Shaun jiggled his leg as another jump scare played out on the TV. Gretchen had put some bullshit movie on. Something with ghosts and Shaun was bored out of his mind.

He hated ghost movies. He thought they were a waste of time. He liked stuff with blood and guts and bullets.

The living room was small, but cozy, like the rest of the house. The stairs to the room upstairs were along the back wall and Gretchen’s huge TV was on a low cabinet in front of it. There wasn’t room for much else. A long leather couch was across from the TV and an armchair was to the left, in front of a wide picture window. There was a bookcase by the door. A large spider plant and a glossy crystal ball sat on top. The two shelves below were crammed with books. Sex books, stuff on witchcraft, a couple vampire novels. Nothing interesting.

Gretchen was fast asleep in the armchair with her cat curled in her lap. She had a couple beers and there was an ashtray piled with cigarette butts on the table beside her. A fuzzy blanket with cartoon bats was wrapped around her shoulders and her head lolled to the right, her mouth parted.

Shaun was on the couch with his legs spread. He’d had some beers tonight, too, but it had had the opposite effect on him. He was wired. His fingers drummed impatiently against his thighs as he stared sightlessly at the tv. There was a throw blanket temptingly draped across the arm of the couch. It had Jack Skellington’s face all over it. He was using it to sleep with, but he wouldn’t touch it otherwise. He hated that emo shit.

It was Sunday night and it was close to midnight.

The weekend had been a productive one. Gretchen had a lot of ideas and Shaun loved her creativity. They played off each other nicely, bouncing around sounds and lyrics. They’d spent most of the weekend in the garage, noodling around on their instruments. Gretchen was just as loud-mouthed and abrasive as always, but Shaun wasn’t taking it personally.

He’d slept on the couch the last two nights, but he had nothing but his guitar and the clothes on his back. Gretchen had grudgingly offered to put him up for another night, but she’d also called him a “stinky fuck” during dinner and told him he’d “better get a shower soon” and “find something clean to put on”.

Shaun didn’t know whether to stay or not — the shower and change of clothes would be nice — but he was restless. As much as he had liked jamming with Gretchen, Shaun wanted to spend some serious time with his guitar. Alone. He was inspired and he didn’t want to stop creating.

His balls were aching and heavy with sperm, as well. He wanted to come. And worse yet, he had a creeping urge to cut himself again. Both things, he wasn’t comfortable repeating while Gretchen was present.

And then there was Jesse. Shaun missed him like crazy.

He wasn’t ready to see him yet. He didn’t know what to say and he was still upset about the whole thing with Brian, but having Jesse nearby just seemed like a good idea.

Shaun made up his mind and got off the couch. The cat lifted his head and watched as he silently crossed the room. Shaun gave the cat the evil-eye. He hated cats. He thought they were sneaky and mischievous. Gretchen’s stupid animal had watched him with his glowing, yellow eyes all weekend.

He gave the cat the finger then swept from the room.

He slipped into the hall. There was a plug-in nightlight in the bathroom to the right and another in the kitchen directly across. It was the only light, besides the TV flashing at his back. He put a hand against the wall and glided through the dark, like a ghost.

Shaun exited the house without making a sound. The neighborhood was lit with the warm glow of the occasional house light and streetlamps on the corners. As he stepped across the lawn, he heard a dog barking in the distance.

He’d packed his guitar earlier and went straight to the car. Shaun held his breath until he was inside. He didn’t dare to disturb the sleepy neighbors. He turned his car on smoothly, hit the lights, and pulled away.

As he drove for the highway, he thought about Jesse again. He missed the redhead’s beautiful eyes, his warm smiles, his sweet, melodious voice. He missed Jesse’s touches, his kisses, his body…

But Shaun knew he couldn’t face him. He was angry. He was so fucking angry that Jesse had bred with someone. A baby was the only thing a woman could provide that Shaun could not.

It made sense now, why Jesse was so gung-ho to take Brian with them. He was obviously committed to the kid. Shaun had known that from the beginning, but now that he knew why he was incredibly bitter.

It wasn’t fair. The other girls he’d mentioned, Emily, that all felt like child’s play. Jesse had an actual baby momma.

Shaun grumbled as he approached the on-ramp. The town around him was quiet and asleep, like Gretchen’s neighborhood. The stores and shops along the road were dark. The gas station on the corner was all lit up, but there was only a single car in the back, by the air pumps. It was probably an employee. As he turned for the ramp, he stepped on the gas. He wanted to get home. The car’s wheels squealed in protest, but he ignored it. There was no one around and he merged into the fast lane without checking the mirrors.

He was a goddamn ghost. He wandered the earth in a state of eternal misery. Invisible. Alone.

Shaun increased his speed until he was going over a hundred miles an hour. None of this felt real. Maybe he was dreaming, too.

He was going a hundred and twenty. The car didn’t go much faster. He clenched his hands on the steering wheel as it vibrated under his fingertips. He grit his teeth as angry tears leaked from the corners of his eyes. “Fuck you, Jesse,” he snarled.

He passed a few lonely drivers on the way home but avoided seeing any cops. He sped the rest of the way back to his grandparents.

Fifty minutes later, he pulled into his driveway. He parked next to the garage and cut the lights.

He got out and climbed up on the porch. He looked across the moonlit yard. Towards Jesse’s house. It was dark and quiet under the stars. The crickets chirped and the frogs croaked in the reeds. The trees bent and swayed in the breeze. Everything was peaceful.

Shaun curled his lip and headed inside.

He was in a mood, so he had to restrain himself from slamming doors and shoving things out of his way. He stalked through the house, almost annoyed with the hominess. Someone had left the lights on in the living room. It must have been Eli because Ruth wasn’t lifting a single finger for Shaun’s benefit.

He stomped to his room and shut the door. The piles of clothes from the previous week were still in the closet. The bed was unmade, and the room had a distinct odor of sweat. He kicked his boots off angrily and went straight to his bedside drawer. He got out his knife and palmed it as he considered where to lay his newest cut.

Shaun quickly undid his jeans and slid them down to his knees. He didn’t hesitate. He bit his tongue and sliced himself on his left outer thigh. The blood flowed rapidly to the incision. It pooled and then trickled down his leg.

He hissed as pain exploded from the wound and the knife fell out of his hand and clattered to the floor as an incredible surge of arousal shot though his groin. He pulled his cock out of his boxers and fisted the length with confidence. He pulled himself to hardness as a deep itch radiated from the incision on his thigh.

Shaun’s length was thick and pulsing in his hand within seconds. He grunted and panted as he stroked himself with aggression. The itchy sensation on his thigh started to get hot and a dark desire crept into his mind. He dug the fingers on his left hand into the sticky wound. “Ahhaa!” he gasped as the pain and the pleasure sharply increased. He started to sob as he pulled rhythmically at the edges of his incision. His right hand worked his cock with relish the whole time. It felt so goddamn good. Blood oozed from the cut as pre-come bubbled from the tip of his cock. He groaned and bit down on his tongue even harder. He was so close…he didn’t want to be interrupted.

Shaun sped up his efforts to come as the pain plateaued. He stroked himself faster and faster. His hips moved of their own accord, up and down in a jerky, uncoordinated pattern. The pain he felt was intense, but the pleasure was even more so, and Shaun’s orgasm came upon him like a tidal wave. He clamped his fist around his cock. “Uh, uh, uhhh!” he grunted in time with the semen spurting from his aching cock. His ass came off the edge of the bed with each thrust of his hips. Stars exploded behind his eyelids and he felt nothing but bliss.

When he came to, Shaun lazily kicked off his jeans and boxers. He used the cotton underwear to soak up the mess of semen and blood then he tore the bed apart. He pushed the top blankets to the floor and pulled the flat sheet from the foot of the bed. He climbed on the mattress and wrapped himself with his thin coverings. He didn’t bother to bandage himself. So what if he bled all over the sheets. Ruth didn’t care anymore.

He turned off the lights and settled in. He smiled wryly to himself as his eyes adjusted to the dark. He was a fucking pain slut.

***

“Shame on you, Shaun.”

Shaun blinked his eyes open. Ruth stood at the foot of his bed with her brows furrowed and a hand over her mouth. He sat up and glanced down at himself.

Shaun had kicked the sheet off in the night and there was a dramatic red stain on the white covering beside him. His cock was rock hard against his belly. A normal reaction to a bladder full of piss. But the wound below it was not normal. The cut was vicious looking. It was a straight, four-inch-long slice, deep red and gaping. The surrounding skin was puffy and streaked with red. The beginnings of an infection.

Ruth shook her head as she turned away. “Why do you keep doing this to yourself?” she muttered as she bustled from the room.

Shaun grabbed the sheet and quickly covered himself. He looked around for something to put on, but his clothes from last night were gone. The pile of clothes in front of his closet was missing as well. His boots were tucked neatly in their place. Already, Ruth was on the case!

He sat, glowering at nothing, as he waited for Ruth to return. She glided back into the room momentarily, muttering disagreeably under her breath. She had her tiny pink medical case in hand and a bottle of rubbing alcohol. “I thought you’d finally stopped cutting yourself.”

Shaun grunted.

Ruth sat on the edge of Shaun’s bed and opened the medical case. “Go on,” she said impatiently, gesturing to the blanket. “Get your leg out.”

Sneering, Shaun pulled the sheet away from the wound. He carefully kept his dick covered. Ruth must have been looking at it for a while if she’d already collected the clothes and started tidying up. He felt angry, violated...embarrassed. “I can’t believe you just walked in my room. Did you even think to knock?”

Ruth had a handful of cotton balls in her hand. She doused them with alcohol. “It may be your room, but it’s under my roof. I let your mess pile up for a week. Did you enjoy living in filth?”

Shaun scowled at her.

“And if you’re worried I saw your little Roger—”

“Little?” Shaun was deeply offended.

Ruth gave him a look. She reached down to disinfect Shaun’s leg with the alcohol. She tutted sharply. “I’m sick of cleaning your messes. And I’m sick to death of cleaning up your blood.”

The rubbing alcohol stung like acid. “Ow. That hurts, you bitch,” Shaun snapped.

Ruth smacked him on the cheek. “You are so ungrateful.”

Shaun grabbed his face. It was a mild sting, but his cheek burned with an incredible heat. His eyes narrowed dangerously. “And you’re a fucking cunt. I hate you!”

They glared at each other for a couple seconds. Ruth’s nostrils flared. “You remind me of your father.”

“Why do you say that?” Shaun spat. “Do you think I’m going to murder you, too?”

Ruth’s jaw ticked. “You’re ungrateful. Like he was. You’re spoiled and angry. You’re incredibly destructive.” She shook her head and slowly, the anger faded from her eyes. “Though, you tend to turn it inwards. You destroy yourself. Frank turned his anger outwards.”

Shaun scoffed. “I do both, grandma. Haven’t you heard? I’m fucking crazy. Breaking walls, breaking faces…” He folded his arms. “I’m a monster.”

“Frank never tried to injure himself. He hurt everyone around him, though, at least once. He broke things, too. And he was a true monster,” Ruth said sadly. Her old face suddenly looked overwhelmingly weary and Shaun blinked in surprise. Her face was deeply wrinkled with age. It was almost alarming. “He and your grandfather would go hunting every weekend. Like you two do, now. They always brought something good back, too, like you,” she said. “He liked hunting. He was good at it, but there was something different about Frank. When he was nine, we found a litter of kittens in the bushes behind the house. They were so cute. I asked people around church if they’d like to adopt and got four interested families.” She took the cotton balls away from Shaun’s wound and blew on the wet skin. It felt nice. “But when I went back to collect the poor things, the whole litter was dead,” she said. “They were cut to bits. There was blood and little kitty guts strewn across the dirt. It was horrific.”

Shaun shrugged. “It was dogs or something.”

Ruth nodded as she moved on to the triple antibiotic. She found a tiny tube in her medical case and carefully applied it to the wound with a finger. “That’s what I told myself, but when I found the mother cat on the edge of the woods, dead, with a stick up its ass, I knew it was Frank.”

