Shaun was in a dark place and his body rolled and tumbled through nothingness, twisting and writhing in an endless torment. The silence pressed in on him as he spun faster and faster.

He opened his eyes. White. Everywhere. He tried to sit up but oh god he hurt. Everything hurt and his body was incredibly heavy. As he realized he was lying in a strange bed staring at a white ceiling the potent mix of his confusion and fear brewed into a burst of adrenaline.

"Arrrragh!" Shaun lurched upright, his heart pounding wildly in his chest. He ripped the sheets off and yelled out in shock. A white gown was draped over his front, but his bare legs and groin were exposed. His upper left thigh was wrapped in bandages, but what was most distressing was the tube sticking out of his dick.

"What the fuck is this?" Shaun grabbed the tube and yanked it as hard as he could. "Fuuuuck!" Shaun's urethra flared and released the tube. Stinging pain pulsed through his shaft. "Fuck, fuck, fuck!" There was another tube in the crook of his arm. It was secured with tape, but he yanked it free with a single, almighty tug. “Yugh…” A stabbing pain radiated from the point as an urgent beeping pulsed behind him.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Shaun swung his legs out and searched for the floor as frantic voices mingled with the beeping. His heart hammered in his ears.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

His bare feet hit cold linoleum and he shifted his weight and lurched off the bed. He groaned in agony. He felt like he'd been through a meat grinder. Spots swam in his vision and his head spun. "Fucking…shit," he hissed.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

He staggered forward and the room tilted sharply to the right. He grabbed his head. There was more bandaging up there, and he sobbed in confusion. "What the fuck's going on?!"

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

"Oh.. god…shut that thing up!"

"Easy there," said an anxious voice.

Shaun raised his head. There was a blurry figure in the door. A man in a blue set of scrubs. Shaun ground his fingers into his eyes and looked again.

A male nurse stood in front of him with several others waiting behind in the hall, stretching their necks to see over the slight young man. There were three other nurses, women, and as Shaun watched, a young security guard stepped up beside them and murmured to the plump little nurse. His eyes were trained on Shaun.

"You were in an accident," the male nurse said gently. He reminded Shaun of Jesse. He was roughly the same size, nearly a head shorter than Shaun with a small, compact body. He had a similar rounded face, soft and sweet. Mousy brown hair fell over his eyes. "I heard it was bad. You're extremely lucky you walked away with so few injuries."

"Fuck you," Shaun growled. "Then why the fuck do I hurt so much?"

The male nurse smirked. "Did you think you were invincible? You escaped a head-on collision with an eighteen-wheeler. A few scrapes and bruises are to be expected."

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

Shaun sneered at him. The beeping sound was really pissing him off. He looked over his shoulder. There was a table with a computer and over it, a wall of monitors, switches, and lights. One of the monitors flashed red. EMERGENCY.

"Can you shut that shit off?" he snapped. "I'm sick of that fucking sound!"

The male nurse edged into the room. "Could you take a seat for me, dear? Your bleeding like a stuck pig."

Shaun looked down. Blood flowed freely from a red puncture in the crook of his arm.

BEEP, BEEP, BEEP

"Shut it off!" he shouted.

The nurse rushed to the monitor and jabbed some buttons. The beeping stopped.

Shaun fell back on the bed. He buried his face in his hands and jolted when he touched the gauze for the second time. He reached up gingerly to feel, and a hand grabbed his wrist. His eyes snapped up. The male nurse stood over him with a stern look on his face.

"Don't touch," he chided.

Shaun growled at him. "What happened to my face?"

The male nurse pursed his lips. "You wacked your head something awful. You shattered your window."

"Fuck me…" Shaun muttered.

"Good evening, Shaun," said a crisp professional voice. Shaun glanced up as Cliff, Monica's boyfriend, swept into the room. Silver-haired, perfect white teeth, handsome, he looked like a catalogue model. He stopped and looked down at Shaun's arm. "You removed your IV."

Shaun huffed. "What the fuck's going on?"

Cliff breezed across the room and studied the monitors. He muttered some medical jargon to the nurse.

"And let's get that arm cleaned up and the IV replaced," Cliff said. "Thanks, Erin."

"Of course," Erin, the male nurse, said. He set Shaun's hand gently on the bed and let go with a squeeze. He winked at Shaun then rounded the bed. There was a counter on the other side with a sink and cabinets above. Erin pulled down some supplies and loaded them onto a small, metal tray.

Shaun watched him with narrowed eyes. He hadn't realized Erin was holding his hand for so long. Was that guy a fag or something?

"How are you feeling, Shaun? Besides angry?" Cliff asked with a laugh.

Shaun turned and leveled the perfect doctor with a vicious look. "I'm confused. I don't know what the fuck I'm doing here."

Cliff's face got serious. "I wouldn't be surprised if you suffered a bit of memory loss," he said solemnly. "You've experienced massive brain trauma."

Shaun gaped at him. "How?"

Cliff turned and sat at the head of the bed beside Shaun. He bent his knee up so he could rest his hand on his thigh. He looked deeply into Shaun's eyes and Shaun stared back at him angrily. Cliff's hazel eyes were warm and friendly and slowly, Shaun felt his anger fade. "What's the last thing you remember?" Cliff asked softly.

Shaun thought about it for a moment. "The show," he murmured. "Then that fucking party. In Houston." He looked down at his arm as the blood begin to dry on his skin. A thick red ribbon trailed down from the bend in his arm and pooled in the crease of his wrist. There were red drops of it on the white linoleum floor and little pools stained the bed sheets. Shaun balled his hand into a fist. "Jesse fucking outted me. For the second time."

Cliff nodded sadly. "I talked to him. He said the two of you were arguing."

Shaun's eyes became slits. "How much did he tell you?"

Cliff raised a silver brow. "Enough to know I'd better keep my mouth shut."

"Good."

Cliff cleared his throat. "The EMT's said you spun out in the middle of the highway. A trailer truck was barreling down on your vehicle, but you were able to get out of his direct path. He clipped you and sent you tumbling into a ditch."

Shaun stared at him blankly.

"They had to use the Jaws of life to extract you both," Cliff said. "And you, my boy, were in critical condition for three days."

"Uh. I don't remember any of that," Shaun muttered.

Cliff patted him on the shoulder. "If you did, I'd be questioning the strength of those drugs we gave you." He got up and moved out of the way as Erin returned with the tray of medical supplies. The nurse set the tray on the bed then sat in Cliff's place. He ripped open a packet of disinfectant wipes and reached for Shaun's wrist.

Shaun bared his teeth. "I can do it myself, thanks." He attempted to snatch the moist towelette from the nurse, but Erin was faster. He pulled his arm away and placed his other hand firmly against Shaun's chest.

"That's enough," he said, and his eyes flashed. They were a brilliant blue. So much like Jesse's. "Let me do my job."

Shaun snarled at him as his cheeks got hot. He felt vulnerable and he hated it.

Cliff chuckled from the monitors. "You'd better listen, Shaun. The security guard's standing right outside."

Shaun's eyes cut to the door. The young guard was posted just outside the room, against the wall. He watched the scene unfold on the bed with a bored look on his face.

Shaun held his arm out and grumbled under his breath as Erin gently cleaned the blood away.

"You're out of the woods for now," Cliff said. He walked to the end of the bed and grabbed a clipboard off the bedpost. He skimmed a finger down the charts. "Your vitals are stable, but now that you’re awake, we'd like to do an MRI and run a few other tests."

Shaun growled. "For what reason?" He watched bitterly as Erin finished cleaning the blood. He neatly folded some gauze and pressed it against the puncture wound. He held it for a moment, then secured it with medical tape. There was red adhesive marks from earlier around the area. The skin was red and irritated.

Cliff returned the clipboard to the bedpost. "Did I mention you fractured your skull? In addition to multiple lacerations on the left side of your face there." He pointed to his own face and Shaun gingerly touched the gauze on the upper left side of his head. He reached up nervously and felt his hair was pulled back at the nape of his neck. All of it was there. Even his beard.

Thank god. The fuckers hadn't shaved his head.

"The turn signal impaled your inner thigh. You'll have a bit of a limp until it heals," Cliff said as Erin selected a thick, rubber tie from his tray and tied it just below the gauze. Cliff stepped in front of Shaun and knelt in front of him. He laid a hand on his bare knee. "Can I show you?"

Shaun grit his teeth. There were too many people around him. Too many hands touching his naked skin. "I don't need all this help!"

Cliff patted him again and stood up. Shaun struggled to contain the urge to punch the handsome doctor in the teeth. "We'll change your bandages in the morning then."

"I can take care of myself," Shaun growled. He watched as Erin slapped his forearm in search of a vein.

"Not as well as we can, though," Cliff said confidently. "Well, my boy, I'm about to head out for the night, but I'll be back to check on you first thing tomorrow afternoon."

"When the fuck am I getting out of here?" Shaun grumbled.

"In a couple days. Like I said, there's some tests we'd like to run."

Shaun sighed. Then Erin pricked him with a tiny needle. "Ow.”

"Oh hush,” Erin said. “It only stung a little."

Shaun frowned. He'd barely even felt it, but he wanted some validation damnit!

"I'm ordering a sedative for you," Cliff said as Erin got up and messed with the IV over the bed. "It'll help you sleep."

Shaun stared at Cliff for a long moment. "Where's Jesse?"

"He went home yesterday," Cliff said.

Shaun chewed his tongue. "What happened to him?"

"Cuts, bruises," Cliff said casually. "He fractured his right arm."

Shaun cringed.

"We casted it. He'll be alright, Shaun."

"I was so mad at him," Shaun muttered. "That idiot does whatever he wants. He always does. He never listens to me."

"He's eager to see you," Cliff said with a soft smile. "He visited you on his way out. He was in here for a long time."

"Was I in a coma?" Shaun asked gruffly. He didn't remember anything after leaving the party.

"Medically induced," Cliff confirmed. "Just until we could get the swelling in your brain to go down."

Shaun groaned.

Erin returned and hooked Shaun to the IV. The tube was back in place. He taped everything down with clear, medical tape.

"Get some sleep tonight," Cliff said compassionately. His hazel eyes were kind and as much as Shaun wanted to hate him, he grudgingly respected the guy. The doctors he'd seen in the past had treated him like a crazy person. "We'll start running our tests early in the morning so we can get you out of here as quickly as possible."

The word 'early' wasn't appealing, but 'get you out of here' certainly was.

"Alright."

Cliff beamed. "Goodnight, Shaun." The doctor strolled out of the room.

"Who's Jesse?" Erin asked casually as he took the metal tray off the bed. He took it to the counter and started to clean up.

Shaun glared at him. "None of your business."

Erin chuckled as he came back to the bed. He stopped in front of Shaun, smiling down at him wryly. "Alright, smarty pants, I need to change your sheets."

Shaun got up. He towered over the little nurse. What a pussy. What kind of guy chose to be a nurse? He stepped aside but was tethered to the wall with the IV. He glared at the whirling contraption, then turned back to watch the young man strip the sheets off his bed. He couldn't help noticing his ass as he worked. It wasn't as pert as Jesse's, but it still looked very squeezable.

Shaun shook his head and growled. "Are you leaving, too?"

"Aww, done with me already?" Erin simpered and Shaun felt his cheeks get hot. "I'm here all night."

Shaun's eyes narrowed.

"And I think I know who Jesse is," Erin said. He bundled the bloody sheets and took them to an orange biohazard container in the corner. He dropped the laundry inside then strode to the counter. "Slim, blue-eyed, shaved head, cute as a button?" He crouched down and took a clean set of sheets from the cabinet underneath. He looked coyly over his shoulder. "Ring a bell?

Shaun ground his teeth together. "Cool. You met him."

"He was a patient of mine two nights ago," Erin said. He went back to the bed and started to dress the rubber mattress. Shaun watched him with his arms crossed. "He was such a sweetheart. He was so desperate to get to you, but you were in the ICU."

Shaun frowned. "I don't know why he'd want to see me."

Erin pulled the sheets straight and then tucked in the corners neatly. "Is he your boyfriend?"

"What's it to you if he is?!"

Erin shrugged. He tossed the pillows to the head of the bed and stood back. "Lie down." He gestured to the bed. "I'm going to administer that sedative."

