Good Guys Finish Last - 6. Chapter 6

Planning a funeral for the one person that has never turned their back on you and supported everything you’ve done was hard. My mother as many times she embarrassed me in front of my friends by showing nude baby pictures of me wasn’t going to be here with me to share any more moments. She wouldn’t be there when I graduated from college or for when I fell in love.

“How are you holding up son?” Dad asked as we drove to the funeral home that my mother was sent to.

“I’m fixing to plan my mom’s funeral dad how do you think I’m holding up?” I asked getting annoyed.

“Come on Charlie stop.” Julie ordered she was riding in the passenger’s seat while Derek and I were sitting in the back of the large Range Rover my dad bought his thirty something girlfriend.

“We’re here.” Dad announced parking the car. We were met by the owner of the place along with a planner the woman had already thought up what she wanted for my mother.

“Well I thought we’d go with white and soft yellow roses.” She announced pointing to certain parts of the room.

“Mom doesn’t like yellow.” I stated causing the planner to frown.

“A soft pink then.” She responded then began to write it down.

“She doesn’t like roses.” I countered crossing my arms.

“Charlie, stop being so difficult.” Dad reprimanded putting a hand on my shoulder, which I shrugged off.

“You know her favorite flowers were tulips and her favorite color is blue.” I snapped in a low voice.

“I’m sure what ever this lovely lady comes up with will be perfect.” Dad stated smiling over at the woman.

“What’s your name?” I asked the planner curiously.

“It’s Sharon.” She answered smiling.

“Well I kind of wanted to plan my mother’s funeral myself if that’s ok.” I announced.

“Well we can work together. I’m always open to suggestions by families I always just like to have an ideal prepared just in case.” Sharon responded politely.

“Ok, sorry I was being difficult then.” I held out my hand shaking hers. “Let’s get started.” I was then asked a lot of questions about my mother. It took awhile to sort out all the stuff that had to be done.

“Who’s going to be speaking?” Sharon asked causing everyone to look around at everyone else. “I need to know so I can put the speakers in order from what they’re saying and how long they’re going to be.”

“I am and I think that’s all.” I answered.

“I want to speak.” Dad announced.

“Ok then.” Sharon smiled her trademark smile then jotted it down on her clipboard. “I’ll need a copy of your speeches if you’re planning to have one prepared.”

“Ok.” We both said in unison.

“Well that’s all I need from you.” Sharon announced holding out our hands and we all took turns shaking it. I felt like we had planned the best funeral to celebrate my mother’s life and to say goodbye to her at the same time. I didn’t know what I was going to say to my family and friends though and it scared me.

“How are you?” Derek asked as we were on our way to go make phone calls to the family and friends that we wanted to come to the funeral.

“I’m relieved.” I answered and he nodded slightly.

“You did a good job planning it out I thought.” Derek offered.

“Thank you.” I responded then I turned to look out the window. The day was completely opposite from what I was feeling. It was a pretty summer day that I would normally spend the time in the pool, but not today. I wouldn’t be enjoying any day like this any time soon. I wanted it to be dull and raining like it always is when a loved one everyone liked in the movies dies.

“So what are you going to talk about Charlie?” Dad asked looking at me through the rearview mirror.

“I don’t know yet.” I answered staring back at him.

“Well we kind of need to know so we don’t say the same things.” Dad explained turning into the driveway to his house.

“Well I’m pretty sure it wouldn’t matter if we repeat a few things.” I countered looking out the window. “Why are we here?”

“Well I just thought this would be a better place to talk and stuff.” Dad answered as we walked into my father’s home. It was a lot larger and nicer than I would have imagined. I never have been to my father’s house so this was a first for me.

“Hey how are you holding up honey?” Came a woman from the bottom of the stairs.

“She lives here now?” I asked lowly.

“We’re engaged Charlie, your mom told you didn’t she?” Dad asked as he was wrapped into a hug from the woman who tore up my family.

“Yes, but I thought she’d be staying at her home.” I answered frowning.

“Cindy this is Charlie.” Dad introduced us.

“Well you look just like your father.” She gasped taking my hand.

“Actually I look like my mother, but you wouldn’t know that.” I countered smiling. I glanced over at my dad who was frowning, but I didn’t care.

“Well where’s the fridge in this mansion?” Julie asked trying to relieve the tension.

“It’s in the kitchen down that hallway.” Cindy answered pointing and smiling.

“Thanks.” Julie responded then left the four of us to go fill her stomach.

“Your girlfriend is beautiful Charlie.” Cindy stated happily.

“She isn’t my girlfriend.” I responded frowning. “I don’t have a girlfriend.”

“Um, Derek could you excuse us for a minute?” Dad asked after we fell silent all staring at one another.

“Why?” I asked crossing my arms. “If it’s not about the funeral or about my mother then I don’t want to hear it.”

“Charlie!” Dad snapped while Cindy scratched her head then smoothed her long blond hair back out.

“It’s fine Charlie.” Derek said then left the three of us in the large clean living room.

“Your behavior is terrible.” Dad said annoyed.

“Terrible?” I asked shaking my head.