Shaun swallowed.

“I had Eli talk to him. He denied everything, but I knew better,” Ruth said wisely. She put the antibiotic away and selected a strip of gauze. “I started finding dead animals around the house. Their skulls were crushed. Their limbs were removed. He repeated the trick with the stick. Many times. I think he got a kick out of impaling things.”

Shaun saw a flash of his father. A big man with a big, burly beard. He was thrusting his trusty hunting knife into his wife, over and over. Then he was fucking her. Again and again…

“We had family talks. We took him to church. We grounded him. I had Eli whip him a few times,” Ruth said. She had a small set of scissors in her case and she used them to cut two long strips of medical tape. Her fingers were gentle as she taped the gauze to Shaun’s hairy thigh. “It went on like that for a few years, but it stopped suddenly when he reached his teens. Or he stopped leaving the bodies where I could find them, but either way, he moved on to people after that.”

“He was never popular at school, but when high school started he quickly became a troublemaker,” Ruth continued. “That boy was in more fights than even you. He made it through the first week of his junior year before he knifed a boy and finally got himself removed.”

Shaun laughed. “You never told me that.” He’d been close to doing that himself a time or two. He’d stopped bringing his knife to school for that very reason. It was too tempting.

“I didn’t want to encourage you,” Ruth grumbled. She finished bandaging the wound and put everything away neatly. “You have no idea how many times I’ve woken up from night terrors of you gunning down your classmates. Or finally cutting yourself so deep, you bleed out on the bed… I worry about you, Shaun. I pray for you every single night.”

Shaun sneered. “I want to make music, grandma. I can’t do that if I fucking kill myself. Stop worrying.”

Ruth pursed her lips. “I’ll never stop worrying. I’m your grandma.”

Shaun rolled his eyes.

Ruth stretched out a hand and hesitantly touched his long hair. Shaun gave her a questioning look. “Do you know how I know you’re different from your father?” She asked.

Shaun licked his lips. Ruth’s fingers in his hair were distracting. “I don’t know…”

Ruth smiled sadly. “You were never popular either. Especially after your parents died and gossip spread through town.”

Shaun frowned. He touched the gauze with the rough tip of his finger. It was better than meeting Ruth’s searching gaze.

“But I could always see the pain in your eyes,” Ruth said. “I could see the longing you had for connection. I tried so hard to get you involved in the church. I thought, if only I could find you a friend…”

Shaun sneered. “If you were really that concerned, then we should have moved. Everyone in this town hates me.”

Ruth sighed. She dropped her hands and folded them calmly in her lap. “This is my home, Shaun. I’ve lived here for fifty-some years.”

Shaun glared at the gauze.

“We thought about it a few times,” Ruth said. “Eli and I discussed it. We didn’t know if it would help.”

“Pfft.” Shaun looked away.

“I think your father liked making people upset,” Ruth said softly. “He liked being hated and feared.”

“I do too, Grandma!” Shaun snapped. “I’m not a good person.”

“No, you don’t, Shaun,” Ruth said firmly. “And you are a good person. Deep down. I know you are. I can feel it in my heart.”

Shaun laughed bitterly. “My heart is black. The only thing in it is hate and despair.”

Ruth shook her head. “That’s not true.”

“Isn’t it?” Shaun asked. He thought about Jesse. About Brian. He scowled. “All I do is cause pain.”

Ruth looked at him closely. “Your grandfather tells me you’re a homosexual.”

Shaun’s eyes snapped to Ruth’s. He waited anxiously for a reaction.

“He says you and that boy next door. Jesse. He says you’re dating.”

“I….we—”

“I’m not upset,” Ruth said softly. “If that’s what you think. I’m not mad at you, Shaun.”

Shaun blinked in surprise. “You’re not?” He felt his face start to heat up again. “You don’t think I’ll go to hell?” he sneered.

Ruth smiled. “Is that what you think?”

“Yes,” Shaun said darkly.

Ruth chuckled. “You only go to hell if you have evil in your heart. You are full of rage. And I see a great deal of loneliness in you, sweetheart. But no evil.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. “Don’t patronize me, grandma. I’m no angel.”

“I’ve seen you with that little boy,” Ruth said casually. “Little Brian.” She smiled. “He loves you, Shaun. Even the baby’s fond of you. Children that age are great judges of character.”

Shaun snorted with amusement. “The twins—”

“Are little demons. Your point?”

Shaun gaped at the woman. He was speechless.

“After your father got kicked out of school, he picked up a job at the factory,” Ruth said. “Within three months he’d gotten a girl pregnant, got arrested for drunk driving, and lost his job. Your mother’s parents were extremely old-fashioned. They pressured them to keep the baby and to get married and for some ungodly reason, Frank agreed.”

“Fuck them,” Shaun snarled.

Ruth nodded. “I blamed them for what happened for many years, but I’ve made my peace,” she said. “Frank was a killer. There’s no getting around that. Nobody made him do what he did. Frank’s the only one who’s responsible.”

Shaun grumbled under his breath. He blamed the whole world for what had happened. He even blamed himself at times...

“Your parents were married in a small ceremony at the church. They bought a house and moved in together. Frank began to have drinking problems. He couldn’t hold down jobs. He got multiple DUIs. He was in fights in every bar in town,” she continued. “When I noticed bruises on my daughter-in-law, I had Eli take Frank aside for a talk,” she sighed heavily. “I should have done more. Like before, nothing changed. They lost the first baby and I prayed your mom would leave your dad, but they got pregnant again.”

Ruth suddenly touched Shaun’s face. She gingerly cupped his cheek. Shaun watched her as she studied his face and the new beard growing on his jaw. “You were such a sweet little baby,” she said. “When you were born, you had a full head of hair.” She smiled. “I’ve never seen a baby with so much hair.”

Shaun pulled away. “Alright, grandma.”

Ruth chuckled. “Well, you were. Cute. You were a little angel.”

Shaun glared at her.

“I promised myself, if I ever saw a single mark on you, I’d do something. Eli and I would swoop in and save you if need be. But I think your dad knew better than to lay a hand on you—”

“Except for that one time,” Shaun sneered, thinking about the thrashing he’d received the day his father had killed his wife and then himself.

Ruth pressed her lips together. “I have hope for you, Shaun. You can learn to control your anger. You don’t have to react with violence.”

Shaun scoffed. “Sure, I don’t have to.”

“You’re always getting yourself in trouble,” Ruth said. “You get hurt. You alienate people.”

“Your point?” Shaun spat.

“It’s okay to be happy, Shaun. And you can consciously change how you feel and react to the world,” Ruth said wisely. “You don’t have to be miserable and alone. You can have friends. You can have a partner, even. If you can learn to enjoy life and appreciate what you have, you’ll be a lot happier. You’ll find peace.”

Shaun stared at his grandma for a long moment. “I just found out Jesse’s a dad.”

Ruth’s eyes widened. “Is it Lissa?”

“No,” Shaun said. “Brian’s his son.”

Ruth smiled slowly. “It seems like you and that little boy have really bonded.”

Shaun scowled.

Ruth’s smile faded. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m upset,” Shaun said. “When I found out, I screamed in Jesse’s face. I stormed out and went to my friend’s house. I was there all weekend. By myself.”

“Oh, Shaun,” Ruth said. “What did you say to that sweet boy?”

Shaun huffed. “To Brian? Nothing.”

“No. To Jesse.”

“I don’t remember.” Shaun made a face. “I think I called him a whore.”

Ruth tisked. “Shame.”

“Shut up, grandma,” Shaun sneered. “I was upset.”

“You should go over there right now and apologize,” Ruth said firmly.

“I don’t want to,” Shaun snarled. “I’m not ready.”

Ruth pursed her lips.

“I know I’m wrong,” Shaun admitted sourly. “My bandmate read me the riot act over the weekend…”

“That boy has lived a tough life,” Ruth said. “And I didn’t even know one of those children was his own. No wonder he feels so obligated.” She smiled. “He’s a fine boy, Shaun.”

Shaun’s cheeks pinkened. “He’s alright.”

“No. He’s polite, he’s respectful, he’s got an amazing sense of responsibility.” She smiled at him. “And somehow, he got through to my stubborn grandson. He wore you down, didn’t he?”

Shaun snorted. “Yeah. He did.”

“Go to him, Shaun,” Ruth said. “I’m sure he’s hurting just as badly as you are.”

Shaun sighed. “I don’t know what to say to him.”

“‘I’m sorry’ goes a long way,” Ruth said.

“Yeah right,” Shaun said darkly, thinking of his failed attempt at apologizing for the birthday dinner last week.

Ruth snorted. She squeezed Shaun’s shoulder. “The war’s over, Shaun. I forgive you.” She stood up slowly. “And don’t keep that boy waiting for long. He won’t be single forever.” She winked at Shaun as she closed her medical case. She turned for the door. “And throw those sheets down the hall when you’re through sulking. I’ve got a bucket of Oxyclean started in the washing room.” She bustled out of the room.

Shaun grumbled under his breath. “Fuck you, grandma. Fucking sulking…” He got out of bed and ripped off his shirt. He walked naked to the bathroom, his morning wood swaying obscenely before him. He didn’t care. Everybody had seen the damn thing. Nothing was private anymore.

He went to the toilet and relieved himself. “Jesus fucking Christ….” he groaned.

He wanted to take a shower but thought better of it. He didn’t want to rebandage his leg, so he resorted to antiperspirant instead. He went back to his room, put on a clean set of clothes, and stepped in his boots. He gathered the bloody sheet and his dirty shirt from yesterday and took it down the hall. He dropped it in a pile and then entered the kitchen.

Eli was at the table eating a sandwich. “Hey,” he said. “Afternoon, son. How was your weekend?”

Shaun checked the time. It was past noon. “It was good,” he said casually, trying to avoid another conversation. “We worked on some new material.”

“Are you heading to Jesse’s?”

“No,” Shaun said quickly. “I think I’ll work on my guitar today. I’m feeling inspired.”

Eli nodded. “I’d love to come to one of your shows. I’m curious to see what you’ve come up with.”

Shaun snorted. “They’ll rip you apart, grandpa. Those assholes in the mosh pit are brutal.”

Eli puffed himself up. “When I was your age, at Woodstock—”

“Please! Not the hippy-dippy story again.”

Eli chuckled. “Alright. I’ll spare you.”

Shaun went to the fridge. He grabbed the lunchmeat, the cheese, and some brown mustard. He slapped a sandwich together on the counter and wrapped it in a piece of paper towel. When he returned everything to the fridge, he found a bottle of water. He gathered his makeshift breakfast in his arms and turned for the door. “See you later,” he said to the old man on his way out.

Eli waved. “Catch you later, son.”

***

Shaun practiced most of the day. Ruth called him in for dinner around six, but he went straight back to work once he’d finished. He played late into the night.

He called it quits around eleven. He’d noticed an hour ago he was bleeding through the gauze on his leg, but he hadn’t found a good time to stop until now. He put his things away for the night and shut off the lights.

He looked back at Jesse’s house as he hopped up on the porch. The moon was out again. The stars twinkled in the sky. Jesse’s bedroom window was all lit up, but he couldn’t see much from the ground. The edge of the curtain and one of the posts on the bunk bed, but that was all.

He went inside and took a shower. When he was under the water, he used his fingers to aggressively clean out his wounds. It prompted another masturbation session and an intense orgasm.

He brushed his teeth and shuffled off to bed. He was strangely peaceful as he got settled under a fresh set of sheets. He stared blankly up at the shadows playing across the ceiling.

Tomorrow was practice. Then Wednesday. Another practice. Friday. And then showtime.

Shaun vibrated with excitement. He couldn’t wait to get on the stage again. He was eager to prove himself.

He rolled over and fell easily into a dreamless slumber.

***

When Shaun arrived at practice Tuesday, Ben jumped on him first thing.

“You broke up with Jesse?”

Shaun huffed. “We’re taking a break. How the fuck do you even know about that?” He shoved past Ben and carried his equipment to the stairs. Gretchen’s Jeep wasn’t in the driveway. Had she texted Ben his private business? That seemed absurdly catty. It was something a fucking girl would do.

