Permanently Black and Blue - 3. Chapter 3

When Jesse came home, the house was blissfully empty. Well, except for Sam, but he didn’t count. He was usually annoying, like he was currently, but Jesse was used to it.

Besides, Sam’s whiny complaints were pretty funny today. He was super upset because those pretty little girls on the bus had followed him around the entire day, watching him.

“You’re such a little kid,” Jesse laughed as he ruffled Sam’s hair. He remembered the days when all girls had cooties and females in general were a mysterious, otherworldly race.

“I am not!” Sam yelled, but Jesse ignored him. He sprawled out on the couch and put his feet up on one of the half-emptied boxes still stacked around the room. He turned the TV on to drown out the sound of Sam’s wailing.

Eventually, the younger teenager grew tired of being ignored and he stormed upstairs to be alone.

Jesse turned down the TV and sighed in the sudden quiet.

The lack of animosity was nice, but he still couldn’t relax.

He couldn’t stop thinking about the terrifying boy who lived down the road.

The gym teacher had called it an accident, and Shaun had been forced to sit in the dugout until the game ended. Shaun hadn’t looked very sorry though.

The look on his face as he’d sat in the dugout, fuck… The look on his face when he’d kicked the ball into Eric’s face with a scary precision had been one filled with a slimy, smug satisfaction.

It was a frightening look, and he’d gazed at Jesse for the rest of gym class with the grim smile stuck on his lips.

Jesse wasn’t paranoid, but he couldn’t help but think Shaun had meant something with that look. Maybe people really didn’t talk to him for a reason. Everyone had told him to stay away, but of course Jesse had ignored them, like an idiot.

In fact, Shaun had been acting “off” since they’d met just that morning. Gloomy, moody, glaring one minute and then being borderline friendly, or at least accommodating, the next. Jesse had been hoping Shaun would come and sit with him during lunch, but he had placed himself way across the room and had commenced yet another one-way staring match.

Jesse had tried not to stare back. He felt uncomfortable, and he involved himself with the other people around him instead to distract himself.

But Shaun hadn’t let up.

He’d been completely unapproachable during gym, too—even before the incident with the kickball.

Everyone had been giving Shaun extra space, like they’d known he was about to do something crazy. And then he’d exploded…

Jesse didn’t know what to do. He sat with Shaun in Chemistry for fuck’s sake! They rode the same bus! Though Shaun had been mysteriously missing on the ride home.

Jesse felt like maybe he should back off and leave Shaun alone like he apparently preferred, but he didn’t feel comfortable doing that either. After all, he couldn’t very well sit next to him and never talk to him! It was impracticable! Plus, it would be really boring.

Jesse thought about the dilemma off and on all night.

Monica came home with a new job. She started training the next day and had brought home a bunch of fast food to celebrate.

Nobody was impressed though.

The twins were bouncing off the walls again and talking nonstop about their days. Both Melissa and Brian were crying, trying to outdo the other by raising their voices until Jesse would rather shove pencils, sharp points first, into his ears than listen to them anymore. Sam was still moping about the middle-school girls, and he grabbed his fast food bag and took it upstairs.

Jesse wished he could escape the mayhem, but Monica needed him. They spent a good two hours coddling two five-year-olds, a toddler and a screaming baby. The two of them ran themselves ragged.

Luckily, the screaming also wore out the two youngest members of the family. Brian and Melissa were in bed by ten.

Monica and Jesse got the twins ready for bed next and got them settled in their beds. Monica put switched the night light on and Jesse found a CD with lullabies. They shut the door on them and Monica let out a sigh of relief.

They called it a night. Monica disappeared into the bathroom to wash her face and brush her teeth. Jesse dragged himself to his room and up to his bed. Sam was texting someone down in the lower bunk. His screen was at max brightness. Jesse rolled over the face the wall and it didn’t bother him anymore. He fell asleep within minutes.

A good night’s sleep did little to make up Jesse’s mind, though, and he was still divided when he got on the bus the next morning.

He sat separate from his brother, and when Sam tried to sit next to him again, Jesse shoved his backpack into the empty space and didn’t allow it. Sam sulked off toward the front of the bus, resigning himself to the middle-schoolers.

Then the bus stopped in front of Shaun’s house. Jesse’s whole body stiffened to the point of discomfort.

Shaun got on the bus, a scowl already on his face. He wore a ripped, long-sleeved flannel over the same T-shirt he’d had on yesterday. His dark hair was a rat’s nest. He smelled even worse, too. Sweaty with a musky hint of smoke.

Jesse followed Shaun with his eyes. An extreme aura of hostility rolled off Shaun and Jesse’s belly filled with lead. Shaun slumped into the seat behind him and pulled his bag into his chest. He glared at Jesse hatefully.

“Hi,” Jesse said cautiously.

Shaun was silent. He continued to glare.

Jesse felt itchy all over and highly unwelcomed. He waited tensely for Shaun to say something, anything, but after a few uneasy moments, he gave up and turned to face the front of the bus.

He couldn’t think of one thing he’d done to make Shaun look at him like that. He thought they’d been getting along reasonably well the day before.

Soon enough, Kenny, Emily and the rest of the gang got on the bus and Jesse was bombarded by their friendly chattering. At least there was no mystery with these guys.

Second period chemistry was even weirder.

Jesse didn’t even attempt to talk to Shaun. He was already seated and scowling something fierce when Jesse came into the room.

Jesse took the hint and silently took his seat.

Class started and Shaun began to glare hatefully at the teacher, the board, the backs of random kids’ heads. Jesse watched him from the corner of his eye, deeply uncomfortable.

Every so often, Shaun took a break from the glaring to grab his left arm. His grip would slowly grow tighter until he was squeezing the shirt covered flesh in what looked to be a painful grip.

While there wasn’t anything especially strange about that, it was the look on Shaun’s face when he did it that was disturbing. He got a weird, pained expression on his face and all the color drained out of his cheeks. Then he’d smile. And it was the creepiest smile Jesse had ever seen. His lips pressed together until they were bloodless and they turned upwards at the corners, just barely.

After Shaun had done this a few times, he seemed to realize Jesse was watching him. He turned that creepy smile on Jesse, then, his eyes darkening.

Jesse looked away quickly as the hairs on the back of his neck stood up straight.

