Line of Sight - 5. Chapter 5

“You want me to do what?”

Jamie couldn’t be serious. Doing what she wanted me to do could complicate everything even more than it already was.

“You heard me. It’s not like he’s a stranger you’re going to jump in the sack with, right? You know him, and want to know him better. What’s wrong with going to dinner?”

Out of everyone I would expect to say something like that, my ex-wife wasn’t one of them. Yeah, she knew I was gay and was fine with the fact, but talking to her about my sex life—or lack thereof—wasn’t something I was very comfortable with.

“C’mon Jamie, he’s Jake’s teacher. Don’t you think that would just be a little awkward, and even perhaps a little wrong?” It didn’t help that I’d wanted to say yes when Tony had asked me out, but I had to think of Jake first.

“Honestly, I really don’t think he’s even going to care. If he was a teenager it would be a little different, but as long as you’re careful and don’t flaunt it, I don’t see what it would hurt.” Jamie set her soda on the table and leaned forward. “Can you honestly tell me that you aren’t interested?”

“No, and I’m not trying to.” I couldn’t just sit there any longer and stood. I walked across the kitchen to the sink and stared out the window above it as I thought about what Jamie had said. She’d been telling me since shortly after our divorce that she just wanted to see me happy. Apparently she had decided that Tony might just be the one who could make that happen. I turned and leaned back against the sink as I faced Jamie. “And what if it doesn’t work out? What if we go on a few dates and decide to call it quits?”

“Why are you so determined to focus on the negative?” Jamie shook her head. “I don’t remember you being this pessimistic before.”

“I can’t help but think, if it doesn’t work out, all of us are in an awkward position. What about Jake? If things didn’t work out, would Tony treat Jake different?” I sighed. “I can deal with seeing him every time I go pick up Jake from school. I can even handle seeing him at class functions. What I can’t handle is if it doesn’t work out and my son suffers because of me.” I was so tempted, more tempted than I could ever remember being in my life, but there were so many things that could go wrong, and I couldn’t risk it affecting Jake. Jake had been affected enough by my decisions. First the divorce from Jamie and then when Dave walked out on us.

“Don’t use our son as an excuse.” There was a thread of steel in her voice. “If you’re scared, say you’re scared, but don’t use our son.”

“I’m not using him as an excuse.” I wasn’t, was I? I thought it was a completely valid worry.

“I’m not saying you shouldn’t be cautious, but you’re not doing yourself, or Jake, any favors by locking yourself away. If you’re interested in him, and obviously the attraction is mutual, so you should go for it. If you’re really worried, don’t have him over when Jake is home. If you want to get together with Tony and I’m out of town, call Paul. You know he loves having Jake.”

“I don’t know.”

“Yes you do, you just don’t want to admit it.” Jamie glanced at the living room where Jake was playing with Murray and watching a movie. “I don’t think Jake is the only thing holding you back. What’s really going on, Brad?”

I walked over and sank down on one of the kitchen chairs with a sigh, my hands twisting together on the table. Ultimately, I knew she was both right and wrong. I was scared, to a point. Did I want to give it a chance, see if there could be something between us? Yes, I did. Was I concerned about how it would affect Jake? Damn straight I was. I looked up at her and she must have seen something in my eyes. She reached over the table, took my hands in hers, and squeezed.

“What is it?”

“I brought Dave into our lives. I let him become a part of Jake’s life, and he walked out. It was hard on me, but it was even harder on Jake. Especially after ….” I couldn’t say it and I probably didn’t need to.

“Especially after I took the promotion and have been gone so much.” Jamie leaned back in her chair and gave a little shrug of her shoulders. “I ask myself every day if I made the right choice to take it.”

“Jamie, I didn’t mean ….”

“It’s okay, I know.” Jamie stood and grabbed her purse off the table. She slung the strap over her shoulder and took a couple steps towards the living room. She stopped in the doorway and turned to face me. “I made my decision, and I have to live with it. Call him, you’ll regret it if you don’t.”

Without another word to me, she walked away. I could hear her talking to Jake and a few seconds later the door slammed shut. I stood and walked to the living room only to smile as I saw Jake rolling around on the floor with Murray. I was so glad I’d agreed to get the puppy for Jake. He was completely back to being the kid he’d been before Dave walked out on us. I glanced over at the phone sitting on the counter.

Taunting me.

I closed my eyes for a moment hoping when I opened them again it would be gone and could no longer tempt me. I opened them and it was still sitting there. Still taunting me. I was quickly getting tired of fighting it. My fingers itched to pick up the phone and dial. I sighed and checked on Jake one more time before grabbing the phone and going down the hall to my bedroom.