“Gretchen told me,” Ben said.

“Through text?”

“Well, yeah.”

Shaun whirled around as he reached the door to the basement. He set his things down and poked a finger at the man in front of him. “It’s not your fucking business. We’re not talking about that bullshit tonight.”

Ben held up his hands in defense. “Gretchen said Jesse had a kid.”

Shaun gnashed his teeth. “Did you just hear what I said?”

Ben’s eyes widened. “Yes….”

“Good. Then keep quiet about shit you don’t have any business talking about,” Shaun growled. “I’m here to practice. This isn’t a social call.” He grabbed his things and started for the stairs. Ben followed him in silence.

When they got down to the basement, Shaun put his things behind the mic. He muttered angrily under his breath as he got set up. Ben watched with wide, almost child-like eyes.

Gretchen arrived soon after. When she came in the door at the top of the stairs, Shaun watched her descend through narrowed eyes.

“I can’t believe you fucking told him,” he snapped as soon as Gretchen reached the last step.

She looked up in surprise. “What?”

“You told Ben about Jesse,” he growled. “You fucking bitch. I told you that in confidence.”

Gretchen frowned. She had one of her cases in her arms and she set it down with a huff. She planted a hand on her hip. “I’m sorry. I didn’t know I couldn’t tell our other bandmate, who’s definitely not involved in your personal life. I know how we like to keep everything neat and tidy and separate.”

Shaun’s nostrils flared. The vein in his temple ticked with anger. “I don’t want to talk about him today. Got it?”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “Hadn’t planned on it.”

Shaun looked angrily at the bassist to his left. “No more questions. Understand?”

Ben nodded.

“Good. Let’s get started,” Shaun said. He strummed his guitar experimentally.

“Someone help me unload my stuff,” Gretchen said. She looked at Ben. “Benny….”

Ben sighed. He unstrapped his bass guitar and stepped around Gretchen for the stairs.

Once they were alone, Gretchen dragged her single drum to her regular spot. Shaun avoided her gaze. He was still stewing with anger.

“You haven’t made up with him yet, I take it?”

Shaun grit his teeth. “I haven’t seen him yet.”

“I thought you lived next door to him.”

“I do.”

“Hmm.”

Shaun huffed. “Listen. I’m wrong. And I don’t care right now. I’m focused on Saturday’s show. Can’t you assholes let me do that? Maybe it’s not important to you, but it is to me. I want to do my absolute best.”

Gretchen gave Shaun a long, unwavering look. “I’ve got high hopes for you, kid,” she said, and she turned away and started to unpack her case. She laughed. “You’re a rough piece of work. A diamond in the ruff, if you will, but I’ve got hopes for you yet.”

Shaun snorted. He gripped his instrument with confidence. He began to play, running through an intricate set of notes that filled the room with its rich, warm tones. He didn’t stop until Ben returned.

 

***

 

On Saturday night, everyone met at Gretchen’s place at nine. She was the closest to tonight’s venue. It was fifteen minutes away and everyone knew where she lived by this point.

When Shaun pulled up, Ben’s car, a Nissan sedan, was parked on the corner behind him. A large, white GMC van was in the drive next to Gretchen’s Jeep.

He checked the time, but it was exactly nine. Everyone else was early, it seemed.

He made a face as he got out. He said he was focused on the show and everything, but everyone else was early. He was the late one. He got his things out of the back and started for the door.

It opened before he could get to the driveway. A peel of laughter slid through first, and then Gretchen and Harry came out. Both were beaming. At each other. Harry held the door and the third wheel rolled out the door behind him. The look on Ben’s face was obvious. He wasn’t happy.

Gretchen turned to Shaun, a gentle smile on her lips. “Right on time. We’re all packed and ready to go—”

“Because I’m late,” Shaun bitched. He knew the plan. They were taking Harry’s oversized van to the show. It would fit all the equipment plus Gretchen’s camera stuff. Harry was responsible for tonight’s photography. Gretchen was all excited to add it to their social media. “I’m not on time. Everyone else is on the ball and I’m fucking—”

“Stop,” Gretchen said firmly. She took his shoulder and squeezed. “Relax. Tonight’s going to be fun. We get five songs tonight.” She grinned. “Lots of time for you to show off your charming personality.”

Harry snorted. He opened the back of the van and Shaun hurried to add his cases to the pile. “You’ll do fine, man. You were great last time. Don’t stress yourself out.”

Shaun huffed. “Yeah. Alright.”

Ben came up silently behind them. “Are you sure we shouldn’t drive separate?”

“What’s the big deal?” Gretchen asked. “If you want too, go ahead. I’m riding with Harry.”

Ben looked at Shaun. His eyes were pleading. “Want to ride with me?”

Shaun shrugged. “My stuff’s in here. I’ll have to come back this way anyway before I leave. It doesn’t make any sense, dude.”

Ben sighed. “Alright. Fine.”

Everyone climbed in the van. Harry got behind the wheel and turned on the radio. It was shitty pop music. He cringed. “Everybody got what they need? Should we do one last check before we pull out?”

Gretchen was in the passenger seat beside him. She turned to Harry with a huge smile. “Remember when I forgot my cymbal?”

“And we were a hundred miles from home?” Harry laughed.

Gretchen’s expression darkened. “Those assholes wouldn’t loan us a cymbal for a single song….”

“Gretch, babe, it was a competition.”

“So? I would loan a competitor my cymbal if they were really that desperate,” Gretchen grumbled.

“With money involved?” Harry snorted. “So, caution to the wind? No double checks?”

“We’re fifteen minutes from home,” Gretchen shrugged. “The stakes really aren’t high enough for a double check.”

Harry snorted. “I’ve missed you, Gretch. Why haven’t we kept in touch?” He started the car and grabbed the back of Gretchen’s headrest so he could look through the rearview window and reverse one handed. The move reminded Shaun intensely of his grandfather.

“Because you had that controlling bitch of a girlfriend. What was her name…”

“Which one?” Harry chuckled. They were on the road. He let go of the headrest and turned back to the windshield. He shifted gears and they puttered down the road. Shaun was impressed with the ride. Vans were usually lame, but this was a pretty cool van. There were three rows of leather seats and room for cargo behind the last one. The inside had wood accents and other old-fashioned amenities like cupholders, armrests, and mini blinds on the back windows. It was exceptionally clean, very roomy, and he liked how high up they were sitting. It reminded Shaun of a RV.

“I don’t know. The name Wanda is coming to mind.” Gretchen lit up a cigarette.

“Oh, god, her?”

“Were you guys in a band together?” Shaun spoke up.

Gretchen glanced over her shoulder as she ashed in Harry’s built-in tray. “Didn’t I mention that already?”

Shaun shrugged. If she had, he didn’t remember it.

“We dated, too,” Harry said. Shaun could see him smiling in the rearview mirror. “For a hot minute.”

Gretchen blew smoke between her lips. “It was definitely hot,” she chuckled.

“Ugh,” Ben groaned loudly, and the van fell quiet. Gretchen raised an eyebrow and looked over her shoulder as Ben began to flush. Shaun glanced at him from the corner of his eye. Ben was flapping his jaw. “Uh...have you like seen this spider web in the blinds here?” He swiped viciously at the mini blinds. The cord lock unlatched, and the blinds went crazily askew. “Got it.”

Gretchen curled her lip. “Good for you.” She turned back around and glanced at the radio as her cigarette burned between her fingers. “I always hated your taste in music though. What the hell is this crap?” She twisted the dial.

“Taylor Swift?”

Gretchen stopped on a different station. They were halfway through a Mastodon song. “That’s better.”

Shaun nodded in agreement. “What kind of music do you play?” he asked Harry.

“All kinds,” Harry said. “I’m not picky.”

“Yeah, we can tell,” Gretchen mumbled. “That band you’re in now sucks.”

Harry snorted. “Has anyone ever told you you’re too honest?”

“No. People usually call me a bitch.”

They got to The Raven in record time. Twelve minutes. It was much smaller than The Foundry, but Gretchen said they catered to metal musicians. It was the reason she’d moved to this town, she said.

The Raven was a small, brick bar with a covered outside patio featuring a firepit. The parking lot in the back was sizable and it was nearly full. There was a row of motorcycles up front, but the rest were cars and trucks. Shaun had become extremely wary of bikers since his last show with Execute Invasion…

The security was much more relaxed at this place. Ben pulled up behind the building and a big guy from the bar came right out to help them.

“The other band’s already set up,” he said as they got out to assist. Shaun’s face paled. Gretchen, who wasn’t lifting a finger to help, lit up another cigarette as she studied his face.

“Cool it, sparky,” she said. “Don’t get yourself worked up again.”

Shaun shook out his hands. “I can’t help it. I’m nervous.”

“You’re going to be fine; you know that right?” Gretchen handed Shaun her pack of cigarettes and a lighter.

Shaun looked guiltily over his shoulder at the van. The others had their hands full. They were heading in the back.

“Don’t worry about them, they’ve got this,” Gretchen said coolly. “Smoke with me. It’ll calm you down.”

Shaun sighed. He pulled a cigarette from the pack and lit up. “I wish Jesse was here,” he said before he could stop himself.

Gretchen looked at him blankly. “It’s your own fault, he isn’t. He’d do anything to be here tonight. If you’d let him.”

Shaun sucked down his cigarette. “Fuck me….”

“How much longer are you going to make him suffer? What’s it been now? A week?”

Shaun huffed. “Yeah.”

“Are you done throwing your tantrum yet? Do you need another week?” Gretchen sneered. “We’ve got two more shows after this.”

“I know.” Shaun flicked the ash off his cigarette.

“Jesse will hate you if you make him miss more shows.”

Shaun grumbled under his breath.

“Are you still nervous?”

Shaun made a face. “I’m so fucking excited I could puke.”

Gretchen snorted. “Well, don’t. Please. If you’d been a bit earlier you would have gotten a slice of pizza. I’m stuffed. Don’t fuck with my stomach.”

“I think pizza’s bad luck,” Shaun muttered.

“Because of last time?” Gretchen snorted. “Maybe it’s good luck. You were a rockstar at The Foundry.” Shaun blew smoke in Gretchen’s face and she waved it away with a hand, her eyes narrowing. “Just do what you did last time. It worked, whatever you did.”

They went inside once they finished. They walked straight through the back door and into a small rehearsal area/lounge. Gretchen pointed at a door with a silver star, opposite the entrance. “That’s the stage. It isn’t as big as the one at the last place, so don’t get all excited.”

Shaun nodded. He was glad the stage was smaller today. He was used to playing bars.

There was a long brown couch against the back wall, stained and worn from heavy use. Two long-haired guys were sitting on it, drinking beer. The blond guy had a Seether shirt and multiple piercings. The brunette had a beard and a hundred-mile stare. Across from the couch was a mini-fridge and a tall, dirty mirror nailed to the wall. Both the fridge and the mirror were covered in stickers of local bands. Ben and Harry were drinking beer by the fridge. There were two other guys with them. A tall black guy with dreads and a slightly shorter, brown skinned man with a goatee, dark hair, and dark eyes. He was very handsome.

Gretchen dragged Shaun to the fridge. As they approached, Shaun assessed the two other band members, because he was sure that’s who the other four guys were. It was unmistakable. The hair, the tattoos, the general vibe about them. The tall, dark, and handsome man was clearly the lead. He was slim and his arms were corded with muscle. His chest was pushed out and the look on his face was incredibly serious.

“Hey Miguel,” Gretchen said as they joined the others. She pushed in front of Shaun and wedged herself between Harry and Ben. Both men turned to greet her, but their eyes met over her head before either of them could speak. They sized each other up. Shaun watched the exchange with a scowl on his face.

“Hey Gretchen,” said the good-looking guy with the goatee. Miguel. The serious look on his face fell away. He smiled shyly.

