Force of Nature - 12. Chapter 12

On the ride back home my heart raced. I felt my hands clam up and my breathing refused to go deep inside my lungs. I knew that I was close to another panic attack, I had so many in my waking mornings to know what they felt like. The envelope was in my lap, ready to approach Mom as soon as I stepped out of the truck.

 

When we drove through the gates I groaned after we cleared the decorative trees barely holding on to the last of their blooms. There was a tent set up in the front lawn and cars lined the circular driveway. There was an attendant there to help people park their vehicles. As we got closer I saw that it was Kenny in a freshly pressed suit. I smirked despite the storm of emotions battling inside me. He looked completely uncomfortable and when he noticed that I was in the passenger seat, he lost some of his forced professionalism and just pointed to the next spot beside a powder blue corvette.

 

“Look what the cat dragged in,” Kenny said stepping up to my window. “You better leave before she sees that you’ve got back.”

 

“Should we leave?” Adam asked glancing over at me. “Maybe talk about this more before you storm up there.”

 

“No,” I said searching the crowd of people in the distance for Mom and Dad. She would force him to be present at one of her events. He would come in a new suit wearing a fake smile, flirting innocently with the wives and divorced friends Mom had gathered.

 

“Tania told me,” Kenny said, “that’s some fucked up shit.”

 

“Where are they?” I asked still scanning the crowd. They seemed to be mingling around the tables with champagne. Servers filtered through the crowd offering a different variety of drinks and food.

 

“Emily is just about to retrieve them and get started,” Kenny answered nodding towards the door. “I think you need to just get out of here, fast.”

 

“Adam,” I said ignoring Kenny. I saw a flash of concern in his face, something completely unlike Kenny and it tempered my anger. “Could you come back later?”

 

“What?” Adam asked his voice harsh. “No, I’m staying.”

 

“I don’t want you here,” I countered and I saw him grimace. “I mean, I need to do this myself.”

 

“Are you even ready for this?” He asked his face falling into an unreadable mask. It was the first time I felt completely walled off from what he was feeling. I wanted to reach out to him and reassure him that I would be fine, that these were people I was getting used to fighting. That I had began to find my footing despite all of my new fears.

 

“As much as I can be,” I countered shrugging. “I don’t want you to see this, please.”

 

“Fine,” he said crossing his arms over his chest. “If that’s what you want.”

 

“I’ll leave as soon as I’m finished,” I said and he glanced ahead his shoulders slumping as he sighed.

 

“I’ll be at home,” he said and I nodded and motioned for Kenny to open my door.

 

“Come on Sadie,” I said and she wagged her tail and Lexi opened the back door and let her jump out. She kept the ball in her mouth and happily bounced around the truck. I watched as she started towards the people. After sliding out and shutting the door behind me I whistled for her to follow me, not wanting her to get into any trouble. I met her at the front porch and she followed me through the front door.

 

Inside I smelled food cooking, the catering company mom hired was busy in the kitchen, Emily ordering them around. Not hearing Mom I glanced uneasily around hoping to run into one of them before the anxiety and panic I felt won out over the anger.

 

“Jason!” Tania hissed and I glanced up to see her nearly missing the next stair down. She had to grip the railing to keep from losing her balance. “What are you doing home?”

 

“Mom would want me here, wouldn’t she?” I asked as she made her way down the stairs.

 

“Of course she would,” she answered rolling her eyes. “You need to leave before you’re spotted, don’t do this now.”

 

“If I don’t,” I started sighing, “I don’t know if I’ll be able to do it later.”

 

“Was she really your sister?” Tania asked as she stood in front of me.

 

“Yes,” I said, “is your couch still available?”

 

“Of course,” she said wrapping me into a hug.

 

“Where are they?” I asked and I felt her tense, but she broke the hug and studied me. If anyone knew where they were, it would be her.

 

“In your father’s den,” she said nodding down the narrow hallway to the room. I smiled and gently squeezed her shoulders before I walked around her.

 

“Give them hell kiddo,” she whispered behind me. I glanced over my shoulder, the smirk dying on my face when I noticed her wringing her hands in front of her. She hadn’t called me kiddo since I left for college, a small inside joke since we were so close in age.

 

Stepping down the hallway I knocked on the door before I entered. I heard Mom’s voice cut off mid rant as I entered. She looked ready to scold whoever interrupted them. Instead she smiled and looked over at Dad knowing why I would be showing up now.

 

“You’re back, son,” Dad said straightening his tie. “Go change into something more suitable, we’re being bad hosts already.”

 

“That can wait,” I said closing the door behind me. “Until you tell me about my sister.”