Shaun flopped moodily into bed. "Ow!" He grabbed his head. "Fuck, that hurt." His thigh was throbbing as well, but when he looked down he saw his dick was out again.

Erin delicately pinched the hem of Shaun's hospital gown and fastidiously pulled it down. His expression was completely unphased.

Shaun's face burned with embarrassment. "How many people have seen that?"

"Quite a few I'm sure," Erin said neutrally. "But we've all seen our fair share of penises."

He crossed the room and took a small vial from the cupboard. Then he prepared a syringe on the tray and brought it back to the bed. “You'll be out like a light in ten minutes,” he said as he injected the sedative into the IV.

Shaun laid back stiffly.

"Let me get your vitals now. So I don't have to wake you up for a few hours."

Shaun grumbled disagreeably but allowed the nurse to fit a pressure cuff around his right arm. Erin held out a thermometer.

"Open," he said.

Shaun rolled his eyes but he opened his mouth just the same.

Erin smirked. "Lift up your tongue, dear. It doesn't work that way."

Shaun huffed and pulled his tongue back so Erin could place the tip in the right place. He closed his mouth and waited impatiently while Erin held the thermometer still. His fingers brushed the prickly hairs on Shaun's chin, but he didn't adjust the position.

When the thermometer beeped, the pressure cuff started to fill with air. Erin pulled the thermometer slowly from Shaun's mouth and checked the reading. He entered something into the computer as the pressure cuff began to cut off the circulation in Shaun's lower arm.

"How much longer?" Shaun grunted.

"Not long now," Erin said. He checked the reading on the digital monitor over the bed. The cuff stopped expanding. "142 over 92, hmm."

"Is that bad?" Shaun grumbled.

"It's elevated," Erin said and he squeezed Shaun's shoulder. "But I suppose that's why Dr. Cliff ordered the sedative." His hand slid away, and he unstrapped the pressure cuff. He tucked everything away and returned the tray to the counter.

Shaun watched him grumpily. He could feel the effects of the drug pulling him under. His eyelids were getting heavy.

Erin returned to the bed and pulled the covers up to Shaun's chest. "Just relax. You've been through a lot."

"Relax," Shaun sneered. "Everyone's always telling me to fucking relax."

Erin reached for his hand, but Shaun snatched it away at the last moment.

"Don't touch me," he snarled, his nostrils flaring.

Erin quirked an eyebrow. He had a glowing plastic clip in his right hand. "I need to attach the heart monitor."

Shaun grumbled and let Erin put the clip on the tip of his index finger. It was attached to a long wire that wrapped around the IV hook overhead.

"Fucking wires," he muttered angrily under his breath.

Erin laughed. "You'll live." He typed something into the computer, then shut off the monitor. "And I already know Jesse's your boyfriend. He told me."

Shaun growled low in his throat. His eyes narrowed dangerously. "That little bitch."

Erin frowned. "I wish I had someone that cared for me as much as he does for you."

Shaun crossed his arms. The tubes and wires followed along. He brushed them away with an impatient hand. "Does everybody in this fucking hospital know my business?"

"I wouldn't worry about it too much," Erin said lightly. "You'll be out of here in a day or two."

"Yeah," Shaun grumbled as Nicky's laughing face danced in the back of his mind.

"You are gay!"

Erin reached over Shaun and pulled a remote controller from between the mattress and the guard rail. It, too, was attached to a cord. There were lots of buttons, but the red one on the bottom was labeled with a giant plus-sign.

"Tv's up there if you wake up and get bored," he said, gesturing to a wall-mounted set across from the bed. Shaun hadn't noticed it. "And that's the button for the nurse," Erin said, pointing at the red button. "If you need to use the restroom, you must call for help."

Shaun had been waiting for Erin to leave before he looked for the bathroom. He glared at him heatedly. "No."

Erin planted a hand on his hip. "And how do you suggest you get out of bed with all those wires attached to you?"

Shaun looked down at his right arm. He scowled. "I'll rip 'em out like last time."

Erin shook his head. He squatted down and rummaged under the bed for a moment before he stood up with a steel bedpan. "You are not to get out of bed. If you absolutely must, use the bedpan."

Shaun snatched the stupid thing from the nurse. He wedged it between the bed and the railing. "Anything else?"

"Would you like some water?"

"How about a beer?" Shaun grunted.

"Shaun," Erin sighed. "If we had beer around here, we'd all be indulging."

"How about a huge, juicy steak," Shaun snapped.

Erin laughed. "You're on a liquid diet until the doctor clears you for solids. If you're hungry, I could get you a hot cup of chicken broth."

"Never mind," Shaun grumbled.

Erin smiled at him gently. "What's your pain level? On a scale of one to ten."

"Ten," Shaun said boredly.

Erin rolled his eyes and walked to the door. "You're doped up on morphine, dear." He touched the switch on the wall and the lights dimmed. "I'd enjoy it while it lasts."

Shaun gave him the finger.

Erin chuckled fondly. "I'll be in to check on you before my shift ends. If you could, let's not have a repeat performance of earlier. I'm going to ask the nice guard to go back to his post. Don't make me regret it."

Shaun settled into his pillow.

"Sweet dreams, Shaun," Erin said pleasantly. He pulled the door shut and the room fell into a peaceful silence.

Once he was alone, Shaun sat up and muttered mutinously under his breath as he used the bedpan. He didn't know what to do with it, so he set it precariously on the edge of the table. The smell of urine was pungent, and Shaun struggled with sleep for a few moments, making angry faces in the dark, but then he gave in. His eyes slid shut and a heavy blanket of sleep fell over him.

***

Shaun and Jesse stood with the members of One Thousand Nights and Hangnail. They were at the party in Houston and they'd been bullshitting for hours. Miguel was in the middle of a story about their low-budget tour last summer.

Shaun said something mean about one of the bands he'd mentioned, and Miguel chuckled in reply. Jesse smiled at Shaun and casually touched his arm. It was a subtle brush of skin, but Miguel's watchful eyes tracked the movement with suspicion. His smile faded and his eyebrows raised. He gave Shaun the oddest look as the conversation continued.

Shaun shifted away from his boyfriend and took a drink from his beer. He tried to play it off like it was nothing, but Jesse had been sneaking touches most the night. He knew Jesse was desperate for his cock, but they were right in the middle of a damned conversation!

Russ passed around a bong and everybody indulged. When he had a lungful of Mary-Jane, Miguel cracked a joke and Jesse burst into laughter. Smoke billowed around him as he giggled, and the voices and the music faded as Shaun studied his face. His soft pink lips curved in a smile, his brilliant blue eyes sparkled with mirth…Shaun wished he could touch his silky skin and embrace him, but just as the thought crossed his mind, Jesse's fingers slipped through his own. He fit their palms together and gripped Shaun's hand like he owned it.

Miguel looked between them, at Jesse's hand grasping Shaun's, and Shaun yanked away in shock. Miguel smirked at him. "Are you guys gay for each other?"

Tim snorted in the back. He had the giant bong in front of him, and he blew an impressive smoke ring over the group. "I heard he sucks dick."

"That's disgusting," Andy muttered from the couch. He glared at his phone, totally disinterested in the conversation.

"I thought he had a girlfriend?"

"I'm the girlfriend," Jesse said with a laugh. He clutched Shaun's arm and tugged him around. "And we're wildly in love." He draped his arms around Shaun's neck and drew him down for a heated kiss. There was tongue and Shaun felt his dick get hard, but he tore away when the guys began to laugh in earnest.

"What a fag."

"I knew there was something wrong with him."

Shaun whirled on Jesse. "Why did you do that!" he yelled. "Why did you have to kiss me?"

"Shaun, please, I'm sorry," Jesse said and then he began to cry. "I just wanted everyone to know you're mine. I don't want to share you with anyone." Snot dripped from his nose and it was a nauseating display. "I love you," he sniveled, and Shaun turned away in disgust.

"He's got a boner and everything," Miguel said to the others and he pointed down at Shaun's fly. "Look at that thing. It's like a third arm."

"Fuck you!" Shaun screamed. He pulled his shirt down. "All of you! Go fuck yourselves!"

The laughing continued. When Shaun turned around, the whole party was laughing. All of them were staring at him. They couldn't look away. It was so goddamn hilarious!

A soft sound started behind him. A snickering. Shaun turned and saw Jesse was laughing at him, too.

Shaun shook his head. "What the fuck, Jesse?"

Jesse's eyes were mean and hateful. "Did you really think I was interested in you?" he asked. "I wanted to humiliate you. I wanted to make sure everyone knew what a loser you are. You thought you could move away and get out of here, but I'm not going to let that happen. You're a loser and you'll always be a loser. You're going to die in this place."

Shaun gaped at him as the sound of laughter rung in his ears. "Jesse?"

Jesse spat at his feet. "I hate you."

Shaun staggered back as an overwhelming feeling of emptiness opened inside of him. He turned and bolted for the door. He stumbled through the crowd, bumping into shoulders and elbows as he passed strange, leering faces. Laughter followed his every step.

He reached the door and threw it open. "Ahh!" He threw his arms out as a brilliant light shafted into his line of sight.

BEEEEEEEP

A huge, shiny semi-truck, headlights blazing, barreled down on him. "Oh, fuck!" He crouched over.

BEEEEEEEEEEEEEP

The horn was deafening. He covered his head and screamed.

SMASH

Shaun tumbled and rolled and spun through space. He yelled at the top of his lungs until he was hoarse.

“Yaargh!” He jerked out of bed, drenched in a cold sweat. His heart raced in his chest.

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEP

A different beeping now. There must be a whole set.

The door flew open and Erin swept into the room.

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEP

Shaun fisted the sheets as he gasped wetly for breath. "Fuck…oh fuck…shit…"

Erin messed with the monitors and the alarms all stopped at once. "Did you have a nightmare?"

"Fuck me I don't know what that was," Shaun gasped.

Erin sat beside him. He worked Shaun's fingers loose from the sheets then gathered both of Shaun's hands in his own. "Slow deep breaths. Fill up your lungs, honey."

Shaun swallowed a mouthful of spit. He took a huge, shaky breath of air.

"That's it," Erin soothed. "Deep breaths through the mouth then let it out through your nose."

Shaun followed his advice, and, slowly, he felt himself begin to calm. Then he looked down at his hands, cradled in Erin's long-fingered ones, and he yanked them away with a scowl. "I'm good. You can go now," he sneered. He wanted to be alone.

Erin pursed his lips. "Absolutely not." He stood and brushed off his tidy scrubs. "I'll fetch you something hot to drink. Don't move." He hurried out of the room.

Shaun sat in the dark for a couple minutes with his head down. His breathing slowly returned to normal and he wiped the sweat away with the edge of his hospital gown.

Erin returned with a Styrofoam cup. "Do you want the lights on?" he asked from the door.

"I'd rather sit in the dark," Shaun muttered.

Erin approached with the cup and handed it to Shaun. "Your boyfriend says you're a metal head,” he chuckled. “You’re a big fan of doom and gloom, aren't you?"

Shaun looked into the cup. Black. He took a tentative sip. "He talks too much." Erin sat on the end of the bed and gazed at him. Shaun avoided his eyes and stared into the cup. He just wanted to go back to sleep. Better yet, he wished he was dead.

"What's going on?" Erin asked in a soft voice and Shaun's shoulders drew inward. "Do you want to talk about it?"

"No," Shaun grumbled into his cup. "I want to forget." Erin put an arm around Shaun's shoulders and Shaun let out a deep, rumbling sound of warning. "I'm dead serious. Get your fucking hands off me."

Erin retracted his arm. "You don't forget things because you want to. Painful memories tend to stick around the longer we avoid them."

"That doesn't make sense," Shaun scowled into his coffee.

"It makes perfect sense," Erin said. "Think of it this way, your mind went through a traumatic event, too, just like your body did. And like your body, it needs to be treated and given time to heal."

"I'm a fast healer," Shaun drawled.

"I can see that." Erin smiled sadly. "Looks like you've been practicing." He glanced pointedly at Shaun's bare arms and even in the dim light coming from the hall, the old scars were obvious.

"Fuck you!" Shaun pulled his arms into his body, cradling the hot coffee to his chest. Spots of color appeared high on his cheeks. "What the fuck do you want from me?!"

Erin looked at him closely. "I'm your nurse, sweetheart. I'm here to make sure you're comfortable and on the mend."