After that, he kept to himself. He stared down at his notebook and tried to jot down a few important facts.

“Are you OK?” Emily asked when Jesse arrived in history.

“Yeah…fine.” Jesse’s eyes followed Shaun’s gloomy figure as he shuffled into the classroom. He tossed his bag onto his desk and then slumped into his seat. He hunched over the desk and built a shield between himself and his classmates with his stuff.

“Are you sure?” Emily leaned into Jesse’s field of vision.

Jesse blinked. “Shaun’s acting weird,” he said sheepishly.

“When isn’t he?” Emily flipped her hair over her shoulder and looked a lot less interested. “We told you to stay away from him. I don’t have anything against him. It’s just that…”

“Yeah?” Jesse wanted to know what it was about Shaun that made him seem so inherently dangerous. Maybe he was just imagining things. Maybe everyone disliked him because he smelled weird.

Emily shook her head. “This isn’t the place to talk about that.”

Jesse raised a brow, now intensely curious. He decided to whine and bitch until Emily told him everything she knew about the dark and sullen boy when the bell rang and class started. It seemed he had to wait.

But when class ended, Emily didn’t bring up the topic again. Jesse wanted to ask, but didn’t want to mention Shaun a second time. He didn’t want her to think he was obsessed or anything.

So, he stuck with studying Shaun from afar, pretending he wasn’t somehow drawn to him despite his nastiness.

The day crawled by, but it ended in due time. Jesse and his new friends got on the bus home and found seats in the back.

For the second time, Shaun didn’t show up for the trip.

Back home wasn’t much better. The hospital had Monica on a weird schedule and promised it’d be temporary, but either way, tonight was Jesse’s first night of what he suspected would be yet another long-term commitment to babysitting.

The twins got home an hour after Jesse and Sam did, and then Monica showed up around dinnertime to drop-off Brian and Lissa. She had to use her “lunch” break to get them home. She was avoiding additional daycare costs, much to Jesse’s annoyance. She wouldn’t be home again until bedtime.

It was utter hell having to take care of five younger siblings every night on top of homework—not that he was especially worried about the homework part, to be honest.

Either way, Jesse was pulling his hair out long before Friday came around. The frustrations of constant responsibility were wearing him down.

That morning, when Jesse got on the bus, he knew better than to sit by Shaun, so he found a seat in the middle of the bus and waited for his friends to get on.

Kenny sat beside Jesse automatically. “Hey man.”

“Hi,” Emily and Sunny said at the same time as they sat in front of them.

Lee waved as she waddled to her seat. Behind her, Rick had a hand on the small of her back, leading her protectively down the aisle. He was silent most of the time, but he was a good guy.

“What are you doing tonight?” Kenny asked when the bus started moving again.

Jesse wrinkled his nose. “Babysitting until my mom gets home.”

Kenny gave him a sympathetic look. Jesse had complained once or twice about the unfairness of having so many brothers and sisters. He’d managed to make a joke out of it, making his rapt audience laugh, but he didn’t really think it was funny.

“Until when?” Sunny butted in, her eyes hopeful as she peered over the back of her seat.

“I don’t know, probably around eight.”

“That’s OK. We could pick you up around then.” Kenny shrugged.

“Yeah, parties around here don’t start until the sun goes down anyway,” Emily added.

Jesse grinned. A party was just what he needed to unwind after a long first week. He didn’t know what a party would be like out in the middle of nowhere, but it had to be better than babysitting and school.

“Sure. That’d be great!”

Thank God. Jesse’s crappy week was finally looking up.

And then he remembered he had a chemistry lab with Shaun this morning.

Shit.

Squirming, Jesse sat through his first period math class. He and Kenny’s friend, Jordan, had class together. Jesse kind of thought Jordan was an asshole, but they talked some. However, today, Jordan kept giving him dirty looks.

“Dude, stop kicking my seat,” Jordon whispered over his shoulder.

Jesse forced himself to stop shifting in his seat. He studied Jordan’s dreadlocks instead.

He was nervous though. It would be the first time he’d interacted with Shaun in days and he didn’t really know how he felt about that. Shaun had kept up the creepy act, going from completely ignoring Jesse to glaring at him bitterly. He kept doing that thing with his arm too, and once, during lunch, Jesse saw Shaun jab a pen into his hand!

Math ended and Jesse leapt up and started to gather his things.

“What are you so excited about?” Jordan drawled. He followed Jesse’s example, but at a much slower rate.

Jesse shrugged. “I have chemistry next.” He finished packing and moved to exit the room.

“Oh.” Much to Jesse’s irritation, Jordan fell into step beside him with ease. “My brother had chemistry two years ago. He told me the whole ‘exploding metals’ thing is really lame.”

“Hmm.”

“I mean, can’t these so-called, college-educated teachers think of anything more interesting than alkali metals?”

“I don’t know. It’s better than worksheets and notes.”

“You’ve got a point there. Honestly, the amount of busywork we get is unbelievable. Do you really think we need most of the math we learn in there?” Jordan pointed back the way they’d just came before answering his own question. “Math is mental masturbation and people with no lives like to scribble equations down so everyone can see what great big cocks they have.” Jordan laughed at his own joke. “I don’t mean literally of course. That whole myth about ‘if you don’t use it, you lose it’ is true and everybody knows guys who make up equations for a living don’t get any.”

“Um…” Jesse didn’t know how Jordan had gone from talking about the chemistry lab to making fun of mathematicians. “I think that’s my class over there,” he said.

“Yeah, I think it is too.” Jordan mocked him. “See you in lunch.”

“OK, bye.” Jesse attempted a smile, though he wasn’t really feeling up for it. He tried though and that’s all that really mattered. Jordan was too busy being a jerk to notice anyway.

Jesse went inside, glad when he saw that he’d arrived before Shaun. He took his customary seat but didn’t take anything out of his bag except his notebook. They’d have to take some notes on the reactions, but other than that, there wasn’t much else they’d have to do today.

The moment Shaun came in the room, Jesse could feel it. He didn’t even have to look up. He just knew he was nearby.

It was weird and Jesse was a little concerned he’d become so attuned to another boy that he could literally feel him from across a room, but he was perfectly happy explaining it away.

Shaun did have quite a presence.

“Are you ready for this?”

For a second, Jesse thought Shaun had spoken to him. But that was just wishful thinking. It was a girl’s voice anyway.