“Yes, you’re being terrible.” Dad answered his voice rising.

“Well my mom just died and you’re already replacing her.” I snapped. I heard Cindy gasp and I knew that I had hurt her, but I didn’t care. She had hurt my mother.

“I am not replacing your mom with Cindy and that was an awful thing to say.” Dad countered grabbing my arm.

“I don’t want Cindy at the funeral tomorrow.” I announced then I jerked my arm from his grasp.

“Cindy, honey could you go see what Derek and Julie are doing?” Dad asked smiling over at Cindy. She was frowning when I looked over at her. Cindy hesitated for a second then walked into the kitchen.

“So how much work have you paid for her to get done?” I asked noticing that Cindy looked plastic.

“I’ve had it with you.” Dad hissed. “I don’t know what’s gotten into you.”

“I don’t know what’s gotten into you either.” I snapped glaring at him.

“Your mother would be disappointed in you right now.” Dad stated in a low voice.

“I know.” I stammered not wanting to hear that. “But right now I’m mad.”

“Why are you mad?” Dad asked, “I mean you’ve known about Cindy for awhile now.”

“Yeah, I’ve known about her she was the one that made me live through the year from hell!” I yelled I could feel my face becoming hot. This was going to happen someday between my father and me and as inappropriate as it was I couldn’t stop myself.

“Charlie lower your voice.” Dad ordered as we both heard something metal hit the ground in the kitchen.

“What was wrong with mom?” I asked no longer yelling.

“Nothing was wrong with your mother.” Dad answered rubbing his eyes.

“Then what drove you to cheat on her?” I asked a question I had never brought myself to ask before.

“Sometimes people just fall out of love.” Dad explained.

“Good excuse dad, maybe you should say that tomorrow.” I rolled my eyes annoyed. “For dramatic effect I mean.”

“Stop it.” He ordered sternly.

“Why?” I asked, “Can’t take knowing that you ruined two lives?”

“I can’t believe you’re doing this right after your mother’s passing.” Dad snapped his anger intense.

“I couldn’t believe that you’d ever leave.” I stated sarcastically. “See I guess people are allowed to surprise you.”

“Charlie when you look back on this you’re going to end up hating yourself.” Dad stammered. Hating myself, that was new to me. I had always been content in my life with myself until this past year. I didn’t know how to respond to what he just said. I suddenly felt bad for him and for what I said, but I wasn’t about to break down. He didn’t deserve me being weak.

“I think we’re finished, I’ll see you at the funeral.” I stated. I had to force my voice to be strong. “Come on Derek and Julie!”

“Where we going?” Julie asked walking into the living room.

“Home.” I answered walking over to the door impatiently.

“How?” Julie asked noticing that my dad made no effort to follow me to the door.

“We’ll walk it’s only a mile.” I responded.

“I just ate.” Julie groaned. “I also have heels on.”

“Then stay I don’t care.” I snapped throwing open the door and walked out. I looked in the direction of the house and I started walking. It wasn’t long before I heard people walking quickly to catch up to me.

“Wait up!” Julie screeched.

“I thought you were staying?” I asked loud enough for her to hear, but I didn’t stop walking.

“With your father and Barbie, no.” Julie answered causing me to smile.

“Charlie she doesn’t have her shoes on slow down.” Derek ordered and I stopped.

“Put your shoes on dumb ass you can fry and egg on this pavement.” I ordered rolling my eyes.

“Well I can’t walk fast in heels.” Julie huffed as she dropped her shoes to the ground. “Do you mind Derek I’m in a skirt?”

“Nope.” He answered bending down and putting her shoes on her feet.

“Are going to be ok Charlie?” Derek asked as we started walking again.

“Yes.” I answered nodding.

“I mean that sounded pretty intense.” Derek responded.

“I’m sorry you had to hear it.” I apologized sighing.

“You know you shouldn’t have done that right?” Julie asked limping a little bit.

“Maybe.” I answered as we lined up side by side with me in the middle.

“Still though I think you needed to.” Julie offered patting my shoulder. “For yourself I mean.”

“Thanks.” I shrugged, “I was never able to tell him how I felt before.”

“I know.” She soothed. Julie had a funny way of making my anger go completely away. This time though it was replaced with other emotions that I didn’t need right now. When we finally arrived at my house we were all hot and sweaty.

“Well I’m getting naked and jumping into that pool.” Julie announced walking and taking off her clothes as she went.

“I swear nothing gets that girl down.” Derek announced shaking his head amused as he watched her struggle with stripping and walking.

“That’s because she’s in her own little world most of the time.” I sighed picking her discarded clothes up off the floor and putting them on the counter. I sat down on the couch and Derek sat down beside me closely.

“You’ll pull through tomorrow so stop worrying about it.” Derek whispered rubbing my arm.

“How’d you know?” I asked smiling.

“I think I have you figured out.” Derek answered and I leaned to rest my head on his shoulder.

“At least one of us does.” I responded and I couldn’t fight back my emotions again I was too stressed and tired to fight them. “I’m sorry.”

