Jesse stared after Shaun for what felt like hours. He studied the wood grain on the door, the tarnished brass on the knob as his desperate last words rang in his ears.

“Please, don’t go!”

But Shaun had walked out the door and shut it behind him. And Jesse wasn’t sure he’d ever return.

He was completely numb.

His body moved of its own accord as his feet shuffled across the carpet. They led him around to the couch where his knees gave out and he curled up and pulled an arm over his face, so it was the only thing he saw. He draped it across his eyes and then he couldn’t see anything.

He started to cry. Sobs wracked his body, but he didn’t make a sound.

“Jesse?”

Jesse froze. He dragged his forearm across his wet, tearstained face and forced himself to sit up.

Brian stood next to the coffee table. He’d been crying, too. His eyes were red and there were little bullet-sized tear droplets on his baby-blue tee.

Jesse opened his arms. Brian toddled forward and fell into them. Jesse pulled him up against his chest and wrapped him in a bear hug. He hummed soothingly as he rocked them back and forth.

“Jesse?”

“What baby?” He let Brian sit up. He cupped his sweet face.

“Why did Shaun say I’m your kid?” Brian asked. “Why was he so upset?”

Jesse stroked Brian’s silky-soft hair. He was close to telling him the truth. He wanted to be honest with the toddler, but when he tried to speak, the words dried up in his mouth. He was afraid.

“I don’t know, sweetie,” he said. “He and Sam had an argument in the car. It was a big misunderstanding.”

“So, what doesn’t Shaun understand?” Brian asked. His blue eyes were so wide and innocent. Jesse couldn’t bear to crush his world. He had a mom. Not a good one, but Monica had been one of Brian’s primary caregivers since he was born. He wasn’t sure how he would react when he found out his real mom had abandoned him.

“Shaun doesn’t understand why mom isn’t home more to help with you and Lissa and the twins. He thinks I take on too much responsibility. “

Brian nodded somberly. “She’s with her boyfriend. Isn’t she?”

Jesse laughed. He set Brian on the couch beside him and took his little hand. “She’s at work, right now. But yes, she spends extra time with Cliff.”

Brian’s bottom lip began to tremble. “What if they break up?”

Jesse sighed. He was only three and already, Brian knew the drill. Men came into Monica’s life and then, like the seasons changed, life itself changed around the woman’s relationships. A new man ushered a new life, in a new place.

“Did you break up with Shaun?”

“I don’t think so.” Jesse rubbed his eyes. “Well, I mean, I hope not.”

Brian sniffled. “What happened?”

“I told him about one of Jesse’s old girlfriends,” Sam said.

Jesse looked up. Brian turned. Sam stood at the bottom of the stairs, a hand on the railing. When his eyes met Jesse’s, he took his hand off the railing and approached the couch.

“He’s jealous,” Sam continued. “But he’ll get over it.”

Jesse squeezed Brian’s hand. “I don’t know if he will.”

“He will,” Sam said confidently. “He’s in love with you.”

Jesse gasped. He let go of Brian’s hand and started to cry again.

“Stop,” Sam sneered. He fell onto the couch beside him and bumped Jesse’s shoulder with his. “You’re being dramatic—”

“I’m not a girl!”

Sam pulled back. “I didn’t say you were.”

Jesse pressed his fingers into his eyes and groaned. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I said that.”

Sam curled his lip. “What’s going on with you?”

Jesse snorted. He dropped his hands and glared at his brother. “What isn’t going on with me?”

Sam raised an eyebrow.

Jesse launched into an explanation. “Things between mom and Cliff are getting hot and heavy, so, while I’m under constant stress from the kids, I’m also wondering when mom’s time bomb of a relationship will blow up and we’ll get dragged across the country again,” he paused to take a breath. “So, I’m thinking about getting a job so I can get a place with my boyfriend who doesn’t want to work and who seems to think I’ll do all the chores around the house because I’m the girl in the relationship. And now he’s got a new car and a new band and I’m afraid he’s going to leave me here to rot in this backasswards town before I can get my shit together!”

Sam blinked. “Uh…”

Jesse covered his face again. “I’m seriously stressed out.”

“I can tell.”

Brian tugged on Jesse’s pant leg.

Jesse had forgotten he was there for a moment. He looked sheepishly at the toddler. “What’s up?”

Brian looked frightened. He opened his arms for a hug. “I love you,” he said in a tiny voice.

Jesse gathered the toddler in his arms. “I love you too, baby.” He hugged the toddler tight. “But I think it’s time for a nap.”

“I just checked on Lissa,” Sam said. “She’s still sleeping.”

Jesse nodded. He’d put the baby down for a nap once Shaun had left for Kyle’s. He’d left the twins in timeout so long; everyone had forgotten about it. When he’d last checked, Tyler was mercifully asleep on Monica’s queen-sized bed and Allison was playing quietly with Barbies in their room.

Sam got up. “I’ll put him down.” He held out his arms.

