Good Guys Finish Last - 7. Chapter 7

“Charlie, wake up.” Derek ordered sounding stern. “Something’s happened.”

“What?” I asked groggily. “Are you ok?”

“It’s Lucy.” Derek sighed and I sat up in the bed.

“What do you mean its Lucy?” I asked now fully awake ready to listen to what Derek had to say.

“She’s dead.” Derek whispered. “I went looking for her when she wasn’t at her dinner bowl this morning when I went to feed her and I found her at the foot of your mom’s bed.”

“Lucy?” I asked shocked. “She looked so good yesterday.”

“I’m sorry.” Derek sat down on the bed.

“God…” I stammered, “Not Lucy too.” I followed him into my mother’s bedroom and knelt down at the foot of the bed where Lucy was curled up. She had died in her sleep. She was the same age as me. Meaning that she was ancient in dog years, but that fact didn’t make it any easier.

“What do you want me to do?” Derek asked putting his hand on my shoulder.

“Could you go get me her blanket from the living room?” I asked and he left my side. I thought I was old enough not to cry over a lost pet, but as soon as Derek left I lost it. When he returned I wrapped her in it then I packed her outside with him following me. There was a single large tree in our back yard out by the back fence. I felt bad that I couldn’t offer her things that come with a human death like a coffin or a headstone.

“There’s a shovel in that shed over there.” I pointed out and Derek nodded and went to go get it. I knew Lucy was missing my mother and I knew that my mom was missing Lucy, but there wasn’t anything any of us could have done to fix that problem. When he returned with the shovel I started digging a hole to burry her. I didn’t care if anyone happened to look into the yard and find me in my underwear. I didn’t bother to put on any clothes. All of this was making my mind spiral out of control and I couldn’t stop it. I had lost my mother, but now I’m losing the friend that I had even before I met Julie. Mom raised us at the same time and in some parts of my early childhood Lucy became my protective babysitter.

“There was a wooden box in the shed.” Derek announced when I had finished digging the hole in silence.

“Go get it please.” I answered not turning to acknowledge him. The sun was already burning my shoulders and the dirt was beginning to cling to my body as I started to sweat. When Derek returned we placed her in there and buried her. When it was all through we walked back into the house. The house had long ago lost its homely feeling when my dad left it was never the same. When my mom got sick sometimes it felt like a whole new world, but now with Lucy no longer bounding across the floor begging for food and snacks the character has completely left. I hadn’t had time to think about anything that will happen in the near future. I wanted time to just pass so rapidly that all of my anger and sadness would dwindle away. It’s not going to do that it may never do that and I just had to find something to make it all go away just for a day or two.

“Are you ok?” Derek asked putting his arm around my shoulders.

“Please don’t ask me if I’m ok.” I sighed, “You know the answer to that question.”

“Charlie come on.” Derek countered carefully. “Don’t start pushing people away.”

“I don’t push people away.” I countered, “They just ask dumb questions when I don’t need them to ask them.”

“Well what am I supposed to do?” Derek asked taking his arm from my shoulders.

“I don’t know.” I answered, “Just leave me alone and go do whatever.”

“You’re almost impossible sometimes.” Derek huffed, “Quit being a pain in the ass.”

“Look my mom just died and my dog today.” I countered, “I can’t take your shit today.”

“Then stop giving me shit Charlie.” Derek snapped sternly. “Yes, your mom is gone and yes your dog died. That doesn’t give you any right to bitch at me.”

“Fuck you, asshole.” I snapped, “Get out.”

“No.” Derek countered, “You need me no matter how much you’re denying that to yourself right now.”

I walked through the kitchen with Derek following me. I needed him, but I didn’t want to give in. I walked into the living room and opened the door. “Now I said get out. I have other friends.” I thought Derek was going to do what I said, but when he walked up to me he put his hand on my hand. I tried holding on to the handle of the door, but he was able to pull my hand from it.

“Come here.” Derek whispered as he pushed the door closed and locked it.

“No.” I snapped, but I didn’t try to get my hand free and when I didn’t fill in the space between us Derek did, wrapping his free hand around my back hugging me.

