Res Publica Christiana - 3. Your Sins Will Be Wiped Out

I never wanted these unnatural attractions, but I have suffered for them. I suffered alone for them because I wanted to be bedded by another boy of my age, I was an abomination. His name was Henry Percy, he was my cousin. I thought he would protect me; I believed in his empty promises of devotion and love like Isolde believed in Tristan. When we were caught in the act, Henry, who penetrated me, was exempt from punishment as his line was superior to my own, but I could not be forgiven by my father for shaming him. Henry’s father, my uncle Thomas, wanted me to be sent far away from our ancestral lands, so the scandal would never be revealed.

Under secrecy, I was sent to a farm in Norfolk, where a country noble family by the name of Robsart had a reputation for cleansing wayward sons of these affections. My uncle had paid the Robsarts handsomely for my "care." At the farm, I was made to labor as a farmhand with other boys who had been brought here by their parents for similar reasons. At first, we were treated like peasants, we were merely made to work in the fields. We tended to the sheep, chickens, and pigs as any common serfs would have done. Being treated like this was a humbling experience for many of us, who were accustomed to a life of mock battles, reading Latin, and having freedom. However, many of us bore it as a punishment for our sinful desires. We were periodically tested to see if our affections were waned by the overseers, who worked for the Robsart family and governed our labor.

After several weeks of this treatment, many, including myself, who demonstrated little change in our nature, were sent to new living quarters. At night, the daughter of the Robsart family, Amy, began making nightly visits to pick up certain boys from our quarters. They would stay with her through the night and return completely naked with fresh bloody wounds while repeating a verse from the Bible. One of the common verses was:

"But fornication and all uncleanness or covetousness, let it not even be named among you, as is fitting for saints; neither filthiness, nor foolish talking, nor coarse jesting, which are not fitting, but rather giving of thanks."

Those words came from the book of Ephesians, which was used to teach chastity and virtue in women. These were boys, who were the loudest in their protest of our treatment at one point. I felt a jolt of fear each time that I saw one of the other boys return mumbling a verse from Romans and Leviticus:

"And if a man lies with a male as with a woman, both of them have committed an abomination; they shall surely be put to death; their blood is upon them."

My uncle had warned me before we arrived that if I did not give myself to all demands, then I would suffer a worse punishment than death, so one night when I was chosen, I did not resist and lay on her bed while the girl mounted me. The girl, who was older than me, took my virginity and rode me for several hours before I had finished in her. However, it was not the end of my lesson from her as called out to the overseers of the farm. These were well-built men with burgeoning muscles, who were recruited from the peasants by the family to watch and punish boys like me at the farm. They looked at us all with disgust and disdain, despite our social positions being far higher than theirs, because in the eyes of God, sinners like me were not even human.

"You must be cleansed, sinner," the first of the men said.

He held up a thick wooden club, which was as thick as his arm.

"No, don't do this!" I called out.

Amy ordered two of them, "Hold him still, while we teach young Timothy the divine punishment of Sodom."

They held me down by my limbs and forced me into a position with my bare bottom exposed, where Amy then placed a candle near it and lit it on fire. The flame was so close to me, that I could feel the heat emanating from the burning wick.

"Stop!" I begged.

"Your word means nothing, sinner. Only the word of the Lord will cleanse you," she replied.

She picked up the burning candle and placed it on my anus.

"No!" I shouted.

"Silence, you are disgusting boy!" one of the overseers ordered, "If we hear one more squeak from you, then I will take this club and break your legs. I will not have a filthy sodomite defile my ears."

Amy then proceeded to rub the hot wax on my anus and inserted the thin shaft of the candle in. The pain was excruciating, but not nearly as painful as what happened next. She pulled the candle out, leaving a hole, and inserted a metal rod in it. This caused a greater burning pain and left a bigger hole.

"What are you doing?" I asked her.

"We will open the hole you used to sin and keep it that way until you repent," she replied.

The overseers around us began to recite biblical verses about sodomy. They were reciting scripture over top of me, screaming obscenities, including curses directed toward Jesus Christ himself along with some obscene words against women themselves. The pain was unbearable as the heat burned my flesh and flailed, attempting to strike Amy Robsart or one of the overseers in vain.