 

“What are you talking about?” He asked, but his eyes fell on Mom. She crossed her arms over her chest smiling.

 

“You know damn well what I’m talking about,” I countered stepping further into the room. His eyes settled on me and I didn’t look away. Usually whenever Dad’s cold glare fell on me I would look at the floor or at my shoes. Anywhere than his disapproval.

 

“I told him,” Mom said, “it is time for him to know what sort of father you are.”

 

“How the fuck are you innocent in all this Mom?” I asked my hands clenching into fists at my sides.

 

“I would have kept the girl,” mom said shaking her head. “So you met her and your father’s terrible shrew of a sister.”

 

“Of course I did,” I said slamming my hands down on the back of a high backed leather chair in Dad’s den. He used to discuss his business techniques with me in this room. “You wouldn’t have kept Amelia.”

 

“Is that her name?” Mom asked shaking her head. “Not something I would have chosen.”

 

“Didn’t you name her that?” I asked glaring at her, but she didn’t seem phased by me at all. “At least before Dad forged the documents.”

 

“You know we would have named her Jessa,” Mom said looking from me to Dad. He looked like he wanted to shake her where she stood, his necktie neglected half tied around his neck.

 

“What have you done AnnMarie?” Dad asked shaking his head.

 

“You are well on your way to cutting both of us out of a company and a life we both deserve,” Mom hissed shooting a finger towards him. “I needed Jason to see what you were capable of, he seemed to think you had some redeeming qualities.”

 

“Did you tell him what you have done?” He asked stepping towards her. For a moment I thought he was going to hit her, but instead he stepped around his desk and pulled open a drawer.

 

“I have done nothing,” she said turning to me. “He told me, Jason, that if we didn’t give your sister up…”

 

“I already know why you gave her up,” I interrupted, “you didn’t want her to slow you down, you had me and I seemed perfect enough.”

 

“That isn’t true,” she whispered as Dad still filed through the documents tucked away in his desk. “I only gave in and let her go, because I knew she wouldn’t have a life that I would have wanted for her.”

 

“Really Mom?” I asked shaking my head. “That’s the best you can say?”

 

“She would have been ignored by your father, he had you to mold, he had no use for her,” she said waving her hand towards Dad tears spilling down her face. “You don’t know what it is like to search out your own father’s eyes and never finding them on you.”

 

“Don’t,” I said gripping the back of the leather chair tighter. My hands were aching, but I ignored them.

 

“I wouldn’t have her growing to hate you, to be jealous of you, I wanted her to be free to be whomever she wanted to be,” Mom continued stepping slowly around the edge of the chair towards me. When she reached a shaking hand out for my shoulder I sucked in a breath and stepped away from her. “It is what everyone told me, it is what I knew would happen if she stayed.”

 

“You could have given her any kind of life,” I countered not looking at her. “Don’t pretend you didn’t have any other choice.”

 

“I had choices,” Mom said, “but none of them were good enough for her, I didn’t want her to have my life.”

 

“You seem to like it well enough,” Dad countered, “spending your money and making everyone’s lives hell.”

 

“That is enough,” Mom hissed turning back to Dad no longer crying.

 

“Why don’t you tell him how you nearly killed your own mother,” he said pulling out a small piece of paper.

 

“I would do nothing to hurt my mother,” she hissed stepping towards him. “What is that in your hand James?”

 

“The combination to your Grandmother’s safe,” he said, “a gift from you AnnMarie.”

 

“I only kept that just in case she forgot it,” Mom countered rolling her eyes. “You will stop your lies.”

 

“Jason,” Dad said walking around the desk. He sat on it looking completely unapologetic and unphased by the accusations. “It is true that I convinced your mother to send your sister to live with mine. She would not have received the attention she deserved and I knew my sister would spoil her.”

 

“You disgust me,” I countered taking a step away from the back of the chair.

 

“But your mother is far worse than I ever could imagine,” he said, “your grandmother kept her medicine locked away in that safe after the maid before Tania kept stealing her pills. That is why your mother had it installed in her room. Being the person that bought the safe she and the manufacturer were the only two people allowed to access the combination code. I couldn’t have gotten it.”

 

“James if you think you can sway him with your lies, you are mistaken,” Mom hissed grabbing for the piece of paper.

 

“This is not the original,” Dad said ignoring Mom’s second attempt as he handed the paper to me. “Your grandmother never would have put too much medication in her organization box. She also wouldn’t have bothered to look closely as she took them, thinking she was safe, that she had done it correctly, because she had. Your grandmother was wrong in thinking that we obtained her will illegally, your mother took the copy right out of that safe.”

