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    totallyy
  • totallyy
  • Author
  • 05/07/2015
  • 108 Words
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  • 2 Comments
Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 

Rhymes - 14. Bereft

Poetry Prompt 9 - Sonnet to the man who showed me what love could be.

I remember a moment of pure bliss

Too many novels were written about;

Void of the darkness of later crises:

Encroaching on future horizons: doubt.

 

The dusk light reflected in golden rings

Around the portal to your open mind.

Then, I was ignorant my cruel sins

In time, would scar and leave them closed behind.

 

Hours accrued to days, those spent in each

Other’s warmth: basking in all that we share.

Then, I knew not: years later I would reach

Across an empty bed and touch cold air.

 

Now, I forget the reasons we parted:

Bereft of all but this road I chartered.

Copyright © 2016 totallyy; All Rights Reserved.
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Poetry posted in this category are works of fiction. Names, places, characters, events, and incidents are created by the authors' imaginations or are used fictitiously. Any resemblances to actual persons (living or dead), organizations, companies, events, or locales are entirely coincidental.
Note: While authors are asked to place warnings on their stories for some moderated content, everyone has different thresholds, and it is your responsibility as a reader to avoid stories or stop reading if something bothers you. 
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AC Benus

I am so happy and thrilled you decide to take the sonnet challenge. I wonder if you had ever thought about writing one before. Please do let me know on the poetry prompt posting :thumbup:

 

Sonnets are addicting to write, once a poet finds his or her sea-legs with them. I really hope you get inspired to write them, because the more you write, the easier it is to express yourself with this form.

 

If I can offer some constructive thought as a way for you to advance, it's this: begin to arrange the quatrains as four-lined sentences. Having two lines, period; two lines, period, is short changing them a bit. On the other hand, your metre is impressively consistent throughout. Good job! :)

 

I love the images in these lines: "The dusk light reflected in golden rings Around the portal to your open mind." It makes me see a brilliant sunset reflected in the irises of the beloved's eyes. That's powerful.

 

Thanks for posting a very personal and emotional poem.

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totallyy
On 05/09/2015 10:18 AM, AC Benus said:
I am so happy and thrilled you decide to take the sonnet challenge. I wonder if you had ever thought about writing one before. Please do let me know on the poetry prompt posting :thumbup:

 

Sonnets are addicting to write, once a poet finds his or her sea-legs with them. I really hope you get inspired to write them, because the more you write, the easier it is to express yourself with this form.

 

If I can offer some constructive thought as a way for you to advance, it's this: begin to arrange the quatrains as four-lined sentences. Having two lines, period; two lines, period, is short changing them a bit. On the other hand, your metre is impressively consistent throughout. Good job! :)

 

I love the images in these lines: "The dusk light reflected in golden rings Around the portal to your open mind." It makes me see a brilliant sunset reflected in the irises of the beloved's eyes. That's powerful.

 

Thanks for posting a very personal and emotional poem.

thank you for the review :D i'll keep the advice in mind, though a 4-lined sentence might be a challenge for me. i prefer succinct sentences. sometimes brevity facilitates the emotional punch. :)
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