“Shaun?” Gretchen looked around. Her eyes lit up when she found him standing just behind her. “This is One Thousand Nights,” she said. She hooked her arm through Shaun’s and pulled him closer. “This is Miguel and Andy,” she said, gesturing to the two men in front of them. “And that’s Walt and Christopher.” She nodded at the other two on the couch. They got up to join the party.

The guys looked curiously at Shaun. He cleared his throat. “I’m Shaun.”

“We’re crazy new,” Gretchen said with a flip of her hair.

“I remember,” Miguel said. “You said it was your first show at the Foundry.”

“Well,” Gretchen bragged. “This is our second.”

The black guy, Andy, raised his eyebrows. “And you’re doing The Battle of the Bands? Wow.”

Gretchen turned to him. “Did Ben tell you? We’re all super hyped.”

Andy nodded.

“Frontman to frontman,” Miguel said kindly. He held out his hand and Shaun was a little surprised to find it was directed at him. “Best of luck,” he said with a faint smile.

“Thanks.” Shaun shook his hand. He decided this guy was alright. “I didn’t see your set last time.”

“Stick around,” Miguel said. “We’re all going to a party after this.”

Ben huffed. He folded his arms. “Is there always a party?”

“Of course,” Miguel said. “And it’s a great chance to mix with the fans. We won’t always be able to connect with them on a personal level like this. Not if you’ve got any plans to get signed.”

Harry nodded sagely. “Even if you aren’t messing with the fans, it’s a good opportunity to network. You should get a chance to know everyone on the scene if you’re serious.”

“See.” Gretchen nudged Ben with an elbow. “Parties are important.”

Shaun nodded. He’d never thought of a party as being a chance to talk. He didn’t talk to anybody and nobody ever talked to him...but maybe that wasn’t true anymore. He’d had no problems talking with that groupie at the other party. Harry had been nothing but a stranger last time, as well. Now, he was shaking hands with Miguel. Lead singer of One Thousand Nights. He didn’t know who they were, and he felt bad. His lack of knowledge made him feel like a rookie.

“I don’t know how late I can stay,” Ben said quietly to Gretchen. He tried to pull her aside. She let go of Shaun, but then shrugged Ben off, as well.

“Then we’ll take you back to my house before we go,” she hissed. “Don’t make it an issue.”

Ben huffed. He drank his beer as Gretchen turned back to the guys.

“Grab me a beer, Harry,” she said, and Harry didn’t even hesitate. He started for the mini fridge. “And grab one for Shaun, too.”

“Thanks,” Shaun said when Harry returned with the beers.

Gretchen cracked hers open and took a generous swig. “How’s the crowd tonight?”

“Decent,” Andy said with a shrug. “It’s Saturday. I think there’s a special on the drafts.”

Gretchen nodded.

Shaun silently drank his beer. He was content with listening.

“It’s the middle of July. People want cold beer, good music, and A/C,” said the blond guy.

“Well, at least we’ve got two of those things,” Harry snorted.

Everyone laughed. Gretchen slung her arm around Harry’s waist. They leaned easily into one another.

Someone tugged on Shaun’s t-shirt. He turned around and Ben stood at his elbow, looking needily into his eyes. He pulled Shaun aside, so Shaun sighed and went with him.

Ben pulled them into a dark corner. There was a spare set of stage lights leaned against the wall. Ben turned to look Shaun in the eye. “Are you going to the party?”

“Yes,” Shaun said. “Harry’s right. I don’t know any of the other bands. It’s probably a good idea to meet everyone.”

“Harry,” Ben sneered. “What do you think of that guy? Seems like another hack to me.”

“I like him.”

Ben gaped at him. “You like him?”

Shaun folded his arms and gave Ben a look. “Cut the shit, Ben. You’re jealous.”

Ben’s mouth flapped like a fish.

“You didn’t have sex with her, did you?” Shaun asked.

Ben frowned. “I’m about to get married.”

“Did you?”

Ben looked down at his tennis shoes. “I might have…. you know.”

Shaun’s eyes bugged out of his head. “What?”

Ben mumbled something unintelligible under his breath.

“What did you—?”

“What are you guys talking about over here?”

Shaun spun around. Gretchen stood behind them. She looked between him and Ben with suspicion.

“Uh...we’re just going over the songs again,” Ben said quickly. “I forgot.”

“You forgot?” Gretchen frowned. “How? We spent two days practicing the set-list.”

Ben laughed. “You know me. I’m always forgetting stuff. Remember that one Christmas at your parents?”

“What Christmas?”

“It was a while ago, but don’t you remember? Angela and I arrived only to realize we’d left your mother’s present at home?”

“Not really.” Gretchen took a swig of her beer.

“Angela had picked it out special. It was a portrait of her and your mother when Angela was a little girl. She had a custom frame made and everything.”

“Mmhmm.”

“She asked me to drive back and pick it up, but, your parents’ house is like three hours away—”

“I think I was drunk,” Gretchen said suddenly, then turned to Shaun. “We’re about to go on stage, so wrap it up guys. Run to the bathroom, now, if you have to.” She walked back to the group around the mini fridge. Harry was gone. He was probably getting the camera set up in the bar.

“Great story,” Shaun grunted. He glared at his bassist. “What the fuck was that?”

Ben shoved past him. “Just forget it.”

Shaun finished his beer. He found the nearest trash can and tossed it. He folded his arms as he watched Ben slither up to Gretchen’s side. Gretchen looked at him with a raised brow, but she turned back to the conversation without comment. Shaun watched them together with narrowed eyes. They’d fucked. He knew it. They were angry with each other, but they stood close, their shoulders nearly touching, and their bodies were angled at one another. When their eyes met, their gazes lingered.

They were feeding off each other.

“First up!” The big guy from earlier called. He waited by the door with the silver star.

Shaun met Gretchen’s eyes from across the room. They nodded at each other and Gretchen murmured something to the other band. She took Ben’s arm and pulled him across the room. The three of them met in the middle, by the door. The guy from the bar opened it for them and there was a brief round of applause and a smattering of welcoming cheers as they walked right out on the stage. Their instruments were set up on the small platform and overhead lights illuminated the area.

Shaun broke away from the other two and took his place. He picked up his guitar and slid the strap over his neck. His breath was short and coming rapidly. He looked out over the gathered audience as he started to sweat under the hot, bright lights.

It was one big room with a small bar to one side with two busy bartenders serving happy, energetic customers. There was music coming from the bar and people were bouncing and swaying with the beat. There were women in skimpy summer clothes, men in band tees. Girls with tats, men with beards. Piercings galore. It was the same rowdy crowd as before. People turned their attention to the stage as Gretchen adjusted her mic to Shaun’s right and to the left, Ben secured the strap on his bass. The noise of the audience quickly began to die down and so did the music. Suddenly, Shaun had the floor.

“Hey fuckers, how’s it going?” Shaun started, sweat beading along his hairline. He shook out his long hair. There were a couple encouraging hoots from the audience and Shaun remembered what Gretchen had said after The Fourth of July show. “We’re Defaced,” he said dutifully.

There was a single answering cheer and then a couple nervous chuckles. A sea of blank faces stared back at Shaun.

Shaun cleared his throat. He fingered the strings on his instrument. “Has anyone ever lied to you before? I had this sweet piece of ass…” he shook his head mournfully and there were a few laughs in reply, a couple smiles from the watching audience. Shaun started to play, and Gretchen and Ben jumped in to back him up. “It was too good to be true,” Shaun sighed. “But it usually is, am I right, guys?”

There was a round of cheers.

“That piece of ass tricked me,” Shaun spat into the microphone. The cheers were louder this time, more enthusiastic. “That’s what I get for letting my dick do the thinking…”

“Yeah!” Someone shouted from the crowd.

“Whooo!”

“Fucking bitches!”

“That guy knows what I’m talking about” Shaun snarled and there was a resounding roar of approval. Shaun started to sing.

Your mouth says one thing, but your eyes say another...

You learned these half-truths from your own mother...

We can’t live in your fantasy when reality stabs all your dreams...

Now our goddamn love is falling apart at the seams...

And I don’t know how many more times I can come in my jeans...

Struggling with these motherfucking realities that take my breath away every single time...

I leave you...

The audience crowded up to the stage as the first song ended. People whistled and cried out with excitement. Shaun grinned wryly. He signaled to Gretchen and they went straight into the second song.

This song was about sex. Shaun sang in a deep, throaty voice because Jesse said it was sexy. He thrust his hips and let his sweaty hair cascade over his shoulders as he passionately strummed his guitar. His face and neck were drenched in sweat. The wavy strands of hair stuck to his neck and cheek and Shaun casually flipped his hair out of his face.

Whistles and hoots of approval came from the girls in the crowd. There were a lot of girls in the room, actually. Shaun spotted a familiar face. Front row. It was Nicky. She met his eyes when he sang the lyrics:

I want to take a tender bite of that sweet ass tonight,

I’m going to pound you until I’m done

and then I’m gonna fill you up to bursting just for fun...

Bitch you’ve got the tightest body. You make me so hard.

I push it in and you’ll say ‘Oh! Oh God. Dear Lord!

And I can’t believe it babe, but, goddamn, my faith is restored...

Nicky’s eyes smoldered with something that looked suspiciously like arousal. Shaun felt compelled to meet her gaze. Besides Jesse and Kyle, he’d never had someone look at him like that before.

But Nicky wasn’t the only girl looking at him like that. As his eyes adjusted to the bright lights, the low stage gave him a perfect view of the front couple rows of people. Shaun could see more than one girl making eyes at him.

The third song was really heavy. It was more for the hard-core metal fans. Shaun’s fingers flew up and down the fretboard at an insane speed in the first verse and people threw up their hands and screamed with excitement. Shaun sang hoarsely into the mic. When his guitar solo came up, he fell to his knees and headbanged enthusiastically as he shredded the fuck out of his instrument.

Everyone loved it. Ben backed him up perfectly. He hopped up and down as he played for the audience. Shaun was impressed with his playing. Gretchen got everyone’s heart pumping with her drum skills. She grinned as she spun her sticks around. She was really into it.

The next couple songs were hits, too. The audience was great. They were responsive and positive, too. When Defaced reached the end of their set, Shaun was so pumped, it was a struggle to stop playing.

“You guys were fucking excellent!” he yelled out to the crowd. Everyone was jumping around and screaming. There were smiles, cheers, whistles of approval. Shaun grinned manically. He glanced over his shoulder at Ben, then Gretchen. Both were soaking up the limelight. Ben was slick with sweat, too. He was beaming. His lips were stretched widely over his white teeth. Gretchen stood over her drum kit, panting for breath. She met Shaun’s eyes and smiled. “We’re Defaced! Thank you!” Shaun let go of the mic and walked off the stage. A wave of applause followed him through to the back room.

The members of One Thousand Nights were watching from the sidelines. Miguel met Shaun’s gaze. “Dude, that was great.”

“Thanks.” Shaun glowed with pride. He couldn’t hide it. His face was warm with color. There was a silly smile plastered to his face.

Miguel started to say something else, but the backstage guy gave him the signal. “We’ll talk later,” he said. He clasped Shaun’s shoulder briefly in passing.

Shaun felt even warmer after the shoulder clasp. It felt like acceptance.

Gretchen threw her arms around Shaun from behind. “Oof.”

“I love you, man!” Gretchen hugged him tightly. “I had a good feeling about you, I’m so glad it’s paying off.”

Shaun struggled out of the tiny girl’s hold. “Fuck off, Gretch.”

Gretchen stumbled backwards and fell into Ben. He enclosed her in his arms, but she quickly righted herself and staggered away. She brushed herself off fastidiously. “So rude,” she muttered.

“What? Me?” Ben looked deeply wounded.

Gretchen curled her lip. “Him.” She sneered in Shaun’s direction. “Learn to take a compliment.”

Slowly, Ben’s expression changed. He smiled coyly at Shaun. “All the ladies were checking you out.”

Shaun looked away as his cheeks burned with embarrassment.

Gretchen chuckled. “What did I tell you? Maybe you shouldn’t let Jesse come to the shows anymore. He might get in a cat fight with one of the groupies.”

“Are all the girls’ groupies?” Shaun grumbled.