"Super cozy!" Shaun extended his arms extravagantly. "See me here in my velvety-soft hospital gown? Hooked up to all these luxurious machines." He gestured to the IV and the heart rate monitor on the wall, sloshing coffee on the bed in the process. 112 BPMs flashed on the digital display. "I'm absolutely loving this! And I feel so cared for."

"Shaun, you—"

"Shut up!" Shaun launched his coffee at the wall. It sprayed across the visitor chairs underneath. "I don't want to talk to you! I don't want to fucking be here anymore! There's nothing wrong with me!" He threw the covers off. The hospital gown went with it and his cock and balls were exposed. For the millionth time. "Motherfucker!" he roared. "When can I get some fucking pants!"

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEP

121 BPMs. The heart rate monitor flashed red.

"Grraaargh!"

Erin caught Shaun's wild gaze. "Dear, I need you to calm down."

"Calm down?!" Shaun shouted. "How the fuck do you expect me to calm down when I can't even get a beer!"

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEP

"If you aren't able to calm yourself, I'll have to call the orderlies," Erin said coolly. "And you won't like that. They're not lightweights, Shaun. They'll bring straps. They're not going to be as lenient as me and the bedpan, either."

Shaun bared his teeth at him. His nostrils flared. He was seething.

BEEEEEP, BEEEEEP

"Let me turn off the alarm. That sound isn't helping anyone," Erin said. "Take a couple deep breaths for me."

Shaun opened and closed his fists as he struggled to contain his fury. He wanted to bolt for the door, but then what? The hospital was thirty miles from town. He could walk it, but not barefoot in a fucking hospital gown.

The beeping stopped and Erin bustled around to the counter on the other side of the bed. He collected some paper towels from the dispenser over the sink then went about mopping Shaun's coffee. He got on his hands and knees and soaked up the liquid with the towels.

Shaun watched him bitterly. As he glared at Erin's cute butt wiggling back and forth, he decided he was going to break up with Jesse the next time he saw him. Shaun was a genuine fag, but it didn't matter to him. The only thing he cared about was getting out of Texas and following his dream.

Nothing else mattered.

Not even Jesse. And certainly not some cutesy nurse with a squeezable ass.

When Erin finished, he tossed the paper towels and the empty cup. "Maintenance will take care of the rest in the morning," he said. "I'll make a note of it."

Shaun muttered angrily under his breath. He didn't care.

"And I'll get you some pajama pants. Sit tight, sweetie."

Shaun's breathing calmed again as he sat. He checked the monitor. 102 BMPs. He took a deep breath and the number ticked to 101.

Erin returned with the pants. "Feeling better."

Shaun took the cotton garment. "I guess."

"I'll give you a minute to get dressed. I need to take your vitals and you're all riled up."

Shaun grumbled mutinously.

"I'll be back in a moment," Erin said softly. "Please, Shaun. Try to relax. For me?"

Shaun didn't want to do anything for anybody, but he did want the nurse to leave the room so he could fucking cover his dick. He was so over this shit.

"Okay."

Erin smiled at him. He squeezed Shaun's shoulder then breezed out of the room.

Shaun sat in silence for a long time. He felt totally empty. He was going to break Jesse's heart again. He was going to break his own heart. He was going to destroy everything, and he didn't fucking care.

He laid back and stuck his legs into the cotton pants, then he lifted his butt and pulled them up. He fell back against the bed, so relieved he started to laugh.

“Everything alright?” Erin asked as he ducked into the room for a third time. He moved to the computer screen next to the bed and turned it on. His face glowed in the artificial light. He smiled at Shaun. “What’s so funny?”

“I’ve never been so relieved to put some fucking pants on.”

Erin chuckled. “I’d imagine.”

They went through the same spiel as last time. Erin took his temperature and his blood pressure. It was elevated again, but Erin said it was looking better. Shaun didn’t understand the numbers. He nodded and let it go.

“Do you want the TV on?” Erin asked as he typed up his notes at the computer.

“No.” Shaun shut his eyes. “I’m going back to sleep.”

“That’s a good idea,” Erin said, clacking away at the keyboard. “Your grandparents will be here bright and early tomorrow morning.”

Shaun groaned.

The typing stopped and Shaun settled into his pillow, hoping sleep would pull him under again when a gentle hand brushed through his hair.

Shaun’s eyes snapped open.

Erin pulled the covers up, his expression neutral. “I’ll be gone by the time you wake up.”

Shaun watched him suspiciously. “What a shame.”

Erin crossed his arms. “You’ll feel differently when I see you again,” he said as his lips curled upward with amusement. “I know your morning nurse personally. You’re going to love her.”

Shaun pulled a face. “Can’t be much worse.”

Erin chuckled. “Goodnight, Shaun.” He stepped into the hall. He left the door open a crack and a sliver of yellow light slanted across the linoleum.

Shaun laid there for a long time, listening to the distant sounds of the hospital. Alarms going off, nurses talking, wheels going down the hall. His eyes fluttered shut and slowly, his body went limp.

***

A team of doctors stood at the foot of the bed when Shaun opened his eyes. He jolted and scrambled to sit up.

“Woah, good morning! I heard you ripped out your IV last night,” boomed the big doctor standing at the forefront. He towered over the others, big boned and barrel-chested, the first doctor that spoke had neat black hair and a burly beard. There were three others in white coats. Shaun’s eyes flickered between them. Two girls and another young guy. Maybe they were students. All of them were waiting for the big asshole up front, though. “How are you feeling, Shaun? We’re going to check your incisions and get a couple blood samples today. How’s that sound?”

Shaun frowned. “Do I have a choice?”

“Not really,” the doctor chuckled. “Stacy?”

A blonde girl with big, round spectacles approached the bed. She gently pulled the sheets back and blinked when she saw that Shaun was wearing pants. “Could you take those off for me?”

Shaun bared his teeth. “Fuck. You.”

Stacy drew back in revulsion. She turned to the big doctor for help and he raised his eyebrows. She sighed. “Okay, then. I guess I’ll try with the pants on.” She started to push up the left leg of his pajama pants. Shaun watched her work with narrowed eyes. He wasn’t making this bitch’s job any easier. Stacy didn’t have much more trouble, unfortunately. The pants were baggy enough to fit over his thigh. She exposed the bandaging and carefully began to unwrap the gauze. Shaun watched with morbid curiosity as the damage was revealed.

“Those are dissolvable stitches. We had to open you up a little to clean you out, but everything looks like it’s on the mend.” There was a wicked gash along his inner thigh now. Red and shiny with irritation, a line of clear stitches held the skin together. The one he’d made two weeks ago was on his outer thigh. Jagged and uneven, it looked tender and pink. It had been treated, as well.

Stacy wrapped him up again and pulled the pants down half-assed. She turned to Shaun and pursed her lips. She didn’t look happy and Shaun snarled at her. “I’m going to look at your head now,” she said. She sat primly on the edge of the bed and reached up cautiously for his bandaging. He glared at her, but held still as she pulled the gauze away from his face.

The big doctor rounded the bed and pulled a penlight out of his pocket. “Could we get you to sit up?”

Shaun sat. The doctor urged him to turn his head into the light.

“A linear fracture. No intervention required, but he’s still under observation,” the doctor murmured to Stacy. “The skin was damaged from the impact.”

“Let me see,” Shaun growled.

Stacy and the big doctor looked at him. The doctor turned back to his apprentices. “Amanda. Get a mirror.”

The other girl, a dark skinned one with her hair pulled back in a tight ponytail, walked to the cabinet against the wall. She returned with a hand mirror and Shaun gazed at his reflection. The left side of his face looked like ground beef. He shoved the mirror away in disgust.

“Let’s leave that open for the nurse,” the doctor murmured to Stacy and she got up to throw the gauze away. “Everything looks good, Shaun. I’m going to have Chad get those blood samples and then we’ll send in the nurse for your vitals.”

“When the fuck can I get something to eat?”

“You’re scheduled for an MRI at eleven. Let’s hold off until then.”

Shaun glowered unhappily. He was hungry.

“Don’t worry, we’ll have you right as rain in no time,” the doctor said, patting him on the leg. Shaun moved away, irritated, but he shouldn’t have bothered. The doctor stepped back and was quickly replaced by the other guy. Shaun didn’t even look at him. He held his arm out and waited impatiently for the blood to be drawn. He had no reaction to any part of the procedure. He ground his teeth and stared hatefully at the wall through the whole thing.

As soon as the doctors left, a big, bossy nurse with the name of Mary made her morning rounds. She was brisk and irritable. She put a new bandage on Shaun’s face, then did his vitals. Shaun was grumpy and untalkative.

When Shaun mentioned the bathroom Mary unhooked his IV and led him to the bathroom. He was angry and uncooperative when she insisted on holding his arm for support, but she didn’t give in and Shaun seriously had to piss, so he relented. He wasn’t stable on his feet, but he’d rather take the slip and fall she was so deathly concerned with if it would mean he could use the toilet on his own. But, with his options so severely limited, Shaun put up with the extra fuss, grumbling angrily under his breath as he did. Mary stood right outside the door while he did his business.

After she returned him to his bed and got the IV working, Mary turned on Shaun’s TV.

“I don’t want any funny business,” she said sternly from the foot of the bed. “You’re a flight risk and I’ll get the orderlies down here in an instant if you pull another trick like that. Watch your TV.”

Shaun glared at the screen. The news. He hated the news.

“Do you want some tea?”

“Coffee,” Shaun grumbled.

“Tea,” the nurse said. “That’s what your allowed.”

Shaun scowled at the news anchor on TV. “Then fucking forget it!”

Mary tisked and swept out of the room.

Shaun was angrily watching a broadcast about a local animal shelter when there was a knock at the door. He tensed, thinking it was another nurse, when it opened.

It was Jesse. Eli and Ruth were right behind him, but Shaun focused on the redhead.

“Oh my god,” Jesse whispered. His big blue eyes were filled with tears and his right arm was in a red cast with childish drawings, hearts, stars, flowers. “How do you feel, baby?”

Shaun blinked with shock. He hadn’t planned for this. He’d figured he’d at least get the next day or so to compose himself before he’d be faced with this.

Jesse stepped beside the bed and stood over Shaun. The tears were flowing now, but he was smiling. Jesus Christ, he was gorgeous. His soft pink lips trembled, and Shaun gazed at them, as a longing to taste grew inside of him. Jesse sat and laid his hand over Shaun’s. When he leaned in, Shaun had no desire to resist. He let Jesse kiss him.

Ruth cleared her throat and Jesse pulled back. He wiped his face and laughed. “Sorry. I was…worried about you.”

Shaun was silent.

“Maybe we should give them a minute alone,” Eli said to Ruth. The old woman looked like she was going to disagree, but Eli took her arm and tugged her to the door. “We’ll be in the hall. Take your time.” The door shut behind the old couple.

Jesse fell on Shaun the moment they were alone. “Fuck, Shaun! You were in a coma! For three days!” He climbed up on the bed and wrapped his arms around Shaun, burying his face against his chest. He started to sob. “I was so scared I was going to lose you!”

Shaun rubbed his back. “It was a medically induced coma, Jess. They were just making sure my brain wasn’t swollen or whatever.”

Jesse continued to sob. “Yeah, but…you looked terrible.”

Shaun sneered. “I look like shit right now. What are you talking about?”

Jesse lifted his head. “You’re beautiful,” he said intently, then he captured Shaun’s lips with his own. He pushed his tongue into Shaun’s mouth and moaned deep in his chest.

Shaun let it go on for a few moments. It felt good, like always, but his cock wasn’t responding like it usually did. He felt totally numb below the waist. All he could think about was how uncomfortable he was and how much he wanted to leave. His decision to break up with Jesse last night was pressing to the forefront of his mind, however. He couldn’t enjoy it. He didn’t respond to the desperate press of Jesse’s lips and his tongue. He was still and motionless in his arms.

Jesse pulled back. “What’s wrong? Am I hurting you?”

“We need to talk,” Shaun said gruffly.

Jesse sat up. “What do you mean?”

Shaun was miserable. He hadn’t slept well. He was incredibly sore. He cut right to the point. He wasn’t in the mood to beat around the bush. “I want to break up.”

Jesse sucked in a breath. Then he took another huge, noisy gasp of air. He was hyperventilating. He grabbed the edge of the bed. “You want to break up?”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “How the fuck are you this surprised?”

