Alex's Legacy - 4. Chapter 4

Alex continued to be a fixture in the bookstore every morning. Even if he was running late for work, he’d stop in for a quick kiss and a coffee to go. We went on our third date a week after bowling together. He took me out for dinner and a movie. The date ended with another hot make-out session and I went home alone for some much needed relief. Even though he seemed so into me and our dates were so hot, I started to lose confidence. My intentions were very clear but he kept saying that he wanted to take it slow. I did everything I could to show him I was ready. He either didn’t believe me or, I feared, didn’t want me.

I planned our fourth date for Saturday and wanted to make it as romantic as possible. If he rejected me after that, then I seriously needed to consider breaking up with him. We had met a month ago, and I could easily see myself falling in love with him. I wanted to be as close to him as two men could get, but if he didn’t want the same thing, then there was something seriously wrong with us. I wanted him in my life desperately. I could not be just his friend.

*****

Allison took care of the bookstore for me on Saturday so I could prepare for my date. I planned on making a candlelit dinner, complete with a dozen roses. I modeled a few outfits and we decided on a green slim-fit, button down shirt – it accentuated my eyes – and black jeans, that according to her would make any straight woman or gay man jump me on the spot.

I was a nervous wreck all day, and I tried to get some web design done, but couldn’t concentrate. My prior career was in graphic design and I still did some freelance work in order to supplement my income. I lay on the couch and thought about the Book Nook. So far business had exceeded my expectations. I smiled, remembering opening day and meeting Alex. The Nook could close tomorrow, taking my inheritance with it, and I would still be happy I opened it because it had brought Alex into my life.

I owed an enormous amount of gratitude to my grandma. I credit her for my love of reading. When I was a child she always read to me and bought me books for birthdays and holidays. I think she was disappointed when I chose graphic arts as my major in college. She was hoping I would follow a more literary path, but my anxiety precluded any field that required public speaking.

I opened the Nook with the inheritance she left me when she passed away. She was the only family member who stood by me when I came out and she left everything to me. Sam’s Book Nook is her legacy and I designed a plaque dedicating the store to her memory.

*****

I went down to the Nook to try and work off some nervous energy. I poured myself a cup of coffee but Allison snatched it from my trembling hands.

“The last thing you need is caffeine,” she said as she poured it down the drain. She led me to a chair and massaged my shoulders. “Everything will be fine, Sammy. Alex has it just as bad for you as you do for him. Tonight will be perfect, trust me.”

I smiled gratefully. “You always know how to make me feel better.”

“You know it!” She flounced over to the counter to wait on a customer.

“Excuse me, do you have the latest book by Shawn Williams?” asked the young man standing in front of me.

“Oh! That’s a good series!” I said. “I like the realism the author injects into the fantasy universe. I especially like the main character and how he –“

“Uh… I just want to know if you have it in stock.”

“Oh. Yeah. Well, the publishing company had some production issues so the new book won’t be out for another month, which is too bad since –“

“Sammy, can you get me some more coffee packets, please?”

“Sure. Excuse me,” I said as I headed to the storeroom.

“Would you like to reserve a copy?” Allison asked the customer. “I can take your info and call you when it comes in.”

“No, thanks. I’ll just check back in a month,” he replied, and left the store.

“Sammy, driving me nuts is one thing, but you just lost a sale. Now get your cute ass back upstairs and try to relax!”

I frowned. “Fine.”

I puttered around the apartment, dusting my knickknacks for the tenth time and wished I wasn’t caught up on my laundry. I grabbed my laptop and flopped down on the couch to visit my favorite website for online gay fiction, but it didn’t maintain my attention. I imagined myself and Alex in some of the stories and fantasized about us getting our ‘happily ever after’. I opened my email and looked at the picture Alex took of us on our first date. I wanted to print it and get it framed. I traced my finger down Alex’s cheek and touched my lips, remembering the feel and taste as he kissed me.

I shut off the computer and put it away. In the kitchen I marinated the chicken and chopped the vegetables for our dinner. I rearranged the candles and roses, and then flopped back down on the couch, bouncing my leg. I looked at the clock and groaned. Two more hours to kill. It was just enough time to watch a movie before cooking dinner. I put my favorite movie on and tried like hell to relax, but the harder I tried the more anxious I became. I gave up watching the movie about halfway through and took a shower to wash away the nervous sweat. I primped in front of the mirror for ten minutes trying to tame my hair. Allison always told me my unruly mop was adorable; I supposed I’d have to trust her about that. I started dinner and had just finished lighting the candles when Allison texted me that Alex had arrived. I went downstairs to greet him.

“Wow… Sammy, you look incredible.”

“Thanks.”

He drew me in for a hug and kissed me deeply.

Allison grabbed her purse. “That is my cue to leave. Have fun, boys!”

