Troublemaker - 3. Chapter Three

Todd

The sun barely rose fully from the horizon, and I already wanted this day to end as I sat on the living-room couch and sketched on my tablet. I was supposed to go to my dad’s cookout later this afternoon, and unfortunately attendance was mandatory. Still pissed about our phone conversation on Monday that quickly devolved into him arguing that I needed to better my life and stop taking it for granted.

I understood that working a minimum-wage job wasn’t the most desired goal for a successful life, but I just wanted to live at my own pace, and I didn’t need my father constantly breathing down my neck to get a better job, get a better place to live, find someone, preferably a nice girl, to marry and have kids. He couldn’t just have one son he was proud of, he needed to drag me along too.

And of course, seeing Barrett eavesdropping on our fight made me even angrier. He probably thought of me as an ungrateful son, especially since he got along with my dad very well, my dad treating him like his own son. Also, the fact that Barrett worked for my dad too only solidified my opinion that he replaced his disappointing son with someone he was actually proud of.

“Todd? Are you okay?”

I directed my eyes at my friend and still roommate, Dillon, who was dressed in his scrubs and finishing his bologna sandwich.

“Yeah, totally. Why do you ask?”

“Because you looked pissed, like you were about to murder somebody.”

I sighed and placed my tablet and stylus to my side before arching my head back. “It’s about my dad.”

“Ah. I should’ve known,” Dillon said, taking a seat next to me on the couch. “Do you want to talk about it?”

“Not really… Are you sure you can't go with me to the cookout after your shift?”

“I’m certain. I’ll be ready to pass out after dealing with a new resident who I’ve been assigned to care for recently. But I don’t mind if you bring in some leftovers from the party.”

I chuckled and said, “Sure. No problem. Beats going to the grocery store.”

“Funny, considering you work at one.” Dillon reached his hand across from me and grabbed my tablet. “Working on any new designs?”

“Nah. Just revising the ones I already finished.”

Dillon smiled. “I love this one. I mean, people don’t really think the dairy industry is harmful to cows, and this design of a bandage with the cow print really shows the grim reality of the situation.”

“Thanks. I placed the stickers all over the dairy section at Marty’s. Damien was so pissed. Also got fifty new followers on my Instagram yesterday with comments saying they found my account via the grocery store.”

“That’s great, Todd… However, you should be careful with where you place your graffiti. I highly doubt your manager would appreciate finding out it’s one of his employees doing the vandalism.”

“It’s not vandalism,” I objected and sat up. “The stickers come off easily, and it’s not like I stick them on the walls or floor. I’m just using Marty’s as a way to make my art known instead of the streets where less people would even see it.”

“But if you get caught–”

“I won’t. Damien can’t even tell what I’m doing in the surveillance footage since it looks like I’m just placing the price stickers on instead. He’s none the wiser.”

“All right. If you say so.” Dillon checked his wristwatch and said, “Well, I better get going. I hope you have fun at the cookout.”

I grunted and took my tablet back. “Somehow I doubt that.”

“Maybe Barrett will be there and you two can sing again,” Dillon teased.

“God, just get out of here!”

Dillon laughed before leaving through the front door of the apartment where we shared rent and everything else from cooking equipment to toilet paper. With him gone and me all alone, my first thought was whether to jerk off. I had nothing else to do other than my sketches, and relieving some stress could be beneficial before I head to that party… Tugging on my sausage was only natural for a man in his twenties. I usually watched free porn to help get my rocks off because screw paying a membership if all I had to do was type in the right key words in the search bar. But I didn’t need any visual stimulation recently since my mind was all that was required, specifically with thoughts of a brown-haired stud with a light, scruffy beard and hard muscles…who unfortunately looked exactly like Barrett Jones.

I didn’t know why I kept thinking about him over the past week. Even as I watched two gorgeous porn stars going at it on the screen of my laptop, my mind kept returning to images of Barrett. Then I imagined the man pounding the other to be Barrett, and one could assume who the pound-ee was.