Jesse raised an eyebrow, but he relinquished the boy in his arms after pressing a kiss to his brow. Brian grudgingly went. He was tired though and he dropped his head on Sam’s shoulder as he was carried upstairs.

Once he was alone, Jesse leaned against the back of the couch and closed his eyes. He was tired, too. He was stressed. He was fucking depressed…

He’d put a lot of time and effort into his relationship with Shaun. He wasn’t willing to let this be the end, but he didn’t know what to do. Shaun said he wanted to be alone and when he wanted to be alone, Shaun tended to disappear.

Jesse had a feeling he was probably holed up at Gretchen’s, but even if Jesse had a way of getting there, he knew Shaun would be angry and uncooperative. He didn’t want to talk, and Jesse knew his boyfriend well enough to know he didn’t do things he didn’t want.

As much as he didn’t want to, Jesse decided he had to wait.

Sam came back down the stairs. He sat beside Jesse and sighed.

“I’m sorry.”

Jesse scoffed. “For what? For ruining my relationship or for getting drunk again and ignoring my texts and phone calls?”

Sam laughed nervously. “For both?”

Jesse glared at him.

“I was upset,” Sam whined. “It was insane, Jesse. Your boyfriend broke into Kyle’s house and attacked him. He lifted him off the freaking floor by his throat and when I tried to save him, Shaun threw me over his shoulder and carried me to the car.”

Jesse blinked.

“I wanted to hurt him so bad, Jess, but I only had words,” Sam said. “I knew you hadn’t told him about Brian. I didn’t know if it’d work—”

“Did it?” Jesse snapped. “Did you get what you wanted?”

Sam winced. “Not exactly.”

“Can’t you just admit that you screwed up?” Jesse huffed.

“I did when I said I was sorry.”

Jesse threw up his hands.

“Okay, I’m sorry and I screwed up,” Sam said exasperatedly. “Better?”

Jesse pulled his knees up to his chest and wrapped his arms around them. “No. Not really.”

Sam sighed. He dropped his face into his hands.

They sat in the quiet for a minute or two. It was such a rare occurrence, the silence.

Jesse studied his little brother. He took in the messy red hair and the light dusting of freckles on the back of his hands. His thin back was curved, and his shoulders were slumped with shame. Jesse saw the corners of his mouth were downturned.

They’d been through so much shit together and Jesse had protected him since he was a little kid, himself. He loved being a big brother. It was a part of his very being.

Though he was frustrated and unhappy with the boy at his side, Jesse felt his heart swell just the same. He forgave him.

“I’m sorry, too,” Jesse said and Sam sat up in surprise. “I’m sorry I sent Shaun.”

Sam’s eyes got wide. “That guy’s a beast,” he said in a hushed voice, like Shaun might pop out for another attack if he heard.

“He punched a hole in the wall the other day,” Jesse said with a laugh. “In the kitchen.”

“The twins told me,” Sam said. “He’s crazy.”

Jesse pressed his lips together.

“If you were smart, you’d stay here with Brian and get through the school year,” Sam said. “Let that guy go if that’s what he wants.”

“Why would you say that?” Jesse asked. He winced, like Sam had physically struck him with his objectionable advice.

Sam shrugged. “I know a lot more about what’s going on then you realize,” he said vaguely. “You guys are really loud when you argue. And Kyle tells me things.”

“What the fuck does he know?” Jesse sneered.

“A lot. His brother’s part of a gang and he’s high ranking so he knows all these important people and gets to go to all these really cool places,” Sam said. “Ethan, that’s Kyle’s brother, he takes Kyle everywhere with him. Kyle says he’s being groomed, so he knows everyone in town, too. And people like him because he’s got the hook-up, so they tell him anything he wants to know.”

Jesse gave his brother an incredulous look. “Uh-huh. So, why do they live in that filthy house?”

“It’s all a cover,” Sam said excitedly. “Ethan has a room there, but he lives in El Paso.”

“Mmhmm.”

“The shithole Kyle lives in is an actual crack house,” Sam said. “Kyle showed me once. There’s a hidden door in the back of their pantry that goes down to like this...bunker. It’s not a normal basement. He wouldn’t let me look around, but there’s a lot of stuff down there. Like... drug stuff.”

Kyle had made a casual comment about cocaine once. Jesse’s eyes widened as he recalled the brief conversation. On another occasion, Kyle said he knew people, too. And he’d mentioned something about his brother’s business in Mexico…

“Kyle’s awesome,” Sam said. “That place is trashed, but he has the coolest parties there.”

“I’ll bet,” Jesse snapped. “I sent Shaun to check on you because I was genuinely afraid you’d overdosed or that Kyle had killed you in a drunk driving accident—”

“Kyle isn’t stupid, Jess,” Sam laughed. “He wouldn’t let me overdose.”

“Oh my god.” Jesse fell back on the couch. His head was spinning. “What kind of drugs are you taking over there?”

