Poetry Saga FA2016 - 1. Poem 1: Haiku - Simply Ignored Things

They are all terrific ... But Summer Game Boys and Street Cat are my favs. Great job, Emi!!

I think you've made a lot of progress in a short amount of time with Haiku. With this collection, I like the images of the Basho-style set, but if I can put on my instructor hat, I'd say please be careful with the 'lost in translation' type of structures. Haiku in Japanese are pretty smooth-flowing and don’t rally omit necessary words of grammar and so forth – it's a feature of English language Haiku through long use, but it doesn't have to be that way. Of these, I like the sweaty sportsmen the best

Now, with the Issa-style ones – OMG, so good. There's a little bit of lost in translation speak in the first one, but I don’t mind it. It's such a beautiful image, and you reference transformation without talking about cocoons or butterflies. It's so good and original. The others are pure ease and magic. Issa himself could have written the two about the cat and the spider; these are timeless.

Bravo. Proud of you.

I agree with tim, Emi... they were my favorites too cheers... Gary....

I was especially drawn to Street Cat and Sunny Day...and you had me at Summer Game Boys. These beautiful snatches of your experience radiate sensuality.

On 11/11/2016 02:00 PM, Mikiesboy said:

They are all terrific ... But Summer Game Boys and Street Cat are my favs. Great job, Emi!!

Thank you so much Tim. I can see that most of all liked the game boys, including me.

On 11/11/2016 02:08 PM, AC Benus said:

I think you've made a lot of progress in a short amount of time with Haiku. With this collection, I like the images of the Basho-style set, but if I can put on my instructor hat, I'd say please be careful with the 'lost in translation' type of structures. Haiku in Japanese are pretty smooth-flowing and don’t rally omit necessary words of grammar and so forth – it's a feature of English language Haiku through long use, but it doesn't have to be that way. Of these, I like the sweaty sportsmen the best

 

Now, with the Issa-style ones – OMG, so good. There's a little bit of lost in translation speak in the first one, but I don’t mind it. It's such a beautiful image, and you reference transformation without talking about cocoons or butterflies. It's so good and original. The others are pure ease and magic. Issa himself could have written the two about the cat and the spider; these are timeless.

 

Bravo. Proud of you.

Gosh I am glad and happy and jumping like a small kid after hearing that you are proud of me. And I can proudly say I have the best instructor. And I will thank you for that.

~Emi.

On 11/12/2016 02:28 PM, Headstall said:

I agree with tim, Emi... they were my favorites too cheers... Gary....

Thank you so much Gary. I appreciate it...

~Emi.

On 11/13/2016 08:12 AM, Parker Owens said:

I was especially drawn to Street Cat and Sunny Day...and you had me at Summer Game Boys. These beautiful snatches of your experience radiate sensuality.

Thank you so much for the compliments Parker.

I am glad you liked these silly observations of mine along with my life. Thank you so much.

~Emi.

I really liked Butterfly. Beautifully written, and so much said with very few words. I enjoyed how poetically described your observations in Street Cat. Poor thing :P. Spider was funny and I enjoyed the visual haha. Thanks for sharing your haikus :)!