I was over at my favorite bar tonight. I was there for an acoustic guitar show by a guy named Jefe. Afterwards, I was watching a good amount of people crying their eyes out. Because it was the Jefe show they'd ever see at the Deer Park Tavern as a college student, you know?

I was seeing one guy in particular. He was just bawling his eyes out, and comforting and being comforted by his friends. It went on for at least half-an-hour.

I had a bit of a cry later in the car- you know, the "Oh no this is the end of college and it makes me emotional" deal, but I think in general I'm not feeling that sort of despair that guy is feeling. I contrast that to when I graduated from high school five years ago, and I just don't feel that same sense of,"my world is ending", that I did back then. Back in high school, I felt like the world was going to end as soon as I stepped off that stage- that because the world I had taken four years to build was over, that my life is over. And I don't really feel that when it comes to college, and I don't really feel that much despair about things ending.

Part of it, I think, is just the fact of the matter is that I'm a 5th year senior. I mean, I know that technically I'm the class of 2010, but in my heart I'm the class of 2009. This isn't really the class I grew up with. I went through the feeling of saying my goodbyes to my fellow seniors last year, I think. This year has felt like an extension of college, but my heart's already moved on a bit. And I don't really have the tightknit, "we do everything together" kind of group that a lot of these kids seem to have. I transferred into UD during my sophomore year, and I just never really became part of any one group. I was more of just a "floater", I think. So there aren't really any huge emotional ties tugging me to UD. I mean, there's my friend Steve, and I do have some good friends, but University of Delaware just wasn't the center of my world that Cab Calloway High was.

I'm ready for it to be over, and I'm ready to move on to grad school. I mean, I'll still always be the silly college kid at heart, and I don't think that will ever change, but I really think doing a 5th year of college prepared me for the end of it. It feels time, you know? Time to smile, time to reflect on my accomplishments and all the fun and all the tears and all the tediousness and the joy and the sadness...and just..walk forward. I might be a total blubbery mess on Friday on Saturday, but for now...I'm happy that I'm marching towards something new and away from the familiar.