The Married Rat - 6. Chapter 6

9

From Alan: I know you’re busy all day and also know you want to talk. I’ll check in here about midnight and maybe some time after that if we don’t initially connect.

From Ruiz: Both true. I’m out tonight if we don’t connect. Be curious about your experience of last night if you feel like laying it out.

From Alan: I’d rather talk with you about it than just tell it from my point of view. Everything I did, I was doing for you – to give experience to your fantasies. What time will you get back tonight?

From Ruiz: Unsure. Between midnight and 1:00, I think.

From Alan: I may be up. If you still have the energy to talk.

From Ruiz: Ok. By the way, here’s what I want to do the next time:

Park in the same spot.

No writing. No communication.

You walk to 10 feet from my car.

I stand 10 feet from you.

I take off my shoes

Take off my socks.

My jeans.

My shorts.

I take off my shirt exposing my cruddy chest.

I stand completely naked, feet spread, hands behind my back.

You look me directly in the eyes, I count to 10 then get dressed.

When I’m done, I walk over to you, shake your hand, say goodnight and leave.

We’ll do this when you’re ready.

From Alan: Understood.

From Ruiz: Hit you up when I’m home.

From Alan: I should be awake.

10

From Ruiz: It’s almost 12:30. You still around.

From Alan: Yes. Tell me what you were thinking while you sat in the car, waiting for me.

From Ruiz: A lot of nerves

From Alan: Why?

From Ruiz: I was just really nervous.

There was a certain anticipation and arousal.

When I didn’t see you immediately I started to think about heading home.

Then I saw your dog.

Do you find that street more or less secure.

From Alan: Pretty secure. Though I know too many of our neighbors.

From Ruiz: I don’t.

I mean I don’t know mine.

From Alan: But at that hour, it’s very dark, with only a rare car passing.

From Ruiz: The spot seemed semi-public.

But I started to grasp - driving home - how unlikely it would be for any authority to have seen us.

From Alan: We were there less than five minutes.

From Ruiz: Yeah, I was amazed how little time it took. Less than 3 minutes my phone said.

From Alan: I shouldn’t have risked it for that long.

From Ruiz: Was there no arousal factor for you then. It was all for me.

From Alan: You’re brighter than that.

From Ruiz: So you were aroused.

From Alan: Of course.

From Ruiz: I was hard leaving the house.

3-4 waiting - on a scale of 0-10.

Getting out of the car - 2-3

From Alan: And when you started stripping?

From Ruiz: I deliberately stalled to get used to the area. And I was afraid you’d bolt.

From Alan: Makes sense.

From Ruiz: My arousal went up incrementally as I started taking things off. What was it like for you.

From Alan: I was amazed you showed up. Surprised when you started taking off your clothes, especially your shirt.

From Ruiz: I don’t really feel good about my chest right now.

From Alan: Your starting to strip further aroused me.

From Ruiz: Was there any basic physical attraction.

From Alan: I told you – I could barely see.

From Ruiz: I see.

From Alan: But I find you generally hot.

From Ruiz: In my position I can’t hear it enough.

From Alan: You need to explain.

From Ruiz: Stripping for a start. Not something I easily do. With men or women.

From Alan: You’ve spent most of your conversations with me naked. I’d think you’d be used to it.

From Ruiz: Not outside in the dark. Ha.

Was there a high point for you.

And a low.

From Alan: No. I was just astonished.

From Ruiz: The low point for me was taking off my shirt - I couldn’t get it back on fast enough. When you’re exposed you’re aware of your own inadequacies. The high point was opening my jeans and pushing them down.

From Alan: Did you consider pushing things further?

From Ruiz: Meaning taking them off.

From Alan: Further in any way.

From Ruiz: What.

Coming closer.

Getting into the light.

Masturbating.

I was just happy you stayed. Wasn’t going to risk that.

From Alan: Thanks.

From Ruiz: You said yesterday you were afraid of this ending badly. I don’t really have that concern.

From Alan: You’re just pushing yourself in a lot of risky directions. At any moment, a wrong move could shut you down – especially in public.

From Ruiz: I’m not concerned. I have a good vibe about you. In writing and in person. What we try in a hotel room will be different.

There we’ll have time to stop. We can rethink and go on. I’ll even let you take off my shirt.

The thing that really draws me is the fantasy scenario. A random connection with another male provokes a lower grade reaction.

It’s why I don’t hook up.

From Alan: That’s one of the funny balance points about you: you want sex, but you don’t.

From Ruiz: A more forceful scenario strongly appeals. Last night was great. But the hotel room isn’t just two guys having sex.

From Alan: What is it?

From Ruiz: A darker scenario.

From Alan: How?

From Ruiz: Like the one we’ve been playing with. The ones I’ve been writing. We’re not typical guys on this site. I’m drawn by dark fantasy.

From Alan: Oh, come on – dark fantasy is why this site exists. But some guys online live it mindlessly. You think it out.

From Ruiz: That’s true - and I don’t know how or why we got into this line. But just as a reminder - thank you for all the compliments. As always. It’s also nice that some of your rules are relaxing. Such as meeting me.

From Alan: You earned my trust.

From Ruiz: Thank you.

It was all fairly intense.

I remember waiting to see if you’d leave when I started taking off my shoes.

From Alan: I don’t know why I didn’t. Yes, I do – dick thinking.

From Ruiz: On the same scale of 0-10 - how arousing was the whole event.

From Alan: You already know.

From Ruiz: Ha. That’s why next time no typing.

Or talking.

Clear instructions going in.

A pre-defined event that you can think about happening.

Then have it actually happen.

From Alan: Maybe. But you need to define your end point. We stopped last night before your written fantasy. With a different guy, you know where that could have gone. You’ve told me you don’t want hook-up sex, but where do you want the dark scenario in the hotel to end?

From Ruiz: That’s a good question. That I need to consider.

That’s interesting.

And thanks again for all that’s you’ve written.

And done.

I’m entering a very pleasant half-awake/half-asleep, opened-up headspace.

From Alan: Then good night.

From Ruiz: Wait.

From Alan: I thought you were drifting away.

From Ruiz: No. Just pleasantly opening up.

From Alan: I’m drifting off.

From Ruiz: So you need to go.

From Alan: Yes.

From Ruiz: You need to tell me - need to say that.

From Alan: So now you’re teaching?

From Ruiz: Ha.

Yes.

Though sometimes it’s hard to tell who’s in charge.

From Alan: Glad you noticed that. ‘Night.

From Ruiz: Goodnight.