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About this blog

Oh whatever I decide, but be warned, it may contain D/s and BDSM content, or not. 

Entries in this blog

Relationships

In the Quiet After, a poem dedicated to two police officer who died in the line of duty on June 9 and 11, 2026

In the Quiet After After the sirens fade, A heavy silence fills the air, For those who stood when duty called And gave a life of courage there. There was no promise of return, Only the weight of what must be done, Stepping forward at the hardest hour While others turned away to run. Now their badges rest, and flags are still, Their names are spoken soft and clear, Not only carved in grief and stone, Remembered now and coming years. Their homes now are foreve
Relationships

Who Are You?

You ever ask yourself that question?  I have been, often over the past few years. Who am I? Better would who the hell do you think you are?  For many reasons, at many times.  Maybe it's time to look at that honestly. Yeah, maybe it is.   
Relationships

E.C.T.

ECT (electroconvulsive therapy)can be an effective albeit last resort treatment for suicidal ideation.  When my husband came to me to say he'd discussed this treatment option with his psychiatrist, I was at once afraid and sad. ECT had been discussed several years ago. It was left behind on the table in favour of other treatments.  The other treatments which worked had slowly, over the years, become less effective. tim told me that the voices that urged him to take his life had become stron
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Ghost or ???

So, this is a little odd. I'm not one for making things up or for having hallucinations. I don't use drugs other than my diabetic prescription and never have.  My life is fact based. I was a detective for a number of years and a successful one.  Where is this going?  Here ... I am a night owl. I'm often up to 2 a.m. I enjoy the quiet after the boy and other husband have gone to bed. Last night it seems we had a visitor, or some extremely strange anomaly. On one of our wall units are ti
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

10
Relationships

A Farewell and a Poem

The end was coming faster than any of us wanted.  My father knew he was dying and said as much in early March this year. He'd battled cancer over the last three years.  I wonder if he'd opted for the surgery from the start whether he'd be with us now. He chose chemo and radiation and other options. I don't discuss this with my mother. She doesn't need me to bring it up. But, how he fought this disease was his own battle in the long run. He died as he'd lived—on his own road. 
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Life At Ours

I've wondered for a while if I should talk about things going on in my, our, lives.  I'm not much in the way of an attention seeker. I've always found being who I am attracts enough attention without me seeking it.  I returned to school last year, I'm nearly done the first part of the course I'm taking: cybersecurity.  It's in line with what I used to do, and what interests me and what I know can contribute. I'll look for a job in that field once I'm done, but I know there will be more scho
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

15
Relationships

Beloved

I sit in the waiting room. Waiting for him; my beloved.  I wonder about this word, so I decide to look it up. I look up its origins: late Middle English: past participle of obsolete belove ‘be pleasing’ and later 'love'. Interesting. We know it means love, dear, dearest, most loved.  John, in his epistles, addresses his disciples as 'beloved'. Jesus Christ is the beloved son of God. To me, it is a word with deeper meaning than love. It describes a love that is of the soul; of
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

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Relationships

Right Now

My husband has gone to bed. his life right now ... I pause because I cannot think of the words ... his life right now is sadness and chaos.  And I am not sure why.  his days are filled with Prime TV and pills that numb him.  I cannot fix him. Doctors tinker but the result is the same.  They say time heals. But there is something inside him I cannot reach and he cannot stop.  It makes me feel impotent and helpless.  I wonder how much time this will take.  But in the face of th
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

4
Relationships

Lesson Learned

Well, yesterday tim and I had a rather big yet stupid argument. It wasn't nice, tim was rightly angry and hurt. I don't remember the last time I felt that angry.  It was totally preventable and it was organic.  What happened isn't important, it was a true accident, tim was hurt physically (not badly), but I told him to get out of the way. he took offense to my reaction and left the kitchen quietly. Which angered me more and from there it escalated. Leaving tim angry and telling me I co
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

9
Relationships

Vows

The other evening a friend said to me; "The hard times are when I think about my vows to my husband. And that helps. We all have troubles, but we can be the constant in the lives of those we love. There's something sublime and wonderful about that." He's right, of course. Being there for others, a partner or friend, is a wonderful feeling.  Those vows we make when we marry are not just words to be said because 'that's what you do'.  No. They are and should be words held in the highest regar
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 in Relationships

10

ONLINE: Be safe, be private

On GA we have a great and friendly community.  I've enjoyed my time here. I have met some wonderful people. I accept these people for who they are here, online.  I use my real first name, Michael or Mike.  I do not share my real surname here or on my email address. I believe in privacy.  People can accept that or not.  The majority I have met, do. The internet is a tool. It has much to offer and much to answer for.  We need to be careful online and respectful of others. Much
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

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Rant

Changes are needed in our world.  So many of them it's hard to sort out.  Life is a gift.  Yet we take it lightly. We disrespect it.  Why, in this day and age, we fear our differences is frankly, stupid, ignorant and childish.  We live in an age of great knowledge. We live in great melting pots filled with people from everywhere. And rather than stop and learn about each other, we hide in the corner like frightened children.  Stop blaming. Stop being afraid. We are all just human
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