It was Sara who had spoken up.

She was a gorgeous girl with blonde streaked hair and a slim body. She was at the table next to theirs and Jesse had started talking to her before class since Shaun had continued the silent treatment at every opportunity.

“Yes, I heard it’s going to be really cool,” Jesse said.

Sara laughed. “Who told you that?” She crossed her long, bare legs, smiling flirtatiously when she caught Jesse looking. “Mr. Barnes could make the Fourth of July boring.”

Normally, Jesse wouldn’t have had a chance with Sara, but since he was new and there was a limited supply of guys to choose from, he thought he might actually have a shot with her. Unless, of course, she wasn’t already dating Eric.

Either way, Jesse was about to say something lame, like “you’re the hottest firecracker I’ve ever seen”, but luckily, class began before he could get it out. Sara smiled at him once more before she turned back to her seat and opened her notes.

Mr. Barnes started lecturing about chemical reactions—why they reacted, how they reacted, how much they reacted, before he went on to explain the safety measures and lab procedures. Class was almost over before everyone had their safety goggles on and their aprons tied.

Then it was time for Mr. Barnes to begin his demonstration. He started out with the more reactive metals, leaving the boring ones for the lab.

“Class, this is potassium,” Barnes said as he sprinkled the substance into his bowl of water. The flakes broke into tiny pieces that caught fire and exploded with soft pops and fizzles.

It was pretty neat.

Beside him, Shaun leaned forward eagerly like he was trying to get a good look.

“And this is rubidium,” Barnes continued, sprinkling a tiny amount into the bowl. It flared up the instant it hit the water, shooting out of the bowl like little neon fireworks.

“Fuck…” Shaun muttered, looking highly entertained. Jesse couldn’t help being amused by his neighbor’s reaction. He ducked his head and smiled softly.

“You’ll be working with lithium and sodium, which are much less reactive, but I want you to describe what takes place anyway. When you’re done with the reactions, complete the questions I’ve written on the board and then turn in your lab before you go.” Barnes waited for everyone to settle down before he asked for one person from each table to come up to the front of the room and take a small sample of both metals, and for the other group member to get the bowls and water.

Shaun got up and started to move toward the front of the room, but Jesse got a brilliant idea.

“Wait.” He grabbed Shaun’s shoulder.

Shaun whirled around, a fiery anger in his dark eyes.

“G-get the water, would you?” Jesse said in a rush before Shaun could bite his head off.

Shaun shrugged Jesse’s hand off his shoulder. His nostrils flared. He looked highly offended. “You fucking do it,” he said violently and started to move toward the front of the room again.

Knowing he should really give in and let Shaun do as he pleased, Jesse touched Shaun’s left forearm, right where he was always squeezing and abusing himself.

Shaun froze.

“I promise it’ll be worth it.”

People were watching them as they wove around their table to prepare their labs. If Jesse couldn’t convince Shaun to let him go up front very soon, then all this would be for nothing.

“Please?” he said, batting his eyelashes.

Shaun jerked his arm away, scowling darkly even as his cheeks flushed an ugly brick red. He didn’t say anything, but he went toward the back of the room where the bowls and faucets were. Jesse smiled after him, amazed he’d been able to convince the wild beast.

But there was no time to pat himself on the back.

He rushed to the front of the room and eased his way through the disordered group of students gathering supplies.

It was way too easy. Really, really, easy to get a sample of rubidium into his petri dish.

He almost felt bad about it as he was doing it, which was just as well as he’d need to look awfully repentant to get out of this without a suspension or worse.

“Mr. Barnes?” He asked casually, sidling up next to the middle-aged science teacher.

“Ah…yes…Mr. Welch?” Jesse always thought it was funny when a teacher called him by his last name. He felt all formal and goofy as a “Mr.” anybody.

“I just wanted to say how cool it is that we get to actually have a hands-on lab here. There were thirty kids in my last chemistry class. There was no way a single teacher could supervise an entire lab of us,” he said dramatically. “You really make this an interesting class.”

Barnes turned to Jesse, his eyebrows raised with incredulity. “Thank you, Mr. Welsh, that’s very nice of you to say. I’d like to try some new labs this year, as well. We got the levy passed a couple months ago so we’ll be improving the curriculum this year. You’ve come at a good time.”

“Really? That’s great. What sort of labs?”

It was then as Barnes blabbed on about all the boring things they’d be doing later in the year that Jesse reached out, trying to appear casual as he blindly searched for the small bottles of metals.

Nodding, he took a scoop of lithium in one dish and then reached for the rubidium when Barnes was busy scratching his head and trying to remember the exact specifics of a lab on covalent bonds.

“That sounds really cool, Mr. Barnes,” Jesse said politely. “But I’d better get back to work. I don’t want to turn in a bad first lab.”

Barnes smiled pleasantly. “No, I suppose you don’t.”

“Thanks.” Jesse hurried back to his seat and hunkered down beside Shaun.

“You done?” he sneered. “I thought you were going to suck him off.”

Jesse shuddered. “You have a sick mind.”

Shaun’s face lost all expression at the mild insult, something Jesse recognized as a defensive mechanism. Hopefully, he could convince Shaun to drop all the wariness and hostility after this.

“Go on then.” Shaun snapped as he watched Jesse fidget with indecision. He wondered if this poorly concocted plan was literally going to blow up in his face. “Do it already so we can finish.”

“You first.” Jesse nervously pushed the lithium across the table to Shaun.

The other boy snatched it up, sprinkling the powdery stuff all over the table. He held what was left over the water and scattered the small pile into the bowl. The lithium gathered into a little ball and skated across the water’s surface, fizzing, and emitting the faintest hint of gas.

Shaun snatched up his notebook. He muttered to himself as he wrote in the reaction. “Fucking boring…” he bitched as he scribbled away.

Jesse wrote his reaction in, as well, and managed to finish first. He set his pencil aside and waited patiently for Shaun to look up again.

“Well, go on,” Shaun said impatiently.

Jesse cracked a grin. “Ready?”

“For fucks sake…” Shaun’s cheeks flushed red again. It was a curious color on his normally pale face. Jesse’s smile got wider.

“Seriously. Are you ready?” he prodded, grinning from ear to ear.