Jesse gaped at him. He took another huge, blustery breath of air and tears leaked from his big, blue eyes.

“You’re going to ruin my reputation,” Shaun snapped. “You promised you wouldn’t make a scene at the party, but that’s exactly what you did.”

“Shaun, I—”

“There’s no excuse!” Shaun yelled and his voice was hoarse. He cleared his throat and tried again. “You’re an idiot! Maybe if you’d stop running your mouth all the time, it wouldn’t be an issue, but you just can’t seem to fucking resist.”

Tears tracked across his cheeks. “I am stupid. I’ll admit it,” Jesse murmured.

Shaun snorted with amusement. “Good for you.”

“I wasn’t trying to start a scene,” Jesse whispered, looking down at his cast. “I was hoping one of the other guys would back me up. I wasn’t trying to out you!”

Shaun pressed his lips together. “I don’t know how Nicky knew your name, but she did. I must have mentioned it last time,” he grumbled. “But it doesn’t matter. I told you to let me handle it. I told you that.”

“I know, but—”

“Save it.” Shaun held up a hand. “Not interested.”

Jesse looked up with his big, tear-filled eyes. “Shaun, I love you.”

“And I love you, too,” Shaun snarled. “But I can’t love you anywhere outside the bedroom.”

Jesse opened his mouth. A miserable wailing sound came out. “You are so fucking mean!”

“You broke the rules again, Jesse,” Shaun said, shaking his head. “You’ve gotta go.”

Jesse stood up. He stepped backward. “You don’t mean it.”

Shaun glared at him heatedly. “Want to bet?”

“I don’t believe you,” Jesse said. He took another step back. He was halfway to the door. “You’ll be throwing pebbles at my window in a week.”

Shaun sighed. “If thinking that makes you happy, have at it.”

Jesse wiped his tears with the back of his hand.

“Just go,” Shaun huffed. “I want to be alone.”

Jesse finally made it to the door. He grabbed blindly for the handle. “The doctor says you’ll be out in a day or two. I’ll be waiting for you, asshole.”

Shaun sneered at him. “Don’t hold your breath.”

Jesse spun and flew out of the room. Ruth stepped through seconds after.

“What did you just do?” she asked, her eyes narrowing dangerously. “What did you say to that poor boy?”

“I broke up with him,” Shaun said casually.

Ruth gaped at him. “You did what?” Eli stepped through the door after her.

“Ruth—”

Ruth shrugged him off and marched into the room. “You little shit! You wrecked your car. Just like I thought you would.”

Shaun glared at her.

“It’s a total loss.”

“Figures,” Shaun sneered.

“Then, you bang yourself up and break your friend’s arm,” Ruth said, and her voice shook with emotion. “You were so close to killing yourself and that boy!”

Shaun folded his arms. “Yeah but I didn’t.” The tubes draped across his face and he swatted them away with a growl. “Lucky me, right?”

“I am so extremely disappointed in you,” Ruth said darkly. “I’m sure you were drinking. Again.”

“Oh, of course.” Shaun forced a smile onto his face. “You know me, Shaun the delinquent.”

Ruth balled her hands into fists. “You’re worse than a delinquent. You’re a mistake. I was wrong about you. You are totally heartless. There’s no hope for your soul.”

Shaun touched his wounded heart. “Ouch.”

Ruth threw her hands up in frustration. “I give up! I’m not going to waste my time.” She turned and stormed out of the room.

Eli was left standing by himself, gazing after his wife. He turned to Shaun. “Son, I’ve got to—”

“Go,” Shaun finished for him. “I understand.”

Eli smile sadly. “We’ll talk soon. Get some rest.” Then he hurried out to the hall.

Shaun stared blankly at the TV. The colors ran together as tears collected in the corners of his eyes. He blinked them back aggressively and rolled onto his side. He pushed his face into the pillow and curled in the fetal position. He stayed that way until they came for the MRI.

***

When they brought Shaun a cup of broth after the MRI he flipped the tray and ripped his IV out for the second time.

“That doctor said I could eat after the MRI!” he screamed at the little old lady with the soup on a tray. She had a dark blue uniform and a nametag that said Food Service.

“You haven’t been cleared for solids,” the lady squeaked. Shaun towered over her as blood squirted from the puncture on his arm. “Who was your doctor?”

Shaun narrowed his eyes to slits. “Some giant ape. Big, black hair, bushy beard.”

“Doctor Hamm.”

Shaun laughed darkly. “Go find the ham. I want a slice.”

The lady scurried out of the room.

Mary poked her head in the door as Shaun flopped on the bed with a huff. She frowned. “You did not just rip out your IV.”

Shaun glowered at her.

Mary briskly cleaned the blood and bandaged Shaun’s arm for a second time. She wasn’t gentle when she set up the third IV on the back of his right hand.

“This will hurt,” she said, “But we’re running out of veins on your arm.”

Shaun flinched when she pushed the butterfly needle under his skin. “Ouch!”

“I said it would hurt,” she said sharply.

Shaun glowered at his hand as Mary moved the needle under his skin. She got a flash of blood.

“Maybe you won’t do it a third time,” she muttered, pressing her lips into a thin, white line.

The big doctor came by an hour later. He read off Shaun’s test results in a loud, booming voice.

“There’s not much more we can do for you,” he said. “The fracture is set and the tissue damage isn’t as extensive as we initially thought. The MRI looks good. There’s minimal bruising. We’ll just need you to avoid overstimulating yourself. So no bright lights and loud noises.” He smiled. “I heard you’re in a band. I’m afraid you’ll have to take a break for a few weeks.”

“What?” Shaun huffed. “Fuck me.”

“I have high hopes for a fast recovery,” said Dr. Hamm. “I’ve cleared you for solids, as well. I’ll have the nurse bring you a menu.”

Shaun nodded. “So when can I go home.”

Dr. Hamm beamed at him. “I can confidently say you’re ready to go tomorrow afternoon.”

Shaun blinked at him. “Oh. Great.”

“Let’s get you back on stage, right away,” Dr. Hamm said. He patted Shaun’s leg again. “I’ll get you scheduled for a couple follow-up appointments and we’ll work on getting you some meds-to-go.”

“Cool.”

“Get some rest tonight,” Dr. Hamm said. “You’ve been through quite the ordeal.”

“Yeah.”

The doctor glanced at the TV. “You know, there’s a couple movie channels. You don’t have to watch the news.”

“I’m not watching it,” Shaun said boredly.

Hamm nodded. “Well, I’ll let you be then.” He stepped out of the room.

The nurse came in with a menu not long after. She waited with her arms crossed while he had a glance.

“Meatloaf. Mashed potatoes. Green beans,” he said. “And coffee. Black.”

Mary snatched the menu from him. “Right away, your majesty.”

Shaun ignored her. He was ready to eat, damnit!

He’d been waiting close to twenty minutes when there was a quick tap on the door. He sat up, expecting his food.

“Look who’s back from the dead,” Gretchen said as she stalked into the room, Ben hot on her heels.

“Wow, you look so much better than last time,” Ben said, stopping just behind Gretchen. He beamed at Shaun over her shoulder. “What’s up, man? How are you?”

Shaun started to answer, but Gretchen cut him off.

“Pfft. He was unconscious last time.” She crossed her arms and gave Shaun a ‘look’. “Wow, what an amazing fuck up. Great job.”

Shaun finished sitting up. He scowled at the girl. “If you’re here to lecture me, I already got an earful from my grandma.”

“Your grandma?” Gretchen cackled. “I bet she really handed it to you.”

“I met her a couple times,” Ben said. “She’s not really the knitting type…”

“Shut up,” Shaun snapped. “She loves to knit.”

“Oh.”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Whatever. I’m not here to lecture your stupid ass. I’m here to save you. Again.”

Shaun curled his lip. “From what?”

“We passed your shiny new Mustang on the way home. That’s how we found out you guys wrecked. Real nice,” Gretchen sneered. “It’s not so shiny anymore.”

Shaun avoided her piercing gaze. He scowled down at his scratchy white sheets.

“I’m asking you to move in with me,” Gretchen said, and Shaun raised his head. Gretchen was hiding a smile, and not very well either. “I’ve got an extra room and everything. Me and Ben were talking about it on the way over—”

“You guys came together?” Shaun asked. He shook his head disgustedly.

Gretchen glared at him. “You passed the test, asshole. I think you’re stupid as hell, but you’re alright. You’re not going to sell my TV for meth or slit my throat in the night. At least, I don’t think you will.”

Shaun blinked. “Uhhh…”

“Ben’s house is now off-limits, so we’re going to start practicing at my place full time,” Gretchen said casually. “If we’re still doing this Battle of the Bands thing, then we can’t afford to have you stuck in Bum-Fuck, Town for the next couple weeks without a car. We don’t have time for that shit.”

Shaun nodded. He agreed.

“I bet your guitar’s gone, too. Isn’t it?”

Shaun shrugged. He’d packed everything in the trunk like usual.

“Well, I’ve got a spare,” she said. “And I’m sick to death of you being off the grid all the time. I’ve got an old phone you can use. I’ll grab you a Sim card. We’ll get the family plan.”

Shaun stared at her for a long moment and then, slowly, he began to smile. “You’re serious?”

Gretchen inclined her head. “Dead serious.”

The corners of Shaun’s eyes filled with tears. He pushed the sheets aside and pulled himself out of bed.

Gretchen took a step back. “What are you doing?” She bumped into Ben and her eyes widened. “Move, Ben!”

Shaun staggered closer. He stretched his arms out. “I’m trying to give you a hug! Get the fuck over here!”

Ben chuckled. He nudged Gretchen forward and Shaun reached the limit of the IV. The cord tugged painfully on the delicate skin at the back of his hand. “C’mere, Gretch,” he growled. He wiped his teary face with his left arm. “I can’t go any further.”

Gretchen huffed. She stepped closer and let Shaun enclose her in a bear hug. He buried his face in her hair. It smelled like a rainforest and he laughed, because, he liked it and maybe he’d get to try her shampoo sometime. He lifted her up and squeezed her tight. “Thank you, Gretchen! You’re such a bitch, thank you!”

Gretchen swatted him on the back. “Let go, you ogre! You’re crushing me!”

Shaun set the tiny girl on her feet. He grinned at her as tears rolled down his cheeks. “You have no idea how much this means to me.”

Gretchen smirked. “I’ve got an idea.”

There was another knock on the door. Mary pushed the door open, her eyebrow quirked suspiciously. “What’s going on in here?” She had a cart behind her and there was a tray with a covered dome and a Styrofoam cup of coffee.

Shaun moved back to the bed as he gazed at his food. His mouth was watering.

Mary wheeled the cart into the room. She glared at Ben and Gretchen, who promptly got out of her way. “Visiting hours are over in 40 minutes.”

“We know,” Gretchen huffed.

Mary pushed the cart beside the bed. She rested her hands on her hips and looked around. “Where the heck is the tray?”

“I don’t need a tray,” Shaun said as he scooted closer to the cart. He plucked the dome off his plate of food. The meatloaf was steaming hot, the potatoes were fluffy and drowning in gravy, and even the green beans looked alright. “Wow. Thanks.” He grabbed the fork next to the plate and tore into the meat. “Is ‘ood,” he mumbled around his mouthful.

Gretchen snorted with amusement. She grabbed a visitor chair across the room and dragged it closer to the bed. She fell into it gracefully, crossed her leg over her knee, and bounced her booted foot. “Thanks for all the help.” She smiled sarcastically and waggled her fingers at the nurse. “Nice to meet you and everything, but we’re visiting. So…”

Mary’s expression darkened. She swept out of the room without a word.

“When the fuck are you getting out of here?” Gretchen sneered.

“Tomorrow,” Shaun grumbled. He hunched over his food and shoveled it in. He hadn’t eaten in days, and it felt like it.

“Cool. Then me and Ben will get started clearing out that room upstairs. We’ll find you a bed and some other junk. We’ll get you all set up, Pretty Boy.”

Shaun grinned at her. “The sooner the better. I can’t wait to get out of my grandparent’s place.”

Ben perched his narrow ass on Gretchen’s armrest. “What about Jesse?”

“Don’t worry about him,” Shaun said as he scooped another large bite into his mouth.