“So where are we off to tonight, babe? I’m guessing it’s not bowling.”

I laughed. “No, definitely not bowling.” I took his hand and started for the stairs.

Alex raised his eyebrows and hesitated. “Sammy?”

I smiled seductively. “We’re not going anywhere.”

He smiled nervously and followed me upstairs. He gave a low whistle when he saw the candles and roses in the middle of the table setting. “Damn, Sammy. This is amazing!”

I hugged him closely. “You deserve it. I hope you’re hungry.” I ran my hand through his hair.

“Very.”

“Good.” I walked into the kitchen. “Have a seat. Dinner’s ready.”

“It smells amazing, sweetheart.”

“I hope you like it. I’m not the best cook, but my food’s passable.”

“I’m sure it’s fine.”

The dinner was passable; although the chicken was a little dry. After dinner we sat on the couch. Alex put his arm around me and I settled into his side.

“I hope you’re ready for dessert,” I said suggestively.

He lifted my chin and kissed me. I put my hand behind his head and drew him closer. I ran my tongue along his lower lip and he opened his mouth, letting me in. I moaned and pushed him gently down on the couch, lying on top of him. I kissed my way down his neck and spent some time licking and nibbling right below his ear. I ground my hips into his and ran my hands up under his shirt, playing with his chest hair. He moaned and panted and I could feel the effect my ministrations were having on him. I started to unbutton his jeans and he laced my fingers with his, gently drawing my hand away.

“Slow down, Sammy.”

“I want to take care of you, Alex. Why is that such a bad thing?”

He sighed and sat up. I sat sideways on the couch, facing him.

“I don’t want to lose you,” he whispered.

I snorted derisively. “You’re going to lose me if you keep rejecting me. I really care about you. I thought you felt the same way. What’s so wrong with me, Alex? Why don’t you want me?” I was on the verge of tears.

He looked down and fidgeted with his hands. “I do want you. Very much. I care about you very deeply, and I really can’t stand the thought of losing you. I’ll do whatever it takes to keep you.”

I shook my head in exasperation. “You keep saying that. You’re drawing me closer with one hand and pushing me away with the other. I’m so confused. Why are you so afraid of losing me if we sleep together?”

He looked at me and the pain in his eyes was palpable. “I lost Simon because I rushed things,” he whispered. “I met Simon through mutual friends. I thought he was so adorable. I asked him out the same night we met. We slept together on our first date. I was his first. After we broke up he told me that he regretted it and that I pushed him into it. I was crushed.

“We moved in together after only three months. At first it was wonderful. He was so sweet and loving and the sex was fantastic. We were together for almost two years before things started going downhill. Simon became very distant and withdrawn. We didn’t have sex very often and when we did it seemed like his mind was elsewhere. I thought he was having an affair, but I was too afraid to call him out on it. I really loved him and didn’t want to lose him. I wanted to show him how much I loved him, so I proposed where we had our first date. He didn’t just say ‘no’… he broke up with me. I was devastated. That’s when he told me how much I had smothered him and rushed him into a serious relationship. I wasn’t just his first lover; I was his first boyfriend. Apparently he wanted to see what else was out there. He wasn’t having an affair; he was just dissatisfied with our relationship.

“Sammy, I like you a lot. A real lot. I don’t want to make the same mistakes I made with Simon. I don’t want you to feel like I rushed you into anything and end up pushing you away. I mean it, Sam. I really don’t want to lose you.”

I brushed away the tears from his cheeks and hugged him tightly, resting my head on his chest. I could feel him softly crying and it broke my heart to hear how callously his ex had treated him. Alex gave him a precious gift and he threw it right back in his face.

“I’m not Simon. You’ve certainly never rushed me into anything and I don’t want to lose you, either. I was the one putting pressure on you. I’m sorry.” I sat up and cupped his cheek. “I want you and I think we’ve waited long enough; but I’ll wait until you’re ready. You’re more than worth it.”

“I’ve wanted you from the moment I met you,” Alex murmured. He kissed me and pulled me on top of him. He ran his hands down my back and squeezed my ass, bringing our hips in close contact. I moaned as I felt his desire pressing into mine. He pulled my shirt out of my pants and ran his hands along my sides and back. The feel of his hands on my bare skin almost made me lose it. I broke the kiss and sat up. I slowly unbuttoned his shirt, kissing my way up his chest, stopping to give his nipples extra attention. He gasped and grabbed the back of my head. I resumed my upward quest, stopping when I reached his mouth, hovering over him. He moved to kiss me and I pulled back with a sly smile. Two could play the teasing game. He laughed and started tickling me. I yelped and fell onto the floor. I grabbed his hand and stood up.

“Let’s take this somewhere a little more comfortable.” We ran into the bedroom, laughing and fumbling. It was definitely worth the wait.