Troublemaker - 7. Chapter Seven

Todd

I slowly opened my bedroom door and carefully walked out. I didn’t want to alert Dillon who kept ordering me to rest; he even threatened to handcuff me to my bed frame if I didn’t comply. Where those handcuffs came from, let’s just say my good friend was into some stuff that I’d rather not talk about.

I could breathe just fine since I was brought back home about two hours ago, and I was getting restless. I had my tablet with me during my imprisonment, but I got a bad case of art block in terms of an aspect of the art piece that I planned on submitting to that art show in about two days. I needed to roam around an open space if I wanted ideas to form that would end the art block and allow me to complete the piece before the deadline.

Walking into the living room, I froze upon seeing someone lying on the couch. I sighed in relief after seeing the person was Barrett. But what was he doing here since I thought he went home after carrying me to my bed.

“Barrett?” I said in a low voice.

Barrett rubbed his eyes and faced me. “Oh, hey there. Feeling better?”

I nodded. “Have been for the past two hours… Why are you still here?”

Barrett sat up. “Sorry. I just wanted to talk with you after you rested. Also, to make sure I didn’t have to take you to the hospital.”

“I’m completely fine now, Barrett. It was just a small asthma attack.”

“It didn’t seem like that to me. I didn’t even know you have asthma…but you’re right. You know your body better than I do.”

“I do, but I appreciate your concern… So, what did you want to talk about?”

“Right. First off, I just want to say that I’m sorry for whatever I did or said to your friend Channing to cause him to react that way.”

“You did nothing wrong,” I said, walking to the couch and taking a seat next to Barrett. “If anything, it was my fault. I don’t remember everything I said to Channing when I was at Bottoms Up getting drunk, but none of it warranted Channing to come at you like that.”

“Well, that leads to the second thing I want to talk to you about… What did I do in the past exactly to make you hate me?”

I rubbed the back of my neck. “Oh, um…”

“Because if I said or did anything that offended or hurt you, let me know, so I can apologize and make it up to you.”

I bit my bottom lip. “It wasn’t exactly what you said to me…”

Barrett raised a brow.

Taking a deep breath, I continued, “It was what you said to Anthony, who then relayed the information back to me.”

“And what exactly did Anthony say to you?”

“Uh…that you weren’t at all comfortable with me having a crush on you when we were still teenagers. He told me that you’d beat my ass if I ever got near you.”

“...What? I’ve never thought of you that way.”

I just shrugged.

“No, seriously. I didn’t even know you had feelings for me until recently. And if I did, I still wouldn’t have said those things.”

“So, you’re saying Anthony lied?”

“I don’t know. But what he said to you isn’t true… It must’ve affected you though.”

I nodded. “You were my first crush. You were how I discovered that I liked boys. I knew my crush on you wouldn’t lead anywhere, but…being told that you felt disgusted by me and that you would beat me up scared me into the closet. Then eventually, that fear grew into anger and later hatred. I dealt with plenty of homophobic and hateful people in middle school and high school, but you were the first person who also made me realize that this world didn’t see people like me the same, and that I might’ve been better off dead.”

I looked at Barrett and was surprised to see how hurt he looked.

“I…I don’t know what to say?” Barrett said. “I’m…sorry.”

“You don’t have to be. If you’re telling the truth, then I got scared and angry over absolutely nothing. God…”

I bowed my head and combed my fingers through my hair, already feeling exhausted by this conversation.

“If it makes you feel any better, Todd, I recently discovered something about myself too.”

“And what exactly did you discover?” I asked.

“That I’m…most likely bisexual.”

My insides that were churning suddenly stilled, and I slowly looked back at Barrett who gazed at me with a small smile.

“You’re bi?” I murmured.

“Yup…have been for the past three months. Well, actually I guess I’ve always been bi, it just took me one year shy of turning thirty to finally realize that. Isn’t that embarrassing?”

“No way. Everyone figures out their sexuality at different periods of their lives. There’s no shame in discovering it later in life.”

“Oh. I haven’t thought about it like that. Thanks.”

“No problem.”

A question then nagged me to ask Barrett, one about how he came to realize he was into men too. However, that question felt too personal to ask right then and there. And I didn’t know why that damn fluttery feeling returned in my chest, and I better not be blushing.

