Him in the Dust - Part 2 - 3. Endless Surprises

September 9th - 2:12 am

I walked through the main gate at Catterick flashing my pass. Not content were the guards, I was stopped briefly to show my identification and was then allowed on my way again. Tired and achy, I got back to my dorm and put my key in the door.

Strangely I heard noises coming from the living space as I closed the door behind me. ‘Is that a computer game’? I thought, heading through to the bedroom. In the doorway, I saw the back of a young guy with a skin fade haircut holding a controller.

“Hi,” I said, perplexed. “Uh, you seem to be in my bunk?”

The guy put the game on pause and turned around, “Looks like I’m your new roommate.”

“Uh, no, I think you’re mistaken. This is my bunk, and there are plenty spare.” I said defiantly.

“Uh-uh, not anymore. Two hundred lads just got transferred here from Scotland for deployment in three weeks. So you’re stuck with me, I’m afraid.

“Nice of someone to tell me. Seb, and you are?”

“Andy, You wanna game?”

“No, Andy, I want a shower, and then I want to go to bed, so if you could keep it down, that would be great.”

“Friendly one, aren’t you?” He said, grinning at my visible disdain.

“Andy, It’s gone two am, and I walk into my bunk and find a stranger playing computer games in it, without so much as a text from the base. How friendly would you like me to be?”

I chucked my bag on my bed and started to empty it out keeping one eye on this new friend I had just discovered invading my private space. Sweating from the walk in the humidity I wiped my head on a pair of boxers from my bag before clearing my bed of the clothes I'd pulled out.

“Tours?” Andy spoke, staring at the TV, playing his game.

“Huh?”

“How many tours have you done?”

“One, why is that relevant?”

“I’m waiting to be posted to my first.

"Good for you. My advice, Kill as many as you can and don’t get shot.”

“Uh, thanks… I think.”

“Right shower!”

“Oh, erm… well, I had one about forty minutes ago, so you may need to wait until the cylinder heats up properly.

I sighed. “Right then, cold shower. Thanks, Andy.”

I took my top off, headed for the tiny shower room, and fully undressed, turning on the water. The spray was actually still quite warm, and being a humid night, that suited me. I felt myself relax a little as I got under the spray. That was until Andy walks in.

“Mind if I take a piss?”

“You’re pretty much there anyway,” I replied behind the curtain.

“So, where were you?”

“When?” I asked, rolling my eyes, wishing he’d leave me alone.

“On tour… where did you go?”

“Afghanistan.”

“How long?”

“Does it matter? Anyway, I got injured and had my tour cut short by three months.” I said, a little irritated again.

“Damn. You sound okay now, though.”

“Yes, Andy, it’s called healing.”

“Sorry, dude, I know I probably talk a lot.”

There was a break in our conversation which gave me time to feel just a little bit sorry for the way I was treating him. We were all new once I guess but the fucking army had a cheek putting him in a bunk that was already occupied. Fuck!

“Where you from?” I asked, not really interested, but it seemed a good question.

“Manchester, you?”

“Portsmouth,” I replied, switching off the water. “Hand me that towel.”

“Oh, sure.”

I got out of the shower and took the towel out of his hand, thinking I’d scared the poor guy with my lack of modesty. He put his hand up to shield his eyes. Again, I rolled mine.

“It’s just a dick; you got on too, I presume?”

“Yeah, uh. Sorry, I….”

“Shy?”

“You’re not!” He said, smirking.

“No, I’m not; this is my room, remember?”

“Sorry.”

“Arrh, stop apologising; no one is gonna apologise to you.”

“I’m just going to go and… well, get out of here,” he said, thumbing towards the bedroom.

“Good idea, It’s hard trying to dry when another person is taking up eighty per cent of the bathroom.”

“You wanna game?” He called.

“What? Again, Andy No, it’s like almost three in the morning.” I shouted back, wrapping the towel around my waist and walking back through to the bedroom.

“Insomnia, It’s no good for an army life.”