Ben frowned. “That’s not exactly what I meant.”

Shaun kept eating. He didn’t want to talk about Jesse.

Gretchen narrowed her eyes distrustfully. “What the fuck happened at the party?” she asked. “Jesse wouldn’t say.”

“When did you see him last?” Shaun asked casually.

“Yesterday. We went by to get an update.”

Shaun nodded. They didn’t know about the breakup yet.

“What happened?” Gretchen asked again. “The party broke down after you guys ran out. Everyone started leaving.”

“I don’t remember.” Shaun said with a shrug. “Another stupid argument.”

“I don’t believe you.” Gretchen pursed her lips. “I’m going to text him.”

Shaun’s shoulders tensed up. “Go for it.” He stuffed another bite in his mouth.

“Are you going to let him move in, too?” Ben asked. “What about his kid?”

Gretchen tugged her lip ring thoughtfully. “I don’t know. My house isn’t exactly kid proof.”

“Don’t worry about it,” Shaun said again. “He wants to go back to school in the fall. He won’t want to come.”

Gretchen looked up at Ben. “I think I remember him mentioning something about that.”

“We’re not leaving him behind,” Ben said kindly. “We’ve got cars. We can pick him up whenever he wants.”

“He can stay over on the weekends,” Gretchen offered.

“There you go,” Shaun said. “Problem solved.”

“Did he come see you this morning?” Gretchen asked. “He said he was getting a ride with your grandparents.”

Shaun nodded. He scraped the last of his potatoes off his plate and licked the fork. “They were here earlier.”

“He was so goddamn worried,” Gretchen said. “That kid’s over the moon for you.”

Ben beamed. “It’s really sweet. I haven’t been in love like that since I was a kid.”

“They are kids,” Gretchen chuckled. She smiled fondly at Shaun. “Stupid kids.”

Ben and Gretchen stayed until visiting hours were over. Ben disappeared for a couple minutes and returned with an armload of snacks from the vending machine. They tore the snacks open on Shaun’s dinner cart and ate junk food while they watched the six o’clock news.

The suspects are part of a larger trafficking ring that we’ve been investigating for some time. They use a variety of methods, such as the two men we have in custody, to bring large amounts of narcotics over the boarder and into our neighborhoods. The two suspects are currently under extensive investigation as we seek to find the leaders of their organization.

“Crime rings in Bum-Fuck, Town,” Gretchen said with a laugh. “Who would have thought.”

“It’s breaking news,” Shaun said. “They’ve been running it all day. And that dumb story about the animal shelter, too.”

Gretchen’s eyes got big and mopey. “What about the animal shelter?”

Shaun snorted. “Free vaccinations to raise awareness.”

“I should get another kitty,” Gretchen mused.

“Not if I’m moving in,” Shaun grumbled.

Gretchen gave him the finger.

“So,” Ben spoke up. “How long of a break are you taking?”

Shaun waved him off. “Oh, fuck them. They don’t know shit. I’ll be back on-stage next week.”

Gretchen shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

Shaun frowned. “And why not?”

“Because you’ll have a fucking seizure,” Gretchen said. “That’ll look really sexy. You. Thrashing on stage. Foaming at the mouth.”

Shaun snarled at her. “That’s not going to happen.”

“Give it three weeks,” Gretchen said. “Besides. I already canceled our next show.”

“What!”

Gretchen stared Shaun down until he dropped his head in shame. His face burned with it. “Let me handle the big decisions. You’re thinking is impaired.”

Shaun grumbled under his breath.

“Shut up,” Gretchen snapped. “Stop complaining. Go home tomorrow and start packing. Think about that. You’re moving out. This is a good thing.”

“I didn’t say it wasn’t,” Shaun muttered.

“Concentrate on that. Three weeks will fly by and we’ll get back on track.”

Shaun huffed.

Ben checked his phone. “We’ve got five minutes.”

“We’d better go,” Gretchen said. “Before that lovely nurse calls security.”

Shaun watched them get up. He really didn’t want them to go.

“Thanks,” he grumbled under his breath. Gretchen paused and Ben looked over his shoulder at him. “For coming,” Shaun continued, avoiding their eyes. “I honestly didn’t think you would care.”

Gretchen stepped up to the bed and hooked his chin with a finger. “I love you, Shaun. You’re like the dumb little brother I never wanted.”

Shaun frowned.

“Don’t ever repeat that. I’m a cold, heartless bitch,” Gretchen said with a wink. She leaned down and pressed a kiss to his forehead. “You almost died. All of us were out in the waiting room, Shaun. Jesse, your grandparents…Me, Ben, even Harry was here for a couple hours,” she said with a smile. “All of us care about you and Jesse’s in love with you. You don’t deserve it, but you’ve got a whole bunch of people looking out for you.”

Shaun gazed at her in disbelief.

A single tear tracked down Gretchen’s cheek and a whole bunch of mascara went with it. “I know you don’t believe me. But just do it. You’ve got a whole fan club and I’m not even talking about the band shit.”

Shaun let out a breath he hadn’t even known he’d been holding and started to respond.

“Don’t say anything,” Gretchen said quickly. “You’ll ruin it.”

Shaun pressed his lips together. She was probably right.

“Catch you later, dude,” Ben said. “Love you, man.”

Shaun watched his friends go in a daze. Mary ducked into the room not long after for his vitals.

“It’s almost shift change,” she muttered as she secured the pressure cuff around his bicep. It started to inflate. “I’m off tomorrow, so this is the last time you’ll see me.”

“Too bad,” Shaun drawled. “And we were just starting to hit it off.”

“That’s what I was thinking,” she said. “You were such a wonderful patient.”

Shaun snorted.

***

When the news ended and the theme song for a popular sitcom blared from the TVs inferior speakers, Shaun found the remote and turned it off. He’d been awake all day, staring at the walls, desperate to leave, but trying not to think about what was going to happen when it was time to go.

Maybe he’d overreacted. Maybe his reputation wasn’t trashed. Maybe he’d jumped to conclusions before he had the facts…

“No,” Shaun murmured into the silence of the room. He wasn’t wrong. Jesse, sweet, beautiful Jesse, was a free-spirit. He was happy and bubbly and bright. He couldn’t follow the rules because he followed his heart, instead. Shaun understood his desire to rebel, but, at the same time, he didn’t. Shaun had lived his life behind walls. He liked boundaries. But Jesse came in with his bulldozer and wrecked everything Shaun had worked his whole life to build. Firm boundaries between himself and the harsh realities of the world. Jesse wanted to be open and Shaun just wanted to shut every door and every window and board them up tight.

They were too different.

There was a knock at the door. Shaun looked up.

“Hello, Shaun.” It was Cliff and his smile was devastating. “How are you doing tonight?”

“Not bad,” Shaun said neutrally. “I’m going home in the morning.”

“I saw that on your chart,” Cliff said. “I’m sure Jesse’s elated.”

“Oh. Yeah.”

Erin breezed through the door behind the doctor. He had mint green on today. He smiled at Shaun. “Evening.”

Shaun silently watched him walk to the back counter. He gathered supplies on a metal tray.

“What’s your pain level?” Cliff asked.

Shaun gave the doctor a serious look. “What do I have to say to get another sedative?”

“How about some Trazodone.” Cliff chuckled. “That’ll make you sleepy.”

Shaun grumbled disagreeably.

“Erin is going to take you off the IV,” Cliff said cheerfully. “You’re all done with the fluids.”

Shaun sat up as Erin approached the side of the bed. “Oh, well, that’s good then.”

“I’ll get out of your hair,” Cliff said as Erin pulled the medical tape away from the IV. “It was nice meeting you, Shaun. Erin’s your man if you need anything.”

“Cool.”

Cliff turned and headed for the door. “Maybe I’ll see you around the house some time,” he said over his shoulder.

Shaun watched him go. He had a whole new opinion of the man. Monica was the rotten egg. It had always been her.

“So, he’s Jesse’s step-dad?” Erin asked as he pressed a square of gauze to the injection site. Slowly, he withdrew the tiny catheter and tossed it on the tray. He held the gauze for a moment, then taped it down securely.

“He’s just the boyfriend,” Shaun said.

Erin nodded. “Do you want to get a shower before I give you that Trazodone?” He smiled. “You’re free now.”

Shaun flexed his right hand as he considered.

“You’d have a better time showering with me,” Erin said coyly. “As opposed to Nurse Mary.”

Shaun scowled. “That lady was a cunt.”

“What did I tell you?”

“She’s not here tomorrow,” Shaun said smugly. “It’s her day off.”

“Oh, even better. You’ll get Rose-anne.”

Shaun glowered. “Fine. And what am I supposed to wear when I’m done?”

“Another gown,” Erin said. “I’m sure your grandparents will bring you a change of clothes in the morning.”

Shaun huffed. He swung his legs to the edge of the bed. “Alright. Let’s go.”

Erin led Shaun down the hall to the showers. It was slow going. He held his arm out for Shaun to lean on, but he kept his distance for the most part and let Shaun limp along on his own.

“Fuck,” Shaun cursed. “My leg hurts.”

Erin watched him with concern. “I wish you’d let me get a wheelchair.”

“I don’t want a wheelchair.”

They stopped in front of a narrow door with a Vacant sign. Erin pushed it open and Shaun stepped into a tiled room with a wooden bench three feet from the door. The shower was in the recessed stall to the left. There was a large drain on the floor, a metal shower head fixed to the ceiling, and a grey, plastic shower curtain.

“Have a seat. I have to get something to cover your bandages.”

Shaun sat on the bench as Erin vanished down the hall. He waited impatiently, drumming his fingers along the worn wood.

Erin returned with armfuls of towels. There was another hospital gown, a set of PJ pants, and a big plastic trash bag on top.

Shaun frowned. “Am I supposed to wear that on my leg?”

“Yes,” Erin said. He set his armload on the end of the bench. “Then we can wash your leg separately.”

Shaun frowned.

“It’s the easiest way to go about it,” Erin said. “You’ll have to do something similar at home.”

“I’m taking this shit off the second I get in the car,” Shaun muttered. He plucked the bit of gauze from the back of his hand. “Ow.” The medical tape ripped some of his hairs. He went on to the next one, the bandage Mary had put on his forearm earlier and he pulled it off aggressively. “Ow!”

Erin tutted. “You’re a glutton for punishment. Aren’t you?”

Shaun tore the last one off, in the crook of his arm. “Fuck! Why did you fuckers put so much tape on me!”

Erin planted his hands on his hips. “You could have waited until you were under the water. It would have been a lot less painful.”

“I like pain,” Shaun hissed. “But ripping my arm hairs out? That’s a new low, even for me.”

Erin frowned.

Shaun stood and ripped the gown over his head. Then he reached back and pulled the tie holding his hair up. It fell around his face in greasy waves. Erin was starting to smile. Shaun smirked back. “I’m single now,” he said, as he hooked his thumbs into his waistband and shoved the hospital pants down to his knees. They slid the rest of the way on their own and pooled at his feet. He was completely naked. “I broke it off with Jesse today. He was dead weight.”

Erin quirked an eyebrow. “Wow. That was harsh.”

Shaun stepped into the shower. There was a faucet on the wall. He twisted the lever and the water shot out of the shower head. He stepped under the spray. “Fuuuuck…” he moaned as wonderful, hot water poured over his head and cascaded over his naked body.

Erin stuck his head in the stall. “Shaun, your bandage—” He looked down, at Shaun’s saturated bandaging, and his lips turned down at the corners. “You’re only making my job harder.”

“Sucks to be you,” Shaun snickered. The bandage fell away from his face and he chucked the wad of gauze at the wall. The water coursed through his hair. “Shit, this was such a good idea.”

Erin gazed at Shaun without reservation. His eyes moved up and down his body with appreciation. “Why did you break-up with that sweet kid?”

“Like I said,” Shaun said as he scratched his fingers across his scalp. His eyes closed as the water flowed down his back. He sighed contentedly. “Dead weight.”

“And what does that mean?” Erin crossed his arms and leaned comfortably in the doorway.

“It means that he’s holding me back.”

“Hmm.”

Shaun opened one of his dark eyes. Erin was starting to get hard. The scrubs had a lot of give. It was obvious. Shaun smirked. “Enjoying the show?”

“Yes. Very much,” Erin smiled. “Do you mind?”

“Not really.”