 

“James you are revolting,” Mom hissed, her eyes were wide as she turned to me. “You couldn’t possibly believe him Jason.”

 

“I helped her cover up the mess she made before we all went to prison,” Dad said a smile playing at his lips. “To save us all from losing everything.”

 

“I think you both are capable of anything,” I said my voice barely a whisper. “Grandma told me to be afraid of you, to run when I got the chance.”

 

“You seemed happy enough here,” Dad said looking around the den. “You wouldn’t have any of this.”

 

“I don’t want this life,” I countered shaking my head. “I don’t want anything to do with either of you.”

 

“Jason,” Dad said his voice painfully calm. “If you walk out on us you will lose everything.”

 

“No Dad,” I said a tear falling down my face. “If I stay here you will lose everything, I’m not keeping your secrets. I will find out who we fucked over to get where we are and I will bring all of this crashing down around us.”

 

“You don’t have it in you,” Dad countered seeming to measure me with his eyes. I hated that he was casually leaning against his desk, still fighting to keep from smirking.

 

“I am what you made me,” I said shrugging. “Of course I have it in me.”

 

“Jason,” Mom said stepping closer to me. “What is it you want?”

 

“I want to be left alone,” I said fighting to keep my voice calm. “I want Amelia to have an equal claim to what you have given me.”

 

“We can do that,” Mom said eying Dad for any objection.

 

“Will you keep our secrets?” Dad asked sliding off the desk. “If we let you leave and do what you want us to do for your sister?”

 

“I can’t promise you that,” I said and he glared at me.

 

“Where will you go?” Mom asked her hands folded in front of her, but I noticed that her knuckles were white as she tried to hide the tension she felt.

 

“You will stay here and stop this nonsense,” Dad answered throwing his hands into the air finally breaking his cool resolve. “Know this Jason, if we go down you do as well. They won’t see you as a victim, but a willing participant, an accomplice. What you are threatening will only ruin your life more extensively than we ever have, you will be a criminal.”

 

“I’m not afraid of that,” I said, “if it is the right thing to do, I will pay the consequences if I have to.”

 

“No one will care about that,” Dad said, “you have no one.”

 

“I have friends, a sister,” I said taking a step towards the door. “I don’t need you, you need me.”

 

“I had a chat with Helen Ross,” Mom said and I looked up to see her standing closer to Dad. “About her children, you know as mothers.”

 

“You are not a mother,” I hissed and she smiled.

 

“He’s using you,” Mom countered taking a step towards me, her heels echoing off the hardwood floor. “He is penniless.”

 

“He told me he lost his trust fund, Mom,” I said rolling my eyes. “You can knock it off, I’m leaving.”

 

“Did he tell you that he lost it because he was kicked out of Auburn,” Mom said taking another step forward. “After he attacked a University of Alabama student.”

 

“He didn’t attack an Alabama student,” I said and she turned and grabbed a piece of paper from the coffee table.

 

“Really Jason you trust too easily,” she sighed, “you always have.”

 

“What’s that?” I asked and she looked down at the documents.

 

“A background check, so easily obtained these days,” she said smiling. “Quite a colorful list, public intoxication, public nudity, evading police, and of course the assault. After years of this poor Helen grew tired of his antics and the embarrassment, sent him to rehab, and counselling with Morris.”

 

“You’re lying, he was attacked, he never would assault anyone,” I said and she laughed shaking her head. “That has to be a fake, another trick you’ve pulled to keep me here.”

 

“Too easily manipulated,” she countered, “maybe if you were more observant and willing to see people for what they are, you wouldn’t be so surprised by all this.”

 

“I’m leaving,” I said as I turned to the door leading out to the hallway. “I’ll be back to gather my things. I can’t promise to keep what you have done a secret. If I were you, I would start fixing some of the damage you’ve caused. It might help me make up my mind.”

 

“He doesn’t love you Jason,” Mom said as I stepped out into the hallway.

 

“I don’t think anyone does,” I said closing the door behind me.

 

“Jason?” Tania asked from the bottom stair leading up to the second floor landing and my room. She stood when she saw me and I frowned not wanting her to see me crying.

 

“I’ll be by later,” I said attempting to sidestep her completely. “I believe you’re the only person I can trust.”

 

“Always,” she said grabbing my shoulder and turning me. “What did they have to say?”

 

“They told me the truth,” I said as she wiped my tears away with her thumbs.

 

“I can leave now, I can go with you and keep you company,” she said and I smiled shaking my head.

 

“You can leave if you want to, but I have somewhere else to go for awhile,” I said and she nodded her head.