I just looked at him and shook my head. “How on earth did you get through all your training staying up all night?”

“That was easy when I was doing stuff. At the moment, I just have all this energy, and when I can’t use I,t I just lie awake.”

I shrugged. “Makes sense. Right, I’m getting into bed. Please keep it down; I have an early start.”

“But you’re on medical leave? What you up to?”

“Nosy! Anyway, hospital,” I replied, slipping under the covers.

Andy probably saw me being in bed meant that was his cue to turn off the TV and do the same. I was glad; having the light from the game, he was playing was going to stress me out.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I woke up just after seven am and went for a piss. Returning, I clicked on the kettle and boiled some water in prep for a morning tea. I felt more refreshed after the hellish day that was now in the past, and set to work on some pushups waiting for the water in the kettle.

“Morning!” Came Andy’s voice.

“Morning,” I replied through a strain. “You...get… much....sleep?”

“Enough to see me through the day. Man, you were out like a light.”

“Give me a second; I have another twenty to go.”

“Cool, I need a piss anyway,” Andy replied, walking past me and into our tiny toilet. God, I can’t believe I’m saying ‘our’.

I did my final pushup and dried my forehead on the sheet of my bed. “Listen,” I called through. “I’m sorry I was so grumpy last night. It had been a long day, and I was tired. Plus, my family just got disowned by me.”

Andy reappeared from the bathroom. “Whoa, heavy stuff. Why?”

“Let’s just say they… or rather my Dad doesn’t like my lifestyle as he calls it,” I replied, quoting with my fingers.

“You’re gay?” He asked casually.

“No… well maybe. I’m not sure.”

Andy shrugged. “My bother is gay.”

I smiled. “Oh really? Well in that case you’ve just become my next best friend!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

“So yeah, that’s how it happened,” Andy finished, with me hanging on his every word.

“And he… I mean, you’re Dad, he was okay finding out like that?” I asked, nodding.

“Oh yeah. I mean, if anything, I was more taken aback than my Dad.”

“Hmm, well, thanks, Andy, that’s been helpful. The thing is with me, I’ve struggled to find an answer to what happened to me.”

“Nothing happened to you, Seb; you just fell in love with someone who was not a girl. Hell, some people fall in love with Tractors.”

“Yeah, I read about that once.”

“So there you go. And you’re going to see him today, you say?”

“Lukas? Oh, yeah, of course.”

“Good! And thanks for telling me your story, and again, there is nothing wrong with you.”

“Well, thanks for sharing yours. God, we’ve been chatting for an hour. I need to get going. But, hey, to say thanks, I’ll shout us a Chinese when I get back tonight. Oh, uh, you do like Chinese, right?”

“Is the Pope Catholic?”

I put my sneakers on and grabbed my keys before saying bye to Andy. Then, heading out the door, I ran to the main gate and called a taxi.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

The taxi driver pulled into Northallerton Hospital and clicked the meter. I threw him a twenty note, telling him to keep the change and quickly exited the car. As I walked through the main doors, a low feeling came over me, knowing that yet again, I would be speaking to a Lukas that was somewhere else in his head.

I jumped in the lift and made my way up to his room. As I approached, I jumped backwards, seeing the top of his parents’ heads through the window. Biting my knuckles, I paced in circles knowing that I could not keep avoiding them forever. Besides, saying hello might be a good thing. I could tell them that Lukas had a friend that cared about him and all that.

I brushed myself down and mentally prepared. Then, walking towards the door, I closed my eyes and found the handle, slowly walking in.

“WHAT THE FUCK!” I yelled.

“Surprise,” Lukas strained out. I then noticed his parents both looking at me, startled and shocked. “Mum...Dad, this is Seb.”

They both turned back to Lukas as he spoke. “Kennst du diesen Verrückten, Lukas? His mum muttered.

“Ja, wir dienten zusammen Mutter. Er ist ein lieber Freund,” Lukas replied. Managing a smile. “My Mum thinks you are crazy, she was asking who you were.”