I started to believe that Friday night when I sang karaoke with Barrett put some kind of spell on me, causing me to lust after my brother’s best friend, like some Cupid’s arrow, and I didn’t know how to break it. He was the last person I wanted to be attracted to, mainly because he was an asshole who thought Anthony’s little brother having a crush on him was disgusting. The realization when my first crush and the person who helped me discover that I was attracted to boys thought I was gross really hurt. He didn’t seem to remember what he thought of me back when we were only teenagers, as if it wasn’t such a big deal that he was homophobic, which pissed me off even more. It was just a crush for Christ’s sake, not like anything could actually happen between the two of us. He was straight. I was gay. And that should’ve been the end of it. But the things I was told that he thought of me as made me feel like total crap, and I even wondered for a while if loving boys was morally wrong and that I needed to be fixed.

Thankfully, I have fully accepted my sexuality for a long time now, and meeting Dillon and Channing who were also queer helped me harden my belief that there was nothing wrong with me, and I deserved to live happily just like everyone else.

Fuck Barrett. And no more fantasizing about him while jerking into tissue paper. I was better than that…but just one more time wouldn’t hurt as I headed to my bedroom and masterbated to images of me sucking off Barrett, while he played with my hair and told me what a good cocksucker I was… God damn was I shameless.

After creaming into my right hand from thoughts of Barrett, which I told myself would be the last time, I took a shower and dressed myself for the party. I then spent the next few hours revising my sketches, while a movie from Amazon Prime Video played in the background.

Eventually, the inevitable happened, and I drove my sedan that I recently purchased a few months ago to my childhood home in the suburban area of the city. I could’ve arrived an hour earlier to help set up the chairs and tables in the backyard, but I didn’t want to spend more time here than what was required of me.

The backyard was filled to the fences with people, most of them I didn’t recognize, either neighbors or members of the church that my dad frequented every Sunday morning. A few friendly faces greeted me upon my entrance, but no one I really wanted to strike a conversation with. I was never that kind of person who approached a complete stranger at a party and started small talk, hence why I wanted to bring Dillon with me, so I at least had someone to chat with.

I saw my dad cooking meat on the grill as he chatted with a small group of people and decided to greet him just so he knew I was here. The group laughed at whatever lame dad joke he told, and I gave an awkward wave.

“Hey. Dad.”

“Oh! Todd! Wasn’t sure you’d make it,” my dad said, quickly slinging an arm around my shoulders like we had the best father-son relationship. “Everyone, this is my other son, Todd.”

I cringed at the idea of being referred to as the “other” son, but I told myself to not take it so personally as I forced a smile to greet them.

“So, this is Todd, huh?” a brunette around my age said.

“Yup. Spent four years in college and is currently working,” Dad said.

I had to hold back laughter, knowing my dad omitted the fact that I dropped out of college after the fourth year and working at a minimum-wage job that he vehemently disapproved of.

“Oh, that’s wonderful,” an older woman said. “People your age don’t usually want to work and rather spend their days complaining, while living under their parents’ roof.”

Okay, boomer.

This semblance of humor somehow received a bunch of laughter from the other older folks, though the other woman seemed to cringe with me in solidarity.

“No, I taught my son the value of responsibility. Though, he is still looking for the right woman to fall in love with and marry.”

“Dad…”

My dad ignored my distress and said, “Have you met Vanessa, son? She went to the same high school as you and is in college to become a pediatrician.”

“Maybe a pediatrician, though a surgeon isn’t off the table either,” Vanessa said kindly.

“A surgeon, wow! Your parents must be thrilled.”

Vanessa smiled and nodded. “They sure are… Excuse me, I’m going to get a hamburger.”

“Okay. Todd, why don’t you show her where the burger patties are?”

“Dad, I think she already knows–”

Instead of listening, he pushed me toward Vanessa who smiled shyly. I gave a nervous chuckle and followed her to the table covered with food.

“Sorry about my dad,” I apologized.

“No worries. You’re cute…but I’m not looking to date a guy right now if that’s alright with you.”

“Of course. I’m not in the market to date a guy either.”

Vanessa’s eyes widened, and I quickly realized what I just said and admitted.

“Oh, I mean…as a joke. I—“

Vanessa giggled and playfully slapped my arm. “Hey, it’s cool. I’m all about being who you are.”

I smiled, feeling stupid for panicking about accidentally outing myself, especially to a stranger. Though, I was glad she accepted me, and we soon got into a pleasant conversation about her desire to become a doctor or surgeon as we filled our plates with food.