“Fuck you! I’m ready,” Shaun hissed and glared daggers at Jesse. His cheeks were getting even redder and his hair seemed to be getting frizzier and more unkempt with his foul mood.

“Trust me, you’ll like this,” Jesse said confidently. He moved the petri dish over the bowl of water and with the other hand, he pushed firmly on Shaun’s chest, steering him out of harm’s way.

“What the—” Shaun’s angry words were cut off as the rubidium hit the water and exploded brilliantly.

Jesse didn’t even have to pretend when he jumped back, toppling his chair in surprise. That had been way better than Mr. Barnes’ demonstration. Much closer anyway.

The entire lab erupted in chaos. People screamed and jumped. Chairs were overturned, someone splashed a bowl of water all over the floor. Everyone’s eyes were instantly drawn to their little desk in the corner as Mr. Barnes, startled and horrified, came rushing down the aisle to assess the damage.

But it was totally worth it.

In the split second before the teacher was on them, questioning them sternly, Shaun looked at Jesse and actually smiled.

And that’s what had gotten the two of them in so much trouble.

After separate trips to the office and one grim-faced lecture from the principle, Jesse and Shaun got the most devastating punishment of all, Friday after-school detention.

“Sorry about that,” Jesse said sheepishly when they were alone. They’d been sent to their history class with late passes, but there was only five minutes left of class, so neither of them were hurrying.

“It’s cool,” Shaun said and he really did seem cool with it. It almost seemed like he was having a good time. “That was fucking badass.”

“Yeah. It was pretty sweet, huh?”

“Fuck yeah.” Shaun smirked at him and Jesse couldn’t help but stare. He looked so normal when he smiled like that. In a flash, Jesse realized that part of what made Shaun so unattractive was his constant scowling and glaring. Well, he still had bad skin and hair and questionable hygiene, but he looked like a normal person when he smiled and not like such a unapproachable one.

“Well, I am sorry about the detention.”

“Whatever. I get detention a lot.” Shaun shrugged. “I’ll walk home afterward.”

“Yeah, I’ll have to walk, too. My mom’s at work.”

Jesse suddenly didn’t mind that he’d have to stay after school. He’d have Shaun all to himself on the walk home, and they’d get an uninterrupted amount of time to talk.

Shaun stopped at a random locker and paused to enter the combination. Jesse hadn’t realized they were walking anywhere specific until just then and he watched Shaun sort through his things with curiosity. It looked normal enough. Books and notebooks were haphazardly crammed together amongst a pile of crumpled paper.

“What are those?”

Shaun slowly turned around, glaring at Jesse. He snatched several books from his locker and slammed it shut. “Nothing,” he growled, then he stormed off.

What the fuck!

Jesse hurried after Shaun, wondering what he’d done now.

“Wait up,” he called. He had to resist the urge to grab Shaun’s shoulder again. He didn’t think it’d go over well.

Shaun slowed to a reasonable pace. Jesse caught up on his shorter legs and searched desperately for a new topic of conversation. Somehow, he managed to make it worse. “What are you doing this weekend?” he blurted.

“I can tell you want I’m not doing,” Shaun snapped. “Going to that fucking party.”

“Why not?” Jesse felt like a complete ass for even asking. “OK, dumb question,” he said quickly, receiving a snort of amusement from Shaun. It was on the tip of his tongue to ask what it was exactly that made the other kids hate Shaun so much, but he stopped himself just in time.

“Yeah, fucking stupid question,” Shaun said bitterly.

“Listen…I’m sorry. I just—” Jesse cut himself off, not exactly sure what he was going to say. “I just want to be your friend, OK?”

Shaun’s eyes flashed. “Why?” he asked, sounding curious despite the unpleasant edge to his tone.

“Why?” Jesse repeated. “Well, why not? I think you’re interesting. I like you—”

“Oh, you like me? What, do I make you happy? Do I entertain you?” Shaun whirled around, his voice wavering dangerously. “Are you fucking amused?!”

“No,” Jesse said quickly. He lowered his eyes. “There’s just something about you that…” he had no idea how to describe the strange pull Shaun had on him and he didn’t really want to either. He was afraid he’d only sound gay if he did. “Fuck, Shaun! What’s so terrible about wanting to get to know you?” He blushed as he said it, embarrassed that he had to spell out something as simple as friendship.

“You want to get to know me? All right,” Shaun said angrily. “I’ll save you some fucking time.” His voice rose sharply until he was shouting and Jesse automatically shrank back. “I’m a white trash, son of a bitch who genuinely hates every last fucker in this damn town!” Shaun ranted. “I’m an ugly fucking asshole, a disgusting bastard, a mother fucking psychopath,” he continued, his eyes blazing dangerously again. “I’m going to hell and you know what, I don’t fucking care!” He finished with a roar and glared at Jesse hatefully, breathing hard, his face red, before he turned on his heel and stalked off.

Stunned, Jesse stared after Shaun. It took him all of five seconds before he decided to go after him, but the moment he made a move to go after Shaun’s retreating figure, the bell rang, and the halls began to flood with kids going to their next class.

“Hey.” Emily emerged from the crowd. “I heard you blew up the science room.” She stood in front of Jesse, trying to get him to look at her. Jesse was still staring after Shaun however, lost in thought. “What?” she asked, following Jesse’s gaze down the hall.

“Nothing,” Jesse said after a moment. He turned blindly and started walking toward English, the next class on the schedule.

Luckily, Emily didn’t pry. She did offer to pick Jesse up after his detention, though.

“It’s my brother’s truck, but I could come pick you up if you wanted. He’ll probably offer actually,” she said. The thought of Kenny picking Jesse up instead of her made a sour look flash across her face. Jesse wasn’t paying attention, though. He missed the expression.

“No, I can walk,” he said vaguely, thinking that Shaun would have to talk to him then. He’d have nowhere else to go.

“Why would you rather walk?” Emily asked in exasperation.

Jesse shrugged. He didn’t want to tell Emily the real reason. She’d only try to dissuade him. “More time away from my brothers and sisters,” he said coolly. He hadn’t thought of it that way, but now that he did, it was a good idea. Maybe he should walk home every day.

“Well, I mean, I don’t have to take you home right away,” Emily said suggestively, but once again Jesse was oblivious.

“That’s OK. I’ll walk,” he repeated, glad when they got to English and could drop the conversation.

Emily went sulkily to her seat, but he didn’t really notice.