Erin reached for the bench. He tossed a little white bar at Shaun.

“Soap?” Shaun caught it with a single hand. “Where’s my washcloth?”

Erin smiled, but he made no move to get the requested cloth.

Shaun snorted. “Whatever.” He lathered the bar between his hands and ran it under his arms.

“I would absolutely love to fuck you right now,” Erin said casually. “But I have a feeling you’ll be back with that kid before too long. It doesn’t seem right.”

Shaun shrugged. His cock was starting to get aroused, as well. He soaped up his chest as it grew heavy between his thighs. “Your loss. I’m done with him.”

Erin tisked. “Nothing you’ve said so far has convinced me you split up for valid reasons.”

“If you insist,” Shaun sighed. “I’ll give you the short version.”

Erin stared at his cock as the fat head filled with blood.

“I’m a musician. It’s what I do,” Shaun said in a deep voice. “I’m trying to create an image for myself and my band and Jesse is directly interfering with that process.”

“I’m not sure what you mean. What kind of image?”

“A not gay one,” Shaun sneered.

“So you’re going to stay in the closet for the rest of your life?”

“Yup.”

Erin shook his head. “I could never do that. I’ve been out since I was twelve years old.”

“Wow, what an enormous fag,” Shaun chuckled. He slowly soaped his stomach. He brushed the shaft with his forearm as he worked his way lower. “You’re a bottom, right?”

Erin licked his lips. He was fully hard. “I’m versatile.”

“What?”

“I do both.”

Shaun fisted his cock with a hiss. It was half hard, but as he stroked the slick length, it quickly grew to its full size. “I fuck,” he said. “Nobody touches my ass.”

“I could convince you,” Erin said with a sweet smile. “I’d work your asshole with my tongue and my fingers until you were begging for release. Then I’d enter you, slowly, and fuck your ass until we both came.”

Shaun flushed all over with the image. He’d never allow himself to be that vulnerable, but for some reason the idea made his cock jerk with interest.

“But then I’d lose my job,” Erin said with a laugh. “And as much as I’d love to pound a smile on that grumpy face of yours, I’m positive you and Jesse will work out your differences.”

Shaun let go of his dick. “What the fuck makes you say that?”

“When you were in your coma, you cried for him,” Erin said softly. “You cried for him for three days straight.”

Shaun sneered at him. “Yeah. Whatever.”

Erin stepped out of the shower.

“What the fuck!” Shaun heard the outer door slam shut. The shower curtain rippled in the sudden gust of air. Shaun glared after the nurse.

He finished his shower in minutes. His erection faded away. He wasn’t interested anymore.

***

Erin didn’t return until Shaun was out of the shower and was seated on the bench with a towel around his waist. He picked absently at the gauze on his thigh while he waited.

“Stop,” Erin chided as he bustled into the room. “I’ll handle it when we get back to the room.”

Shaun made a face. “How am I supposed to get dressed with this wet shit on my leg?”

Erin draped the hospital gown over his head. “Keep the towel on. You can hop in the pants after I rebandage your leg.” He gestured over his shoulder, into the hall. There was a fucking wheelchair. “I know your highly against the idea, but I promise you. We’ll be back to your room in thirty seconds and nobody ever has to know.”

Shaun huffed, but he wasn’t in the mood to make the limp down the hall. He pulled his hair back with the tie, then yanked the hospital gown over his head. He got up and approached the wheelchair. He spun and fell back with a sigh.

Erin smiled at him. He grabbed the last of the bath supplies from the bench and dumped everything in Shaun’s lap. He squeezed past and turned the chair down the hall. “Hold on, here we go.”

The wheelchair glided down the hall. Shaun dropped his chin in his hand and glared at the nurses’ station as they passed. A plump blond woman met his gaze. Her eyes narrowed.

They got back to the room in thirty-five seconds. Shaun counted. Erin helped him out of the chair and Shaun sat heavily on the edge of his bed.

Erin was all business like. He went to the supply counter along the back wall and gathered some gauze and tape on the tray. When he returned, he knelt at Shaun’s feet and began to carefully remove the gauze wound around his thigh.

“Did that really just happen?” Shaun asked as the incision on his thigh was revealed. “I was naked and hard in the shower and you turned me down?”

Erin chuckled. “Shaun, you have an incredibly off-putting personality.”

Shaun scoffed. “Thanks.”

Erin smiled. “Despite your rather…disconcerting demeanor, you are physically attractive. You’re sexy, mysterious and your boyfriend says you’re excellent in bed.”

Shaun lifted his head. “Yeah?”

“But you’re off limits. I must have talked to your lover for two hours straight about the complexities of your relationship.”

Shaun glowered at him. “Are you serious?”

Erin met his gaze. His blue eyes were hard with emotion. “That poor kid has nobody to talk to,” he said. “He feels like he’s completely alone. He knew you were going to be upset with him. We spent half the conversation discussing his options for how to handle you.”

“Yeah, well, nobody talked to me about my options,” Shaun sneered.

Erin applied some clear gel to the incision. He paused, then he started to apply the antibiotic to Shaun’s self-inflicted cut, on the outer edge of his thigh. “He mentioned you’re a cutter. Is this some of your handiwork?”

“Yep!” Shaun gnashed his teeth at the nurse. “What do you think? I’m a pro with a knife.”

“I think you have a mental disturbance,” Erin said neutrally. He finished with the gel and selected a thick roll of gauze. “And I’d recommend you seek treatment for your own well-being. But I have a feeling you’re not going to listen to me.”

“Damned right.”

Erin wrapped the gauze around Shaun’s thigh. Over and over.

“That’s enough,” Shaun hissed. “I’m going to cut it off the second I’m out of here.”

“I wonder what would happen if you gave yourself time to heal,” Erin mused. “Your lack of self-concern is deeply troubling.”

“Oh my God!” Shaun cried. “What is this? A one-person-intervention?!”

“No, but I realize you’ve got a habit of giving into your self-destructive tendencies. If you leave Jesse behind for your career, if you think denying your sexuality is going to make you happy, then you’re wrong.”

Shaun brushed Erin’s hands away as he finished with the tape. He snatched the pants off the wheelchair and stood so he loomed over the kneeling nurse. He pulled his gown up and ripped the towel off. Erin looked up at him and his eyes crossed. He was inches from Shaun’s fat cock. He wetted his soft, fuckable lips and then stood so he was at eye-level again. A slow smile stretched across his face.

“Stop tempting me,” he said, his tone laden with amusement. “I already decided I’m going to pass. You’re being a jerk now.”

Shaun sneered at him as he stuffed his legs into his pants and pulled them up to his waist. He let the gown drop back to its rightful place. “Fuck you. Take my blood pressure or whatever and leave me alone. I’m done with this conversation. I’m done with this place…”

Erin sighed. He gently touched Shaun’s shoulder and he wrenched away violently.

“Stop patting me!” Shaun roared. “And consoling me! I’m fine! I don’t need all this fucking help!”

Erin pressed his lips together. “Shaun—”

“And stop giving me advice!” he yelled, and his voice broke. He cleared his throat aggressively and started again. “Stop telling me what to fucking do! Nobody is in charge of me! This is my life!”

Erin took a seat in the wheelchair. He leaned back casually and crossed his legs.

Shaun trembled with rage. His hands balled into fists at his sides. “What the fuck are you doing?!”

“Watching the performance. You’re quite the showman,” Erin said with a smile.

Shaun growled like a bear.

“We don’t need to do the vitals tonight,” Erin continued. “I can fudge the charts.”

Shaun sat back on the bed. He let out an enormous whoosh of air.

“Let me get you that Trazodone,” Erin murmured. He got up and stepped out of the room.

Erin was gone for some time and Shaun’s breathing got calm and even again as he waited. The nurse came in silently, with a tiny medicine cup and a bottle of water. Shaun raised his head to watch him approach.

Erin held out the medicine cup. “It’s not as strong as the morphine and the sedatives, but it’ll help,” he said kindly.

Shaun took the tiny cup from him and knocked the pills into the back of his throat. He swallowed without the water. He pushed it away when it was offered.

“I’m waiting for booze,” he said smugly. “I’m moving into my drummer’s place when I get out of here. We’ll probably be drinking and smoking dope for the next two weeks straight.”

“Mmm.” Erin set the water beside the bed. “That’ll be conducive for your health.”

“I don’t care about my health.”

Erin rolled his eyes. “What a ridiculous idea. To love yourself enough to take care of your mind and your physical health.”

Shaun laughed at him.

Erin shook his head. “What’s so funny?”

“I don’t love myself,” Shaun said darkly. “I don’t love anybody.”

“You have to learn to love yourself before you can truly love another person. That’s your problem.” Erin’s eyes looked very sad. “Jesse loves you so much. But I don’t think that’s ever going to be enough for you.”

Shaun threw himself back on his pillow. “Goodnight,” he said gruffly, rolling onto his side, showing Erin his back.

“You and Jesse are two of the loneliest people I’ve ever met.”

“I already told you,” Shaun grumbled. “I’m done with this conversation.”

Erin was quiet. Shaun was surprised when the lights dimmed and Erin spoke again, from the door.

“I’m going to let you sleep tonight. I won’t wake you.”

“Hmmph.” Shaun pulled his shoulders into himself.

“I genuinely enjoyed being your nurse, Shaun,” Erin said softly, and Shaun glanced at him over his shoulder. Erin stood in the doorway, his figure cast in shadow. “It was a challenge,” he said with a chuckle.

“You were one of the better nurses I’ve had,” Shaun said stiffly. “And you almost gave me a blowjob. That was new.”

“No, baby,” Erin said sweetly. “I was going to fuck your virgin ass in the shower.”

Shaun scowled. “I. Don’t. Bottom.”

“You should try it sometime,” Erin said offhandedly. “I’m sure Jesse would like a turn fucking you for once. Have you ever even asked?”

Shaun rolled back to face the wall. “Go away, faggot.”

Erin left without another word. He shut the door softly behind him and the room was thrown into darkness.

***

 

It was past eleven when Ruth and Eli arrived to pick him up.

Ruth handed Shaun his backpack from school. “Change of clothes,” she said shortly, avoiding his eyes.

Shaun snatched the bag from her and limped into the bathroom. He spent the next few minutes struggling into his jeans. The gauze around his thigh made them a tight fit. He stuffed his feet into his boots, flung the gown on the floor, and pulled on his t-shirt.

Fuck, he was so relieved to be in some actual clothes.

When he stepped back into the room, Ruth and Eli were talking with Dr. Hamm. Ruth turned as he approached. Her lips were pursed, and Shaun braced himself for the coming onslaught.

“Did you hear that, Shaun? No bright lights or loud noises. How on earth are you going to cope?”

Shaun curled his lip. “I’m going to do whatever the fuck I want. When I want. However I want.”

Ruth’s expression darkened.

Eli clutched her shoulder. “Ruthie…”

“I’ve had it up to here with your disrespect,” Ruth said, shrugging Eli off without a glance. Dr. Hamm stepped back and watched the scene with concern. Eli stuck his hands in his pockets and waited. “We do everything for you. And you treat us like your dirty doormat.”

“That’s because you are,” Shaun snapped. “I’m only staying with you losers until I can get enough money together for my own place. I’m not going back to school, grandma. I’m going to be a rock star.”

Ruth’s eyes narrowed to slits. “I don’t even want to call you kin anymore. You are such an embarrassment to me.”

Shaun balled his hands into fists. “I’m moving out,” he said. “Today.”

“I think it’s for the best,” Ruth hissed.

“Well, okay, then,” Dr. Hamm said nervously. Shaun cut the doctor a look. He was edging toward the door. “I’ve given the care instructions to your grandparents. It was great working with you, Shaun.” Dr. Hamm ducked out of the room.

Ruth swept out the door after him. Shaun could hear her heels clicking down the hall.

Eli cleared his throat.

“Don’t say anything,” Shaun snapped. “And I’m gonna need a ride to my friend’s house after this.”

Eli nodded.

Shaun and his grandfather walked down the hall. Neither the doctor or Ruth were in sight and Eli got turned around immediately and couldn’t remember where the exit was. The hospital was old and the layout confusing. After fifteen minutes of limping down long, empty corridors, they found themselves in the stairwell on the opposite side of the building.

“Fuck!” Shaun shouted in frustration and the sound echoed in the narrow, concrete room. “My goddamn leg!”