“Why? Interested in switching teams?” Gretchen deadpanned.

“What? No!”

“Then what does it matter.” Gretchen folded her arms. She gave Shaun a firm look. “All those girls want is your cock. Unless you’re interested, I’d stay away if I were you. It’ll be pretty hard to say no once one of those bitches has your dick down their throat—”

“Ugh!”

“Maybe you won’t feel that way when you’re about to spouge,” Gretchen said, highly unamused. “My ex said he’d be able to resist, too. I think he lasted one party.”

Shaun looked around for eavesdroppers before he dramatically lowered his voice. “I don’t even like girls.”

Gretchen wrinkled her nose. “If you do end up with one of those floozies, find a room, okay? I can’t stand to watch you cheat on poor little Jess.”

“Didn’t you hear what I just said?” Shaun growled under his breath.

Gretchen cocked her head. “Did you say something?”

“This cunt’s unbearable!” Shaun threw up his hands. He looked at Ben for help.

Ben chuckled. He patted Shaun on the back. “Welcome to my world. I’ve been dealing with this all night.”

Shaun rolled his eyes. He had no idea what that was supposed to mean.

“Shhhh! Look! One Thousand Nights is about to play.”

They all turned back to the stage as Miguel stepped up to the mic. He had a guitar strapped to his chest, as well.

“We’re One Thousand Nights,” Miguel said simply.

The drummer, Andy, started a quick countdown and the set began.

The crowd was just as generous with One Thousand Nights as they had been with Defaced. Miguel and the rest of his band clearly had experience. They handled the stage with ease, they didn’t hesitate between transitions. Miguel went to the edge of the stage at one point and reached out to the audience. A bunch of horny girls hurried to touch his hand. Miguel was calm and collected through the set. His voice was velvet and Shaun envied him in a way, for his effortless performance. He didn’t have to make small talk. He wasn’t awkward and sweating. He looked totally cool and collected.

“They’re good,” Shaun said gruffly.

“They’ll be at Battle of the Bands,” Gretchen said. “They’re going to be hot competition.”

“How long have they been on the scene?” Ben asked.

“Its sad you guys don’t know this stuff,” Gretchen huffed. “Maybe three years,” she said. “Miguel said they tried last year, too. With a different drummer. Andy is their newest member. He’s talented.”

Shaun looked at Andy. He was tearing up the drums. His arms moved fluidly. He didn’t break a sweat through the whole set.

“They’ve got a rhythm guitarist,” Gretchen nodded at the blond guy. “We might want to look into getting one of those in the near future.”

Shaun nodded. He wasn’t against the idea.

“Ben, sweetie,” Gretchen asked suddenly.

Ben turned to her. He raised an eyebrow.

“Get us some beers, would you? We should pregame for this party. I want to introduce you guys to everyone.”

***

The party was much farther away from Gretchen’s than The Raven. Shaun thought about getting his car and following the van, Ben was considering it, too, but Gretchen said it’d be better to carpool.

“Besides, Harry’s the designated driver. If you guys drive on your own, you’ll have to moderate.”

Shaun snorted. He almost never minded his alcohol intake.

Ben gave up on the issue right then and there, though and Shaun wasn’t going to cause a fuss. After the show, they packed up their things and piled in Harry’s van. Gretchen had her camera in her lap. She ohh’ed and aww’ed as she perused the images on the digital screen.

“Fuck, look how cool we look!” She thrust the camera over the seat and Ben took it from her. It was a wide shot of the stage. The first few rows of the audience panned across the bottom half of the image, paused forever in time. The crowd was clearly enthused; there were hands in the air, excited faces, people cheering, stuck with their mouths stretched open.

Shaun and his two bandmates were frozen on stage under the lights. Gretchen was aggressively banging her drums. She looked like a vampire with her black eye makeup and her lacy, gothic dress. Ben was caught mid-jump, his arm flying through the air, his guitar outstretched. His short hair was crazily mussed. Ben had a wide, childlike grin across his face.

Shaun was between them. He was a little surprised by how...different he looked. He looked dark and menacing, but in like...a sexual way. His feet were spread and even from a distance, the bulge in Shaun’s jeans was noticeable. The strong muscles in his arms were flexed, caught in the act of strumming. His head was thrown back and his long, dark hair was draped over his face. His eyes were closed, and his mouth was open as he sang a long note. Only half of his ruggedly handsome face was visible, but Shaun thought it gave him an air of mystery.

“Looking good, Shaun,” Ben said. He elbowed him.

Shaun rolled his eyes. He took the camera from the other man and handed it back to Gretchen. “Cool,” he said.

“Thanks Harry. You’re such a doll,” Gretchen said excitedly. She leaned across her armrest and kissed him on the cheek.

Beside Shaun, Ben stiffened.

“No worries,” Harry said with a laugh.

Gretchen settled back in her seat like nothing had happened. She continued to browse the images. “I can’t wait to get home and upload these.”

Ben let out a deep, slow breath and Shaun glanced at him in annoyance. Ben gazed longingly at the back of Gretchen’s head.

Shaun huffed and looked out the window.

They were going down the interstate on their way to the party. It was dark out and the two lane-road was decently crowded. The headlights of the oncoming traffic were dazzling. Shaun tested the mini blinds on his window. They didn’t cut down on the lights through the windshield, obviously, but they helped a little.

The party was at another house. Nobody knew who it belonged to, however. It was a single-story house with a foundation. Shaun thought maybe it had a basement. It was in the suburbs. The lots were small, like at Gretchen’s place. It wasn’t as idyllic, however. Nearly all the houses on the block were in a state of general disrepair. Some of them had roof problems. Some had peeling paint. Others weren’t keeping up with their lawn work. There was random trash in the street, the sidewalk was cracked and uneven, and the cars in the surrounding driveways had broken windows, rust and other body damage, temporary tags….

The street was lined with vehicles. It wasn’t clear if all the people parked in the street were partiers, but the little house was filled to bursting. The party spilled out onto the unmowed lawn. People stood around drinking and smoking. Cans were strewn through the grass and people tossed their butts wherever they pleased.

Harry had to park far down the road. They got out and started to walk.

“I should have brought weed,” Ben grumbled.

“Why didn’t you?” Gretchen asked.

Ben looked at Harry. “I didn’t think of it, I guess.”

“I’m sure they’ll have party favors,” Harry said with a shrug. “This is that kind of party.”

When they reached the house, Harry immediately started to see people he knew.

“Chad! Hey!” he called as they passed a group of guys drinking by the sidewalk. “Vera!” He held up a hand as they got closer to the house. A girl in a tiny black skirt was smoking a cigarette in the grass.

“Maybe we should stop for a smoke,” Gretchen said vaguely. “I haven’t seen her in ages.” She took Harry’s hand and pulled him toward the girl. Vera.

Ben looked at Shaun in distress. “Coming?” he started after Gretchen.

“No. I’m going inside,” Shaun said. He wanted to find some more beer before he tried to be social.

Ben waved. “Catch you later, then.”

Shaun left his bandmates behind and curiously entered the house.

The front room was an open-floor plan type of deal. The living room, dining, and kitchen were all merged. The kitchen was way at the back, and it stretched around the corner and continued, but Shaun couldn’t see that far into the room. The living room was packed with people. There was no free sitting space, and everyone was walking around with cans of beer. There was music blasting from a stereo, something whiny and stupid, and crates of beer were on the table behind the couches.

Shaun stuck to the fringes as he edged his way through the partygoers. He was heading for the beer, but he was stopped almost immediately.

Two young men pulled him aside when he tried to slip between them. “Are you that guy from Defaced?” asked the one with the shaved head.

“We saw you at The Foundry the other day, but this set was even better,” said the other with a bent mohawk.

“Yeah. That was me,” Shaun said sheepishly.

“Oh, man, you were awesome!”

“Yeah, where do you get your inspiration from?

“Fuck off, Joey, he obviously gets it from real life. That first song was about his chick.”

Shaun pressed his lips together.

“Do you also strangle motherfuckers that get in your way?” the mohawk guy quoted from the last song.

Shaun smiled faintly. “Of course I do. I wouldn’t make up shit for a song.”

Joey grinned. “This guy is sick!” He and the mohawk guy high-fived.

“Leave him alone, losers,” said a sultry, feminine voice. A graceful hand skimmed along Shaun’s shoulder and trailed gently down his arm. Nicky stepped in front of Shaun as goosebumps popped up along his forearm. “He doesn’t want to deal with you freaks. I’m sure he’d rather be in the company of a lady.”

Joey and Mohawk gave each other knowing looks. “Yeah, sure, you’ve got better shit to do,” Joey said, waggling his eyebrows.

“It was nice meeting you,” Mohawk said. He put his arm around his friend’s shoulder and silently urged him to follow.

“Except, we didn’t actually catch his name,” Joey grumbled.

Nicky’s dark eyes smoldered with a white-hot intensity. Shaun couldn’t look away. “His name’s Shaun.”

“Nice to meet you, Shaun. I’m—”

Mohawk grabbed his friend by the back of the neck. “C’mon, idiot.”

The two fans scurried away.

“You impressed me tonight,” Nicky said once they were alone. Only, they weren’t alone, it just felt like they were. Nicky must have cast a spell, because there was a bubble of silence around them, even as they stood in the midst of a crowd. “I didn’t think you could, after last time. But you did.”

Shaun snorted. “What did I do?”

“You made me wet,” Nicky said boldly. Her eyes burned like coals.

Shaun looked the woman up and down. She wore tiny jean shorts and a red tank-top that showed both her big tits and her flat stomach. The heart tattoo around her belly button wasn’t Shaun’s favorite, but he didn’t absolutely hate it. She wore tasteful makeup, strappy high-heels, and her long, red-streaked hair cascaded over her right shoulder and spilled across her breasts. Shaun genuinely liked the color job.

“What are you thinking?” Nicky asked. She leaned into Shaun and smiled coyly.

“Not much, really,” Shaun said honestly. “I guess I was hoping to get a beer.”

Nicky’s smile melted away. “I could get you one.”

Shaun folded his arms and raised an eyebrow.

Nicky disappeared into the crowd. The bubble of silence was broken, and Shaun realized how claustrophobic he felt. People were pressing in on him from all sides. As he waited, a girl with a bullring through her nose rushed past with a beer. She shoved into him by mistake.

“Sorry!” she called over her shoulder.

Shaun was scowling when Nicky returned with two beers. She studied his face as she gave him one and then cradled the second to her chest. “Do you want to go downstairs? It’s a bit quieter.”

“Yes,” Shaun said instantly.

Nicky smiled. She slipped her arm through Shaun’s and led him into the kitchen. The room was littered with beer cans. The cabinets looked like someone had picked through them. The sink under the window was dripping continuously.

Nicky led him past the sink. “Right through here,” she said cheerfully. There was a door at the back of the kitchen. She opened it and revealed a set of stairs.

There were people downstairs playing cards on a rickety metal table. There was a washer and dryer in the corner and beside it a loveseat with a slash through the material along the back. Nicky led him there. It must have been the only free seat in the house.

Shaun sat suspiciously. He wanted to ask how Nicky had planned this, but he kept his mouth shut. He cracked his beer and began to drain it.

Nicky crossed her long, bare legs. She watched Shaun chug his drink. “Did you hear me upstairs?”

“Yeah.” Shaun burped. “I made you wet. So what?”

Nicky frowned. She wrinkled her nose. “That doesn’t turn you on?”

“No.”

Nicky uncrossed her legs. She sat back and looked at Shaun with offence. “Are you gay or something?”

Shaun sighed. He wasn’t interested in the woman beside him, but he’d walked down here willingly. He’d gotten himself into this situation and he didn’t want to lose face. “Maybe I’m just not as easy as you’re used to,” he said vaguely. He took another drink. Already, he was close to finishing the can.

“Easy?” Nicky laughed. “I don’t think I’ve ever heard of a man being described as ‘easy’.”

Shaun leaned back and spread his legs. He rested his beer on his knee. “I don’t sleep around,” he said firmly, glaring at his close to empty beverage. “Especially the first time I meet someone.”

