2 hours ago, kbois said:

We're individuals still trying to figure it out no matter how young or old we are.

Thanks for the response.  If it's who we need to be, I don't think I'm getting high marks in that department either. 

Bad people don't wonder if they're good enough. Bad people don't care.

It's only good and decent folks who worry if they're good and decent enough. And that's the truth.

Do what you need to feel better about who and what you are. But don't doubt that you're starting from a place that someone with less empathy would never find.

Sigmund Freud wrote about mourning and melancholia, suggesting that melancholy can emerge when we experience loss that is not always fully conscious or easily defined (Freud, 1917). We may not only grieve people, but also lost versions of ourselves, lost futures, lost identities, and lost possibilities.

This is why melancholy often appears at certain life stages, turning thirty, forty, fifty; changing careers; becoming a parent; leaving home; losing someone; ending a relationship; or even achieving something we worked for and realising it did not complete us in the way we expected.

Melancholy asks questions that busyness allows us to avoid:

·      Is this the life I thought I would live?

·      Who am I becoming?

·      What have I lost along the way?

·      What really matters to me?

·      How do I want to live, knowing life is finite?

These are not small questions; they are developmental questions.

Carl Jung believed that the second half of life in particular often brings a more reflective and melancholic tone, as individuals begin to turn inward and ask deeper questions about meaning, purpose and identity (Jung, 1933). Rather than focusing purely on achievement and external success, the task becomes integration, making sense of one’s life, one’s choices, and oneself.

Melancholy can therefore be understood not simply as sadness, but as a psychological signal that we are encountering depth, depth of time, depth of meaning, depth of self.

Sean Kelly

That is a deep question ... which can trigger a lot ... and may not be necessary to ask.

If you can find what made you ask that question, maybe you can break it down into a smaller question which is easier to answer, if you get my gist.

All the best!

On 3/30/2026 at 11:56 PM, Reader1810 said:

This is a really excellent answer as is @MichaelS36's question.

 

@kbois is good that way. 

On 3/31/2026 at 10:37 AM, Wayne Gray said:

Bad people don't wonder if they're good enough. Bad people don't care.

It's only good and decent folks who worry if they're good and decent enough. And that's the truth.

Do what you need to feel better about who and what you are. But don't doubt that you're starting from a place that someone with less empathy would never find.

I don't know how decent I am, but the truth has never frightened me.  It was and still is my career. 

But some of my choices, things that are often part of being gay and/or my lifestyle and beliefs has affected the man I love. I need to look at myself and our life. But really, when I look at it all, the only important thing is tim. 

10 hours ago, Cane23 said:

Sigmund Freud wrote about mourning and melancholia, suggesting that melancholy can emerge when we experience loss that is not always fully conscious or easily defined (Freud, 1917). We may not only grieve people, but also lost versions of ourselves, lost futures, lost identities, and lost possibilities.

This is why melancholy often appears at certain life stages, turning thirty, forty, fifty; changing careers; becoming a parent; leaving home; losing someone; ending a relationship; or even achieving something we worked for and realising it did not complete us in the way we expected.

Melancholy asks questions that busyness allows us to avoid:

·      Is this the life I thought I would live?

·      Who am I becoming?

·      What have I lost along the way?

·      What really matters to me?

·      How do I want to live, knowing life is finite?

These are not small questions; they are developmental questions.

Carl Jung believed that the second half of life in particular often brings a more reflective and melancholic tone, as individuals begin to turn inward and ask deeper questions about meaning, purpose and identity (Jung, 1933). Rather than focusing purely on achievement and external success, the task becomes integration, making sense of one’s life, one’s choices, and oneself.

Melancholy can therefore be understood not simply as sadness, but as a psychological signal that we are encountering depth, depth of time, depth of meaning, depth of self.

Sean Kelly

Thank you for your very thoughtful post.  What matters to me is our lifestyle and how I can make that work for me and for tim.  I will do just about anything to keep him safe and happy. he deserves my best. 

So, really, I know the problem and the answer.  

Thanks again. 

2 hours ago, lawfulneutralmage said:

That is a deep question ... which can trigger a lot ... and may not be necessary to ask.

If you can find what made you ask that question, maybe you can break it down into a smaller question which is easier to answer, if you get my gist.

All the best!

I understand. I know the issue and I know what needs to be done. I was surprised I'd missed so many clues. I appreciate your thoughts on this, and you're right, breaking things down is the best way to find an answer.  

Thanks again. 

All the best to you. I hope you're doing well.