I had been reduced to a quivering mass, barely able to stand as she tortured me. I tried to resist a few more times and true to their word, they brought the club to one of my legs, causing me to walk with a noticeable limp back to the boy's quarters, completely naked reciting the biblical verse.

"Do not be deceived: neither the sexually immoral nor men who practice homosexuality will inherit the kingdom of God."

I was in constant pain as I did the farm work, wearing rags that they had given all the boys after their first session, barely covering our private regions. Amy would take us all to a nearby pond, where she would make the boys strip down and bathe, while the overseers watched. It was a humiliating exercise to punish us for our sins, while we stared at the scars on each other's bodies. If any boy gained an erection, they would be struck by an overseer with a leather whip used for herding livestock.

"You shall not have carnal lusts like animals," one of the overseers would shout.

This continued for many weeks until a newcomer arrived in our midst. He had brown hair and appeared defiant, like many boys before, as he entered the farm. His clothes were torn, but he walked with pride and dignity, something that we all had lost. We were not allowed to speak during meals and the overseers watched us as we ate, ensuring that no boy spoke or interacted with each other. However late at night after the selection had been made and before the normal check-in of the overseers, he spoke to me, who slept on the floor next to him. I do not know why he gravitated towards me, but I did not resist feeling a warm body so near me.

He whispered, "My name is Robert Dudley, what is yours?"

"Timothy Percy," I answered, "What did you do to come here?"

"I fell in love with my best friend, Eli," he replied, "What did you do?"

I paused, not sure how much to tell him, but I could not resist answering his question, "I... was penetrated by another boy, Henry."

"So you are like me," he said, "Well, don't worry, I have a plan to escape."

"How?"

"I will not say," he answered, "I don't want you to get punished."

"She'll select you eventually and punish you according to your sins," I warned him, "My asshole has been burned with hot wax and candles, while the Overseers recite Biblical verses about my sin."

"Well, I'm not a sinner," he responded, "I am not ashamed of my love and I will not apologize."

"Lord Dudley..." I started with honorifics as the Dudley family was currently in a higher noble rank compared to my own.

"Call me Robert, everyone does," he interrupted, "and we will get out of here, trust me."

"I can't believe you, they will catch us."

"Just believe," he answered.

Days later, when Amy was selecting who would go with her, Robert stood up and walked towards her, without the hesitation that all of us had. Although he admitted to me that he had fallen in love with someone named Eli, I did not know how far his sexual explorations had gone with his friend. I knew boys like Henry were able to escape places like this by claiming the common defense of retaining their virility as the aggressor. Boys like me, who only enjoy the position of being entered or used by others had no defense and had to be sent here, either to be saved by God or die without a memory of our existence. Some boys shared their pleasures, but a powerful family like the Dudley family could have swept this aside as long as Robert claimed to be the aggressor and rejected the other boy as the sodomite. His presence here meant he did not.

"You will come with me," she announced.

She led him to her quarters, where I expected him to return limping and defeated like I was after my encounter, but instead, he was merely bloody and defiant against the girl, who had taken our virginities.

After the door closed, I went to sleep.

The next morning, the Overseers were shouting and running around the farm, looking for something. The doors to the barn and stables were thrown open, along with the shed that held tools and equipment for the farm. After searching the entire area, the Overseers were upset and Amy had a face filled with anger and humiliation.

"Bring me the boys!" She shouted, "They will tell me where my golden locket went."

I was brought into her room with the others, where she began interrogating us, asking, "Where did you hide it?"

The other boys looked at her dumbfounded, unable to speak or defend themselves.

"Did one of you take my locket?" She demanded.

One of the boys finally spoke, "We know nothing of this, Madam."

"You are a liar, I know you did it," she said.

"No, we did not."

She pulled out a dagger and pointed it at the boy, "Do you want to be stabbed?", then she lowered the dagger, "Or Castrated?"

The boy cowered in fear.

"Answer me," she shouted, "Tell me where it is!"

"We did not steal it," the boy said, "I swear."

Amy grabbed him by the hair and pulled him out of the room. I could hear the boy screaming and crying from the hallway, "It's not me. It's not me. I'm not a thief."

"You will tell me where it is," she commanded.

The sound of the boy's cries and pleas went on for some time. I was not sure if the boy had told her the truth, but Amy returned a short time later. The boy was crawling behind her, naked and bleeding with a noticeable part of him missing.

"I will not tolerate liars," she said.