“This isn’t the first time we’ve met,” Nicky said in a smooth, seductive voice.

“I don’t sleep with people the second time I meet them either,” Shaun growled.

“Wow.” Nicky blinked. “Are you a virgin?”

“No. I’m not a fucking virgin,” Shaun hissed. He gulped the last of his beer and then noisily crushed the can. “If I fucked your little pussy I’d probably break you.”

“I’m sure I could take you,” Nicky said sweetly, fluttering her eyelashes.

Shaun scoffed. His face was starting to turn red; he could feel his cheeks heating up. “I’m sure. With the hundreds of times you’ve been passed around.”

Nicky laughed out loud. “You’re awfully charming.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “I know you’re a groupie. I know you’ll do anything to get my cock. Excuse me for not popping a boner on command.”

Nicky crossed her legs again. “I wasn’t commanding you to get a boner.”

Shaun tossed his empty beer can into the corner of the room. “If you want my dick, you’ll have to work for it.”

“Oh, I plan on it,” Nicky said intently and Shaun faltered. He didn’t want to fuck this bitch, and she looked like she was about to call his bluff. “I have a feeling it’ll be worth it,” she continued as she made a show of lowering her eyes. She looked pointedly at the bulge in Shaun’s tight jeans. He’d worn them tonight for that very reason, of course. The dick bulge. He had even forgone the underwear tonight. Jesse liked them especially because of the way they fit in the crotch.

Nicky laid a warm hand on Shaun’s thigh, right over the cut he’d opened earlier in the week. He winced, but Nicky didn’t notice, her eyes were trained on Shaun’s cock, curled up peaceful and silent against the fly of his pants. “It looks like you’re impressive in other areas, too,” she chuckled as her fingertips crept closer to Shaun’s dick, closer to his cockhead.

Shaun swallowed. He started to pull away, but Nicky had a firm hold on his thigh. “I need another beer,” he grunted.

Nicky held up her unopened can. “I thought you’d need another,” she smiled. She slid her hand a little closer and finally touched Shaun’s cock.

He jumped up. “I have to piss,” he said abruptly and then he turned and fled for the stairs. The people playing cards looked around in surprise as he took the stairs two at a time.

At the top, Shaun slipped through the door and then slammed it shut. He leaned against it in a panic, his heart beating frantically in his chest.

He left the kitchen, craning his neck as he searched for his friends.

“Shaun!”

Shaun whirled around. Gretchen and Ben approached from the living area. They had beers in hand. “Where’d you disappear to?”

“I was checking out the basement,” Shaun said with a shrug. “Where’s Harry.”

“Someone pulled him aside,” Gretchen said dismissively. “I wanted to introduce you to Five Cockroaches. C’mon.”

Shaun was dragged through the room. He met band after band. Names were tossed around and quickly forgotten. Shaun didn’t have much to say, besides, he was Shaun and he was new on the scene. Everyone was nice. Everyone was drunk.

He finally got a beer on his own and started the steady downward slope into intoxication. An hour and a half and five beers later the room and the people in it began to blur together.

“I need to piss,” Shaun said again, but this time, for real. His bladder was insanely full. “Then I need to sit down.”

Gretchen patted him on the back. “Bathroom’s through there, kiddo. First door on the right.”

Shaun stumbled through the partygoers, through the living area and past the front door. There was a doorway and a hallway beyond. Shaun walked through and went for the first door.

It was a bathroom alright. Shaun shut the door and unzipped his fly. He stepped in front of the toilet as he pulled out his dick.

The door burst open and Nicky slipped inside. She closed the door quietly and leaned against it, a smile curling her lips. “You held onto that pee for an awfully long time,” she joked.

Shaun was drunk and mid piss. He gave the woman a nasty look. “I just wanted to get away from you.”

Nicky pouted. Her dark hair fell over her eye. “Why don’t you like me Shaun? What did I do?”

Shaun finished pissing and shook himself off. Nicky watched him closely. Her gaze was locked on Shaun’s cock. “I’ve already got someone,” he said gruffly, flushed, and then tucked himself away. When he turned to face Nicky fully, the woman’s eyes traveled slowly up his body.

“That girl you were singing about. The liar?”

Shaun sneered. He pushed past the woman and wrenched open the door. He nearly smashed her between the door and the wall in his haste to escape.

“She doesn’t have to know,” Nicky said, hurrying after Shaun. “And if you’re taking a break, then anything you might happen to get up to, that doesn’t count, you know.”

“Did you write the book on cheating?” Shaun growled. They entered the living room and Shaun did a quick scan of the area, looking for one of his bandmates, even Harry would suffice at this point.

Nicky grabbed his hand. “Listen. I don’t want you to think I’m a whore.”

“Pfft.”

Nicky squeezed him warmly. Shaun sighed and turned to give her a bit of his attention. She smiled and it seemed somewhat genuine. “You intrigued me that last time we talked. And you are different than I’m used to. Most guys who come to these kinds of parties only want one thing and it isn’t to talk.”

Shaun lifted his chin. “I’m not here for pussy. I came to socialize.”

Nicky smiled slowly. “A friend of mine gave me some tabs. Have you ever dropped acid?”

“Uh…”

“C’mon. It’ll be a lot of fun,” Nicky said. “We can talk and listen to some music.” She tugged Shaun’s hand and he reluctantly followed her back down the hall. He thought maybe they’d go to the bathroom, but she took him to the last door at the end of the hall.

As soon as she opened the door, the sounds of sex assaulted Shaun’s ears. He yanked his hand out of Nicky’s and backed away. “We can’t go in there,” he hissed.

“It’s fine. It’s my friend Chloe.”

Nicky urged Shaun to follow her into the room. And after a moment of hesitation, Shaun stepped through the door.

It looked like it belonged to a couple children. There were two twin beds on opposite sides of the room and on the far one, in the midst of a passionate romp, were two adults. It was a man and a woman, but Shaun looked away with only the most basic of descriptions. They were white people. The girl was blonde and the guy was fat.

The room was dark, but moonlight poured through the window over the desk. The surface was scattered with art supplies, crayons and paper, and there were multiple pieces of childish artwork tacked on the walls. There was a shelf crammed with toys, a set of drawers in the corner, and a closet against the wall opposite the window.

Nicky drew him to the empty bed. She pulled her heels off and tossed them on the floor, then tucked her feet under her butt and sat at the top of the bed on her knees. Shaun sat gingerly on the edge. He drew his knee up and turned so he wouldn’t have to watch the sordid scene across the room. The woman was on top, tossing her long blonde hair around like a horse. She was riding the guy on the bed in such a frantic manner, Shaun was sure the guy’s dick would snap at any minute.

Nicky opened her purse and took out her phone. The screen lit up her face and she tapped through menus Shaun couldn’t see. Suddenly, music started to play through the little speakers. It sounded better than Shaun had imagined. It was an old Ozzy song.

“You can put music on that thing?” he asked, poking a finger at the cellphone.

Nicky looked at him in surprise. “Of course. Don’t you have one?”

Shaun growled. “No. I’ve never needed one.”

“Oh, you should get one,” Nicky said as she set her phone aside, screen up so the light illuminated the bed. “My father swore up and down he’d never get a smartphone. Then my older brother bought him one for Christmas. When we all got together on the Fourth, my dad was telling me about his YouTube channel and I guess he started a blog on home repairs, as well. He’s thinking about starting his own business now.”

Shaun quirked an eyebrow.

“All possible on his phone. He loves that thing,” Nicky laughed. She opened her bag and began to root through the compartments. “Where the heck did I put that paper.”

“My drummer is obsessed with social media,” Shaun said, curling his lip. “She thinks it’ll help us get noticed.”

“She isn’t wrong,” Nicky said. “Here it is.” She pulled out a thick piece of paper the size of a business card. When Shaun looked closely, he could see it was bisected into six sections with perforated lines.

“What is that?”

“Acid tabs.” Nicky ripped off the strip on the end and then tore them apart into two tiny squares. She slid the paper back into her bag and handed one of the tiny squares to Shaun. “Put it on your tongue. It dissolves in your mouth.”

Shaun did as instructed. “What’s it do?”

“Gets you insanely high,” Nicky said with a laugh. “You’ve never taken one before?”

Shaun shook his head.

“Maybe I should hold off, then,” Nicky said. She put her tablet back with the larger piece.

Shaun glared at the woman. “Why should you hold off?”

“In case you freak out,” Nicky chuckled.

Shaun frowned deeply. He started to take the tab out of his mouth, but Nicky grabbed his wrist.

“It’s fine,” she said. “I just need to keep you calm.”

Shaun narrowed his eyes. “What happens if you can’t keep me calm?”

The guy across the room grunted and Shaun couldn’t help himself. He looked.

“Ow! Okay, okay, let’s switch places,” the guy groaned, and Shaun smirked. That bitch had probably snapped his dick. The couple on the bed rolled over and the guy began to thrust into the blond from the missionary position. They both began to moan and gasp.

“Nothing bad will happen,” Nicky snickered. She released Shaun’s arm and slowly, he put his hand back on his knee. “Just think happy thoughts. And you’ll enjoy yourself.”

“Happy thoughts. I don’t know if I can do that,” Shaun muttered.

“I can help,” Nicky said sweetly.

Shaun began to chew the piece of paper. “I seriously doubt it.”

Nicky picked up her phone. “What kind of music do you like?”

“Ozzy,” Shaun said, nodding at her phone. “Slayer, Black Sabbath, Iron Maiden, Metallica...”

Nicky smiled. “The classics.”

“I don’t like the new stuff much,” Shaun said pensively. “That’s why I started playing guitar in the first place. I thought I’d make something different. Something I liked.”

“I like what you’ve come up with.”

Shaun swallowed the acid tab. “I haven’t even shown the world what I’m capable of yet,” he said darkly. “I’ve played a handful of songs and two different places. That’s nothing to be impressed with.”

Nicky looked up from her phone. She blinked at him. “Are you serious? It takes guts to get on a stage and perform for a crowd of strangers. I could never do something like that.”

Shaun shrugged. “I never really thought about it. I mean, don’t get me wrong I was nervous before the show. I threw up afterwards even,” he said with a chuckle.

“Today?” Nicky’s eyes widened.

“No. At the Foundry.”

“Oh.”

“I am—well, I was really unpopular in high school. I didn’t talk to anyone. I was an outcast, but I never thought twice about getting on stage. I think I’ve always known that’s where I was destined to be.”

“Well put,” Nicky said. She smiled. “High school’s the worst isn’t it? It feels like it’s never going to end and then one day you graduate and it’s over. Just like that. You never have to see any of those assholes ever again.”

Shaun nodded. He was more determined than ever to drop out when school started in September. It was the last time he’d ever set foot in that hellhole.

“Where are you staying?” Nicky asked. She looked down at her phone again. She smiled at something on the screen.

“I won’t bother to say where,” Shaun grunted. “It’s a small town, maybe two hours east of here.”

“You have your own place, or do you have roomies?”

Shaun smirked. “Roomies.”

Nicky pushed her long hair behind one ear. “I stay in Houston. I have a roommate, too.” She nodded across the room. “I’ve known Chloe since high school.”

Chloe’s feet were in the air as the guy repeatedly poked her between the legs. She had an arm over her face and her mouth opened around a continuous string of exaggerated sex sounds.

“Oooh! Mmm! God yasss!” she moaned. “Fuck me harder, baby.”

The guy grunted as he increased his pace. He was pouring buckets of sweat. His chubby belly was covered in hair. He looked like an ape over there, huffing and puffing and pumping his hairy hips.

“You should move to the city,” Nicky continued. She looked back at her phone. “There’s lots of different venues in Houston.”

“What are you doing on there?” Shaun asked, gesturing to the phone. He was very curious. Why was everyone always staring at those fucking things?

Nicky turned her phone so Shaun could see it. It was Facebook. Shaun knew what it looked like now. Blue and white menus. Profile pics in little bubbles. “But what do you do on there?”