Sam snorted. “Nothing I’m sure you haven’t already tried.”

Jesse felt like crying. “What were you guys doing last night?” he asked. He was afraid to hear the answer, but he had to know.

Sam smiled slowly. “I bought myself a hooker for the night.”

Jesse stared at his brother in shock and then he cracked, he started to laugh.

“What?” Sam’s smile fell away. “What?! You don’t believe me?”

Jesse was laughing hysterically so he waved Sam off as he tried to find his voice. “You bought a hooker?”

Sam narrowed his eyes. Then, he ripped his t-shirt over his head.

Jesse gasped. “Where did those come from?!”

Sam’s chest and neck were covered in hickies. His smile returned. “I told you. I got laid last night. I am no longer a virgin.” He beamed.

Jesse’s eyes bulged.

“Kyle got a girl, too, so all of us smoked out of his gravity bong and then we had sex in the living room. They were both really hot. I must have come like three times,” he said with a laugh.

“How old was she?” Jesse asked.

Sam shrugged. “Who cares.”

“That stuff’s illegal, Sam,” Jesse said gravelly. “Kyle’s going to get in a lot of trouble if anyone finds out.”

“What are you? The police?” Sam sneered.

“No. But I am your older brother,” Jesse said. He looked over Sam’s naked chest again and cringed. “Put your shirt back on, Jesus.”

Sam snickered as he tugged his shirt on again. “I’m experienced now,” he said smugly. “I’m psyched for high school. I’m gonna get so much pussy.”

“Fuck, Sam,” Jesse cringed. High school for the teen was just a month away. He couldn’t even imagine him having sex, let alone smoking a gravity bong. Jesse had heard of them before, but he’d never seen one up close. He wondered with other cool stuff Kyle had introduced to his experienced little brother.

Sam sobered up. “I really am sorry, you know,” he said. “I didn’t mean to fuck up your weekend. I always bring my charger to Kyle’s, but I couldn’t find it last night. Kyle’s got an iPhone, so I couldn’t use his plug.” He shrugged. “We didn’t fall asleep until sometime after six, so I didn’t even get to sleep in,” he laughed. “It’s recommended I get seven hours a night. I got robbed.”

Jesse smiled weakly. “You’re free to take a nap. Everyone else is.”

Sam shook his head. “Why don’t you take a nap. You look exhausted.”

Jesse stared blankly at his brother.

“Hello?”

“Yes,” Jesse muttered. “I am tired.”

“Then go upstairs,” Sam said in a surprisingly gentle voice. Jesse blinked at him. “You paid me to watch the kids. I’ll take over, okay? Get some rest.”

Jesse bit his lip. “I’d rather be with Shaun right now.”

Sam sighed heavily. “Kyle’s in love with him, too, you know. He told me a… long story about him.”

Jesse frowned. He hated that Kyle knew so much about Shaun. He knew personal things about him. He knew his secrets.

“I think he’s weird,” Sam grumbled. “I don’t get it. What do you guys see in him?” He laughed awkwardly. “Besides his dick. Kyle raves about it sometimes when he’s drunk. It’s like the fish that got away.”

Jesse imagined Shaun’s cock as a salmon. It leapt and jumped freely as it struggled up stream. As it dove through the air, it squirted a jet of water from the urethra.

He shook his head. “Maybe that’s all Kyle’s interested in, but Shaun’s incredibly complex. I appreciate a lot of his qualities...not so much some of his other ones, but I accept him for who he is. I love him, flaws and all.”

“Yeah, but does he accept your flaws?” Sam asked. He quirked an eyebrow when Jesse hesitated to answer. “Obviously not. The way he reacted—”

“He’s right,” Jesse said. He rubbed his soft head as he struggled with himself. The buzzcut made it super soft, like velvet. “I should have told him,” he said. “I’ve been trying to figure out how to do it, so he didn’t freak out.”

“I shouldn’t have said anything—”

“You think?”

Sam hung his head.

“I know it’s wrong, but… we’ve been keeping this secret for three years. You’ve never told anyone my business before. Why now?”

Sam gave him a serious look. “Are you really going to move in with him? Aren’t you afraid he’ll go off on you one day? I am.”

Jesse promptly shook his head. “He’s never laid a hand on me.”

“Not yet.”

Jesse sighed. “If that’s all you’re worried about—”

“I’m serious, Jess. He lifted Kyle clean off the floor. He had murder in his eyes,” Sam said in awe. “I charged him because I thought he was going to snap his neck.”

Jesse bit his lip. He’d warned Shaun to stay away from Kyle, but then he’d sent him straight into the lion’s den.

“Your boyfriend’s dangerous,” Sam said. “I wouldn’t let him around the kids if I were you.”

Jesse laughed sarcastically. “He’s the only one who helps me with the kids anymore. You used to have my back, but now I have to pay for your services.”

Slowly, Sam’s expression changed. His face was filled with guilt. “I’m being selfish.”

“Just a little.”