We were all forced to line up, while the overseers brought the tools for castration, which included knives and other objects, which I could not identify.

"I will begin with the most suspicious of you and move down," she announced, "If the boy, whose turn is next, does not confess, then you will be castrated one after another."

"But... but I didn't do it!" A boy pleaded.

"Then confess," she said, "Where is the locket?"

Robert stood up from the crowd and greeted Amy without any sign of fear, "I believe I know where it is, my Lady."

Amy was surprised to see him volunteer, "You? Did you take it?"

"No, my Lady," he said, "It is likely still in your room."

Amy was shocked, "You mean to tell me you hid it in my room."

"No, my Lady, in your heat of passion last night, you had removed it to grant me access to your body. Your overseers around us were busy chanting God's orders to Noah about spreading seed and being fruitful, while your arms flailed, which knocked the locket off your bed. I assumed one of them would have picked up the locket after my session."

Amy turned her ire at the overseers standing nearby, "Did you see the locket on the floor last night during his session?"

The overseers shook their heads and denied any knowledge of the item.

"No, we did not."

"How is it that you are so certain, Robert," Amy questioned him, "You were in my room along with my Overseers, but you were more observant than them."

"My Lady Robsart, I would dare bet that the locket is still there unless one of the Overseers had developed avarice. As you know, I was completely bare when I departed your room. I walked naked and barefoot with only the lashings of your Overseers to cover my flesh."

Amy Robsart directed one of her servants to check her room, including underneath the bed and fixtures. After an hour of waiting, the servant returned with the locket. Most of us sighed in relief, except for the castrated boy, who whimpered and cried at being mutilated for no apparent cause.

Amy angrily pointed at three overseers, "You three will be punished for your inattentiveness."

Robert intervened, "My Lady, they were distracted by the task of ensuring that the sinners were cleansed properly. How could they watch a young lady at the same time?"

Amy smiled at Robert, being captivated by this young man, "You are unlike any other sodomite I have met, Robert Dudley. How would you like a reward?"

"I have already received one, my Lady, a kiss from the beauty," he said.

"That is not a proper reward for saving my treasure," Amy said, "What would you like?"

"Decent clothing and footwear would be of great help," Robert answered.

"Done," Amy agreed.

He turned his head at the castrated boy and asked, "Could the lad receive a reward too? His punishment was unwarranted."

"Yes," Amy said and turned to the three Overseers, "Find a priest to give him his last rites, cut his throat, and bury him as a proper Christian."

The Overseers were confused and shocked, but complied, dragging the boy, who was sobbing and crying, begging for his life. We were not moved by her abrupt shift in demeanor, Amy Robsart was quick to anger and slow to show kindness to others. In her mind, the boy was receiving a type of mercy through death. He would never be a true man and even without his penis, he would never be equal to a woman.

Amy turned to us, "As for the rest of you, you will return to work immediately, while Lord Dudley will remain with me for further cleansing. The rest of you will not receive bread or water until you complete all of the farm's chores."

We all complied and returned to work, except for Robert, who was still in Amy's room, presumably having another session. We had toiled for hours, barely eating and drinking, while the overseers whipped us back to work. At dusk, we were released back to the boy's quarters, where Robert joined us, still alive. He wore a simple cotton shirt, trousers, and boots that befit peasants, but compared to what we wore, it was the finest silks from the East. He was carrying a tray of food, which he shared with us, telling us what had happened.

"The locket is worth a fortune," he explained, "Her father had gifted it to her mother on her deathbed. It contained a diamond the size of a chestnut. Amy had taken it off in haste last night because she was aroused by my youthful stamina."

"And she rewarded you, Lord Robert, why?" I asked.

"She is a fool, who believes herself to be beautiful," he laughed, "I gave her a few compliments and suckled her body to avoid being mounted by her. She believed I was enjoying her body because I was taking an active role. Still, she punished me with lashing from whips and burning from candles on my inner thighs and torso."

I was surprised at his ability to proactively commit those acts, "I thought you shared my interests, Lord Robert. If you could bed women, then why are you here?"

He gazed at me, but he wasn't focused on me or his current situation, "Eli is neither man nor woman, my knowledge of such acts came from my dreams of pleasing Eli in a distant place."

"Dreams? I do not understand," I was bewildered.