Nicky turned around and scooted closer, so they were sitting side by side. She scrolled through her feed. “I’m looking through my friend’s posts,” she said. She stopped on a video and touched it. It was a lazy cat falling asleep. When its head nodded, the cat fell off the edge of the couch, a look of total shock on its face. Nicky snickered.

“That’s dumb.”

Nicky shrugged. “You can do other things. This is what I like,” she said. “If you looked at my brother’s feed, it’d be nothing but guns and news articles about weed being legalized.”

“Can you tell Facebook not to show cat videos?”

“Yep.”

“Good.”

Nicky laughed. She tapped the search bar at the top and quickly typed ‘One Thousand Nights’. “The headlining band tonight, this is their page.” She selected the top result and handed Shaun her phone.

A high-quality image of the four men Shaun had met at the show tonight was stretched across the top of the page. One Thousand Nights cut across their chests, in cool red letters that looked like they were bleeding. Shaun panned down the page with his thumb. Miguel was all over the place. Singing on stage, playing the fuck out of his guitar. There was a link on the side of the page for ‘events’ and when Shaun touched it, it showed all the recent shows they’d performed and where.

“This is useful,” Shaun said.

“It’s the internet,” Nicky said with a laugh. “If you have a page, people will come. Unless you suck. But you won’t have to worry about that,” Nicky said easily. She took her phone back and when she did, her hair brushed Shaun’s forearm.

Shaun looked up. He really liked Nicky’s hair. The long black locks were streaked through with vibrant red. The last three inches of her tresses were dipped in it. Nicky moved again and the silky red strands ghosted along Shaun’s muscled arm… He liked Jesse’s long hair, too. Before he’d cut it anyway.

Nicky laughed deep in her chest. Their upper arms were pressed together, and Shaun could feel the vibrations through his naked flesh. He looked up into Nicky’s smiling eyes. “Do you like my hair?” she asked.

“Can I touch it?” he asked. He wanted to see if it was as silky as it looked.

“Sure.”

Shaun reached up and trailed a gentle hand through Nicky’s hair. He stopped on the ends and studied the deep red color. He held it closer to Nicky’s phone, so he could see.

She laughed again. “You’re feeling it, aren’t you?”

“Yessss,” Shaun said, rubbing the hair between his fingers. He wished Jesse hadn’t shaved his head. He hadn’t touched it since. He missed running his fingers through Jesse’s beautiful, deep-auburn hair. “It’s so soft.”

“No,” Nicky said, her voice filled with amusement. “The acid. The first thing I notice are the colors.”

Shaun looked up. The room didn’t have the best lighting, but nothing in particular stood out.

The panting across the room halted abruptly. The guy pulled out of Chloe, exposing his tiny, hairy dick. “I’ve got to quit. I’m not going to come,” he said wearily.

Chloe dropped her legs and sat up. She didn’t look particularly disappointed. “Can I bum another cigarette?”

The guy grabbed his jeans off the floor and pulled a cigarette out of his pocket. The girl took it and lit up on the bed. Her tits were out and everything, but she couldn’t be bothered. She took her phone out from under the pillow and checked for messages.

Shaun stared at the blonde’s tits for a long time. As he studied the white, fleshy orbs, they started to look a lot like eyeballs. Especially paired with the belly roll above her navel. That looked like a smiling mouth. Then, for the icing on the cake, she had a belly ring with a chain attached, too. The girl’s tits and belly slowly morphed into a giant smiley face with a bizarre lip ring.

Nicky hooked Shaun’s chin. “Eye’s over here, sweetie.”

Shaun turned back to the bed. Nicky’s face looked creepy with the underlighting effect of the phone. She laughed nervously as Shaun stared and stared at her large witchy nose. “Let’s get back to the hair,” she said, sweeping it across her shoulders. The lighting changed and she looked normal again. She grabbed Shaun’s hand and placed it on her shoulder. She brushed her hair across her arm, smiling coyly. “What else do you like besides hair?”

Shaun was caught up in the fall of Nicky’s red-streaked hair. It slid across her shoulders and chest in a gorgeous, scintillating display.

“How about kisses? Do you like kissing?”

Shaun nodded. He missed kissing Jesse’s soft, pink lips. His tongue always tasted so sweet. He couldn’t wait to devour Jesse’s hot, luscious mouth. He looked up and was met with a completely alien set of painted red lips.

“I like kissing, too,” Nicky said. “And I’m good at it. Let me show you…’

She pressed her lips to Shaun’s and though his mind screamed for him to shove her away, he paused and considered the odd sensation of a woman’s lips.

The lipstick tasted like wax, for one. Two thumbs down, right off the bat. Nicky opened her mouth and teased Shaun’s lips with her tongue. Shaun opened his mouth reluctantly and let her explore. She didn’t taste good. And her tongue just felt...wrong.

Nicky pressed closer and moaned. She reached out and searched blindly for Shaun’s hand. When she had it, she led Shaun to her breast. She placed his palm against her heaving tit and then pressed his hand with insistence. Shaun grudgingly groped Nicky’s tit. It was big and squishy. It was kind of gross, in a way. He much preferred Jesse’s smooth, flat chest, his tiny pink nipples, his firm little body squirming in his arms. Shaun felt like he was feeling up a big water balloon and it wasn’t appealing.

He pulled away. His lips leaving Nicky’s made a soft, sucking sound and he was instantly filled with a deep, sickening feeling of guilt. His eyes widened. He reached up and touched his wet mouth. “I have to go,” he gasped. He tried to stand, but the leg he’d folded on the bed was tingling and numb. He twisted his knee and fell back on his ass.

Nicky raised up on her knees. She looked at Shaun in concern. “Are you alright?”

“I have to go,” Shaun said again. He got up and bumped into the fat guy pulling his jeans on in the middle of the room.

“Watch it,” fatty grumbled. He pushed Shaun aside, sending him spinning.

Shaun turned around and around. There were two doors on either side of the room. They looked the same. “Where the fuck’s the door!”

“Shaun. It’s right there.”

Shaun stopped and followed Nicky’s pointing finger. He rushed to the door and threw it open. It was the hallway, dark, and strewn with random cans of beer. He rushed into the corridor and flew to the end of it, following the light from the living room.

He’d been hoping to find Gretchen or Ben, but the second he stepped into the crowded, noisy room, his head began to spin again. There were so many strange, unrecognizable faces. Shaun didn’t know anyone, and it spooked him. Even if he found one of the guys Gretchen had introduced him to earlier, he wouldn’t remember any names. He probably wouldn’t be able to recognize them anyway…. As he stood in the doorway, scanning the unfamiliar faces, people started to look at him. First it was just a few people, but then, slowly, everyone in the room turned their heads and craned their necks to get a look at the idiot tripping balls in the hallway.

Shaun’s knees began to tremble. “Fuck….” he whispered to himself. People started to chuckle and laugh. Shaun lost control of his legs and he gripped the wall as he slowly slid to the floor. He gazed in horror at the crowd of laughing strangers. They pointed at him; they were glaring at him. Some people started to spit. He covered his face. “No, no, noooo…” He started to sob.

“Shaun!”

Arms came around his shoulders. “Sweetie, you’re having a bad trip,” Nicky said. “Come on, get up.”

Shaun kept his hands over his face as he was led through the living room and out the door. The night air was cool against his bare arms and he dropped his hands and rubbed them briskly. His face was wet from tears and he wiped them away with his fingers.

Nicky dug through her bag. “Here, have a cigarette.” She stuck it between Shaun’s lips and when he crossed his eyes to look at the tip, she sighed and lit it. “Suck it in slow and then blow it out quick.”

“I know how to smoke, okay!” Shaun shouted.

Nicky held up her hands. “Fine.”

Shaun looked around. The neighborhood was dark. A couple of the houses had their lights on in the front, but there weren’t any streetlamps like at Gretchen’s.

There weren’t as many people on the lawn as there had been when Shaun had last been outside. He looked from group to group as he smoked his cigarette. People were clustered in little groups. They had their backs turned and Shaun’s eyes shifted left and right as he started to hallucinate again. People were talking about him. They snuck looks at him over their shoulders and then whispered mean, spiteful things about him. They snickered to each other with their hands over their mouths.

“Feel any better?”

Shaun tossed his cigarette. “I have to get out of here.”

“Just come back to the bedroom—”

“No.”

Nicky sidled closer and traced her fingers along Shaun’s strong bicep. “I could make you feel—”

“Get Gretchen!” he hollered. He roughly shoved the girl away and she tripped and fell back in the grass.

Nicky stared up at him in surprise. “Jesus. Alright!” She got up and headed inside.

Shaun watched her with narrowed eyes until she disappeared through the door. When he turned back to the lawn, people really were looking at him now. He wished he still had the cigarette, because suddenly, there was no reason for him to be standing in the grass on his own. Everyone was whispering about him, talking about him, laughing behind his back…

“Shaun?”

Shaun whirled around. It was Gretchen and Ben. Nicky trailed behind them with a scowl on her face.

“Can you take me to Jesse’s house?” Shaun asked in a rush.

Gretchen blinked at him. “Why the sudden change of heart?”

“I don’t know…” Shaun wrung his hands together. “I’ve been thinking I guess.”

Gretchen looked at him closely. “Are you okay?”

Shaun pushed his hands through his hair. “Everyone’s looking at me!”

Gretchen looked around. “Shaun, you’re getting kind of loud—”

“They’re laughing at me!” he shouted, and it was true, people were turning away from their friends to see what was going on. They were pointing at him. They were snickering!

Gretchen whirled on Nicky. “What did you give him? I thought you said he was drunk.”

Nicky was speechless. She flapped her jaw wordlessly.

Gretchen growled.

“I am drunk!” Shaun cried. “I’m drunk, drunk, drunk.”

“I’m going to get him to the car,” Ben said quickly. He stepped in front of Shaun, blocking his view of the people on the lawn. He carefully put his arm around Shaun’s shoulder. “C’mon, man. We’ll get you to Jesse’s house if that’s what you want.”

Shaun calmed. He turned into his friend and let him guide him away from the house and down the dark sidewalk. As they walked, the sound of voices and music faded away. Shaun suddenly realized his heart was beating in his chest, a thousand times faster than it normally did.

When they got to Harry’s GMC, Ben tried the handle.

“Damn. Locked,” he muttered. He leaned Shaun against the side of the van and stepped back on the devil’s strip. He pulled out his phone. “We haven’t seen Harry in over an hour. Where is that dickhead?”

Shaun watched Ben play with his phone for a couple moments.

“Damnit! Nobody’s answering me!”

Shaun’s gaze drifted away from his friend. He looked at the house they’d parked in front of. It was a little white ranch with a covered porch and lawn chairs on either side of a planter of colorful flowers. There were more in the flowerbed along the front of the house. And fat gnome lawn ornaments. Maybe six of them were scattered amongst the flowers.

Ruth had some of those in their garden back home. Shaun studied the fat creatures until he saw one of them turn its head.

“How far from home are we?”

“We’re about an hour from Gretchen’s,” Ben grumbled. He didn’t look up from his phone. “And maybe forty extra minutes to your place. If you take the interstate.”

Shaun sighed deeply.

“Are you okay to drive though? I don’t think anyone’s going to take you back tonight, dude.”

Shaun puffed himself up. “I can drive myself and I’m going home tonight.”

Ben shook his head. “I don’t know, dude. What did you take?”

Shaun muttered under his breath.

“What? You were really freaking out back there. And who was that girl?”

Shaun didn’t answer any of his questions. “I need to see Jesse. Tonight.”

Ben turned back to his phone. He shrugged. “Maybe ask Gretchen but I have to get home. ASAP. I’ve already missed eight calls from Angela tonight.”

Shaun looked away. He didn’t want to talk about Ben’s cunty fiancé.

They must have waited another ten minutes. Shaun started to hallucinate again. The owners of the house they were loitering in front of began to peek out their windows at them and Shaun’s heart thumped away in his chest as his paranoia spiked.

“We have to get out of here before they call the cops,” Shaun said, nodding at the house.