Eli looked at him with concern. “Let’s take a minute to collect ourselves.” He sat on the top step and tugged Shaun down beside him. Shaun huffed as he fell onto the step beside his grandfather. The careless move sent a shockwave of pain through his skull.

“Ooooh, shit!” he groaned, clutching his head. “Where are those fucking painkillers they gave me?”

“In your grandmother’s purse,” Eli chuckled.

Shaun sighed. “Figures.”

Eli looked at him for a long moment. “You’re dropping out of school?”

“You wanted me to get to senior year, well, here we are.” Shaun dropped his face in his hands and started to sob. “I’m such an enormous loser!”

Eli put his arm around Shaun’s shoulders as they shook with the force of his cries.

“I just want to play my music! That’s all!” Shaun wept. “I don’t want to do anything else. It’s what I’m good at and it makes me feel good, too! What’s wrong with that? Everything else I like is so fucked up!”

Eli rubbed him warmly. “Shaun, I’ve never discouraged you from following your dreams.”

“I think grandma hated that guitar the second I picked it up,” Shaun sneered. “Because it wasn’t Jesus, or knitting—”

“Shaun, she understands you aren’t interested in the same things she is.”

Shaun pulled away from the old man with a humorless laugh. “I don’t think she does.”

“I still want to come to one of your shows,” Eli said, trying to cheer him up. “I won’t wait to be invited. I’ll just show up one time.”

“That’ll be great surprise,” Shaun sneered. “I can’t wait.”

Eli laughed.

They sat there together for a few moments. One of the doors overhead opened and a couple nurses skirted down the stairs. They looked curiously at Shaun and his grandpa as they passed. Shaun glared after them.

“Come on,” he grumbled, standing as the nurses passed. “Let’s get out of here.”

Shaun and Eli found their way down to the main floor and exited through a side door. The parking lot wasn’t that big, and they found the car, Ruth inside, after a couple minutes of walking.

“I thought I locked the door,” Eli muttered as they approached. He rounded the car and slid smoothly behind the wheel. “How did you get in?” he asked Ruth.

Ruth jerked a thumb over her shoulder and Shaun followed it to the backseat. The little panel on the passenger window had been smashed. Ruth had obviously popped the lock.

Emotionlessly, Eli looked over his shoulder at the shattered glass on the backseat. “Oh. That would do it.”

“I don’t know what took the two of you so long, but I had to sit,” Ruth grumbled. She glared in the rear view mirror as Shaun opened the back door and casually brushed the glass onto the floor. “You probably thought you were punishing me.”

“We got lost,” Shaun said, climbing in and sitting gingerly against the door. “It was nothing personal.”

“Pfft.” Ruth tisked. “Like I believe that.”

Shaun glared at the back of the old woman’s head, but he bit his lip and kept silent. He was getting everything he wanted today. He really should just enjoy the moment. He was finally leaving this hell hole of a hospital, and better yet, he was leaving his grandparent’s house, too, all in one fell swoop.

As Eli murmured platitudes to the old woman and started the car, Shaun leaned back in his seat and tried to get comfortable. Now that he was free of Jesse, Shaun was looking at his situation in a whole new light. This was a chance at a fresh new start… he was excited, and also, sad...

Eli made a big show out of avoiding the highway on the way back to Hallettsville, but no one seemed to care. He took the back roads, going close to 65 mph, so luckily, they made up for lost time.

Ruth glared out the window as they bumped along. She had her purse clutched to her large bosom and a scowl on her face. It was obvious she was itching to get out of the car, and away from Shaun.

Shaun ignored her totally, though. He let the breeze from the broken window blow into his face and play through his hair. The air was hot and dry, and it almost felt like fingers caressed his skin. In a weird sort of mood, Shaun shut his eyes as they passed through long fields of corn. The sun cut through the yellow leaves and cast a red glare across his face and almost eagerly, random images flashed through his mind, teasing him with their comfortable familiarity… First, an image of Jesse’s red hair manifested itself. The long, soft auburn locks slid sensuously through Shaun’s imagination. That led to him thinking about Jesse’s plush, red lips, next, then his hot, red tongue. Shaun licked his own lips as he imagined Jesse’s sweet, sweet red blood trickling out of him and pooling in the hallow space of his navel…

Shaun opened his eyes immediately. No. No more fantasies about boys and blood. That shit was so off limits.

Uncomfortable, he slid to the middle seat and looked through the windshield. Luckily, they were finally getting close to the house. He already had a game plan in mind. He’d go in, grab a couple trash bags, and quickly pack his clothes. There wasn’t much else he wanted. He balled his hands on his thighs and waited on the edge of his seat as the house grew nearer.

“Here we are,” Eli said as they pulled into the drive. “Home sweet home.”

Ruth made an unhappy sound and reached for the door handle. “I just want to get inside.”

“Wait until I’ve stopped, please,” Eli sang, then pulled up behind Ruth’s van and parked against the bumper.

Ruth jumped from the car the moment it stopped and bustled for the front door. She paused when she reached the porch and looked over her shoulder, towards Jesse’s house, then she turned and shouldered her way into the house.

“Need any help packing?” Eli asked.

“No,” Shaun said, then he slid to the door and pushed it open with a sigh. “Just wait for me. I’ll be out in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” Eli said. “I’ll be here.”

Shaun limped to the front porch, and leaned heavily on the railing as he took the two stairs. He was slow moving, and it sucked.

When he reached the front door, he couldn’t help himself. He turned and looked towards Jesse’s house, too.

Jesse stood motionless across the yard with a large plastic ball under his left arm. The right was casted still, and it hung useless by his side. Unfortunately, he wasn’t alone. Like usual, Brian and the twin terrors ran around him ceaselessly, like irritating little gnats. Even Sam was there, and the teen sat off to the side, in the grass, with baby Lissa in his lap.

Reluctantly, totally against his will, Shaun met Jesse’s blue eyes and an electric jolt of attraction for the other boy lanced through his heart. Everything fell away, the other kids, Eli, Ruth stewing in the house, and time stood still while they studied each other.

Jesse looked so beautiful and helpless, standing there alone in the field. Shaun wanted more than anything to stalk through the grass and to embrace him. He could see himself closing the distance between them in the back of his mind. He’d clutch Jesse flush to his body, tilt his head back aggressively, and claim his mouth in a hard kiss that left them both breathless…He could almost taste Jesse on his lips, and Shaun shook his head, hard, to force the stupid, worthless fantasy away.

With a huff, Shaun turned sharply on his heel and flew into the house.

Inside, Ruth stood in the middle of the kitchen, waiting with her arms crossed. Shaun paused just inside the door and ground his teeth together.

“What?”

Ruth reached into her purse and pulled some pill bottles out of the main compartment. “This is the last time I’ll ever help you,” she said, setting the bottles on the counter. “You’re so ungrateful. You deserve nothing but pain and misery.”

“Wow, thanks grandma,” Shaun sneered. “Any other well wishes before I leave? You’d better get them in now, because I’m never coming back.”

“You’d better not.” Ruth’s nostrils flared. “I wouldn’t take you in, even if you begged.”

“Like I’d ever do something that pathetic,” Shaun grumbled.

Ruth lifted her chin. “What was that?”

“Nothing.”

Ruth planted her hands on her hips. “I’m going to change into my gardening clothes. I’ll be in my room for five minutes.” Her eyes flashed. “I want you out of my house before I come out again.”

“Fine,” Shaun said sharply. “I’m not taking much anyway. Everything here is shit.”

Ruth bristled. “Five minutes, Shaun.” She turned and swept out of the room.

Shaun stood his ground until Ruth’s door slammed at the end of the hall, then he jumped into action, grabbing some trash bags under the sink and then hurrying down the hall.

“Aww, fuck!” he cursed as he reached his room. He’d moved wrong, and he’d twisted the stitches on his leg. He looked down and wasn’t at all surprised to see he was bleeding through his jeans.

Shaun ignored it. He limped into his room and started with the closet. He ripped everything off the hangers and stuffed handfuls of clothes into the bags. He went at it in a blind frenzy until he had two and a half bags filled.

He dragged himself around the room next. He found his notebook, his CD player, and a couple DVDs, but that was it for this room. Memories flooded his mind as he looked around one last time. Tears pricked the corners of his eyes but then he blinked a few times and the pesky things dried up. It was finally time. He was ready to leave this place. Once and for all.

Before he left the house, Shaun slipped into the bathroom, bags rustling behind him, and took the few toiletries he owned. He stole his grandma’s frizz controller, too, and didn’t feel the least bit bad about it.

Shaun carried everything down the hall. “I’m leaving!” he yelled over his shoulder, for Ruth’s benefit, then he stepped into the kitchen, grabbed his medication from the counter and with one last deep breath, he hauled his shit out of the house.

On the porch, Shaun and Jesse met eyes again. Jesse was standing next to Sam now, talking in a low voice, but he straightened when he saw Shaun carrying bags out of the house.

Shaun sneered and looked away. It was pretty obvious he was moving out and he felt guilty having Jesse’s eyes on him. He stepped off the porch, and Jesse and his brother disappeared behind the garage.

“Is that everything?” Eli asked when Shaun opened the back door to store his belongings.

“I can’t take a gun with me, but yeah,” Shaun grunted, fitting the last bag onto the seat. “I think that’s pretty much everything.”

Eli caught Shaun’s eyes. “Everything but Jesse.”

Shaun sighed and slammed the back door shut. He started to pinch the bridge of his nose when he realized he was still holding the pill bottles he’d grabbed in the kitchen. He glanced at them critically. Oh. Fuck. They’d given him Codeine!

Eli rolled down the passenger window. “Coming buddy?”

Shaun nodded, once, then wrenched open the door and climbed into the car.

Eli looked over his shoulder and calmly began to reverse. When he reached the end of the driveway, he asked, “Where are we going?”

“Make a left,” Shaun said as he popped the lid on his medical grade painkillers. “I’ll direct you.”

Eli took a left and started down the road. He watched from the corner of his eye as Shaun swallowed, dry, three times the recommended dose. “That’s not a good idea, Shaun.”

“Shut up,” Shaun snapped, then he tossed his pills into one of the trash bags. “I’m in pain.”

Eli sighed, but then mercifully fell silent. They drove along for several minutes with nothing but the radio to distract them.

“If you want to avoid the highway, we’re going to have to cut through town,” Shaun grumbled suddenly. “It’s really a waste of time.”

“I was only avoiding it earlier because of your grandmother,” Eli said casually. “When she saw the damage to your car, she was so upset… she’s woken up from night terrors every night since it happened.”

Shaun sneered. “Sucks to be her.”

“She dreams about you getting into high speed accidents and getting smeared across the pavement,” Eli said neutrally. “She described it to me so vividly, I was a little freaked out myself.”

Shaun shook his head. “Well, that’s not going to happen. Get on the damn highway up here.”

Eli sped up a little and turned for the onramp. “I know your grandma was pretty harsh with you, but she does care about you, you know?” he muttered as he merged into traffic and the car glided along without any problems. “She definitely doesn’t want you to die.”

Shaun scoffed. “Yeah. Whatever.”

“We just have to let her calm down—”

“I’m not holding my breath, grandpa,” Shaun snapped. “I don’t care what she thinks about me. Not anymore. I’m never coming back to the house.”

Eli pressed his lips together and fell quiet. He seemed at a loss for words, but Shaun couldn’t care less. It was a nice, smooth ride on the highway, and he was pretty sure he was feeling the effects of the codeine. He was pleasantly warm, and his skin tingled like it was alive. It was a very interesting sensation and he leaned against the cool window with a moan of contentment.

“Fuck yes… these pills are amazing.”

“I’m really worried about you, Shaun,” Eli said, glancing at him sideways. “I was hoping Jesse would help you control your worser habits, but now that you’ve broken up…”

Shaun sighed and watched as his breath made a little cloud on the windowpane. “He just keeps outting me, grandpa. I don’t know how to be a rock star and be his boyfriend. He won’t let me have both.”

“Maybe you should stop trying to hide what you are,” Eli suggested. “It’s obviously not working.”

“Its not working, because Jesse keeps breaking the rules,” Shaun said harshly. “I’ve already thought about this. I know what I’m doing.”