“I’m sorry.” Derek soothed rubbing my back.

“Me too.” I sighed, “I just don’t want to feel this way anymore.”

“But its ok Charlie.” Derek countered, “Do you think you wanna eat?”

“No.” I answered us still holding one another.

“You need to eat sometime today.” Derek countered, “To keep yourself from getting sick or something.”

“I need to get to work.” I announced trying to pull myself away.

“I think no one expects you to go into work for awhile.” Derek countered, “So just calm down.”

“The bills will be coming and I need to work.” I whispered, “I don’t have anymore money in the bank.” It embarrassed me when I talked about my financial problems. I was an eighteen-year-old boy. Most normal people don’t own their own house by this age and now I did.

“Don’t worry about that.” Derek soothed, “Everything’s gonna be ok.”

“No its not things just don’t work out on their own Derek.” I countered, “The bills won’t pay themselves and nothing can make me feel better.”

“Still Charlie, you don’t have to jump up and get back into things that you’re not ready for.” Derek stated staring at me. “I’m pretty sure you’d do better if you didn’t have a hundred people asking how you’re holding up when they come pick up their computers and shit.”

“They’re going to ask me anyway.” I countered sighing.

“Just stay here today then we’ll talk about you working tomorrow.” Derek responded after a short pause. “Even if I have to steal your keys you’re not working today.”

“When did you become so bossy?” I asked frowning. “I’m not a baby.”

“But your mom just died.” Derek countered, “So I’m here to force you to make better decisions.”

“Better decisions?” I asked, “Wasn’t it you that got your friend drunk after just one day of you being here?”

“So I make mistakes.” Derek countered rolling his eyes. “You’re still not walking out that door today.”

“Whatever.” I sighed giving in. I didn’t want to argue anymore. I had done a lot of that the past couple of days and the last person I wanted to be pissed at was Derek.

“So, are you hungry?” Derek asked after a short pause. We were still standing in the middle of the living room only a few inches apart.

“No.” I answered shaking my head. “I’m going to go take a shower and get this dirt off me.”

“Ok. I’m going to fix something to eat just in case.” Derek stated and then we went our separate ways to go do what we said we were going to. There were so many feelings rushing through me and it made me feel altogether weird. I didn’t feel like I could cry or that I should. I thought I was mad at Derek for bossing me around and that we had just had a fight that I didn’t know if I lost or won. I wanted to blame all of my bad feelings on someone other than me. Normally my hot showers would take all of the feelings I had away and it would be a time for me to relax. Now though I was feeling smothered. After the shower I walked into my room and got dressed then I walked down into the kitchen and found Derek waiting at the kitchen table. He had set out two plates, but he hadn’t put food on them. He offered me a forced smile and he had pulled out my chair.

“I’m still not hungry.” I stated and he nodded.

“Well just sit with me while I eat.” Derek responded motioning for me to sit down.

“I want to go for a little drive.” I announced grabbing my keys from the kitchen counter.

“To where?” Derek asked standing up.

“I don’t know where just around.” I sighed, “Alone.”

“Charlie…” Derek started, but when I held out my hand he stopped.

“Please.” I stated then I let my hand drop. “Only for a few minutes.”

“Ok, call me if you need me.” Derek responded sitting back down and started filling his plate.

“I will.” I offered then I walked into the living room and then out to my car. I didn’t really know what I was going to do after I walked out of the front door. When I got into my car I sat there for a minute thinking about it. Then I left planning to go wherever I went not mattering where that place ended up being. I need some alone time and I needed to feel better. I didn’t want to be taken care of especially by Derek. I wish I had more people to turn to and that I still had my mom. I wish there was a redo of some things, but there wasn’t. Driving though I noticed that I was driving towards the cemetery that my mom was buried yesterday. When I arrived no one else was there. The afternoon was coming to an end and the sun was casting that orange glow instead of the bright intense light now. The fresh flowers from the other day were dried when I sat down on the small bench in front of her grave. I read the name and looked around.