“I texted Gretchen and Harry five times a piece,” Ben said distractedly. “Gretchen’s probably sniffing him out right now.”

“It’s taking too long!” Shaun whispered frantically. He pulled his hair in front of his face. “I can’t talk to the fucking cops tonight. I can’t.”

Ben huffed. “Fuck me, Shaun. What do you want me to do? Leave you here and go find them? Do you want to come with me?”

“Nooo.”

“Seriously, man, what did that girl give you?”

“Acid.”

Ben laughed. “You dropped acid?”

“Don’t say it so loud!” Shaun groaned.

Ben continued to laugh. He couldn’t seem to help himself. “Wait till I tell Gretchen.”

“Shhhh!” Spit flew all over the place as Shaun pressed a finger to his lips and aggressively shushed his friend.

“There they are now,” Ben said, ignoring him. He held up a hand and waved enthusiastically at the pair hurrying down the sidewalk

Shaun turned and watched as Gretchen and Harry approached at breakneck speed. Gretchen had Harry’s wrist gripped in her hand. Harry’s belt was unbuckled, and his faded green Sublime tee was rucked up around his hips.

“I found this piece of shit in the master bedroom, fucking two bitches at once!”

Ben grinned widely. He held up a hand. “Way to go, man!”

Harry looked at him in confusion. He wasn’t smiling.

“Can you open the door please,” Shaun pressed. His three friends turned to him. “Those people are about to call the cops on us. I know it. We’ve been waiting here for like an hour and they keep peeking out the window at us!”

Ben waved him off. “That lady? She looked one time.”

Shaun shook his head so rapidly, his hair whipped about his face. “No. We shouldn’t be here.”

Gretchen huffed with frustration. “Whatever. We’re all here. Let’s go.”

Harry pulled the keys out of his pocket and walked around to the driver’s side. He unlocked everything with the button on the door. Gretchen opened the back and Shaun hurried inside. He crawled into the last row and curled up on the floor where no one could see him.

Gretchen poked her head in. She spotted Shaun curled in the back and tisked. She climbed in and sat in the seat Shaun had vacated previously, the solidary seat on the driver’s side. Ben stepped in behind her and closed the sliding door. He sat beside Gretchen and looked over his shoulder at Shaun.

“So, he says he dropped acid.”

“What!”

Shaun hid his face and whined in distress.

“He’s losing his shit,” Ben chuckled.

“How much did you take?” Gretchen hissed. She leaned over the back of her seat so she could peer down at him. “Oh my god, what did I tell you about groupies?!”

“I don’t know!” Shaun whined. He was shaking all over. “Not to fuck them?”

“Did you have sex with her, too?” Gretchen sneered.

“No!”

“Thank god.” Gretchen turned around and slid into her seat. “C’mon, Harry. We’ve got a long drive back.”

And it was a long ride. Shaun cried and hallucinated through the whole thing. At one point, he forgot where he was, who he was with, and even who he was. He and Ben had a long and circular argument on who Shaun was and why he was curled up in the back of a van.

When they got to Gretchen’s, Harry and Ben helped Shaun out of the back.

“This isn’t my house!” Shaun cried when he saw where they were. He looked wildly over his shoulder, at his Mustang parked on the curb. “I don’t want to go in there! I want to go home!”

“Too bad. You should have thought about that before you dropped acid,” Gretchen said in a firm, authoritative voice. “And keep your voice down!”

Shaun zipped his lips. He started to cry bitterly.

Harry and Ben were carrying him by the time they entered Gretchen’s living room.

“Lay him on the couch, guys,” Gretchen said. “I’m going to grab some supplies.”

They set Shaun on the couch and he grabbed his blanket, the Jack Skellington one, and pulled it over his head. He snuggled into the soft, wonderful smelling fabric as big, emotional tears rolled down his cheeks.

“I think we’re going to head out,” Ben said. He patted Shaun soothingly on the back. “You’ll probably feel a lot better once you sleep this off.”

“Sorry it didn’t end so well, but you were great on stage tonight,” Harry said enthusiastically.

Shaun sniffled as snot leaked into his mouth. He groaned miserably.

“See you later, man.”

Shaun continued to cry as Harry and Ben walked out of the room. He couldn’t remember the last time he’d she’d cried.

He listened to the others talking in the hall for a couple minutes. They were discussing him.

“He’s fine to sleep on my couch. I’ll look after him,” Gretchen whispered.

“Are his grandparents going to freak out?” Ben asked.

“Why would they? He’s gone every weekend.”

“Are you going to text Jesse?”

“Probably not. He’ll just worry.”

Shaun stiffened.

“Alright. Call if you need anything,” Ben said.

“It was fun hanging out,” Harry said next and there was a long pause before Gretchen finally responded in a cold voice.

“And immediately I am so vividly reminded of why we broke up,” Gretchen said, her voice like ice. “Nice catching up, Harry.”

Harry muttered something under his breath and then the door opened.

“Bye guys. Text me when you make it home.”

The door shut.

Shaun listened to Gretchen bustle around the front room. The lights came on. He could see the warm glow under his fuzzy blanket.

“Come out of there,” Gretchen said finally, with a sigh. “Everyone’s gone.”

Shaun pulled the blankets over his head and glared viciously at the girl sitting cross-legged in the armchair. “I’m not hiding. I’m fucking crying because I’m sad.”

Gretchen’s mouth twitched up at the corners. “Why are you sad, Shaun?”

“Because I wanted to see Jesse tonight!” Shaun shouted. “Fuck! Can’t you just—”

“Drive you home at three in the morning? When you’re tripping on acid?” Gretchen laughed. “Just relax. It’ll wear off in a couple hours and you can take yourself home.”

Shaun glowered at her. “That’s not fair. I want to see him. Now.”

Gretchen glared right back at him. “Again. He would be here tonight if you hadn’t ran and hid from your problems like a little bitch!”

Shaun threw the blanket angrily to the floor and sat up. “I wasn’t running from my problems! I was working on the music!”

Gretchen rolled her eyes. “I don’t buy that. Like you couldn’t find five minutes to walk next door and tell your boyfriend you’re sorry and you miss him and you’ll never do anything this stupid ever again.”

Shaun clenched his teeth. “I know what to say.”

“And then you’ll have tender, loving makeup sex,” Gretchen continued in a mopey voice, ignoring him. “That’s exactly what your miserable ass needs right now.”

“I know,” Shaun hissed through his teeth. “That’s why I was trying to get there tonight.”

“No,” Gretchen said. “You’re acting weird. Both of you can wait until morning.”

Shaun’s nostrils flared. “And what did Ben just say about Jesse? You’re texting him too?”

Gretchen crossed her arms. “He’s my friend, Shaun. I’m not giving him minute details on everything you’re doing. I’m trying to cheer him up.”

Shaun curled his hands into fists. “You’re a cunt.”

Gretchen frowned. She stood up and grabbed a glass of water and a small bottle of aspirin from the side table beside her. She stepped across the room. “Take two of these. While I watch,” she said firmly. She handed Shaun the glass, which he took grumpily, and then popped the lid on the aspirin. She took out two pills and handed them to Shaun.

He tossed them in his mouth and then chased them with a gulp of water. “Happy?”

“Yes.” Gretchen rescued the Jack Skellington blanket from the floor. She tossed it in Shaun’s face. “Now lay down and get some rest. We’ll see how you’re feeling in the morning.”

Shaun grumbled as he laid down. He covered himself in the blanket as Gretchen hit the lights on her way out the door.

Gretchen’s voice drifted down the hall. “I can’t believe he took acid from a groupie…”

Shaun closed his eyes, snuggling down with the blanket as he grumbled obscenities and curse words just to hear his own voice. It soothed him, though, and before he knew it, he was fast asleep.

***

In the morning, Shaun woke up groggily. Gretchen’s cat sat on the end of the couch, just above Shaun’s booted feet. He blinked his wide, yellow eyes.

“Me-oww.”

Shaun shook his foot at the pesky animal. “Go away,” he grumbled. The cat leapt to the floor and scurried out of the room.

“Ahem.”

Shaun started. He turned around.

Gretchen was sitting in the armchair with a cup of coffee. She wore a black robe with pink skulls and her hair was up in a bun. “Morning,” she said tightly. She took a sip of her coffee. “Want some?”

Shaun nodded.

Gretchen set her cup down and quietly left the room. She returned momentarily with a cup of black coffee. “Do you need sugar or cream?”

Shaun shook his head. He tested the temperature with his lips. It was bearable. He took a long drink of the hot caffeine.

“Do you remember what happened last night?”

“I guess,” Shaun grumbled.

Gretchen watched him drink his coffee in silence. When Shaun had drained his cup, he looked up again. Gretchen was still looking at him.

Shaun set his cup on the floor. He was starting to blush. “What?”

Gretchen shook her head. “Just thinking how young and immature you are.”

Shaun drew himself up. “Me?!”

“Yes, you,” Gretchen said. “Jesus, Shaun. I’m not saying I’m the most grown-up person on the planet, but some of the choices you make are insane. Do you ever think before you act?”

Shaun narrowed his eyes into slits. “That’d mean so much more to me if you weren’t a thirty-year-old gothic prostitute!”

Gretchen pressed her lips into a thin line. “Don’t take drugs from strangers anymore,” she said. “And don’t go off with girls you know want to fuck you. It’s going to lead to trouble. Just avoid it.”

Shaun glowered at her. “You can’t tell me what to do.”

Gretchen shrugged. “Maybe not. But I certainly won’t let you crash on my couch the next time you take some fucked up drug and can’t remember who the fuck you are.”

Shaun hung his head. He clenched his hands into fists and glared at his bulging knuckles.

“And I won’t lecture you about Jesse again. Sounds like you saw the light last night.”

Shaun made a face, but his head was still downturned, so Gretchen didn’t see it.

“It’s seven in the morning. Stay for breakfast. Give everybody a chance to wake up.”

“No,” Shaun said. He pushed his blanket aside and stood. He felt a bit woozy. Food sounded like a good idea, but he wasn’t going to change his mind now. “I’m leaving.”

“Suit yourself.”

Shaun stormed out of the house. It was raining and he jogged to his car. He yanked his keys from his pocket and jabbed the button to unlock the doors on the Mustang.

He sped on the way home. Everyone was going so fucking slow. The rain pounded against the hood of the car. The roads were slick, but Shaun drove faster and faster with his left foot over the brake in case the car started to slide. Now that he’d finally made up his mind, he was frantic to get to Jesse. He wasn’t going to slow down.

Shaun reached Jesse’s house in just under forty-five minutes. He cursed when he saw Monica’s van in the driveway, but he shouldn’t have expected any less. He pulled in and drove slowly down the long, gravel drive. He stopped behind the van and parked.

It was eight. The fog in the air was thick and the grass was damp. It must have rained here, too. The sun on the horizon struggled through the mist. Its light was weak and subdued.

Shaun got out of his car and reached down for a handful of gravel. He walked closer to the house, stepped over Monica’s dead flowers, and looked up at Jesse’s window. He didn’t know if he was still in there, but if it would help him avoid Monica, he’d try anything.

He selected a decent sized rock, the size of a penny, aimed, and tossed it overhand at the windowpane. It pinged off the glass and tumbled down into the grass.

Shaun waited a beat then tried again. Then again.

As he drew his arm back for a fourth try, Sam’s face appeared in the window. He was shirtless and his hair was mussed. He squinted through the glass, peering down at Shaun in confusion until realization struck, like a sound slap to the face, and recognition dawned in his eyes.

Shaun attempted to smile. He held a hand up in greeting. He hoped Sam got the fucking idea.

Sam frowned and then he disappeared back into the room.

Shaun tapped his foot. “C’mon….”

He waited and waited and finally, Jesse’s face came into view. His beautiful blue eyes got wide and he held up a finger. Then he vanished.

Shaun huffed. He crossed his arms and waited impatiently below the window.

Suddenly, the front door opened, and Jesse walked out onto the front step. His expression was neutral but then he took another look at Shaun’s face.

“You look horrible. What happened?”