Twenty-Eight Years Later - 1. Chapter 1

Kiss Of An Angel Chapter 32 - “The Confession”

We walked out the doors and I immediately had second thoughts. Why did I have to push so hard about Matt and Sam? Whatever happened is ancient history, right? And it’s probably something so stupid for me to get my panties in a twist about. Maybe Matt stole Tyler’s baseball cards. Wait. Does Tyler even collect baseball cards? I’ve never seen any. Okay, it’s not that. Sam borrowed his bike and wrecked it. Yeah, that’s it. Nothing to worry about. Now. How do I tell Tyler I don’t want to know. Who cares if he doesn’t like them? We just won’t invite them to our wedding. Our wedding. Wow, that sounds so awesome. Should I ask Tyler to marry me or wait for him to? What if he really doesn’t love me that way? Or that much?

Shit. Oops, I cussed in my head again. What would I do if I asked and he said no? You’re so dumb, Ariel. We’re still in high school, then college. Then Law School, or maybe Medical School. Yeah, Dr. Tyler Jordan, that’d be...

“Ariel? Earth to Ariel.”

“Huh? Oh, yeah, what Tyler?”

“Day dreaming again?”

“No. I... I was just thinking.”

“About what?”

“It’s silly.”

Tyler gave me THAT smile, “I love it when you’re silly. Tell me.”

“I, um, imagined that you’d be a doctor when we got married.”

Oh, not now. Go away boner. Is the word love directly connected to you or something? Tyler says love and I get hard. At least wait until we get around... Oh, we already are around the corner. Nobody here. Good. I don’t mean nobody. Me and Tyler are here. Alone. No, no, don’t go there. There’s no way we can even kiss here.

“So?”

“Huh? So what?”

“Do you want to ditch the rest of the day and talk somewhere more private?”

I suddenly, really, don't want to do this now, “Um, we don’t have to talk.”

“Yes, we do. You’re concerned about Matt and Sam. I think it’s time I finally cleared the air.”

“No, really. I’m okay with Sam wrecking your bike. No, I mean...”

“What? Who said he wrecked my bike?”

“Nobody. I just thought it had to be something stupid like that. Nothing to get worried about.”

“Let’s just sit here.”

I couldn't think of another excuse. We sat down with our backs against the school. Tyler took a deep breath and got all serious looking. Maybe if I run real fast, I can get away from him. Right, until I trip over my own two...

“Ariel. Please listen.”

“Sorry. Sorry. I’m all ears.”

I giggled, picturing Tyler trying to figure out which ear to nibble on. Okay. Listening.

“You need to stay focused for like ten minutes, Ariel. Do you think you can do that?”

“Yes, Tyler. I’m cool.”

“Good. First, you have to agree to a couple things.”

“Okay.”

“Does it make sense to you that what we’ve experienced up until now made us who we are?”

“I guess.”

“No guessing. You have to believe that.”

I thought about it for a minute. But I had to divert my eyes. If I looked directly into Tyler’s eyes right now, I’ll get all squiggly again.

“Yes. I believe, I think I’ve heard it said something like, we are the sum of our experiences.”

“Good. Do you believe that applies to the day we first met as well?”

“Y-yes.”

“You fell in love with me pretty quickly, right?”

“Yeah. Like immediately.”

“Me too. That means you loved me no matter what I did before, right?”

“I gu... Yes.”

“Does it matter that I wasn’t a virgin when we met?”

I started giggling, “I knew it. You’re way too good at sex for me to be your first.”

Tyler shook his head slightly, “You suspected, maybe. Does it bother you to know that for sure?”

“I don’t know. Tyler, this is just too much.”

“It can’t be too much, Ariel. If it is, there’s no hope for us.”

“You’re scaring me. What happened that was so awful between you three?”

“I’m getting there. Does my experience before we met bother you? Yes or no?”

“I don’t want to do this anymore.”

“Please listen, Ariel.”

“We should get back inside, it’s probably almost time to get back to class.”

“Ariel. Does it bother you that I’m more experienced than you?”

“I’ll just have to make sure it doesn’t.”

“And I just have to hope it doesn’t. But I’d rather know for sure.”

“I don’t know what bothers you about them yet.”

“If you’d let me stay on track…”

“Ty, can we do this another time? I’m getting really nervous.”

“You’re always nervous.”

“But…”

“I’ve been with other boys before you.”