His expression became serious again, "It does not matter how I can please that wicked woman. The important point is I have gained her trust, and we can begin planning an escape."

"So how are we getting out?" I asked.

Robert grinned, "I have an idea."

"What is it?"

"Not yet" he whispered, "It is not time."

Over the next few weeks, Amy did not choose me or the other boys to go to her room, but Robert became her sole interest. He would return in the mornings with a defiant smirk despite a noticeable gait in his motion and bruises on his face, carrying a tray of food, which he would share with us before we would go to work. He had gained the favor of Amy, who believed him to be purified and cleansed by her torturous sessions. During the day, she would occasionally call for him, and he would be absent from the quarters when the rest of us would work hard under the watchful eyes of the Overseers and servants, while the sun was beating on our backs. I began to feel jealousy over his relationship with Amy Robsart. It was a foolish sentiment, and I should not have thought ill of a fellow inmate, who was helping us escape and had to suffer in his way, servicing Amy Robsart.

After several months, Amy's interest in torture began again, she took on new boys for her sessions. While Robert had gained a significant amount of freedom compared to the rest of us, he could not stop her mistreatment of us. In my last session, Amy had the overseers carry me upside down outside with the chill of winter in the air. They suspended my entire body with my legs and buttocks facing the sky and my head facing the dirt. The overseers poured boiling water into my exposed asshole, which caused me to scream in pain. Then, she used a branding iron, which had been placed in a fire, to mark my bottom, creating an open sore.

"Remember, Timothy, what happens if you resist God's grace," she reminded me.

When I was brought back to the boy's quarters, I laid in bed, shivering from the cold, while I tried to bandage the wound.

Robert had a worried expression, "What did she do to you?"

"Poured boiling water in my anus," I responded.

He took a clean rag and applied a healing balm, "This will help, but you will be sore for a few days. Why did she do this to you?"

"I did not have an erection when I was penetrating her," I explained.

"But why would that matter? I have never been excited by her," he said, "Did you attempt to please her as I suggested Timothy?"

"Yes, but she was not satisfied," I answered.

He wistfully spoke, "In my dreams, Eli would always be satisfied with what we shared. While we sometimes exchanged pain with one another, we endured it for one another."

"Are you thinking about Eli now, Lord Robert?"

"Yes," he responded.

I had not realized the depth of his emotions for this person named Eli. He had not mentioned much of Eli before, except that they were lovers, but clearly, Robert felt a deep connection with this person.

"I had dreamed of a place far from here, where Eli and I could live freely," he spoke with a melancholic tone, "We had to work hard for men and boys, who called us strange names. However, when we were free we would go to a grove of fruits, where we would share words and our bodies."

"Why did they call you strange names, Lord Robert?"

"They were like the Robsart family and the overseers, I think. They did not like our kind. While I had resigned myself to suffering their ugly words and harsh treatment, Eli accepted the same treatment as me. It did not change our situation, but knowing that you had someone, who was willing to share your suffering relieved some pain. Knowing we had a safe place to explore and be ourselves was enough to have happiness."

"I would like to see this place, Lord Robert," I said.

"One day, maybe, you can," he replied, "When we escape, I will take you to Eli. We can find the place in my dreams."

I felt a tinge of hope and happiness from his promise. A part of me was suspicious of this dream, but it was a promise from someone who had given me hope in this miserable place. I imagined being with a lover like Eli, who would wrap me in his arms and share my burdens. Robert had only said Eli was neither a man nor a woman, but he had never described his lover. I imagined a boy with soft features, long flowing hair, and a muscular torso. Imagining such a figure coming towards me on a white horse, gallant and bravely asking me to be his lover, was a wonderful fantasy in these harsh times.

As the Spring came, we began the arduous task of planting the various fields. The Robsart family was wealthy enough to hire farmhands, but it was our Christian duty to labor and cleanse ourselves according to them. The planting season gave us more time away from the Overseers, Amy, and her servants. It also allowed us more freedom of movement throughout the fields.

During the afternoon break, we gathered at the pond nearby. While the Overseers watched us, we could at least talk and share stories.

"We have to be careful, if we plan an escape," one of the boys told us, "If they catch us, it will be worse than what we are going through now."

"We don't have a choice, I would rather die than stay here another year," another boy said.

"What is your plan, Lord Robert?" I asked.