Jesse was practically famous by lunch time. Everyone had heard about chemistry and the huge explosion. He was sure it got bigger every single time someone asked him about it.

“It hit Shaun in the face, right?” Eric asked between massive bites of cafeteria sloppy joe.

“Yeah, I heard it blew a hole in the ceiling,” Alicia said.

“No, someone told me it set half the room on fire,” Kenny said as surely as if he’d been there himself.

But then again…

“Oh my god, you guys! I was there, and it was totally the size of the freaking atomic bomb! It was like mushrooming and everything!” Sara cried as she elbowed her way in front of Kenny.

Jesse laughed at the commotion. He didn’t know what to say.

He got several offers for rides, but he awkwardly turned them all down. Nobody could understand why he would rather walk and maybe he ought to give up his little mission to go home with Shaun. He seemed to be missing. Jesse had figured out that the reason Shaun was never on the bus after school was because he was skipping and walking home early. He wasn’t at his lunch table, so it was a reasonable leap of logic to assume he’d gone home after their fight…if it could be called a fight.

People congratulated him on his stunt in chemistry all day long. Jesse smiled each time, but by his last class of the day he was getting tired of it. He still hadn’t caught sight of Shaun and now he was really starting to regret turning down all those ride offers.

He stuck with it though.

When class ended for the day, he went straight to the study hall room, where after-school detention was held. He gave the tired looking woman in charge his name and sat down in the back of the room a few chairs away from a freshman boy he’d met briefly the other day in lunch and two girls who were surreptitiously texting each other under their desks.

The old gray-haired woman waited, watching the clock intently. Another two more boys came in, one after the other, and one more girl. They found seats and dutifully pulled out things to do. There was no sign of Shaun.

The woman waited for a few more minutes until it was 3:00 exactly. Then she strode over to the door and started to close it when a booted foot slotted through and blocked the jam.

“You’re late,” she said grumpily.

“Right on time,” Shaun said as he shoved his way inside the room. He made his way to the back row and sat beside Jesse. He looked over at Jesse, taking in his pleased smile. He glared halfheartedly in response, took out his English book and a pad of paper and started to write.

“Let’s get busy people. You’ve got an hour,” the detention monitor barked from the front of the room. “No talking, no texting,” she shot the two girls a look, and they sheepishly put their phones away. “No eating, sleeping or staring at the walls.”

Unable to keep from smiling completely, Jesse got out some of his math homework and got started. It was much easier to do when there weren’t little kids running around all over the place, it was almost like Jordan had said, math was mental masturbation. Whenever he struggled with a problem and got it right, the warm happy feeling he got in the pit of his stomach was similar to rubbing one out onto his sheets. Not as good, mind, but almost as satisfying.

By the time the hour was up, Jesse had finished his homework and was doodling in the margins, trying to think of the best way to approach Shaun.

He didn’t know why he was so obsessed with him, so it wasn’t like he could justify himself to Shaun or give him a concrete answer as to why he wanted to be friends with him. Jesse hadn’t been kidding or bullshitting around though when he’d said Shaun was interesting. In all the many places Jesse had lived, he’d never met anyone quite like him.

Plus, that quicksilver smile he’d shot Jesse right before they’d been hauled off to the principal’s office had been strangely amazing. He wanted to see it again.

“All right, times up.” The gray-haired woman announced, standing up from her desk. “Have a good weekend folks. And stay out of trouble.” Her gaze narrowed on Shaun specifically, though he didn’t seem to notice or care. He forced his things into his bag, slung it over his shoulder and stormed out of the room.

Jesse gathered his things up randomly. He tripped over himself as he ran to catch up with Shaun.

He was still shoving his things in his bag when he ran headfirst into Shaun’s back.

“Jesus fucking Christ!” Shaun hissed, grabbing Jesse’s shoulder to steady him. “What the fuck’s your problem?”

“I’m trying to find you before you disappear again.” Jesse accused with a glare. His glare wasn’t as effective as Shaun’s was, but he didn’t care.

Shaun raised one of his bushy eyebrows. “I’m fucking waiting for you.”

Jesse frowned, pouted more like, up at Shaun, unwilling to trust him on his word. “Sure, you were.”

“Well, are you coming or not!” Shaun obviously wasn’t about to convince him, so Jesse finished shoving his things into his bag and nodded curtly. He followed Shaun outside.

“I’m surprised your legion of friends didn’t offer to pick you up.” Shaun grunted. He looked critically around the empty parking lot before he started off toward the road.

Knowing Shaun reacted badly whenever the other kids were brought up, Jesse shrugged.

Shaun scoffed as if Jesse had just finished a speech on their innumerable good qualities, stalking down the road as he sought to put a considerable amount of distance between them. Jesse had to jog to keep up.

He didn’t know where to go with this. All his plans had centered around him having to convince Shaun to even let him near enough to speak. But now that Shaun was here, and somewhat open to listening, he wasn’t sure what he should say.

He decided to wing it. The first words out of his mouth were, “Do you really believe you’re going to hell?”

“Of course, I do.” Shaun said flatly. “I wouldn’t lie about something like that.”

Jesse bit his lip. “I just thought you were exaggerating or something.” He’d never met anyone who truly believed they were damned for hell. He’d met people who didn’t believe in it, but never anyone who sounded like they expected it.

“My stupid grandma tells me enough.” Shaun shrugged.

Well, they were further than they had been this afternoon, Jesse thought to himself. At least Shaun was talking.

“You live with your grandparents?”

“Yes.” Jesse started to ask where Shaun’s parents were, but Shaun cut him off with a severe look. “Don’t ask,” he said dangerously.

Jesse shut his mouth, embarrassed, though slightly grateful that Shaun was giving him some sort of clue as to what he couldn’t talk about. There seemed to be a lot they couldn’t talk about, but they were conversing, so Jesse refused to be discouraged.

“So, everyone thought our little science experiment was really cool.”

Shaun grunted, sticking his hands into his pockets.

“I wish I had more of that stuff. Like a whole brick of it. I’d throw it in a lake or something.” Jesse chattered. “Could you imagine? It’d be like…whoa!” He tried to convey the size of his imaginary explosion with his hands, bouncing in the air in his nervous excitement.

Jesse was relieved when Shaun smirked at him. “Yeah,” he said.