“I hope you were nice? I said, grinning, relieved and overcome with what I was seeing. I went into the room properly and held out my hand. “Seb, nice to meet you. I served with your son in Afghanistan.”

“Yes, he just said. It is good to meet you, Seb,” His mum replied, taking my hand before his dad held out his. “Lukas, me and your father, will go get some coffee. Leave you to chat, ja?”

“Thanks,” Lukas said, straining out a light smile.

I made room so they could leave and pulled up a chair next to Lukas’s bed.

“Jesus, I’m sorry I didn’t mean to yell out! This is unreal, you’re awake, and fuck, it’s just unbelievable.

“The nurse said you came a lot. Thank you.”

“I did, yeah. I talked to you, you know, because they say it can help bring a person out. But, my God, when did you wake up?” I asked excitedly.

“I don’t know. It’s extraordinary. I was in this place. There were balloons everywhere. Big red and blue balloons in this kind of cave. I could hear voices, and then I felt like I had been given eyes. Which is so strange because I must have had them to see the cave and the balloons. But as soon as I was given these eyes, I opened them and saw my parents sitting by my bed.”

“Wow, super weird,” I said, shaking my head. Lukas spoke slowly and wispy. It sounds strange, but he looked exhausted and pale. “So, how much do you remember?” I asked.

“Don’t know. I mean, I didn’t remember anything at first. I… I remember being in that compound, and now I’m here. I don’t know; it’s all blurry. But I know I’m not in Afganistan anymore.

I pursed my lips and touched his hand. “No, Lukas, they flew you back. How much have your parents told you?”

“Nothing, I haven’t been awake long, I don’t think. Must have been asleep for a few days.”

I put my head down on the bed and tried to hide a tear forming. “Fuck sake!”

“What is it?” Lukas asked in a dry husky voice.

“So your parents have told you nothing? Any doctors have been in or nurses?”

“I had a nurse come in. I saw her; she asked if I was in any pain. But no. As I say. My parents were already here and going crazy when I opened my eyes, asking me if I’m ok and stuff. And then you walked in.”

“And you know you’ve been... I mean, you say you’ve been asleep.”

“Well, I must have been because I don’t remember the flight home or how I got here,” Lukas replied, a slight irritation in his tone. “Just tell me!”

“You remember being in the compound?”

“Sure, I was heading outside, I remember that. But then it all goes blank.”

“Right, I see.”

“So are you going to tell me, or do I have to ask my parents?”

“I’m not sure you’re ready or if it is my place to.”

“Well, if you can’t tell me, then who can.”

I leant back in my chair and let out a deep sigh. “You were shot in the back.”

“Okay?” Said Lukas, looking serious. “So what, I was knocked for a few days, is that it?”
“Lukas, you’ve been in a coma for over a month!”

Lukas’s eyes went wide. “Get the fuck out of here!”

“I’m serious. And I’m not sure you’re ready for the rest.”

“Tell me, please!”

“You bled out, and they had to restart your heart a few times. You almost died three or four times.”

“Shit, Seb!”

“And, uh. Lukas, you might not walk again,” I finished, putting my head down. “Jesus, I shouldn’t have said that. It might not be true.”

Lukas’s expression changed to one of deep thought as he fixed his eyes on to no place in particular. We sat in silence as I let him process and digest what I had just told him. I was wrestling with my own thoughts about whether I should have been the one to tell him that. Should it have been his parents, the doctors….the ARMY?

As I watched his face for what seemed like ages, he appeared to check back into the room and looked at me finally.

“Thank you,” Was all he said, surprising me.

“For what?”

“For being real with me.”

“And you’re not upset?”

There was another pause before he spoke again.

“It’s not great, but I signed up to this shitshow knowing the risks. So who can I blame for this? I just have to accept what might be and deal with it as each day comes.”

I suddenly felt the need to stand up as his parents come back through the door. His mum passed me a coffee and smiled.

“So, what have you two been talking about?”