 

“Don’t expect Kenny to drive you, he quit,” she said, “do you need me to drive you?”

 

“No,” I said laughing despite being overwhelmed by everything rushing through my head.

 

“Okay,” she said letting her hands fall back to her side.

 

After I gave her a weak smile I walked through the front foyer, ignoring the living room and the noise coming from the kitchen and opened the front door. I grabbed the keys to the Mercedes and found Sadie waiting at the door for someone to open it. I whistled for her to follow me as I bounded down the stairs.

 

As I walked towards the garage, I heard a rumble of thunder that seemed to shake the ground as I walked towards the Mercedes. I watched as Sadie jumped and darted around my feet, not really liking storms. I glanced up and saw the dark clouds churning overhead, threatening to open any moment. Frowning I pressed the unlock button and opened the door to the driver’s side. Sadie didn’t hesitate at the door and bounded into the seat and when I went to get in she fumbled over the front console and into the passenger side.

 

“Really you act like you’ve done this before,” I said as she sat down, her tennis ball still in her mouth as she panted completely unphased by the torment going on inside of me. Hearing my voice she nuzzled my face, but refused to drop her ball to lick me. I nudged her back to the passenger side as I closed the door. As I turned carefully around, narrowly avoiding all of the cars still parked out front. I smiled as I drove in the grass until I cleared them enough to get back onto the paved driveway, glancing over to see the guests scurrying away from the weak canopy towards the house. The wind had picked up and threatened to lift one of the structures off the ground and green leaves, ripped from their branches swirled around the car as I drove down the road and out the front gate.

 

By the time I got to Adam’s apartment the clouds had opened and the rain pelted the windshield so hard it drowned out every other noise. Sadie whimpered when I parked the car and she realized we were about to step out into the downpour. Sighing I opened the door and held it out for her, whistling for her to follow me. When she backed herself against the passenger side door I closed my door and walked over to her side. I quickly opened her door and grabbed her collar pulling her out with me. Then I quickly closed the door and pressed the lock down button before we took off running.

 

I didn’t care if dogs were allowed or not as we entered the front foyer of the small apartment building. Just like all the other times I was here, no one was seated at the front desk. It wasn’t a nicer building that had a lot of security, I doubted anyone really worked there aside from the owner of the building and he likely only came around when rent payments were due.

 

Sadie followed me up the stairs sniffing the ground. When we got to Adam’s door she shook off and I danced out of the way as I knocked on the door my heart hammering in my chest as I waited for him to open it. A few seconds later I heard him running towards the door and when it opened Sadie bounced inside almost expecting to be led back out into the rain.

 

“Traitor,” I yelled after her as Adam held the door open. He was looking back behind him, but he turned quickly back to me and when he reached for me I took a step back.

 

“You lied to me too, didn’t you?” I asked reaching up and smoothing my hair back so the drops of rain water stopped dripping down my face. The cold air from his air conditioner sent a shudder through me.

 

“What are you talking about?” He asked stepping further out into the hallway. “You’re soaked, I packed your bag in, you can change.”

 

“I’ll be needing my bag,” I said and I heard Lexi laughing from somewhere inside the apartment.

 

“Come inside, Jason,” he said stepping to the side to give me space to walk by him.

 

“Tell me you didn’t lie to me too,” I said crossing my arms over my chest to keep from shivering.

 

“What have I lied about?” He asked, but then he blinked and looked down at his feet and I knew he had remembered.

 

“You weren’t attacked by guys at a bar, were you?” I asked and he looked up and shook his head. “Why would you tell me that story?”

 

“Look,” Adam pleaded, “you were so desperate to cling to someone that might understand you, you never would have stayed if you knew. You would have thought I was some low life, like everybody else.”

 

“You don’t even know me,” I countered, “don’t pretend to know how I would have reacted.”

 

“You’re telling me you wouldn’t run back home if I had told you the truth?” He asked sounding sure of himself.

 

“What’s going on?” Lexi asked appearing by the front door.

 

“Go away Lexi,” Adam ordered his blue eyes never leaving my face.

 

“The guy you assaulted,” I said and I saw Lexi look between her brother and me. “Why did you do it?”

 

“He hurt Lexi,” he answered glancing over at his sister.

 

“What have you done Adam?” Lexi asked taking a step towards me. “Jason you’re shivering, come inside and dry off.”

 

“I told him that I was attacked, and that is why I left college,” Adam said turning to Lexi. “You know how people are around here.”

 

“How could you?” Lexi asked shaking her head. “You knew Jason wasn’t… fuck Adam.”