“Hey now, it’s ok.” Derek soothed and he stood up. “Let’s get you comfortable ok.”

“Ok.” I stood as well and he led me to my bedroom. I could have stripped myself down and gotten into bed, but Derek took the initiative and I didn’t fight him. When he tucked me in he left me. Him not being there made me feel alone and I didn’t want to be alone. I was preparing to go look for him, but I heard him coming back up the stairs so I waited for him to return relieved.

“I’m sorry, I went and told Julie to get her naked ass home.” Derek apologized entering the bedroom and started undressing as well. Then he turned out the lamp as he crawled into bed. Julie walked in briefly to say goodnight then I turned to face Derek who scooted close to me in the bed then wrapped his arm around my waist. I felt his lips brush against my forehead his breath on my face. I had stopped crying and he made me feel loved even though he was just my friend who felt the need to soothe me. Then I felt his lips brush against my chin searching for my mouth in the dark. Then a third kiss that was stronger found my lips. There wasn’t anything sexual behind that kiss. He knew it would make me feel better and it did at least long enough for me to fall asleep.

In the morning I was in a daze as I got dressed and prepared for the funeral. I tried on three tuxes before I found one that I liked best. I chose the Columbia blue vest and tie that my mother liked best and I made sure that my shoes were shiny and my pants were wrinkle and lint free. Everything had to be perfect for my mother and I was going to make sure that it was. Julie met us at the house and the three of us rode over to the funeral home. Derek was driving as I was thinking over what I was going to say. I didn’t know and I was desperately searching my mind for the best stories to tell or accomplishments or something that would make my mother sound like the best mom in the room.

“We’re here Charlie.” Julie whispered snapping me out of my daze.

“Oh, ok.” I responded fumbling with my seatbelt.

“Do you need some time?” Julie asked leaning forward to look at me.

“No, no I’m ok.” I sighed offering a weak smile then we left the car and walked in to the full funeral home. It was beautiful. Sharon had done a great job. The room was covered in white and blue tulips. Candles were also lit through out the room and that’s when I saw her. Cindy was standing with my dad looking over my mother.

“Charlie don’t let her bother you.” Julie ordered softly noticing that I had gone rigid.

“Yeah, this is for your mom not her.” Derek added as we took our seats as the minister was prepared to start the service.

“Let us pray.” He announced and we all bowed our heads. “Lord, we all come to you with a saddened, heavy heart. Let us find peace knowing that your daughter Carol is with you now. Let us realize that our love for her and the love she gave to us will never falter and let everyone bring peace and come together to celebrate this beautiful life we all had an opportunity to cherish. Amen.” Soft music of my mother’s favorite hymnals started playing as my father and me were ushered to the front of the room I took the prayer to heart and I nodded as my father took over the pulpit in the center of the room.

“My lovely Carol, she was the real provider of my family and my life. She brought our home the joy that Charlie and me needed. There’s not a day that went by I didn’t appreciate what she done in my life and for everyone’s life around her.” My dad paused then looked over at me briefly before returning his gaze to the people in the room. “When I left it wasn’t because Carol did something wrong. Judge me for it now if you have to, but what I know is that I love Carol and will always love her. I know she meant a lot to this town and she did a lot for this town. Her name will always be remembered here and I know the love we all have for her will live on. Thank you.” Dad then nodded to Sharon who stepped up beside him. Dad took the napkin she handed him and he wiped his eyes as she ushered him back to his seat.

“Charlie, your turn dear.” Sharon announced and I walked over to the pulpit and I cleared my voice.

“Thank you all for coming out.” I started then looked over at Sharon who urged me on. It was becoming too much for me. I looked out over the people some of them crying and others looking at me expectantly. I noticed Julie wiping her eyes and Derek staring. I looked over at Dad who was being caressed by Cindy. I could feel my heart pounding and I wanted to just run out of this place, but I couldn’t this wasn’t about my fears and me. “I just wanted to say a few words. A lot of you said that I looked just like my mother when I was growing up. I remember going to my mother’s many functions that she planned for different people. I loved listening to all the stories she told when I was little. She was there for every bad dream I had to talk me out of all of the foolish fears I had of monsters hiding underneath my bed or lurking outside my window. She was my biggest fan and my loudest cheerleader and my most important teacher I ever had. When I found out she was sick that’s when she needed me, but she never wanted me to stop living. She told me that she was happy and had lived a full life with me as her greatest accomplishment. She never missed an opportunity to tell my life story and I’m sure a lot of you have heard everything there is to know about me. My mother is everything that I dream of someday being and I’m glad that I can stand here knowing that all of you love my mom. I know I’ll disappoint her in some way in the future and there will be times when I would need her to pick me up off the ground and dust me off and I know that she won’t be able to do that. She left knowing that my life was far from unfinished but she believed in me and her love for me will be the most important thing I have in living out the rest of my life for her. Thank you.” I finished and was hugged and kissed on the cheek by Julie as I returned to my seat.

The ride was silent as we followed my mother in the parade of cars to where she’ll be buried. I knew that I had the rest of my life to live and I knew that a lot of things would be hard with out her, but I just knew I had to try.