Sam looked at Jesse forlornly. “I’ll stay home more. You don’t have to pay me again.”

“Sure you don’t want to save up for another hooker?” Jesse sneered.

Sam struggled to contain a smile. “Naw, I’m moving on. Losers pay for sex. I just needed to get that first one out of the way.”

Jesse chuckled. “If you’re anything like me then you won’t have any trouble.”

Sam grinned.

Jesse stood. “I’m gonna take you up on that nap.”

“Good idea,” Sam said. He reached for the remote on the coffee table, then looked up. “Er, what happened to the screen?”

Jesse rolled his eyes. “Tyler.”

“Oh,” Sam sighed. He turned the TV on and, luckily, the picture filled the screen. Expect in the damaged corner. He groaned. “Shit. What are the chances mom gets us another one?”

Jesse shrugged.

He went upstairs after that and curled up on his bunk. He fell into a deep slumber. He slept and slept and slept...

***

Jesse jerked out of sleep. He’d just had a nightmare, but already, the terror and the shadows were fading.

It was morning. Weak light slanted through the shades. It looked like it was still early, yet.

Sam was asleep on the bunk below him. Face down. A string of drool hung from his bottom lip and connected with his damp pillow below.

Jesse cringed. Gross.

He got out of bed and crept to the bathroom to pee. Nobody was up yet so he kept quiet. He didn’t want to disturb the calm.

He wondered what time it was.

When he got back to the bedroom, he grabbed his phone off the dresser and unhooked it from its charger. The screen came on. It was six am.

There was a notification, too. A text.

Jesse’s eyes widened. It was from Gretchen.

“Oh my god!” Jesse cooed. She’d sent a picture. Shaun was curled up on an unfamiliar couch. Asleep. His hair spilled across his face, but Jesse recognized the strong, bearded line of his jaw and his luscious mouth. He looked peaceful.

Shaun told me what happened, Gretchen said below the picture. I told him he’s an idiot.

Jesse beamed. He looked behind him. Sam was snoring soundly. Jesse climbed back up to his bunk and sent Gretchen a reply.

Is he still upset?

He didn’t expect Gretchen to reply. It was early. He figured Shaun and Gretchen had spent the night getting sloshed. He was surprised when a reply popped up within seconds.

When we talked about it, he got all riled up. But he’s alright now. We came up with a new song. It’s wicked.

Jesse smiled. He was so relieved. I bet Shaun’s excited.

Yeah. He is.

He’s so passionate. I love the way he gets when he’s creating. He’s got such a wounded soul.

There was a three-minute delay. Jesse laid back and propped his phone against his chest. He watched it anxiously.

Cute.

Jesse smirked. Okay. Maybe he was being a little sentimental. He’d stick to the facts. When is he coming home?

Idk

Jesse sighed. I super appreciate the update. Thanks, Gretch.

I’ll message you when he’s on his way back.

Thank you.

Jesse held his phone for a bit longer, just to be sure he didn’t miss anything. But there were no more messages.

He got up for the day and went down to mess with the TV. No matter what he did, though, the picture flickered intermittently and the dark spot in the lower corner was extremely distracting. Still, it was better than nothing. Jesse grabbed some Pop-Tarts from the kitchen and found a re-run of The Price Is Right.

People started to wake up around seven. Brian was the first. He grabbed a Pop-tart as well and ate it cold on the couch beside Jesse.

Jesse put his arm around the boy and pulled him close. They were alone until the baby started to cry upstairs. Jesse started to get up, but the crying stopped before he got a chance. Sam came down with Lissa on his hip a few minutes later.

“Sam?” Jesse gaped at the teen. He hadn’t seen Sam up before ten in weeks. And when he did manage to drag himself out of bed, he was always in a hurry to get out the door.

“I was up,” Sam said casually. He sat on the other side of Jesse and set Lissa on his knee. He started to bounce the little girl and immediately got a round of giggles.

Jesse watched him in amazement.

“The picture’s fucked,” Sam said, nodding at the TV. “The twins wanted to play Mario last night. You can’t see the score anymore.”

Jesse sighed.

The twins came down around 8:30 and Jesse got up to fix them bowls of cereal.

Despite the TV, the morning was going smoothly. Jesse finally felt like he’d gotten enough sleep and the kids were subdued. Whatever had happened after Jesse had passed out yesterday afternoon, Sam had managed it. Brian had survived and he seemed to be in a decent mood, so Jesse assumed he hadn’t been terrorized.

After everyone had eaten, Sam and Tyler started up Call of Duty on the Xbox while Jesse, Allison, and Brian dragged a board game out of the closet. They spread the game board out on the floor and Jesse set up the pieces. Lissa hung out with them on the floor and watched.

When Tyler started to complain about the TV screen, a sharp look from Jesse got him to zip his lips.

Monica came downstairs last. It was past ten. She was in an old PJ set and her hair was in a messy ponytail. Nothing fancy. She stopped at the bottom of the stairs and calmly surveyed the family.