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Who W/we Are

Who W/we Are   First if I am out of bed at this god-forsaken time something is on my mind. Right now, it is the feeling I must defend who and what tim and I are, and how we live. I likely don’t. This will likely be repetitive. But I don’t care. Better out, than in! I am a Dom. A Dominant man. I have a boy … who is my submissive. That does not mean only that I take the dominant role in sex. Our lifestyle is one of Dominance and submission, it is a partnership. tim, m
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

22

What I Think

WARNING ***Discussion of race, religion, bigotry lies ahead. It's what I feel and think. If you don't like what I feel and think feel free to ignore this blog. If your mind is closed, do not read this blog. If you are afraid of your own truth, do not read this blog. If you are looking for honesty and acceptance, I hope you choose to read on. ***   I've been thinking about what is going on in our world besides COVID-19. I wish it wasn't what has been happening. I've been debating saying
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

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What I Want

I read about what people say about lockdown and this pandemic. I watch my beautiful boy suffer from sadness he doesn't understand. Watch him choke back tears he doesn't know why he's crying. In the dark of night I hold him close when his dreams are bad and when he needs the comfort of my skin.  I listen to people complain about how hard it is. How they want normal back.  I wonder what normal is gonna look like? I am lucky that I have tim with me. Lucky that I can hold him close an
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

12

Falling In Love Again

It's a funny thing, marriage. We go through life together my husband and I. We work, commute, shop, watch TV, cook, eat, shower, make love, laugh, talk and all the other things we do, together each day. Often by rote. Often without a lot of thought.  I care for him during those times he is in the troughs of depression. When he's ill. When he's afraid. During the nights when nightmares of the past haunt him. It's my duty as his partner to be there for him. It isn't a chore, it's a privilege
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

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When You're Weary

And I am … weary that is.  There are times I just want peace, selfishly for myself. Fighting tim's depression, mood swings and self-loathing, wears me out, it tires me and breaks my heart. And today when I bent to pick up his ART meds, he no longer wants to take … today I wondered why I continue. That scared me, that question, because never before have I asked it. Valentine's Day is the worst day of the year, for him and so for me.  It brings memories to my sweet husband, things, time
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

11

Worthy

How do you tell someone who can't see themselves, they are worthy … of love … of life?   I see the dark circles under your beautiful brown eyes And I wonder how I can fix it … Fix all the wrongs done to you in your life How can I take that pain from then and now? You do not see your own strength within you Life dealt you a bad hand You lived through pain, and horrors I cannot imagine I can only promise to be with you To hold you
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

19

I Know What Love Is

I thought I knew what love is.  I thought I knew when I met tim.  I thought I knew when he agreed to marry me.  But walking behind him down the street, watching his such-long legs supporting his perfect ass and his black leather jacket sitting just at his sweetly slim hips, made me feel it deeply. This brilliant, sexy, funny, and deeply compassionate man was mine. Then he turned and he smiled at me. It was such a smile, it lit my soul with the brilliance of a thousand suns. I wondered
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

14

Things Don't Always Work Out

Like the title says not all things in life work. It's a shame, but it's true.  My desire for our new boyfriend to become more in our little family didn't come to fruition. He decided it wasn't right for him and moved on. I've talked to him, but we'll leave it here for the moment.  All of this was hard on tim. Especially since he'd grown so close to Jim.  tim is willing to continue on this adventure - he has a big heart and wants to make me happy - but we will see.   I am awar
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

13

When Three Is Not A Crowd

I suppose this piece should have a WARNING … if you are closed minded, cannot deal with things outside your own experience or what you think is 'normal', or believe that relationships with more than two people are wrong. DO NOT READ THIS.      I have never been conventional. Well, I say that, yet, I wanted to be married. But I also believe you can love more than one. I believe that bringing others into a relationship for friendship and sex is a good thing and that it can work
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

30

Life

Today tim shared a motivational poster which said: The older I get the more I understand that it's okay to live a life other's don't understand.  That made me think. While it is true many do not understand our D/s lifestyle, recently, I've found myself questioning it also.  I do not believe D/s will ever be totally gone from us. But I have found that by easing back a little bit, life is more fun and more fulfilling. I have discussed these changes with tim; these lessening of the Rules.
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

29

Choices

It's been sometime since I wrote anything. Life has been doing its utmost to kick my ass. Well, I have some choice words for that, which I shall refrain from using.  Seems my shoulder issues are tied into my diabetes. My physio, who is a talented and caring woman, has suggested speaking to my doctor about seeing an orthopedic surgeon. Damn it this is not what I was hoping for.  However, my wonderful and talented boy, tim has said, "You don't want to feel like this forever." And he
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

23

Lyric

I must say I struggled with this one. And I am sorry there is only one. However, here it is and it has been hopefully improved somewhat after a talk with AC.  This one is about our last trip to the hospital …     I force you to the hospital and you won’t recall it you fight me like a frightened thing because you are hurting   You, my love are so very strong yet you are made of glass the hidden flaws begin to show widening t
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

21

I Sleep - a poem

Sometimes in the early morning, things just come to you...    In the cold of the morning in the cocoon of our bed you snuggle closer, seeking my heat and my presence And I draw you to me, into my embrace, holding you tightly your sigh is comfort, a whisper to my heart I know you are happy, and I know you feel safe   I fight my desire to take you, possess you as you sleep your lithe body, close to me and I draw your scent into my lungs; the remnants of the lime col
MichaelS36

MichaelS36

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