Vanessa laughed at a joke about my mom who was a nurse and all the shit she had to deal with. I then got a glimpse of my dad who gave me a thumbs-up, him thinking Vanessa was destined to be my future wife just because she laughed at my poop joke. The man knew I was gay, but believed I just needed to find the right girl to love me and my attraction for men would suddenly vanish.

“You okay?” Vanessa asked, probably noticing my grimace.

Before I could answer, someone grabbed my shoulders from behind and shook me hard.

“Hey, bro! I didn’t know you were coming,” Anthony greeted.

I stepped back from his vice-like grip and said, “Yup, I’m here.”

I saw Barrett approaching us, and I stifled a groan and just gave him a nod. He offered a half wave in return but didn’t say anything.

“So, Todd. Are you going to introduce me to your friend?”

“Oh, um, this is Vanessa. Vanessa, this is my br...”

Anthony bowed and extended his hand to her like some kind of mannerly gentleman but the gesture just came off as pure cringe. Vanessa, bless her soul, accepted his hand but was clearly uncomfortable. Barrett too sensed this failed attempt at chivalry, shaking his head in response.

Anthony, oblivious, then said, “Nice to meet you, milady.”

I mentally slapped my forehead, and Vanessa cleared her throat, looking ready to leave with her food.

“Vanessa! Hey!”

Vanessa’s face immediately brightened upon Sabrina appearing.

“There you are!”

Sabrina shoved Anthony aside and hugged Vanessa. “Glad you made it!”

The two women then walked off together, paying no attention to us as they laughed and skipped away.

“Do you think she likes me?” Anthony asked Barrett.

Barrett just chuckled and patted my brother’s shoulder, while I rolled my eyes and popped a barbecue-flavored potato chip into my mouth to prevent myself from saying a sarcastic remark. My brother seriously thought he was charming with his cheesy attempts to act gentlemanly or like a knight in shining armor. And he wondered why he was still single.

I was about to walk off as well to enjoy my food alone when my dad approached us.

“Ah! Good to see you boys here!”

He grabbed Anthony’s and Barrett’s shoulders and gave a playful shake.

I ignored the small tear in my chest as my dad looked proudly at my brother and Barrett. Barrett. My own dad treated him like a son, a child he was actually proud of, who played sports and worked for him, a dream he once had for me. Unfortunately, I didn’t follow in line with what he expected of me, and with my mom gone forever, I was…I was just a nuisance in his eyes.

“Todd. What’s with the frown?” my dad asked, like it was an accusation rather than an act of concern for his son’s wellbeing.

“Nothing. I’m fine,” I lied.

“Nah, you’re clearly pouting. Come on, baby bro, turn that frown upside down and smile for once,” Anthony teased, pinching my cheek.

I smacked his meaty hand away. “Fuck off!”

“Hey!” my dad yelled. “Don’t you swear!”

“Why not? I’m an adult! I can say whatever the fuck I want,” I protested, dropping my plate of food onto the ground for the ants to eat.

“Jesus, Todd. Shut up. You’re causing a scene,” Anthony warned.

I gritted my teeth and tried to calm the swell of emotions threatening to pour out.

“He’s right, Todd. Now act like an adult or get out,” my dad said sternly.

Anthony fucking nodded, and I let loose.

“What was even the point of coming here? So you can lie to people and say that I’m the son you’re proud to have instead of the disappointment you always told me I am. So you can set me up with women even though I have no interest in them. At all! Mom understood who I am. So, why can’t you!”

“Don’t you dare bring your mother into this.” My dad took a step forward. “If you truly loved her, you would–”

“Fuck!”

I shoved him away and ran out of the backyard. I didn’t bother looking back, already picturing my dad’s disapproving shake of his head with Anthony joining him in his annoyance.

As I reached my car at the end of the driveway, I heard the chatter and laughter returning to the party, quickly moving on from what they witnessed as a childish outburst of my dad’s disappointment for a son. At least my dad couldn’t lie anymore and say that was the prodigal boy he kept telling people, the one saving grace of this whole damn day.

Getting into my car, I noticed someone approaching through my front windshield. I sneered upon seeing Barrett who had the audacity to look concerned. I didn’t fall for it. He hated me, disgusted that I had a small crush on him back then, and I didn’t need his pity.

I quickly reversed my car onto the street and took a hard turn. I drove away from that nightmare with tears brimming my eyes.

I took a deep breath.

Not this time, Todd. They’re not worth it. Never were.