I knew that. But why am I so afraid of that. Does he want to go back to one of them?

“So, you’re saying your experiences include Matt or Sam?”

“Yeah, kind of.”

“Kind of how?”

Tyler’s usually so confident. Now he’s hesitating. Oh, it’s bad news, I just know it.

“How is it kind of?”

“I, um. It’s not or. It’s and. Matt and Sam.”

Tyler looked like he was about to say something else. Someone else?

“Um, that sounds like you mean at the same time.”

“Most of the time, yes.”

“What, how?”

Tyler looked away. He answered after quite a few seconds. But it wasn’t really an answer. “I don’t think those details will help the situation, Ariel. Let’s just say I’ve been intimate with both of them.”

Don’t cry. Just don’t cry right now, okay eyes? “Okay. But what happened to make you hate them?”

“I don’t hate them, Ariel. I. Damn, this is harder than I thought.”

“Then let’s stop. I don’t care what happened with them anymore.”

“You’re an awful liar, Ariel.”

“I know.”

“You know I’ve told you I’ve been hurt before, right?”

“Yes.”

“So, they hurt me. I had feelings for them. Matt started getting busy with school things, so Sam and I kept, doing things. We didn’t realize we were shutting Matt out. He called us on it. They were together before I moved here. Matt made Sam choose.”

“Between you and Matt?”

“Yes.”

“He chose Matt.”

“Right. And it nearly broke me. The pain was real, Ariel. It’s not something I’ve been able to get over easily. Having you makes it possible to keep at bay. Seeing them, well, brings it all back to the surface. It's something I have to deal with. But it doesn’t change how I feel about you.”

“Did you... no, do you still love them?”

Tyler looked around. There was nobody there.

“I love you Ariel. I love you with every molecule in my body. I love you with every beat of my heart. I know telling you this risks you rejecting me. But I can’t lie to you Ariel. And keeping this from you any longer is lying. You wanted to know. Now you know.”

“And I love you with all of my heart too, Ty.”

“I’m glad to hear that. So, are we good?”

“I don’t know. You avoided my question. Do you still love them, or one of them?”

“Ariel.”

“You do. You’re going to dump me and go back to them.”

“NO!”

I don’t know whether I’m more shocked or scared. Tyler never yelled at me before.

“I’m sorry I shouted. I don’t love them. I didn’t love them before. I was confused when Matt chose Sam. I thought I was in love. But after being with you, I know I wasn’t. I’ll never go back to them. I don’t know if I can ever, even be friends again. You’re my whole world. Please tell me you’re alright with this.”

“I think so. But I’m probably going to think about this a lot.”

“You wouldn’t be Ariel Dalton if you didn’t.”

“Hehehe. No, I guess not.”

“We’re already late for our next class. Do you want to go to my house?”

“Hehehe. Yes. But I don’t think I should. Not right now. I'm sure I’ll think too much and ruin any fun we might have.”

“I get it. See you after school to walk home together? At least until that corner I think we both hate?”

“Hehehe. You hate it too?”

“Immensely.”

“Yeah, ok. See you later, Ty.” I looked around. We were still alone, amazingly, “I love you, Tyler Jordan.”

“I love you more, Ariel Dalton.”

Tyler leaned in to kiss me. I let him, even though we were outside. I still felt those butterflies. I guess that’s a good thing.

Later, we walked home together until we got to that spot. It was a very quiet walk. Aside from, “Ready" and "OK?" not a single word was spoken until we were about to separate.

Tyler broke the ice first, "Well, here we are."

"Yeah. Um, I'll call you later."

"Okay. I'll be waiting."

Sure, no pressure, "I think I'm gonna talk to Gramms."

"Why?"

"She's helped me a lot with my insecurities. She'll give me reasons why I should know Matt and Sam don't matter."

"You're not gonna tell her I've done things with both of them?"

"Of course not. I'll just say you've had other relationships before me."

"OK. I don't think I could look at her if I knew she knew, well..."

"I get it. She doesn't even know we do anything. Well, except kiss."

"Good. Call me."

"I will."

Tyler looked around again, "I love you. You know that, right?"

"Yes. I love you too."

We separated and went in our own directions. I held off from getting misty. For maybe five seconds. It took almost a minute before the tears actually started to flow. Twenty seconds can be almost a minute of I want it to. Right? I sort of got control over my emotions just before I got home. I just know Gramms is going to know something is wrong. But she'll help me. I know she will.

