Prompts 2016 - 7. I'm Sorry- Prompt 323

I'm Sorry

“Can I talk to you?” asked Jerry.

“Sure, what’s on your mind buddy?” I reached over, placing my hand on his in a reassuring gesture.

“Well, you see, I need to tell you what’s been going through my mind before I leave for basic training.”

“What do you mean, Jerry?”

“Jim, there’s no easy way to say this but, I love you.”

I pulled my hand away from him and I could see the fear in his eyes. What does he mean he loves me? Of course he does we’ve been best friends since middle school. Why is he so scared?

“Of course you love me, I know that. I love you too, bud.”

“No you don’t understand. I’m in love with you and have been for the last few years. I know this may ruin our friendship but I had to tell you before I leave.” He stood up and turned to walk away when I grabbed his arm.

“Don’t walk away from me! Now sit down and talk to me.” I was irritated that he would drop that bombshell and try to just walk away as if he hadn’t just said that he was in love with me.

“What do you want me to say? I can’t help my feelings and I’m not gonna force anything on you. I know you’re straight but I couldn’t leave without telling you. I know that you probably hate me right now but I hope that someday we can be friends again.” I could tell that he was on the verge of tears and it made my heart ache for him but I just couldn’t feel the same way.

When he turned to leave I couldn’t stop him and for the next several days I avoided him like the plague. My thoughts were constantly going through our years of friendship. Was the last several years a lie? I felt like I didn’t even know him anymore. I knew that I needed to get my head around it before even trying to talk to him again.

All too soon it was time for him to head off to basic training and I knew that I needed to talk to him but just didn’t know how or what to say. I was still hurt that it took him this long to tell me that he was gay but to also tell me that he was in love with me, which was just something that I wasn’t prepared for. I decided to go to the bus station and see him off. I would just have to tell him that I still wanted to be his friend but that I’m straight and that is all I could be for him, a friend.

“Hey Jim. What are you doing here? I thought for sure that you hated me.” Jerry stood there looking at me with a questioning look on his face.

“I came to let you know that I still want to be your friend but that’s all it can be. I’m sorry but you know that I’m straight. Be safe and come home soon.” I pulled him into a hug and before he turned to walk away I noticed tears in his eyes. I knew that what I said probably hurt him but there wasn’t anything I could do about it. He needed to move on and find someone that could love him in that way. He deserved to find that kind of love.