“Who’s going out tonight?” she asked.

Jesse and Sam looked at one another. They spoke over each other.

“I’m staying in tonight.”

“I don’t have any plans.”

Monica beamed. “You kids have been so great,” she said. “I’ve saved so much money on childcare this past month. You wouldn’t believe it.”

Jesse rolled his eyes at his brother. Sam smirked in reply.

“Cliff was talking about planning a family vacation before school starts up in the fall,” she said. “Wouldn’t that be fun.”

“I want to go to Disneyland!” Allison cried.

“Universal Studios is better,” Tyler grumbled. “They have Harry Potter.”

Allison stuck out her tongue. “I hate Harry Potty.”

Tyler stuck his tongue out as well. They started making faces at each other.

“Cut it out,” Monica snapped as she took out her phone. As she turned away, she glanced up at the TV and paused. “What happened there?”

Jesse pointed at Tyler.

Monica had no comment. She sighed and turned back to her phone as she walked into the kitchen.

The TV really wasn’t anything new. The twins were a natural disaster.

Monica was probably telling Cliff the good news. Another kid-free night on the town. How fun for them. Jesse didn’t care. He was glad Monica was leaving and the kids were staying behind. He’d rather be with them, than the alternate. Alone.

Jesse turned back to the game. For once, he didn’t care where Monica was going or how long she’d be gone. He was so used to feeling helpless all the time. The relief was a pleasant break.

***

Monica came home at three in the morning on Sunday. Jesse woke up when he heard her coming down the hall. She was on the phone with Cliff, whispering sweet nothings on the way to her bedroom.

Jesse rolled over and fell asleep again.

In the morning, Monica announced that Cliff was taking everyone out for lunch.

“And we’ve got a fun surprise for everyone after we eat,” she said.

Tyler and Allison looked at each other in excitement.

“I’d rather stay home,” Sam said. “I have a lot of gaming to catch up on.”

Jesse smiled. “I haven’t played in forever.”

“Want to team up?” Sam grinned back.

Monica rolled her eyes. “Whatever.”

The rest of the family got ready to go around noon. Brian wanted to stay behind with the big boys, but Monica kept hinting he’d enjoy whatever surprise they had planned. So, Jesse joined in and encouraged him to buck up and go along.

Monica whisked the kids out of the house after one. They were meeting Cliff at the restaurant.

“I’ve been dying to shoot someone,” Sam said as he loaded up Xbox Live.

Jesse grabbed a controller and fell back on the couch. Monica had left them money for pizza, and they were waiting for the delivery guy to show up. “I’m a little rusty. Don’t laugh.”

“You aren’t rusty, you turned into a flaming homosexual,” Sam said. He threw himself onto the couch beside Jesse. “It’s a serious disorder. It affects the wrists.” He dramatically flopped his wrists around until he lost his controller. It bounced off the couch.

“That’s a stupid stereotype,” Jesse grumbled. “I’ve used my wrist more since I switched teams. You don’t gotta do a whole lot of up and down with girls. It’s mostly in and out.”

Sam snickered. “Good one.”

There was a tap at the door.

“Get the door, faggot,” Sam said with his eyes glued to the TV. “I have to sign in. If I keep my login info saved, Tyler fucks with my achievements.”

Jesse punched his brother on the shoulder as he got up. “Wouldn’t want to mess up your little virtual trophies,” he teased. He grabbed the money off the coffee table, rounded the couch, and opened the door. “Kyle?”

The blond dealer stood on the front step with a serene smile on his face. His clothes were immaculate. A white polo shirt and pressed khakis. His skin was deeply tanned, his hair was neatly combed, and he even smelled nice. It was a faint, but luxurious scent. “Jesse,” he said with a pleasant nod.

Jesse leaned against the door jamb. “I thought you were the pizza guy.”

Kyle looked around. “No pizzas here.”

“What do you want?” Jesse asked. “We’re playing Call of Duty.”

Kyle smiled so he showed his teeth. They were perfect and white. “I’d like to speak with you, if you’ll let me,” he said. “I’d like to apologize.”

Jesse blinked. “Apologize for what?”

“Can we step outside?”

Jesse looked over his shoulder. Sam was already engrossed in a game. He stepped outside and quietly shut the door. Kyle backed up to make room and Jesse folded his arms and waited for him to speak.

Kyle looked up. “I like the haircut.”

Jesse smoothed his hands over his head. “It was getting too long,” he said. “I can’t pull off the look like Shaun can. I look like a girl.”

Kyle gave him an inquisitive look. “Who said you looked like a girl?”

Jesse pressed his lips together. Shaun hadn’t said he looked like a girl. Jesse was putting words in his mouth. He didn’t say anymore.

“Oookay...”

Jesse huffed. “What did you want to say Kyle? Or are you just here so you can butter me up and kidnap my little brother for another drug-fueled adventure.”

