Carpe Veritas - 1. Chapter 1

I am hiding the truth from everyone I know. I have a secret life that I’m keeping.

Is it hard? Surprisingly, no. Not a single family member, friend, coworker, or acquaintance is aware of the double life I lead.

Furthermore, I’m pretty sure every last one of us has something we hide from the rest of the world. I’m not saying that no one knows about my hidden life. Plenty of people know. They’re just part of a different segment of people I deal with.

I’m a normal person. I have a full-time job, a partner, kids, an extended family, and a slew of people I interact with on a daily basis. Furthermore, I also have an entire life I keep hidden from them.

Why, you ask?

Because I can.

Yes, I know that may seem like a cop-out, but it is what it is.

I believe I’m entitled to the indiscretions I choose to carry out. It makes me feel good and bolsters my confidence.

I didn’t wake up one day and suddenly decide that I wanted to pull the wool over everyone's eyes. It’s something I thought long and hard about. That first step down the road of duplicity was like base jumping off a cliff. You can only hold your breath, hope that your parachute opens, and you don’t break something upon landing.

Once upon a time, I was your average working-class human, muddling through each day to the best of my ability. I still do that, but now I have two lives to muddle through.

Is it difficult to keep details straight? It’s not as hard as you think. The most challenging part is keeping my mouth shut. Some days, I almost slip up and say the wrong thing.

Crafting a new identity can be a taxing process. I spent many years thinking I knew exactly who I was, only to discover that I wanted so much more. Stepping out and discovering a different life allowed me to find peace. My everyday life fuels my need for comfort. It’s a weighted blanket that soothes and grounds me. My other life nourishes my soul and frees me from life’s responsibilities. I’m a kite whipping around in the breeze, tethered to earth by a thin string.

I know people who have been damaged by secrets. My best friend’s spouse cheated on them early in their marriage. It nearly destroyed everything they had worked to build. Breaking trust almost ripped their family apart.

One of the biggest secrets people keep from each other is money. I can’t tell you how many of my friends keep a stash of cold, hard cash or a bank account from their significant other. It’s definitely the majority of them.

I believe that at the heart of the matter, it’s human nature to want to have something we can call our own, something that no one can ever take from us. Just ask a teen mom whose home life sucks so badly she deliberately played Russian Roulette with her birth control thinking a baby will always be there to love her because no one else does. Physical things can be taken away. Secrets can only be revealed when another person finds out, whether intentionally or by accident.

Is it morally wrong to deceive others? That’s a loaded question. My answer would be—it depends. If the deception doesn’t cause any harm to anyone, including the one guilty of it, then I believe it’s okay. When deception is carried out and causes someone harm, then no. Most people caught in a lie where another person is harmed in some way always say that they didn’t intend to hurt anyone. Therein lies the problem. I think the adage, the road to Hell is paved with good intentions, sums it up nicely.

I don’t believe my other life would harm anyone. At most, there would be those who could never understand why I do what I do. They may even see it as morally wrong. Let them think what they may. I have no plans to stop.

Literature is rife with tales of deception. Everything from fairy tales to classic literature to cookbooks has that theme. The cinematic world would be nothing without the power of lies. Neither religion nor politics could function without the intricate web that those embroiled within its gossamer threads weave day in and day out.

My point is, we lie. Every one of you is guilty of it.

When we’re caught lying, we get in trouble. My earliest recollection of this was when I was about six years old. I was over a friend’s house, and for some outlandish reason only a six-year-old could validate, they thought it was a good idea to call 911 and say the house was on fire. My memories are fuzzy, but I do remember that I was scared to death. Of course, the truth came out when the fire department showed up. It’s astounding that our first instinct was to deny it, even at such a young age. It was the only time I was ever grounded for two weeks.

This goes to show that we will automatically lie to try to protect ourselves. Is what I’m doing a way for me to protect myself? It most likely is. I’m protecting something that means a lot to me.

You can go online and read all sorts of forums where people spill their guts to strangers. Sometimes, a secret can fester within us until the need to share it with someone becomes overwhelming. The anonymity of the internet provides an outlet for those who need it. It sure beats going to some eighty-year-old priest and confessing your sins, only to be sentenced to repetitive prayers of penance.

Probably the most common of all is the half lie. Half lies are intricately woven into the fabric of our daily lives. Advertisers use it all the time. They extoll the virtues of their products and services, swearing that they’re better than anything else on the market. In reality, when you check the reviews, you discover things aren’t always what they’re cracked up to be. That miracle weight-loss pill? It’s really a laxative, and if you fall for the scam, you’ll be shitting your brains out all day. Don’t waste your money. The same goes for any quick-fix pill that comes with so-called celebrity endorsements. No, Oprah did not lose a hundred pounds by popping ginkgo biloba supplements.

We are even presented with half-truths when we visit trusted establishments like our doctor’s or dentist’s office. Every time they recommend a specific brand-name drug, I can guarantee they are getting some kind of kickback from the drug rep. Sure, the medication does what it’s supposed to, but what they don’t tell you is that there may be a less expensive alternative that works just as well. See? A half-truth.

You’re probably wondering how I get away with hiding my secret life. It’s not rocket science. I have a perfectly plausible excuse. I travel. My alternate persona gets to see places and meet people that my regular, mundane self would miss out on.

Experiences that were once out of reach suddenly become a reality. I can walk along a deserted beach. I can push and shove my way through crowded city streets bustling with tourists. Strapping on a harness and bungee jumping off a bridge is within my reach. Relaxing with a glass of wine in a mountain cabin on a cool summer night, and listening to cicadas is no longer a dream.

I can be tall. I can be thin. I can be good-looking. I can be rich. I can reach for the stars. I can be a knight in shining armor or a damsel in distress. I can be a villain or a hero. I can be whatever I want to be.

Words transport me to every corner of my imagination.

Have you figured it out yet? I hope so. Carpe veritas means seize the truth. Did you seize your moment of revelation?

Who am I?