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About this blog

Oh whatever I decide, but be warned, it may contain D/s and BDSM content, or not. 

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Relationships

Who Are You?

You ever ask yourself that question?  I have been, often over the past few years. Who am I? Better would who the hell do you think you are?  For many reasons, at many times.  Maybe it's time to look at that honestly. Yeah, maybe it is.   
Relationships

E.C.T.

ECT (electroconvulsive therapy)can be an effective albeit last resort treatment for suicidal ideation.  When my husband came to me to say he'd discussed this treatment option with his psychiatrist, I was at once afraid and sad. ECT had been discussed several years ago. It was left behind on the table in favour of other treatments.  The other treatments which worked had slowly, over the years, become less effective. tim told me that the voices that urged him to take his life had become stron
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Ghost or ???

So, this is a little odd. I'm not one for making things up or for having hallucinations. I don't use drugs other than my diabetic prescription and never have.  My life is fact based. I was a detective for a number of years and a successful one.  Where is this going?  Here ... I am a night owl. I'm often up to 2 a.m. I enjoy the quiet after the boy and other husband have gone to bed. Last night it seems we had a visitor, or some extremely strange anomaly. On one of our wall units are ti
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

A Farewell and a Poem

The end was coming faster than any of us wanted.  My father knew he was dying and said as much in early March this year. He'd battled cancer over the last three years.  I wonder if he'd opted for the surgery from the start whether he'd be with us now. He chose chemo and radiation and other options. I don't discuss this with my mother. She doesn't need me to bring it up. But, how he fought this disease was his own battle in the long run. He died as he'd lived—on his own road. 
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Life At Ours

I've wondered for a while if I should talk about things going on in my, our, lives.  I'm not much in the way of an attention seeker. I've always found being who I am attracts enough attention without me seeking it.  I returned to school last year, I'm nearly done the first part of the course I'm taking: cybersecurity.  It's in line with what I used to do, and what interests me and what I know can contribute. I'll look for a job in that field once I'm done, but I know there will be more scho
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Beloved

I sit in the waiting room. Waiting for him; my beloved.  I wonder about this word, so I decide to look it up. I look up its origins: late Middle English: past participle of obsolete belove ‘be pleasing’ and later 'love'. Interesting. We know it means love, dear, dearest, most loved.  John, in his epistles, addresses his disciples as 'beloved'. Jesus Christ is the beloved son of God. To me, it is a word with deeper meaning than love. It describes a love that is of the soul; of
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Right Now

My husband has gone to bed. his life right now ... I pause because I cannot think of the words ... his life right now is sadness and chaos.  And I am not sure why.  his days are filled with Prime TV and pills that numb him.  I cannot fix him. Doctors tinker but the result is the same.  They say time heals. But there is something inside him I cannot reach and he cannot stop.  It makes me feel impotent and helpless.  I wonder how much time this will take.  But in the face of th
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Lesson Learned

Well, yesterday tim and I had a rather big yet stupid argument. It wasn't nice, tim was rightly angry and hurt. I don't remember the last time I felt that angry.  It was totally preventable and it was organic.  What happened isn't important, it was a true accident, tim was hurt physically (not badly), but I told him to get out of the way. he took offense to my reaction and left the kitchen quietly. Which angered me more and from there it escalated. Leaving tim angry and telling me I co
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Vows

The other evening a friend said to me; "The hard times are when I think about my vows to my husband. And that helps. We all have troubles, but we can be the constant in the lives of those we love. There's something sublime and wonderful about that." He's right, of course. Being there for others, a partner or friend, is a wonderful feeling.  Those vows we make when we marry are not just words to be said because 'that's what you do'.  No. They are and should be words held in the highest regar
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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