They walked in silence for a few moments, Shaun smiling faintly and Jesse trying to think of something else to talk about. The weathered country road they walked along reflected a lot of heat and made the slight curve in the road about a half mile ahead appear like a wavy mirage. The wind through the corn fields was nice though. Almost musical. Certainly better than a household of kids.

“It’s nice out here.” Jesse said.

“I thought you were from the city,” Shaun said.

“I’ve lived a lot of places.”

“Oh yeah?” Shaun asked, obviously skeptical.

“Yeah. I’ve lived in California, Texas, Utah, Wisconsin,” Jesse counted off on his fingers. “New York, for a few months, Florida, Georgia…”

“No one likes it here,” Shaun said as if denying Jesse’s claim of being worldly. “I can’t wait to get out of this place.”

Jesse studied Shaun. Judging from the way other people acted around here, Jesse could see just how out of place Shaun was here. He was a pariah.

“Where would you go if you could go anywhere?” Jesse asked before Shaun could catch him staring.

“I dunno.” Shaun rubbed the back of his neck, upsetting his wild curls. “California, I guess.”

“Why there?”

Shaun sent him an impatient look. “So I can get in a real band and get signed,” he said exasperatedly.

“You don’t want to go there for that,” Jesse said carefully. “I didn’t like it there much. Too many fake people. Everyone’s plastic.”

Shaun grunted.

“Florida is more your thing,” Jesse continued. “Tampa’s the heavy metal capitol, ya know?”

“Anywhere’s better than here,” Shaun replied darkly.

Jesse shrugged.

He figured they were about ten minutes away from Shaun’s house and another five from his. Jesse wished he could get Shaun to say something substantial, maybe actually involve him in a conversation. It was like trying to pull teeth with tweezers. Fortunately, Jesse liked a challenge, and something told him it’d be worth it.

“Well…” Jesse paused, fishing for a new topic of conversation. “Besides being in an awesome band—”

“Who said we were ‘awesome’?” Shaun sneered the word, his upper lip twisting unpleasantly.

“Nobody.” Jesse wanted to joke around but figured he’d better not. “I just assumed…you know…secret underground metal band? Too brutal for the likes of me? It must be pretty awesome.” He grinned.

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Go on,” he said, amusement in his voice.

Jesse laughed, hopping a little in place while Shaun watched him warily. “So, you’re in this awesome band, right? What does a badass guitarist like you do for fun?” Jesse bounced closer to Shaun, waving a hand in his face. “I mean besides hanging out and being ultra-brutal and shit.”

Shaun smirked. “I like shooting things.”

“You have a gun?” Jesse’s blue eyes widened despite his best effort to appear casual. “I’ve never seen one in real life.”

“Sure,” Shaun said, seemingly pleased with Jesse’s reaction. “I’m pretty good at throwing knives too.”

“Dude! Seriously?” Jesse could picture Shaun throwing knives in such a way that they would sever someone’s jugular vein, like in a movie.

“I collect weapons. I’m pretty decent with them.”

“Oh man, you’ve gotta show me some time.”

“Hmm.”

“And you play guitar,” Jesse gushed, realizing that flattering the other boy seemed to be working in his favor. “I always wanted to take guitar lessons, but I never had the time because I’m always babysitting.” Unconsciously, Jesse made eyes at Shaun. “Have you ever taught anyone?” he asked sweetly.

“Ah…no.” Shaun blushed as their gazes met. He looked resolutely away, off toward the dusty fields. “I think I’d be a shitty teacher.”

They walked along in silence for a few moments, though for once it wasn’t awkward. It was quite nice actually. Shaun wasn’t as talkative as the other kids at school, but Jesse didn’t mind. When he wasn’t glaring daggers, Shaun had a calming presence, go figure.

Jesse could see Shaun’s house coming up on the horizon. Time was almost up. He felt a curious tendril of disappointment blossom in his belly.

“You’re not going to be weird again on Monday, are you?” he asked out of the blue.

“How do you mean?” Shaun asked cautiously, as if he were waiting to get pissed off.

“Like all hostile and stuff,” Jesse said lamely. “You’ll talk to me in class, right?”

Shaun was quiet for much longer than Jesse felt comfortable with, but he eventually nodded. Slowly.

“If you want, I guess.”

“I do. I think you’re cool.”

“Fuck you,” Shaun muttered, sounding slightly amused again.

“And you can sit by me at lunch you know. And we can talk during gym. You don’t have to be so shy.”

“I don’t want to be anywhere near you’re fucking friends,” Shaun said angrily. “I hate them all.”

Jesse bit his tongue. “OK, fine. But we’re still friends, right?”

“I guess.” Shaun kicked a rock off the side of the road, clumsily avoiding Jesse’s gaze.

“Good.” And weirdly enough, it was. Shaun went home, muttering a half-hearted good-bye and Jesse smiled sweetly after him, walking to his house with a vague feeling of success.

“Hey. Sorry I’m late. I got—”

“Detention. I know.” Sam finished for his older brother. “Your girlfriend Emily told me,” he taunted in that way only a preteen could.

Sam sat on the couch between the twins. They were watching TV, some violent cartoon. Allison doodled on her jeans with a magic marker while she watched. Tyler kicked a box full of Monica’s framed pictures and picked his nose.

Sighing, Jesse took the marker away from Allison before she started drawing on the couch. Then he eased Monica’s pictures out of harm’s way. “Give me that,” he demanded, snatching the remote out of Sam’s lap. He switched the TV to the Disney channel.

“Go back!” Tyler yelled, making a grab for the remote. Jesse held it out of reach.

“Stop yelling or you’re going into time out,” Jesse said calmly.

Tyler didn’t want to hear that. He immediately began throwing a tantrum.

“You’re not the boss of me!” Tyler screamed at the top of his lungs. “I hate you!”

Jesse rubbed a hand over his face. He was suddenly drained. Just seconds ago, he’d been happy about how the day had gone. Now he couldn’t wait to lay down.

“Watch them. I’m going upstairs,” he said, already tired of his family.

“I was!” Sam yelled after him. “And I was doing a good job too until you had to come home.”

Jesse ignored him and trekked upstairs to his room, climbing onto the top bunk and falling asleep within minutes.

He had a weird dream. Shaun was trying to teach him how to play the guitar. He had his arms around him from behind, his larger body curling perfectly around Jesse’s smaller one.