"When I am not with her, I sneak around the property and map out possible escape routes," he explained, "I have found a few, which would allow us to leave the farm. I think we are close to Norwich, the second largest city in England. We can disappear in the city."

"How will we get to the city?"

"It is about 20 miles south of here. If we follow the road, we should be able to find the city easily," Robert replied.

"How are we going to escape?"

"I need a bit more time," he said, "I have not figured out the timing due to the constant patrols of the overseers. Being an advocate of the new faith, the Robsart family and the overseers do not celebrate any of the Saints' days. Perhaps we can attempt an escape during Easter. The most important part is finding the path. We can leave at any time, as long as we follow the path."

"What will we do for money?" I asked.

"I have gained a few copper coins from Amy through insertion into my anus, which will be enough to buy clothes for us. Once we arrive at the city, we can work to earn a bit more," Robert explained.

While such means of securing money was scandalous even for whores, we were in no position to object. The overseers would have no sympathy for our situation and would castrate us, while the Robsarts would probably hang us for attempting to steal money from her.

"We are not strong enough," a boy named Gavin protested, "The Overseers can run faster than us. They will catch us."

"Not if we make the right plan," Robert argued, "There is a way out. It will require great courage and bravery, but it is not impossible."

"Tell us your plan," Gavin demanded, "Many of us have broken limbs, and many others have wounds that ignite into pain upon rapid motion. We cannot possibly all escape."

Robert was determined, "I have a plan, but it is not safe for everyone to hear."

"You mean to save yourself and leave the rest of us here to die," Gavin shouted.

Robert's expression changed to anger, "We all have been beaten, whipped, and tortured by the Robsarts, the Overseers, and their perverse notion of God's grace. If we do not leave now, we will all die or have our lives ruined. This is a chance at redemption, not just for you or me alone, but for all of us. I cannot force you to leave, but there will be an opportunity and I will make sure every one of us has a chance to escape."

"What do we have to do?" I asked, echoing the questions of Gavin. While I did trust Robert's abilities and intellect, it was hard to trust in words without action.

Robert stared at me and the other boys then sighed and offered us his plan, "I want to start a fire at the main house and overseers' house during Easter feast. A massive conflagration will distract the entire farm, allowing everyone to escape. The key though is getting access to adequate fuel for several large fires at the same time. I did not want to tell you all my plan as we would need to spend days gathering and preparing."

Gavin and a few other boys were still unconvinced, but the majority of us agreed with Robert.

As Easter Sunday approached, Robert asked us to prepare some provisions and tools to aid our escape. He had found a path that we could take to Norwich, and while there were Overseers in the surrounding area, there were plenty of bushes, trees, and small ditches, which would give us cover. Our biggest risk would be getting caught in the act of stockpiling incendiary fuels for our distraction since they performed patrols throughout the farm. However, through his freedom and stealth of acquiring several barrels of lard from the stores, we did gain fuel for the fires that we planned to set off. Animal fat can be used to strengthen fires as everyone knew.

It was the night before the celebration. The boys were already asleep when Robert came to me. He woke me up and told me to follow him.

"Where are we going?" I asked him.

"To the farm's store," he whispered, "I have to get a few iron rods and flints."

I followed him through the night and the field. We had learned the timing of patrols and knew approximately when we could go. Before identifying the patrol schedule, it was risky, but he had to gather a few tools for his plan. Two boys would go each time to gather materials, in case one is caught, so there would always be one returning with materials. Several boys were caught late at night and were never heard from again by the rest of us. We knew that death was a possibility in taking action, but it was better than inaction. Through their sacrifices, we learned many valuable lessons.

We arrived at the store, which contained several different materials for farming and tools. He found a few flintstones and iron rods, which would help start the fires.

"We can't linger, Robert," I told him, "The overseers will be making a patrol run."

"Let's go," he answered.

We left and returned to the quarters. We had sixteen more hours before sunset when we would begin our plans. We hid away the last materials we needed for the plan. Then, Robert and I attempted to sleep, but neither of us could sleep with the anticipated escape.

"Thank you, Timothy, for trusting me," Robert spoke to me.

I smiled, "No, Lord Robert, thank you for giving me hope."

He looked at me, and I felt his eyes gazing deeply at me. It was a sensation of a person, who had never truly felt a sense of belonging.