“Look at me.” I whispered sighing, “I can’t do this. I can’t live with out you. You taught me everything you knew except how to live with out you here. You took care of everything that was hard to understand for me. I can’t even keep a dog alive. I can’t get along with dad. Everything would be different if he didn’t do everything he did to us and now something took you away from me. I thought I had prepared myself for this, but now that it happened I’m wrong. I’m sorry that I’ll not be your biggest accomplishment after all. I just can’t do it with out you guiding me and telling me what I did was stupid or actually good. I don’t know where to go after this you’re supposed to be here until I’m ready to go on my own way. I’m not blaming you I’m just scared. I just know that I can’t do it. I’m not going to make it with out you here.”

“Charlie.” My dad interrupted from behind me causing me to jump and stand to look at him. He was alone and he was wearing his uniform still so I knew he came straight from work to here.

“How long were you standing there?” I asked still shaken up with him being here. “What are you doing here?”

“Calm down Charlie I just got here.” He answered, “I brought these.” He was holding fake blue and white tulips that he was going to put on the grave making it less bare.

“Ok.” I responded, “Bye.”

“Can we talk?” Dad asked stopping me from walking around him.

“I don’t feel like talking.” I countered looking down at the ground. I didn’t feel like talking to him anyway.

“Here you probably need some money.” Dad stated then started fumbling around with his wallet.

“I don’t need your money.” I countered, “I don’t want your charity.”

“You’re my son its not charity.” Dad stated, “Maybe you should come live with me and Cindy until college.”

“No.” I countered, “I don’t want to be in the same room with you even.”

“Let’s not do this.” Dad sighed, “Please.”

“Then let me leave and we won’t.” I countered stepping aside. “Thank you for bringing the flowers.”

“You’re welcome.” He responded then stepped aside. I watched him place it where he wanted it then he turned and looked at me. He looked sad and vulnerable. He had bags forming under his eyes so he had either been crying or not getting any sleep and I felt myself wanting to feel sorry for him, but I willed those feelings away and looked away from him. “Now you just drop the bills and stuff off at the house and I’ll see that they get paid then I want you to quit your job and relax until college starts.”

“I don’t think I need you telling me what to do.” I countered crossing my arms. “Not now anyway.”

“Charlie there is no reason for you to make it harder on yourself by being mad at me.” Dad countered, “Just do what I say and stop it will you?”

“No.” I stammered, “I’m scared and I can’t trust you.” I whipped my eyes after tears starting welling up clouding my vision.

“You can trust me Charlie.” Dad countered then I was wrapped up into a hug. For some reason I felt better now that my dad was hugging me. “Are you going to do what I said?”

“Yes.” I whispered, “Thank you.”

“That’s what dads are for.” Dad responded then he let me go. “Now I need to get home.”

“Me too.” I sighed.

“The door is always open for you.” Dad announced, “And I want you to come see me whenever you need something.”

“Ok.” I stated carefully. I didn’t know what I was agreeing to. I couldn’t trust my dad, but I wasn’t left with a lot of choices otherwise. There was no way I was going to be able to live at least financially alone and I wasn’t about to let some stranger take my mom’s home away from me. I left him alone and went back home. Derek was waiting in the living room when I got back and it was starting to get dark outside. He smiled and stood when I entered the house. He walked up me hugging me.

“How was your drive?” Derek asked after stepping away from me.

“It was what I needed.” I sighed looking into the kitchen. “I ran into dad.”

“Ran into him you mean you met him right?” Derek asked carefully.

“Yes.” I answered rolling my eyes. “He offered to pay my bills for me.”

“And you went all stubborn on him didn’t you?” Derek asked, “Like you do with everyone else.”

“No I’m letting him.” I answered smiling, “And I’m quitting.”

“Do you think that’s a good idea?” Derek asked frowning slightly. “I mean after a while you’re going to have to get back going and stuff.”

“I know.” I answered, “I will have to when college starts.”

“So are you and your dad good now?” Derek asked walking me into the kitchen.

“I don’t know.” I answered, “He’s broken a few promises before what’s going to stop him again.”

“But you’re at least going to give him a chance right?” Derek asked he looked confused.

“I’m not going to use him if that’s what you’re asking.” I answered, “I’m going to give him a chance.”

“Ok.” Derek responded blushing slightly. “I mean it would sort of be a payback if you did, but it wouldn’t make anything right or better.”