Instead, I said, “Have you told anyone else?”

“Yeah, Sabrina knows too. She’s the first person I told…well, she’s the first person who discovered I wasn’t straight.”

“Meaning?”

“Let’s just say I was the one who asked her to go to Bottoms Up since I wanted to go to a place where other people like me went…and I didn’t want to go by myself.”

Oh, God. This man is so cute.

“Anyway, being a therapist, she figured me out, and I confessed to her before we went to the bar.” He gave me a sheepish smile. “You’re actually the first person I came out too willingly.”

The flutters only intensified along with the beating of my heart as I looked at this man who looked even more gorgeous up close. He came out to me, spilling his secret and exposing his soul to me, and I felt so special to be trusted with such personal information.

“Wow. I’m honored, and I promise to not tell anyone. Nothing’s worse than being outed without your permission.”

“I really appreciate that. I trust that you and Sabrina will keep this information private.”

“Does… Does Anthony know?”

Barrett grimaced. “Not yet.”

“Oh… Well, if it helps, he’s accepted my sexuality from the very beginning. He may be insensitive sometimes, but he always means well.” I scooted closer to Barrett and said, “I’m confident he’ll accept you too.”

“Yeah, you’re right… It’s just that he’s been my best friend for more than a decade, and I can’t help but think of the worst-case scenario. Will coming out always be this hard, or will it get easier over time?”

I thought about Barrett’s question for a good moment, and then said, “It’s complicated. From personal experience, it really depends on the person who you want to come out too, and what they mean to you. The idea that someone you care about all of the sudden thinks negatively of you is always hard to stomach…but you can’t change who you are, nor how others perceive you. So, I guess my best advice would be to first come out to people who you feel should know and branch out from there. Not everyone needs to know your personal business, and if they do have major problem with it, perhaps it’s best you part ways with them. It’ll hurt, but it’s better than staying with someone who will only cause you more pain if you let them stick around… Sorry, I don’t know if that was the best pep talk.”

Chuckling, Barrett said, “No, that’s exactly what I needed to hear.”

“Oh… Well, that’s great!”

Barrett gazed at me with appreciation, and I pulled the collar of my shirt, feeling hot all of a sudden. He really was very handsome, and an urge to close the distance between us, perhaps to sniff the subtle woody scent of body wash or cologne, the same scent that still lingered on my pillow. To see deeper into those warm, brown eyes, or… No. I shouldn’t think that way. The man confessed his sexuality to me, not his attraction. I didn’t want him to push me away. I was just his best friend’s baby brother after all.

“Do you want something to drink? You’re my guest after all.”

I certainly need water, a cold shower to be specific.

“Thanks, but I think I have to go back to my place since I have work tomorrow morning,” Barrett said as he stood up.

“Of course! I doubt resting on my couch was comfortable.”

I stood up and led Barrett to the front door.

Opening it, I stepped aside and said, “I’m glad we talked.”

“Me too…and I’ll talk with Anthony. I don’t know why he said those things to you, but I’ll talk with him at work tomorrow.”

“Oh. Okay. I hope it all works out.” I extended my hand to him and said, “Goodbye.”

Barrett clasped my hand, and without warning, pulled me against his body and hugged me. My body flooded with endorphins from this man’s embrace, of his firm body pressed against mine that contrasted with his gentle caress.

“Bye, Todd. Hope to see you again soon,” Barrett said, his warm breath tickling my ear.

I hugged him back, and for that moment I was in bliss. No worries, no pain, just total and utter bliss.

Eventually, like all good things, the hug ended and Barrett stepped back. HIs grin that reached his eyes stirred the already fluttering feeling in my chest. I gazed at him back, wondering if there was ever the slight possibility that maybe I could…I don’t know…

“You're leaving, Barrett?”

My attention snapped to Dillon, standing a short distance away with a raised brow.

“Y-yeah. Just saying bye to Todd is all,” Barrett said, stepping back through the door’s threshold. “Bye, Todd.”

“Goodbye, Barrett,” I said in return.

Barrett turned around and entered the street, the night covering him in a blanket of darkness. I closed the door softly and locked it, already missing his presence.