"In recent days, I feel an immense weight on me. My happy dreams with Eli have become horrible nightmares of disappointment and failure. When I woke up, I could not stop thinking about how we could fail, and what would happen if we failed. I could not bear to think of it, Timothy."

"Robert..."

"No, hear me out, Timothy. I want to see Eli again, but if we fail, we will have nothing. It would mean the end of everyone due to me."

"Do not say that, Robert. I believe in your plan."

"And that is why you are a fool, Timothy," Robert chuckled, "You believed that I have a plan, but it is just an idea, nothing more. In my nightmares, I had many ideas, which others thought of as plans. I know I am clever, I know I am observant. However, I know that beyond all the ideas, I am not a planner. Eli was always the planner between us, when Eli ordered me to take action, I would follow. Despite Eli's abrupt shifts in direction, his ideas and actions are coherent. True planners are like Eli."

"You should have more faith in yourself, Robert. We have done so much. You have convinced a wicked girl to favor you, allowing you the freedom to explore the farm, and gave hope to use of escape. That is the mark of a planner."

Robert shook his head, "Eli could have done it better."

I held his hands, "Do not say that you are doing great. I will not fail you. We will succeed, trust me."

As I held his hand for a long time, the mists of sleep began to cloud my vision, but I remembered hearing Robert whisper a reply before sleep overtook me, "The fault is in our stars, Timothy."

As the dawn approached, we rose and continued with the rest of our chores. During the afternoon, I could see the servants preparing for the upcoming Easter feast that would take place at dusk. I could see Amy Robsart speaking and arguing with her parents, while a group of boys led by Gavin were noticeably working further away from the rest of us in the fields. I did not like Gavin as he had been the first person to openly challenge Robert's plan. At times, he was too cowardly and cautious, while at other times he was impulsive. While a part of me wanted to speak to him about his behavior, I could not blame him for his distrust. After all, I had no proof of Robert's plan and only trusted him due to his conviction.

The time was fast approaching when a servant came running to the overseers. We did not know what was happening until several of the overseers came with a whip, and commanded all of us, "You are to go back to the boy's quarters. Do not come out unless commanded to. We have an incident at the Robsart house."

I did not know what had happened, but when I arrived back at the quarters, Robert was nowhere to be found. His absence was alarming, and I began to worry about his safety and his plan. Gavin and some other boys were also absent, and some wondered if their absences were tied to the commotion at the house.

We waited in the quarters and the evening sun slowly fell behind the horizon. Then, we smelled a distinct stench of smoke. At first, it was subtle, but the smell grew and grew until we realized the boy's quarters were on fire. We attempted to ram the entrance, but we discovered that it was barred shut. There were no windows, and we were locked inside, forced to suffocate or burn to death.

The flames were quickly surrounding us and the heat was rising. It became difficult to breathe as the smoke filled the room. I collapsed and coughed, barely able to move or breathe. The boys were all screaming and trying to find a way out. They were beating on the doors and digging the earth with their bare hands, trying to find a way to escape the burning building.

"Please let us out," I could hear the screams from the boys, "Help!"

They continued banging and begging for help, but the building was filled with the heat of the flames. It was becoming harder and harder to stay awake and breathe. I could see a boy collapse and another, and another. It was only a matter of time before the fire would engulf us and kill us all.

As the building continued to burn and I was fading into darkness, my body rested in a small crevice within the earth, where I made my bed. I could feel bodies falling on top of me and the cries of the other boys began to fade. The heat of the fire engulfed everything, and I thought I would surely die.

After falling into what I thought was the sleep of death from which no man could wake, I felt a coolness on my skin and words echoing from around me.

"This one still lives, Master Robsart," I heard a familiar overseer's voice call out.

"Good, we can use another example," another voice said.

I opened my eyes and saw the smokey haze of the burned building. The boys had all collapsed-on top of each other and many were dead. However, the overseers and servants were already moving the bodies of the other boys.

"Help, I'm alive!" I called out.

"Timothy Percy, you are not dead yet?" the familiar voice of Gavin said, "I had high hopes you would have succumbed to the fire."

"Why did you do this?"

"To get rid of Robert Dudley, he was a dangerous man," Gavin explained, "I knew his plan was too simple. I had to stop him and this was the best way."

"You sacrificed everyone else to them for your safety," I shouted at him.