“I know.” I answered rolling my eyes. “I thought you knew me better than that.”

“I know there is a naughty side of you.” Derek stated, “I’ve seen it.”

“Are you a good cook?” I asked putting some food on the plate. It was chicken and rice.

“I think so.” Derek answered smiling. “I ate it and I’m still alive I mean.”

“Ok, I’ll attempt it then.” I smiled for the first time in two days. Derek watched me eat and then I waited in the living room while he showered. We had the whole summer now. I needed Derek to be staying with me. I don’t know how I’d turn out if I only had myself here. I felt bad that he had to look after me through this and I’m sure there is going to be some pretty rough days to come.

“What do you feel up to doing?” Derek asked snapping me out of my daze as he entered the living room dressed in only boxer briefs and a t-shirt.

“I don’t think I’m up for anything.” I answered and he sat beside me on the couch.

“We don’t have to do anything.” Derek stated, “I just thought you were needing something to do you know.”

“Yeah.” I stated, “Are you comfortable enough?”

“What do you mean?” Derek asked curiously.

“I mean do you normally walk around in your underwear?” I asked looking over at him.

“Do you want me to go finish dressing?” Derek asked quickly feeling that he had upset me.

“No it was just a question.” I answered. “You can do whatever.”

“Well ok I was going to do whatever anyway.” Derek countered lightly. “I mean at least I don’t feel like I have to be courteous and polite and well dressed all the time. In your own home anyway.”

“Ok, you got me.” I countered crossing my arms. I looked over at him and he turned to look at me. “You kissed me last night.”

“I know.” Derek responded blushing slightly.

“You really know how to make a person feel better.” I stated smiling. “Thanks for going across your boundaries for me.”

“My boundaries?” Derek asked smiling.

“Yes, your boundaries.” I answered, “You kissed me because you knew that I’d like it and feel better.”

“Because you’re gay.” Derek stated. “Well ok, but you don’t know what my boundaries are.”

“No, I don’t.” I responded not knowing what he was implying. I just noticed that his face was moving closer to mine. When our foreheads touched I tilted my head letting our lips touch. It was brief, but I knew he didn’t cross any boundaries last night. Derek then reached up with his hand and pushed our lips closer together. I felt his tongue brushing across my lips and I pulled away from the kiss. “Derek.”

“What?” Derek asked whispering.

“I don’t think we should…” I started but he put his lips over mine stopping me. Then he pulled away.

“You always think Charlie.” Derek countered, “So stop for a few minutes.” I had never gone this far with another person. I was only half awake when I experienced my first kiss. I didn’t think I was ready and I knew Derek didn’t how far I’ve been, but I did what he said. I stopped thinking. When he started unbuttoning my shirt and when he slipped his hand underneath my under shirt still kissing me I had stopped thinking. It took a lot for me to kiss him back, but I did anyway. I was scared that I was a horrible kisser, but he kept kissing me. When he lightly pulled me off the couch and up to the bedroom I had let him with out hesitation. When he stripped me naked and took his own clothes off then pushing me down onto the bed getting on top and taking complete control over my body I stopped thinking.

“Derek.” I whispered when his hand brushed across my hardness.

“You’re so beautiful.” Derek sighed then disappeared when I closed my eyes and let him go to work. It didn’t take long before I lost control last night. Derek knew what he was doing. He was gentle with me and slow with the lights off the awkwardness I felt went away as with everything else in my mind. We stopped after he made me climax. I didn’t really touch him other then grabbing his hair when he went down on me. I wasn’t ready to take anything any further and he probably felt that too. He left me and I got up and put on my underwear. I heard him brushing his teeth then he came back into the room. We lied back down on the bed together and he kissed me on the cheek before resting his head on my shoulder. Derek fell asleep soon after that and that’s when I started thinking again. Everything was moving along confusingly fast. I hadn’t had time to adjust to anything and then now Derek and I are something. We’ll have to explain everything together tomorrow. A new day will come tomorrow and it scared me, but his breath on my chest kept reminding me that I wasn’t alone in all of this and that gave me enough peace to go to sleep.