“Alright then.” Eli pushed a hand through his thinning hair. “Who knows, maybe I’m wrong. Maybe you’re just wrong for each other.”

“We are,” Shaun said confidently. “Besides, it’ll be real easy to get over him now that he’s not next door all the time. I’ll be back on my feet, ready to tear up the world in two weeks tops.”

“Six weeks of recovery, Shaun,” Eli reminded him. “No bright lights or loud sounds until September.”

“Yeah. Fuck that,” Shaun sneered. “Battle of the Bands is in October. My band’s got a lot of ground to cover still.”

Eli shook his head, but he was smiling, too. “Nothing’s going to stop you right? Not even a traumatic brain injury?”

“Nope.”

Eli laughed and because he was so comfortable and weirdly high, Shaun joined him.

***

They got to Gretchen’s house in thirty minutes.

“This is a cute place,” Eli said as they parked along the street. Shaun had pointed out the blue house as they’d approached, and now Eli sat gawking.

“Yeah. I guess I’m living upstairs.” Shaun nodded to the window on the second floor. He’d never been up there, but he trusted Gretchen’s discretion. It was probably livable, at the very least.

“Do you need help with your bags?”

“No. I’ll get out here.” Shaun pushed his door open and got out stiffly. His jeans, where he was bleeding, were wet to the touch. He felt no pain though, so he used his leg liberally as he gathered his bags and piled then on the curb beside him. “Thanks for the ride, grandpa.”

“No problem.”

“See you around, I guess,” Shaun said, meeting Eli’s eyes over the back of the front seat.

Eli smiled sadly. “See you later, son.”

Shaun shut the door and stood glumly at the curb as Eli drove away. He didn’t know why, but he felt like a little kid being abandoned at day camp. But that was stupid, because Shaun already knew Eli wasn’t coming back for him. This was his new adult life. He had to get used to being on his own now.

“Hey!”

Shaun turned and caught sight of Gretchen at the door. She was grinning, and then Ben appeared just over her shoulder, and he too, was smiling like a crazy person. Shaun frowned at the pair.

“You’re hanging out?” he asked gruffly. “Again?”

Gretchen’s smile dropped. She glared at Shaun. “You’d better be grateful he’s here… He just moved your new mattress upstairs. By himself.”

Shaun rolled his eyes and grabbed up his bags. “I could have moved it,” he said, then he limped up the front walk and forced his way through the two in the door. “Let me through, idiots.”

Ben and Gretchen let Shaun into the front hall, but Ben stopped him from going any further with a hand on his shoulder.

“You should really let us take your things,” Ben said gently. “Here.” He reached for Shaun’s bags and Shaun released them with a growl.

“I’m only letting you take them because I’m doped up on codeine.”

Gretchen planted her hands on her hips. “How many did you take?”

“None of your business,” Shaun hissed. Then he turned back to Ben and gestured down to his bleeding leg. “Look, I already fucked up my stitches… I’m probably making it worse.”

“Oh shit.” Ben’s face paled. “Gretch. You’d better get cotton balls and some bandaids.”

Gretchen leaned around to see Shaun’s wound. She frowned severely. “I’ll get the damned medical kit.” She slipped around the men and started down the hall.

Shaun stared after her, in a weird, angry daze. Once she disappeared into the little bathroom, he turned to Ben and looked the other man directly in the eye. “So, we’re you two enjoying your alone time?”

“I mean…” Ben blinked. “We’ve just been sitting here, waiting for you. We haven’t done anything else.”

“I don’t believe you,” Shaun hissed. “The last I heard, the two of you were fucking.”

Ben vehemently shook his head. “No. Shaun. I never—”

Shaun cut him off with a hand. “Take me to my room, Ben. I’m need to check my damn leg.”

Awkwardly, Ben lifted Shaun’s bags and led the way into the living room. Shaun followed him in, and as he did, his eyes zeroed in on the stairs along the back wall.

Ben hurried up them immediately. “There’s a hatch you have to lift. This is technically the attic.”

Shaun watched Ben lift the hatch at the top of the stairs. He and the bags disappeared inside and Shaun licked his lips determinedly and limped after him.

The room was a reasonable size. Gretchen had laid a bunch of throw rugs on the unfinished wood floor and tacked some cool drapes along the exposed plywood walls. There was a bare, but impeccably clean mattress in the corner, an intricate, old fashioned dresser across from it, and a little TV on top.

There was a lamp on the floor next to the mattress and as Shaun struggled inside, Ben set the bags down and went to click it on. “It’s a new bed,” he said distractedly. “Just arrived on the Amazon truck and everything.”

Shaun shuffled closer to the mattress and then lowered himself onto the edge. He stretched his leg out and sighed contentedly. “It’s nice. Thanks.”

“Don’t thank me, Gretchen got it,” Ben said uncomfortably. “Angela took my cards, actually. I’m not allowed to buy anything without her express permission.”

Shaun looked up sharply. “What? More rules?”

“Yeah,” Ben sighed. “I have to leave in twenty minutes, too. I’m not allowed to be here longer than an hour if we’re not actively practicing.”

Shaun gaped at him. “Since when does Angela care when you come home?”

“Since she heard all the rumors about me and Gretchen,” Ben said sheepishly, rubbing a hand through his hair. “We talked about our relationship though. A lot. And we’re still both serious about getting married, so….”

Shaun shook his head in disbelief. “But you’re having problems. Sexual problems!”

“I know,” Ben muttered, hanging his head. “But we’re working on it—”

“Are you?” Shaun snapped. “Fuck. You need to get it together, man. You’re so strung out, you’re hitting on our drummer. And she’s gotta be the least attractive bitch in the entire bunch! What the hell are you thinking?!”

“I’m going to pretend I didn’t just hear that,” Gretchen snapped, and Shaun and Ben turned back to the stairs. Gretchen stood with the hatch half open. She had a little medical bag under her arm, and Shaun tripped all over himself apologizing.

“I-I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that… I just don’t understand what this fucker,” Shaun gestured aggressively to Ben. “Is trying to do here.”

“He’s trying to have his cake and eat it too,” Gretchen said tightly. She took the last step into the room, then dropped the hatch. “He wants his wife and the band, all at the same time.”

“I don’t see why that’s impossible…”

“It’s impossible because your wife hates our band,” Gretchen said heatedly. “She’s jealous. And I don’t see how we’re going to continue with her breathing down our necks.”

Ben muttered something under his breath, but Shaun didn’t catch what he’d said. Gretchen waved him off impatiently.

“Just get out of here,” she said tiredly. “The mattress is moved. We don’t need your help anymore.”

Ben sighed. “Alright.”

Shaun and Gretchen watched him slip silently from the room. Neither of them approved it seemed.

“Sorry about the ugly thing, but I can’t believe he’s still getting married to that bitch you call a sister,” Shaun grumbled into the silence. “I thought for sure you and Ben were going to ignore me and shack up together.”

Gretchen turned away from the stairs with a shrug. “He wants to stay with her. That was his choice. He had me lie to Angela about what really happened between us, and now they’re apparently working on their sex life again.”

Shaun frowned at the goth girl as she crouched next to the bed and opened her medical kit. “I told you guys not to hook up. I knew it would end badly.”

Gretchen laughed bitterly.

Shaun huffed. “Are you going to be alright? Ben didn’t like…hurt you, did he?”

“No. It ended exactly the way I predicted,” Gretchen shrugged again. “He’s a loyal idiot. He went back to my sister just like I thought he would.”

Shaun watched Gretchen closely. Now that Ben was gone, there was a strange tension to the girl’s jaw line and shoulders. She was angry, and she was holding it in. “This is so going to mess with the band dynamics…”

“How so?” Gretchen looked up heatedly. “We’re doing incredibly well, actually, all things considered. We’d be playing this weekend if it wasn’t for you.”

Shaun ignored the slight. “You’re pissed Ben didn’t choose you,” he sneered, and Gretchen’s jaw ticked. “I can see it all over your face. Nice try.”

“It doesn’t matter if I’m pissed,” Gretchen said shortly. “I already knew Ben wouldn’t leave Angela, and I was right. So, we messed around a couple times, so what? Nobody but you and Jesse know about it. It doesn’t have to destroy anything, least of all the band.”

“I don’t know what you guys are doing, Gretchen, but you’d better keep it strictly business from now on,” Shaun said through his teeth. “No more messing around.”

“Ben and I already had this conversation,” Gretchen snapped, her scowl deepening. “And maybe I am ugly, because he agreed to it totally without thought… he was horny, twice, and I was convenient both times.”

Shaun watched the girl uncomfortably. It looked like she was going to cry.

“Just... take off your pants and let me help you,” Gretchen’s voice broke. “It’s all I’m good for anyway…”

Shaun mentally face-palmed as the girl started to sob. He slid off the bed, onto his knees, and gathered his drummer in his arms. “Fuck me,” he said into Gretchen’s hair. “I’m sorry.”

Gretchen held onto Shaun for a long while. “I don’t even know why I let Ben come onto me… I knew it wouldn’t last.”

Shaun had similar feelings about Jesse. He’d tried, over and over, to push him away, but the redhead had insisted on their relationship until the bitter end. Reassuringly, he patted the girl on the back. “Ben’s just an idiot. We already knew that. Come on, cheer up.”

“Do you really think I’m ugly?” Gretchen sobbed.

“No.” Shaun snorted. “I was just being an asshole.”

“Oh, well, you’re awfully good at that,” Gretchen said with a laugh. She pulled away hurriedly and wiped her eyes. “Thanks, I guess.”

Shaun moved back to the bed and the moment was over. “No problem.”

“Pants off,” Gretchen said again, waving to Shaun’s bleeding leg. “I can tell you’re doped up. You’re actually being nice for once. Let’s get you situated before you pass out.”

Passing out sounded lovely. The attic was warm and the window had been covered with one of Gretchen’s tapestries so it was almost dark. Shaun could really see himself settling in here.

He slipped out of his jeans and sat back with a groan. The hospital bandages around his thigh were thick with blood. Even he was a little concerned.

“Christ,” Gretchen murmured. “Good thing Jesse isn’t here to see that. He’d be blubbering like a baby right about now.”

Shaun snorted. “Yeah.”

“Tomorrow’s Friday, you know. I was planning on inviting him to stay for the weekend,” Gretchen said as she started on the bandaging. “You guys have your own place now, so if it doesn’t matter to me what you get up to.”

“Oh,” Shaun said awkwardly. “Thanks.”

Gretchen smirked at him. “No need to be coy. I know you boys get up to some crazy shit.”

Shaun shrugged.

In minutes, Gretchen had Shaun’s thigh cleaned and rebandaged. Luckily, it wasn’t anything serious. Shaun couldn’t even feel it at this point, with all the codeine flowing through his veins, and he watched the bloody proceedings with a vague look on his face.

“There.” Gretchen sat back as she finished with the gauze. “Try not to rip it open again. The stitches are just barely holding on.”

“I’ll try,” Shaun said and he meant it. He didn’t feel nearly as angry about the gauze and tape situation as he did back at the hospital.

Gretchen looked up into his face. At the bandages covering the left side of Shaun’s head. “What about those?”

“Tomorrow,” Shaun muttered, then he laid down on his side and curled up on the mattress. “I’m tired now. I just want to sleep.”

“Let me get you some pillows and blankets,” Gretchen said, getting up and starting back to the hatch. “Are you hungry? Thirsty? I’ll bring something up if you’d like.”

“Got any beer?” Shaun asked, mostly joking, but Gretchen’s face made him instantly regret it. “No?”

“No, Shaun. You can drink and take painkillers at the same time. That shit’s deadly.”

“Oh,” Shaun muttered.

“Right,” Gretchen sneered. “I’ll be back with some water.”

Shaun frowned, but he wasn’t going to argue. Not now, anyway. He’d had enough fighting for one day. Instead, he shut his eyes and concentrated on the drugs coursing through his warm body…

Gretchen came back at some point and tossed some pillows down. She set a bottle of water on the floor, next to the lamp, then spread the Jack Skellington blanket over Shaun’s prone form. She said something softly, bent down and touched his cheek, then she turned off the lamp and exited the room.

Only half conscious, Shaun cuddled into the blanket, a little smile of contentment on his face. He couldn’t wait to have Jesse curled up next to him. He was soft too… like the blanket…

He fell into a deep, dreamless sleep and he slept and slept, long into the night.