“I don’t need to kidnap anyone,” Kyle snorted. “And, no. Sam already turned me down. I texted him this morning to see what he was doing. He said he was busy.”

Jesse bit the inside of his cheek. He wanted to scream; he was so frustrated.

“I meant what I said. I came to see you.”

“Well, I’m right here,” Jesse said. He struck a pose. “You came. You saw. Now what?”

Kyle chuckled. “I think we could be great friends. If it wasn’t for Shaun.”

Jesse hated the sound of Kyle’s laugh. He curled his lip. “If it wasn’t for you, me and Shaun would be doing great and I wouldn’t need a friend.”

“Everyone needs a friend.”

Jesse huffed. “What’s your point.”

“I heard you and Shaun broke up.”

Jesse scowled. “Fuck you. You’re here to gloat, aren’t you?”

Kyle shook his head. “No. I thought maybe you needed someone to talk to,” he said. “We were friends there for a second. We bonded over our favorite little rocker-boy-toy.”

Jesse grit his teeth. “Don’t call him that.”

Kyle blinked at him.

“He’s not a toy,” Jesse hissed. “He’s my partner.”

“That’s an upgrade from boyfriend.”

“I know.”

Kyle nodded slowly. “Alright. I’ll respect your boundaries. I won’t call him that anymore.”

“And we didn’t break up,” Jesse said tightly. “We had a fight.”

Kyle had to suppress a smile. “He’s such an angry boy.”

Jesse frowned.

“We’re getting completely off subject,” Kyle said. “I came to apologize for what happened at school.” He held out his hand.

Jesse stared at Kyle’s soft, long-fingered hand.

“It’s a long time in coming, Jesse, but I’m sorry I outted you,” Kyle said, his arm still outstretched.

Jesse took his hand in a daze. “Thanks…”

“I told Kenny you and Shaun were sleeping together. It was me. You were right,” Kyle said as he shook Jesse’s hand. “He was already sore about his sister, but that was the final straw. He and Eric rounded up the gang and… well, you know what happened.”

Jesse’s hand went limp. Kyle released him and Jesse’s arm fell to his side.

“Are you okay?”

“Yeah. I just…” Jesse sighed. “I keep blaming myself for what happened, but Shaun…”

“Kenny and the rest of those asses are a bunch of homophobes,” Kyle said with a sneer. “They don’t know any better, though. That’s how they’re bred around here.”

Jesse shook his head.

“And look, I’m sorry about Sam,” Kyle said. “He’s young and impressionable and I’m taking advantage of it.”

Jesse narrowed his eyes. “He told me about your crack house.”

“We don’t mess with crack,” Kyle said. He looked offended. “It draws the wrong sort of customer.”

Jesse laughed. “There’s a right sort of customer?”

“Of course,” Kyle said. “But we’re talking about your brother.”

“Who you’re doing a fine job of corrupting,” Jesse snapped. “He said he lost his v-card on your couch. What the fuck?”

Kyle laughed. “Jeez, he told you that?”

Jesse cringed. “Dude, what are you doing?”

“I just graduated. Did you know?”

Jesse made a face. “No.”

“I’m in a transition phase,” Kyle said. “My brother wants me to move to the city with him, but— well, I won’t bore you with the details, but there are a lot of loose ends to tie up before I can leave. I’m trying to lay low, you know, but I’m lonely. I’m bored stiff. I’m sick to death of this town and maybe you don’t need a friend, but I do.”

Jesse balled up his hands. “But why Sam?”

Kyle shrugged. “He was convenient. And it pissed you guys off.”

Jesse’s nostrils flared. “Fuck you, Kyle.”

Kyle held out his hands in subjugation. “I told you. I have a problem following the rules.”

“I think, in your book, there are no rules,” Jesse spat. “You can do whatever you want.”

“So far I’ve gotten away with everything I’ve ever tried,” Kyle said casually.

“Just wait, it’ll bite you in the ass one day,” Jesse scowled.

“Probably,” Kyle said.

Jesse’s breathing was harsh and uneven. He was so angry.

“I know you don’t agree,” Kyle said gently. “But I haven’t forced Sam into anything. He’s been a willing participant.”

Jesse crossed his arms again. He knew Kyle was right, damn him. Sam had always been curious about Jesse’s more illicit activities.

“And I know what I’m doing,” Kyle said confidently. “You might not believe me, but I’m watching out for him.”

Jesse sighed and dropped his arms. “I can’t fight you, Kyle. I can’t stop Sam from seeing you.”

Kyle grabbed his shoulder. He squeezed it comfortingly. “I know how you feel.”

A red Honda with a blue passenger door chugged down the road. It had a pizza topper on the hood.

“That’s the pizza guy,” Jesse said.

Kyle looked over his shoulder. “So it is.”

The Honda pulled in the drive and parked next to Kyle’s Cadillac. A spotty-faced kid climbed out.

Jesse shook Kyle’s hand off his shoulder. “You should probably go.”

