally mystified.

“Winky left,” Angie said sadly.

Cal’s mother didn’t say anything at first. Then she looked at Cal and Jess standing closer than they had in some time. “Looks like you two are doing better.”

“I think we are,” Jess said, looking a little sheepish.

“We’re trying your oil therapy,” Cal said, smirking at his husband. Jess blushed and shifted.

“Good,” Trudy said. “I guess we better get going, Angie. There are coffee and cookies after the service so I’m guessing we won’t be back for at least two hours. Use that time wisely boys.”

“Thanks Mom,” Cal said, putting his arm around Jess.

Trudy grinned and she quickly gathered Angie’s things and left.

Later, there were candles glowing and some music was playing upstairs. The sound of two men giggling and the bed squeaking could be heard throughout the house. Downstairs, behind the sofa, Winky was lying on his back. In the shadows, it looked like one of his eyes was painted shut in a perpetual wink. It seemed there was a little more smile under the beard.

Winky had done his job well.