“There…just like that…” Dream Shaun whispered in his ear as he manipulated Jesse’s fingers on the fret board. He didn’t stop until Jesse had his fingers curled perfectly around the fingerboard . “Now play,” he ordered, his voice sounding distant and it felt as if it came from deep within Jesse’s head.

Jesse’s fingers moved effortlessly as he started to play. It was a song, though Jesse couldn’t make out which one.

“Good,” Shaun said, his voice getting softer, farther away. The warmth of his body disappeared.

“Shaun?” Jesse called. He stopped playing.

“You’re so fucking good,” Shaun hissed. In a flash he was right behind him again, his mouth hot at Jesse’s ear. His tongue snaked out and wet Jesse’s ear lobe.

Jesse gasped in surprise. He arched his back and moaned.

“So good,” Shaun whispered into his ear and goosebumps erupted along Jesse’s soft skin. Shaun wrapped an arm around his midsection and held him tight. The air was forced from Jesse’s lungs. “Jesse…” Shaun pressed a long, thin blade to his throat and Jesse began to panic. “So fucking—”

“Hey!”

Jesse jumped, the dream forgotten as he was yanked out of sleep by the sound of his brother’s voice. He jerked into an upright position and nearly toppled out of bed. There was a strangled yelp beside him and when he looked down, he realized Brian was napping in his bunk again. The little blond woke with a muffled cry.

“What the hell?” Jesse peered down from the top bunk, rubbing a hand through his hair. Sam was looking up at him through narrowed eyes.

“Your stupid friends are here.”

“Oh.” That’s right, he was supposed to go to a party tonight. “Shit!”

“Nobody invites me to parties,” Sam said sourly.

“That’s because you’re thirteen. What sort of parties do thirteen-year-olds have?” Jesse scooped Brian up and carried him down the ladder. He handed him off to Sam after giving the sleepy toddler a kiss on the forehead. Sam sighed, but moved Brian to a comfortable position on his hip.

“I want to come with you.”

“No,” Jesse said.

“Why not?!” Sam whined. “I’m tired of being cooped up here all week!”

“Go hang out with those girls you’re always chatting up on the bus,” Jesse suggested. He stripped out of his clothes and then rifled through his side of the dresser, picking something clean to wear.

“You’re a fucking asshole, you know that?” Sam cried. He stormed out of the room and slammed the door behind him.

Jesse concentrated on getting dressed. He could hear Sam complaining to Monica downstairs, but he wasn’t concerned.

He spent a minute checking himself over in the mirror. He ran a hand through his shaggy hair and checked his teeth.

“Jesse!” Monica yelled from downstairs.

“Coming!” Jesse yelled back. He gave his reflection an impish smile and then turned to go downstairs.

Kenny and Emily waited in the living room. Monica chatted amicably with Kenny. She had one arm around Sam while Lissa sat on her hip. The baby looked around.

Allison and Tyler had Emily’s attention. She cooed over them. They milked it for everything they could.

“You shouldn’t be friends with my brother. He’s a butthead,” Tyler was saying.

“Yeah, you should be our friend,” Allison added. “Jesse’s boring lately.”

“Oh, Jesse isn’t so bad,” Emily laughed. She glanced up then, shyly meeting Jesse’s eyes.

The twins started to protest again, but Jesse moved to intervene. Kenny noticed Jesse standing in the threshold.

“Hey man!” He called out. He threw an arm over Jesse’s shoulders. “Have a good nap?” He laughed.

“Shut up.” Jesse playfully punched Kenny in the arm. Kenny punched him back.

“Well, you ready to go?”

“Yep.” Jesse glanced at Monica, hoping she wouldn’t make a big deal out of him going out. She gave him a stern look but said nothing.

“This is so unfair,” Sam bitched from Monica’s other side. He put Brian down. “I never get to go anywhere.”

“You have nowhere to go,” Monica pointed out. She stroked Sam’s hair in a motherly fashion.

“I wanna come, Jesse,” Brian said. He hurried to Jesse’s side and clutched his jeans.

“No, not this time Brian.” Jesse cupped the toddler’s cheek. The little boy’s lower lip started to tremble in preparation for one of his epic pouts. “We’ll do something fun tomorrow, all right?”

“OK.” Brian looked like he was going to cry, but he let go of Jesse’s pants.

Emily watched the exchange with wide, glittering eyes, obviously just barely containing herself. When they all went out to Kenny’s truck however, she exploded.

“You’re really sweet with him,” she cooed as she got in the front seat. She patted the place beside her and Jesse climbed in. Once they were settled, she turned her starry-eyed look back at Jesse. “You’re a good big brother.”

“Jesus, Emily.” Kenny snorted as he started the truck. Loud country music blasted from the radio, but he didn’t turn it down. “Let’s get outta here! Party’s already started!” he yelled over the music.

Emily smiled at Jesse but was silent afterward.

They peeled out of the driveway and started down the road. Jesse was a little surprised when they passed Kenny’s house a couple minutes later. He’d assumed Kenny was hosting the party, as he was the one who had invited him. But then again, maybe it was at someone else’s house. Maybe at Jordan’s or Eric’s place.

After a while, they pulled off the road and onto a dirt trail leading through the corn fields.

“Where are we going?” Jesse yelled to be heard over the music and now the sound of the truck as it bumped roughly along the uneven path.

“You’ll see,” Kenny said.

Jesse gave him a bemused look but waited patiently for the surprise.

It was completely dark. The stalks of corn were lit a cool-blue and silver by the moon. They swayed gently in the breeze. It was pretty.

It took another two minutes before Kenny slowed down. The path dead ended alongside the crops and the woods formed a natural border. In a small clearing between the corn and the trees, there were six vehicles parked in a rough circle. Some of the stalks had been flattened to make room. Kenny drove over the flattened stalks and parked in an empty space. There was a bonfire erected between the cars and Jesse spotted people from school standing around it.

“Whoa.” He was impressed, especially when he saw the keg in the back of someone’s truck.

“Let’s party,” Kenny said with a grin. He killed the engine and hopped out to join the others. Emily and Jesse were eager to follow.

It was a normal party, as far as Jesse was concerned. A bunch of friends hanging out, shooting the shit and getting spectacularly drunk.