“Did you guys have a nice chat?” Dillon asked.

“Yeah… Why do you ask?”

“Nothing. Just curious.” Dillon looked around the living room and said, “So, Channing called me and said you weren’t answering his texts.”

“I don’t want to talk with him right now,” I said, the bliss quickly changing to blistering anger.

“Todd…”

“What he did was totally out of line.”

“You’re right. He totally was, but… Never mind. I’ll let you handle it the way you see fit.” Dillon rubbed his eyes.

“Thanks… I’m going back to bed. You should too,” I said, noticing his dark circles.

“Agreed. I almost bailed on going to the bar, so I could get some more rest.”

“You work too much. Maybe you should use some of those vacation days. You probably have enough to take the whole year off.”

Dillon smirked. “I’ll think about it. Good night, Todd.”

Dillon walked back to his room, while I stood by the door and hugged my body. The feeling wasn’t the same as Barrett’s embrace. I sighed, knowing that whatever was happening between us could only remain platonic. Too many complications would arise, and a person like Barrett would never like a geek like me.

I yawned as I placed new price stickers on Nestle chocolate. I didn’t get much sleep last night, my mind busy with thoughts about Barrett and only Barrett. I was ready for my shift to end already, but I didn’t find entertainment in sneaking some stickers of my design onto the bags of chocolate. These stickers looked like spot bandages with the shape of Ghana in the center with chocolate oozing from the bandage. I was proud of this design, which hopefully reflected how evil and hated the Nestle company was.

“Todd?”

Startled, I straightened my posture and looked to my left, fearing Damien caught me red-handed. Thankfully, the person was Channing, though that didn’t make me feel much better.

“What?” I asked.

“Nothing.”

“Then what are you doing here? I’m working,” I said, my focus back on repricing the chocolate.

“I know, but you weren’t answering my texts or calls.”

“Don’t you think I have a reason for why I’m ignoring you.”

Channing sighed. “You’re right. You have every reason to be mad at me. I acted like a complete asshat last night. I just didn’t want you to get hurt by him, especially after what you told me when you called all drunk and ready to cry.”

My shoulders slumped. “I appreciate your concern, I really do. But I don’t think trying to fight him was the correct way to handle it.”

“And neither was making you have an asthma attack, which makes me even more shitty of a person… I’m so sorry, Todd.”

I looked back at my friend who I knew along with Dillon since freshman year at college and saw the remorse in his eyes. Channing always exuded a confident, gave-no-shits attitude, so seeing him in this state was surprising.

I approached Channing, not wanting to hold any grudges against an old friend, and hugged him. He quickly hugged me back.

“I’m sorry,” Channing said.

“It’s okay. I forgive you. And I’m sorry about your friend. What was their name?”

“His name was Josh, and it’s alright. I don’t really talk about him. Or that night.” Channing tightened his embrace.

A person cleared her throat, and we released each other and stepped aside as the woman quickly nabbed a chocolate bar from the shelves.

When she left, Channing said, “And tell Barrett I’m sorry too.”

I nodded. “I will.”

“So…how’s your week been?”

“It was great. I got this idea for a piece I want to submit to the art show. You know, the one being hosted by Bottoms Up. I’m finishing it, but I think it’s missing something, something that will make it pop when it’s showcased.”

“That’s cool! Hopefully you find out what you need to complete it.”

“Me too since the deadline is in two days… Anyway, that’s me. What’s up with you? We didn’t really have much time to catch up last night.”

“Nothing much. Oh, but check out my new business card,” Channing said and pulled out a card from his wallet.

“What does someone in between jobs need a business card for?” I joked.

“For when I get a job, that’s what. I mean, look at it. Doesn’t it look amazing.”

“Yeah, it does. It actually looks like the ones that the Fairy Godfather has,” I said, eyeing the cards’ transparency.

“Yeah, that’s where I got the inspiration from. But I added my own twist. See.” Channing flipped the card over. “Logo on the front has a completely different design on the back. Cool, huh?”

An idea suddenly sparked in my mind.

I must’ve been grinning since Channing asked, “You okay?”

I chuckled and said, “I think you helped me with that ‘something’ I just told you about.”

“Really?”

I hugged Channing again. “Yup. Thanks, man!”