I spoke straight away to set the tone for Lukas’s response. “Uh, well, Lukas is very tired, so not much.”

“I’m dead in the water, Mum,” Lukas said matter-of-factly.

“What does that mean, Son?”
“Uh, well, I mean, I think we should wait for tests, Lukas,” I added. His father looked through me, not saying anything.

I don’t think he liked me.

“I should erm, I should probably go Lukas. I’ll leave you with your family; you probably have lots to talk about.”

I saw his dad roll his eyes. His mum just smiled at me politely. I turned to face Lukas, who was now drifting in and out of consciousness. Once again, I held out my hand and got shakes from both his parents before making my way out of the room.

I felt sick to the pit of my stomach. What started as a great emotional euphoria of seeing Lukas awake turned into the reality of what was to come after all this. I knew Lukas had not fully taken everything in, I said. How could he? How could he be so calm? Was it too soon to tell him. Was he still trying to break out of the shell of the coma? So much was unclear, but what I did know is I came away from that room worse than when I went in, and I didn’t expect that at all.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I lay on my bed deep in thought while Andy played on his computer. I hadn’t said much when I got back, Only that I was tired, which was a lie. But regardless, Andy took the hint and steered away, I imagine, of being his usual talkative self.

“You still want that Chinese,” I asked.

“Sure, what time?”

“I’ll order in about half an hour.”

Andy paused his game and sat up on his bed. “Cool, you okay?”

I sighed. “Yeah, I guess. But, unfortunately, I had to deliver some bad news to Lukas.”

“About his back?”

“Yeah, I told him everything, and now I’m regretting it. Maybe it should have been someone else. Or maybe it was too early to do that to him. But, from what I could gather, he had not been awake all that long, and I say that.”

“I hate to talk shop, but he is a trained soldier. He will be aware of the risks he took.”

“Yeah, Andy, please don’t talk shop. It makes this all sound in vain. I see him as a hero who should not be lying in that bed because had there been more of us, or better guns, or better intelligence, or better snipers, or better commanders. God, it makes my blood boil. I just really hope whenever and wherever you are posted, you get a better deal than we did.”

“I don’t know what to say, Seb.”

I waved my hand at him. “Arrgh, don’t listen to me; I’m just an angry dick at the moment; I’m sure you’ll be fine.”

“It’s good he’s awake, though. I know you were expecting him not to be.”

I fiddled with my fingers, looking at them as I did. “Yeah, it’s good. But when I left here, my mind was clear, and now it’s fucked again.” I looked at Andy looking at me. “You know, my brother says I should just forget about Lukas and move on with my life.”

“Why would he say that?”

“My brother is forthright. Black is black. White is white. He sees Lukas as a burden on me and hence my career in the army. He thinks Lukas would be a pointless distraction whom I would have no future with unless I wanted to be shacked to a disabled person for the rest of my days in the army and beyond.”

“He has a point. And I don’t mean that horribly, but being responsible for a disabled person is a lot of work, at least at the start as you both get used to things being different.

“I guess I haven’t put enough thought into the long term yet. I’ve been focusing on the here and now. But, I mean Jesus, up until a few hours ago, I thought I was going to have months or years speaking to a vegetable.”

“How was his… well mental faculties.”

“You know I never even stopped to think about that, Andy,” I said, creasing my forehead. “He just started talking, and I knew he was okay. I had totally forgotten about what Tank had said to me when I was in the hospital.”

“So what happens now?”

“To Lukas?” Andy nodded. “Dunno. I guess now he’s awake, he’ll be seen by the consultant and told of his options. I would imagine a few scans, X-rays, and stuff will happen, and then he’ll go from there. I don’t think his parents are too keen. I turned up today. That’s why I left early. I mean, they don’t know me, and I’m probably not mentioned by him before the… well, what happened to him.”

“No, I guess not.”

“Fuck, I’m talking almost as much as you.”

“No, I think you now have the crown on that tonight, my friend.”

“Food?” I asked, grinning.

“Food!” Andy replied.