"Safety?" He laughed, "There is no safety. I only did what was needed. The remaining boys will understand there's no escape without repentance and obedience to God’s representative Amy Robsart."

"Where is Robert?"

"Robert Dudley is an unrepentant demon, he gave you all false hope. The overseers and Master Robsart will have their fun with him."

I tried to get up and attack him, but the pain from the fire had weakened me. The overseers and servants had surrounded us.

Gavin looked at them and pointed his finger at me, "This boy is unrepentant. We must show him with the full force of God's Grace and save his soul."

The servants and overseers approached me and began carrying me off. I felt my body being lifted, my arms and legs were being tied down to wooden boards. As my vision was still cloudy from the smoke, I could not make out what I had been tied to, but I did not need sight. Amy Robsart began to preach about my situation.

"Timothy Percy, you have disobeyed the commandments of God and sinned against him. For your sins, you will be punished," she announced, "Bring the hot spikes. You shall endure what our Lord Jesus Christ endured to bring salvation onto this world."

A servant brought a small brazier with a metal nails sticking out, it was red hot. They pulled the nails out and I could feel the heat coming closer and closer to my flesh.

"No, no, please, no!"

"Your sinful ways are no match for the Lord. You will repent and serve him," Amy declared.

The molten hot spikes pierced my palms and ankles. The pain was excruciating, and I was crying. I knew I was being crucified as Jesus and many of the saints were in the early church. The pain was indescribable and I felt as though my body would not endure much more of this torture.

"Leave him alone Amy Robsart, it is I, Robert Dudley, who betrayed your trust. I should be the source of your punishments," I heard Robert hoarsely yell.

"Alas, sweet boy, I must do this. You have not accepted Christ's salvation; therefore, I must cleanse you through them. Their fathers have already paid us handsomely to either alleviate their sins or remove them, like yours. However, unlike them, you have demonstrated that you may offer me pleasure, so there may still be a chance for your salvation if I remove the sinners around you," she replied, "Continue the punishment."

The spikes were pulled out and then reinserted, creating an open sore in the palms and feet. The wounds began bleeding, causing my body to feel cold and numb. I did not know how long this torture would last, but I knew the pain would only get worse.

I heard the sound of a whip and someone shouting, "No!", but I could not focus my vision as I felt the stings on my skin. The blows kept coming and it was getting harder to keep consciousness. Then, I saw a familiar figure being dragged in front of me, tied and bound like I was.

"No, Amy," Robert cried out.

"Only through suffering can one gain repentance," Amy responded, "Robert if you desire to share some suffering to gain repentance, I shall accommodate."

Another overseer whipped Robert, while Amy had an overseer brand my skin with a hot iron. His screams were drowned out by my own. It went on and on. I lost track of time and began praying for God to let me die. However, my body was too stubborn, it did not want to give up.

"Keep them both on the cross," Amy told the overseers, "They have much repenting to do."

Amy and her family left, and the servants and overseers left us as well.

"I'm sorry, Timothy," Robert said to me.

"Do not apologize, you gave us hope, Robert," I said to him, "It was the most beautiful thing. I have never been given such hope before."

"Gavin told her about my plan, so Amy Robsart used the barrels of lard to light a fire around the boy's quarters. So many innocent boys died due to my miscalculation," Robert solemnly answered.

"There was no miscalculation, Robert. You did what you could. You had a good plan, but betrayal from someone among us could not be expected," I answered.

"I should have done better, I should have tried harder to persuade Gavin and his boys away from the fear Amy Robsart instilled in them," he whispered.

"Do not give up, Lord Robert, I am with you. We will survive this."

He looked at me and spoke, "I cannot give up. I must return to Eli. I will not die here. I cannot leave Eli alone."

Unlike me, Robert was merely tied and whipped, he was not bled or burnt. As the pain in my body receded, I felt a warmth envelop my body, followed by a wave of dizziness. The color in the world was fading with the setting sun. I could barely make out the outlines of my friend’s body opposite mine.

I struggled to speak, “Do…not…” before the words and emotions faded.

No one will remember my real name, Timothy Percy, as it has been removed from all records at the behest of my uncle, Thomas Percy, 7th Earl of Northumberland. It was better for him to not have me blemish his son’s name than to recognize a sodomite relation.

“Repent, then, and turn to God, so that your sins will be wiped out, that times of refreshing will come from the Lord.” Acts 3:19-20