 

“I know,” he said turning back to me. “I had bad friends back then, I drank too much, I did a lot of things I’m not proud of, that I don’t like people to know.”

 

“It is better to know than for you to lie to me,” I countered, “especially after what you knew what my parents done to me.”

 

“I’m sorry,” he said, “you have to know that everything else is genuine, I…”

 

“What?” I asked when he trailed off. “Don’t say that you love me, I don’t want to hear it.”

 

“Jason, Adam is a good guy he’s just stupid,” Lexi argued her voice careful as she reached for me. “He has a good heart.”

 

“Lexi,” Adam sighed and she shot him a glare.

 

“Could you go get my bag?” I asked turning to her. She nodded and left the room after looking up at her brother, her eyes shining with unshed tears.

 

When she returned I whistled for Sadie, but when she didn’t come I sighed and shook my head. I didn’t want to go inside, to see his apartment and Lexi crying. I didn’t want to see what I knew I saw in his eyes when he was about to tell me that he cared for me. I knew he was speaking the truth then, that Mom was lying when she said he didn’t. I was just too tired of trying to sift through the things people told me and wonder what was the truth.

 

Lexi finally tricked Sadie back out into the hallway and I grabbed her collar. She struggled towards the open door until I got her to the top of the stairs and started down them. I had to block her attempt once before she got the idea.

 

Back outside the clouds only seemed darker. Lightning flashed illuminating the sudden darkness around us as we splashed our way through the parking lot. Sadie whined as I fumbled with my bag and the keys to open the door. When I finally managed to open her door she jumped in and shook herself. I jogged around the car and opened the driver’s side, I threw my bag into the back seat ignoring the wet dog smell as I closed the door.

 

“You’re a lot of damn trouble,” I said starting the car. I watched the windshield wipers struggling to clear the heavy rain. Leaning back in my seat I realized that I didn’t really have anywhere to go. I refused to go back home yet, planning to cool off for a few days at Tania’s before going back to get the rest of what belonged to me there. She likely wouldn’t be home, unless she walked away from her job like Kenny. Even then, I didn’t want to talk to anyone, I just wanted to be alone. After a few moments I put the car in drive and circled around to the small alleyway.

 

I drove slowly through town, most everyone else seemed to be hunkered down somewhere so there wasn’t much traffic. After a few circles I slammed my hands against the steering wheel, feeling bad when I saw Sadie shy away from me. I reached over and rubbed her head behind her ears, her damp fur clumped together in small spikes all over her body.

 

“I don’t have anywhere to go,” I said and she pushed herself towards me as I turned down the road that would lead me back to the house. I didn’t know exactly where Tania lived and I hoped she was still at the house.

 

When I got back home I thought the driveway would be completely empty. I frowned when I saw Adam’s white truck parked outside, the lights illuminating the rain. Lightning flashed as I kept driving towards the garage. When I was beside him I watched him slide out of the truck, already wet from leaving his apartment. Sadie whined as I opened the door and got out, but I closed the door behind me not planning on staying long.

 

“What are you doing?” I asked yelling over the roar of the wind. I was used to storms like this in the spring, but I shied away from the lightning and the thunder.

 

“What took you so long to get here?” He asked and I could barely see him as I squinted through the rain.

 

“I circled the town a while,” I answered shrugging my shoulders as I reached up and wiped at my face, though it did little good. “How would you even know I would come back?”

 

“I figured you left the only place you felt welcome,” he said shrugging. “So it was either here or your maid’s house and I didn’t know where she lived.”

 

“I didn’t feel welcome there,” I countered not wanting to look at him so I went to walk towards the house smoothing my hair out of my face.

 

“Now you’re lying,” he argued grabbing hold of my shoulder. He wasn’t gentle as he dragged me away from the car. “I can’t let you just leave and not know that I am falling in love for you, something hard.”

 

“I can’t love someone I don’t know,” I said shrugging my shoulder, but he kept his hand on me. Another flash of lightning caused us both to jump.

 

“You know me,” he said, “tell me the truth Jason, I know I’m right.”

 

“You’re an asshole,” I yelled turning to face him blinking every time the rain hit my eyes.

 

“I know,” he said fighting a smile.

 

“I am too,” I said and he leaned forward.

 

“You’re an asshole too?” He asked shaking his head blinking away the rain in his eyes.

 

“No,” I answered smiling, “I’m falling in love with you too.”

 

“I know,” he said smiling as his chest crashed into mine. I could feel his body heat instantly and he shuddered as he kissed me and I knew I would have to admit later that kissing in the rain counted as force of nature.