"Hi Gramms!"

She noticed right away.

"Hello hon. What's wrong? You look like you've been crying."

"Can't fool you."

"Something happen with Tyler?"

"Yeah."

"Come on into the kitchen, I'll make you a snack and we can talk."

"OK."

She took a long look at me, "This looks like a French toast crisis."

"But, what about supper?"

"Two slices won't spoil your appetite. I've seen how you wolf down your food before."

"Hehehe. Yeah, I guess I do that sometimes."

"Every time you're off to see Tyler."

That should have made me giggle. Or at least smile. I didn’t, "Um. Yeah."

"Sit down. Gather your thoughts and tell me what's wrong whenever you're ready."

When I'm ready. I'll be an old man if I wait that long. Maybe she can't help me. I should just go to my room and cry some more. But French toast... I can't pass that up.

Gramms finished making the toast before I was able to gather up the courage to start. What a surprise. I took a bite. Oh. My. God. Heaven on a plate.

"This is awesome. Thanks."

"You're welcome. Now, what happened with Tyler?"

I hesitated a bit. Hopefully not too long, but she waited patiently for me to start.

"Did, um, Granddad have a girlfriend before you met him?"

"Ah, the green-eyed monster rears its ugly head."

"Huh? Who's got green eyes?"

"Jealousy."

"I'm not jealous."

“You’re concerned about Tyler’s previous boyfriend, at least.”

I wasn’t going to correct her that boyfriend was plural, “Yeah, concerned. Not jealous.”

"We'll see. I wouldn't say girlfriends, your grandfather was shy, like you. But he did date some."

"Did it bother you that he did that?"

"Oh, heavens no. Things happen for a reason. If he hadn't met those girls, I may never have met him. Everything he did before we met led up to that point."

"Yeah, Tyler kind of said the same thing, that what we’ve experienced up until now made us who we are."

"Smart boy. It's true. So Tyler had a boyfriend before you?"

This was going to be tricky. Maybe...

"Yeah. And I guess he was hurt pretty bad when they broke up."

"That is usually the case for at least one party. But Tyler may not have been in a place to be receptive to another boy's attention if he hadn't gone through that. If he had never been with someone else before, he may not have even noticed you."

"You think?"

"Yes, honey. He was probably comparing every boy he saw to that other boy. Without him, he might not have been looking at anyone the same way. He might have glanced at you and thought, 'he’s cute,' and moved on."

"Oh, Gramms. I'm not cute."

"No. You're not."

She must have thought the look on my face must have been funny, because she laughed a bit.

"You're a handsome young man, Ariel. If Tyler didn't see it right away, someone else would have."

"I'm glad it was Tyler. I wouldn't want anyone else."

Well, maybe I'd be happy with Randy, too. But that would be like settling for second best. Sorry, Randy.

"I'm sure you are. But again, he might not have noticed you if he hadn't gone through what he did. Without his being with this other boy, he likely wouldn't be with you now."

"I guess that's possible."

"Very."

I took the last bite of French toast, "Thanks, Gramms. I knew you'd understand and would help me."

"You're welcome. Sometimes, even old ladies know about love."

"Hehehe, you're not old."

"If not, I'm well on my way."

"Nah. I'm going to go to my room now, ok?"

"Sure. Don't overthink this. You love him, he loves you. Forget the past and just look to the future."

"But I can remember the past with him, though, right?"

"Definitely."

I gave her a big hug, "Thanks again, Gramms. You're the best grandmother, ever."

She was smiling as I left the kitchen.

Up in my room, I thought about everything Gramms had said. I remembered what Randy told me too, that Tyler and I had to find a way to trust one another. I do trust him. So, he did things with Matt and Sam. It's not like he still wants to. He loves me... I know he truly loves me.

Is it too soon to call? Will he think I haven't thought about this enough? Maybe I should wait until after dinner. Or tell him everything is OK in person at school tomorrow. I should wait. But then he might think I'm avoiding him. I'll call now. I'm ready now.

I think.

"Hello?"

"Oh, Hi, Mrs. Jordan. Is Tyler there?"

"Hi, Ariel. No. He said he was going to talk to Randy about something. Should I have him call you when he gets back?"

"Um. No. Tell him I'll call him after supper."

"I'll do that."

"Thanks. Bye."

Shoot. Did I hang up too quickly? I should have waited for her to say goodbye. Great. Now I need to get myself ready all over again to call him.