“One more thing,” Kyle said and when Jesse started to protest, he held up a finger. “I think you’ll be interested in this part. Trust me.”

The pizza guy approached. “Hey.”

Jesse handed him a twenty. “I don’t need any change. Thanks.” He took the box and held it in front of him, like a shield. He looked wearily into Kyle’s gray eyes. “Can we please wrap this up?”

Kyle ignored him. He turned after the pizza guy and started for the driveway. “Follow me. I brought you something.”

Jesse sighed. He opened the front door and slid the pizza box across the carpet. Sam looked over the couch.

“What the hell?”

Jesse didn’t reply. He let the door shut and then stepped down onto the front wall. He trailed after Kyle.

When he reached the Cadillac, Kyle was digging through the glove box. “Here it is,” he said as he pulled out a stuffed manilla envelope.

Jesse took it curiously. He popped the seal and looked inside. “Woah.” There was a gallon Ziploc inside. It was filled with weed. “I don’t have any money, Kyle.”

Kyle waved him off. “It’s a gift.”

Jesse chewed his lip. There was easily a pound of weed in his hand. “This is more than a gift.”

Kyle smiled. “Let’s call it a truce.”

Jesse weighed the bag. There was no way he was turning this down. He nodded. Slowly. “Alright.”

“Keep your head up,” Kyle said. He nudged Jesse’s chin with a finger.

Jesse leaned away from him. “Yeah. Okay.”

Kyle dropped his hand. “See you around.”

Jesse waited until he got in the car then he headed back inside.

Sam turned as Jesse came in the door. “What did he want?”

Jesse held up the envelope. He pulled out the Ziploc of weed and Sam’s eyes got wide.

“Holy shit.”

“It’s totally against my morals, but, want to smoke with me?”

Sam grinned.

***

Monica and the kids came home around ten and everybody was wiped. They’d gone to the county fair. Brian and the twins bragged about all the kiddie rides they’d rode and the cool petting zoo.

The kids were insanely wound up and between Jesse, Sam, and Monica it took over an hour to get everyone fed, bathed, and dressed for bed. The chaos wasn’t nearly as bad with the additional help. It was kind of fun. The twins stole their squirty bath toys from the tub and streaked through the house in their underwear. Brian was their target.

“No fair, two against one!” Jesse grabbed some bath toys, too, and tossed one at Brian.

“You’re going down!” Brian shrieked. He bounced on the couch in his pull-ups. He squirted Allison as she dodged behind the armchair. “I got you!”

“No, you didn’t!” Allison giggled from behind the chair.

Jesse ducked into the kitchen as Tyler pounded down the stairs. He jumped out and squirted him in the face

“We’re not allowed to do head shots!” Tyler complained.

“Says who?” Jesse got him a second time.

“Hey!”

“Says me.”

Jesse whirled around. Sam stood at the back door with one of the super soakers from the garage in his hands. He aimed and shot Jesse in the chest.

“Oh, fuck you!” Jesse flew after him and they ran out into the yard laughing. Jesse tackled Sam to the ground and wrestled the super soaker from his hands. He straddled his hips and batted his flailing arms out of the way. “Who’s the faggot now?” he teased before he blasted Sam in the face.

“Faggot!’

Jesse laughed and laughed. He pumped up the gun for another blow.

Sam bucked his hips and rolled. He knocked the gun from Jesse’s hands and flicked his wet hair out of his face. “Get off me,” he grumbled.

Jesse stretched out in the grass. The kids watched from the porch, but Monica was shepherding them back inside.

“Thanks a lot, guys,” Monica called. “You just let in a huge mosquito.” She shut the sliding door behind her.

Jesse and Sam glanced at each other. They shared a laugh.

“What are you doing tomorrow?” Jesse asked once the laughter died down.

“Kyle wants to see a movie. Some stupid chick-flick,” he said, his nose wrinkling. “But we’ll probably smoke before we go.”

“Fun.”

“You should come,” Sam said. And then: “Oh.”

Jesse scoffed. He sat up and gazed sadly into the sky above. The moon was half-full, and the stars were brilliant. “Yeah. Does Kyle have room for the whole family?”

“Probably not,” Sam snorted.

Jesse sighed. “Thanks for helping me, Sam.” His gaze drifted back to earth and he stared longingly across the lawn. At Shaun’s house.

The Mustang still hadn’t made it home.

Sam elbowed him playfully. “I’m just going to a movie. I’ll be home tomorrow night.”

Jesse nodded.

Sam huffed. “I promised I’d help you more. I meant it.”

“You’ve been a huge help this weekend,” Jesse said. “I don’t know if I could have made it without you.” His bottom lip started to tremble. He couldn’t look away from Shaun’s house. Things were so shitty between them lately. They couldn’t see eye to eye on anything. But he missed him. He missed Shaun’s grouchy attitude, his dark, passionate eyes, his kiss… He wanted to see him. Desperately.

Sam rolled his eyes. “Relax, okay? Don’t start crying on me.”