Eric and Jordan greeted them warmly. They had cups of beer and Kenny and Jesse went to get some for themselves. Emily split off to be with Sunny and a couple of the other girls by the fire.

Sara, the cute blonde from science, had her car radio playing through the window. Both she and Alicia danced together in front of the fire. Their slender bodies cast alluring shadows across the grass. They had their arms around each other and their bodies moved in perfect sync. They were entertaining to watch. Eric whistled in appreciation.

Sunny and Emily watched them too. They glanced critically from the dancing girls back to Jesse.

And Jesse wasn’t stupid. He knew Emily had a thing for him. He liked Emily too. But that didn’t mean he wasn’t going to watch Sara and Alicia grind against each other. At least he wasn’t catcalling them like Eric was.

Jesse put the jealous girls from his mind and followed Kenny’s, Eric’s and Jordan’s example. They climbed into the back of Kenny’s truck, beer in hand, and began chatting rather candidly about the qualities of the females.

“Dude, you’re so lucky you’re with Sara,” Jesse told Eric after a few beers. “She’s the best-looking girl here.”

“Fuck you, man,” Eric said, trying to be angry, but fighting a grin. “Oww,” he touched the splint over his nose. It looked brutal. There was still some swelling under his eyes. “That’s…that’s my girlfriend,” he said.

“Were just admiring her,” Kenny said, watching Alicia spin Sara in a circle. Sara laughed and tossed her head back. Her blonde hair spilled over her shoulders. “It’s a compliment.”

“Alicia isn’t bad either,” Jesse said. She wasn’t quite as pretty, but she did have a nice rack. It was one of the reasons she was so popular. She was wearing skimpy shorts, cowboy boots and a matching hat. Jesse would definitely do her.

“I’ve done em’ both,” Jordan said with a lecherous grin. Eric flicked him off aggressively while Kenny howled with laugher.

“Seriously? Which was better?” Jesse asked totally missing the glare Eric shot in his direction. He was curious.

“Eh.” Jordan shrugged. “I don’t live in the past, man. I look forward.”

“Screw you,” Jesse said with an eye roll. Jordan was always so damned lofty. It was fucking irritating.

“The only girl I’d fuck right now is Emily.”

Jesse wasn’t so smashed yet that he didn’t pause at Jordan’s bold announcement. After all, Emily’s twin brother sat right beside him. He expected some sort of blowout, but there was almost no reaction from Kenny. He rolled his eyes, in fact.

“I thank God every day my sister isn’t dumb enough to date you.” He said in amusement.

“It isn’t right for a girl as pretty as Emily to be single.” Jordan complained.

“Yeah, she is pretty,” Eric agreed. They all glanced at the dark-haired girl talking quietly with Sunny.

“I think she likes me,” Jesse confided in the other three boys. He looked cautiously at Kenny.

“Yeah, she told me she did.” Startled, Jesse smiled, but Kenny cut him off. “Don’t even think about it though.”

“Aw, shit. Don’t be that way,” Jesse whined, pausing to finish his fourth beer before he bothered to continue with his argument. “You don’t have to be all protective. I’m not like Jordan. Girls like me for a reason; I’m a nice guy.”

“Girls don’t like nice guys,” Jordan said bitterly, but nobody acknowledged that he’d spoken.

“We’ll see,” Kenny said.

The seriousness did not fit Jesse’s mood at all. He quickly changed the subject. He brought up a mostly fabricated story about his ex-girlfriend in Detroit. At least it got everyone laughing again.

As his friends laughed at his story, Jesse noticed a faint red light between two trees at the edge of the forest. It was shadowy, and the trees had to be ten or so yards away, so Jesse couldn’t be sure, but he thought he saw a figure.

It wasn’t especially weird. It wasn’t like they were alone or anything. It might be one of the partygoers fucking around. Anyway, the red light looked like a cigarette or a joint.

“Oh man…that reminds me of this one time…” Eric said, starting in on a story of his own. Jesse tried to listen, but he couldn’t help but keep an eye on the figure. He could almost make it out now as it stood there in the dark. He hoped it wasn’t a cop or someone who was going to get them in trouble.

The other guys laughed, and Jesse grinned automatically even though he’d missed the punchline. He tried to ignore the mysterious person. If they wanted to be acknowledged, all they had to do was come closer to the fire or step out into open so the moonlight would illuminate their features.

“Hey!”

Startled from his thoughts, Jesse jumped.

Kenny laughed at Jesse, nudging him playfully. “What’re ya thinking so hard about over there Jess? My sister?”

“Ah…” Jesse scrambled to find a suitable answer, but he was interrupted.

“So, you’re Jesse?” A stranger climbed into the back of Kenny’s truck. Another boy. The other guys shifted to make room so Jesse figured he was cool.

“Yeah?”

“I heard about that explosion in Mr. Barnes’ room today. Nice job!” the boy complimented, smiling cheerfully.

“Oh, thanks.” Jesse smiled back.

“I’m Kyle.” He held out a hand and Jesse awkwardly shook it. He didn’t get introduced to people with handshakes very often, but this boy seemed kind of…different. He was pretty well-dressed for the occasion. Jesse, Eric, Kenny and Jordan had all dressed similarly, jeans, T-shirts and both Jordan and Jesse had tennis shoes on, though the other two had boots. Kyle on the other hand had on very neat khaki pants and a sweater. His dark hair was styled impeccably, and his hand was incredibly soft. As Jesse looked at him curiously, Kyle stared straight back at him, smiling coyly.

“Well? Did you bring the stuff?” Jordan prodded in that arrogant way he had that so irritated Jesse.

“Of course, I did,” Kyle said. He shared one last, oddly intense look with Jesse before he pulled a heavy-duty Ziploc bag out of his back pocket. It was full of weed.

There was a practiced exchange of money. Jordan slid four twenties into Kyle’s palm before he handed over the pot. Jordan started to roll a joint.

“Fuck,” Jesse said after a minute of watching Jordan doing his thing. The others seemed similarly involved. “If I would have known you guys were buying stuff, I would have brought my money.”

“I’m paying tonight,” Jordan said absently. He twisted the ends of a fat joint and then handed it off to Eric. He started on a second.

“Awesome!” Jesse grinned. He was already enjoying a buzz. Soon, it would get even stronger.

He was so distracted; he completely forgot the weird figure in the trees.