Jesse pressed his fingers into his eyes. “I won’t. I’m sorry.”

“Just forget about him,” Sam said.

“I can’t do that.”

“Whatever.” Sam picked himself up and dusted his knees. “Well, if you’re still single next weekend, you should come out with us.”

“Yeah. Maybe.”

“C’mon.” Sam stretched out a hand. “Let’s see if there’s anything on TV.”

A half-hour later, after the kids had been put to bed and the lights were turned off, Sam and Jesse climbed in their beds and turned on the TV.

Jesse had his phone clutched in his hand. Gretchen had promised to text him.

Sam found a paranormal show about Bigfoot. He and Jesse laughed at the undeniable witness testimonies. The teen on the lower bunk was distracted though. He had his phone balanced on his chest and occasionally, he’d check for a reply and then type a message. Probably to Kyle.

Jesse didn’t know what to think about his earlier conversation with the dealer. He and Sam had certainly enjoyed the weed. They’d smoked a single nugget between them and there was still tons left. If they rationed it out, they’d be able to smoke for a couple months straight.

But when Kyle had finally admitted to outting them, Jesse had felt numb. He wanted to hold a grudge, but already, the shit that had happened with Kenny and Eric felt like a lifetime ago.

He was over it.

And he was slowly coming to terms with Sam’s new interests. He wasn’t happy but was willing to turn a blind eye because Sam was so much like himself. His life had been full of loneliness, disappointment, and neglect and when he got the chance to enjoy himself, he lived fast and in the moment.

Jesse had a feeling if Sam hadn’t befriended Kyle, then he would have found someone else who was willing to show him the wrong path. Kyle was a devil, but he was the devil they knew… and Jesse was on high alert. He wouldn’t let Kyle get away with too much.

After an hour of paranormal TV, Sam fell quiet. Jesse peeked down at him. The boy was snoozing. His phone was still on. It was about to slip between the bed and the wall.

Jesse glanced at his phone. It was one in the morning and still no texts from Gretchen.

Disappointed, Jesse gazed sightlessly at the TV and thought about his boyfriend. Shaun…

He was holding his emotions tightly in check because he was terrified to fall apart. He had to keep it together for Brian and the other kids. Most of the time, he was all they had.

He wasn’t looking forward to a day on his own tomorrow. He was dreading it. Immensely. But he’d grin and bear it because that’s what he always did.

Suddenly, his phone buzzed.

Jesse rushed to check his notifications. It was a text. From Gretchen!

I don’t know when he left, but he’s gone.

Jesse’s heart leapt into his throat. What do you mean?

We were watching TV and having some beer after practice. I must have fallen asleep. I woke up five minutes ago on the couch. Shaun was gone.

Jesse got on his knees and looked out the window. It was completely dark out. Jesse could see the shape of Shaun’s house, but not the Mustang.

How long were you sleeping?

Idk

Jesse chewed his lip. His heart beat frantically in his chest. He was close to sneaking out of the house and going to see for himself if Shaun had returned. How was he today? Better?

There was a significant pause. Jesse sat back on his knees and waited desperately for a response.

You should probably give him some time to cool down, Gretchen texted.

Jesse sighed. He’d been afraid of that. He’s still mad at me, then?

Yeah. He was bitching about you this morning. I smacked him in the head for you.

Jesse smiled faintly. Thanks.

He has a stupid excuse for himself, too. I know you kiddos are still in high school, but it’s like he just found out Santa’s a drunk in a rent-a-suit.

I guess.

He’s acting like a jealous little girl, Gretchen texted. Then a second message appeared. You fucked up. And now you’ve got a kid. It happens. Shaun needs to man up.

Jesse let his phone fall into his lap. He dropped his head as a single tear tracked down his cheek. He just wished Shaun would let him talk.

You can message me whenever you want, Gretchen texted after a couple minutes. As Jesse stared at the message, another appeared below it. But I’m going to drag my ass to bed. I’ve got a lunch date with my sugar daddy tomorrow.

Jesse picked up his phone. Okay.

See ya later, Jess.

Goodnight.

Jesse turned his phone off after that and climbed down to plug it in over the dresser. Before he climbed back up to bed, he stopped beside Sam’s bed and peered out the window a second time.

As he stood watching, a set of headlights appeared at the crest of the hill, a mile down the road. The lights glided down the dark ribbon of road and slowed as it approached the house next door. Shaun’s house.

Jesse about shit himself. That was Shaun!

The lights turned into the driveway. They illuminated the gravel drive and the edge of the garage. Jesse stood watching until they cut out and the yard was thrown into darkness once more.

He got back into bed after that and stretched out on his back. He smiled at the ceiling.

Jesse would keep his distance, but Shaun was home. He was close. Jesse was overjoyed.

He closed his eyes and smiled dreamily as he imagined Shaun lying beside him.

“You’re such an idiot,” Shaun would sneer at him.

And Jesse would smile and kiss him in return. Because he loved the abuse.