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Status Update


Four hundred characters is too few for the update I want to make so I'm going to post it here.

 

As many might know/remember, Mike and I are trying to have a child(ren). We tried traditionally surrogacy - commonly referred to in technical medical circles as the 'turkey baster method,' but after 3 attempts that proved unsuccessful. The fertility Dr., who I found to be a wonderful doctor, told us that statistically further attempts would end up costing us more than biting the bullet and going with IVF (In Vitro Fertilization), despite IVF being WAY more money. He explained that statistically, surrogates who do not get pregnant after three attempts generally do not get pregnant with more attempts. Not to say it wouldn't happen, but more attempts failed far more often than succeeded. Chance were, that if we tried more times, we would still end up at IVF, but would have spent more on the unsuccessful attempts.

 

This left us with a hard choice. We could keep trying the less expense method and hope we were one of those 10% cases where the surrogate would get pregnant after 3 attempts or we could go with the more expensive but much more successful method. Just so we are clear - each traditional attempt was about $1500-1750 with ultrasounds, travel fee to the surrogate, her fee per attempt, etc. But there was also the added cost of having enough 'boys' there for the insemination attempts. Five days in California, donating as often as was medically recommended, cost a bit over $1000 and yielded enough for just 3 attempts. And that didn't account for lost work etc.

 

IVF on the other hand was wildly more. $14,500 to the clinic, then there was an egg donor fee, fertility drugs, anesthesia costs, fertilization costs and all of that was just for one attempt. Now the clinic has their insurance package, which for a tad under $5,000, you get many more attempts than one. Basically, when they get the eggs, they fertilize them all at once, they only use 2-3 per attempt. SO if you have more than 3, you can keep them frozen and use them for future attempts free of the $4100 per attempt charge AND you get a full second go round if needed as well. But if she gets pregnant on the first time - and 90% do, you do not get a refund.

 

Given our luck so far, we bought the insurance package. We felt we had to. If it didn't work, if was another $20,000 plus to try again, money we just couldn't afford.

 

Okay, so - we are on track again - sometime in the next two weeks [i'm not clear exactly when, I'll find out more on Tuesday when the surrogate has another ultrasound] we will make another attempt. I really hope this works, because even with the insurance and other attempts we're entitled to, I'm getting really anxious [and older by the day. :mellow: ]

 

So with that - here's to 2011, the year I finally get to be a dad.

 

Now watch, we get twins or more. :blink:

 

 

Andy

  • Like 7

17 Comments


Recommended Comments

Bleu

Posted

A straight couple in my family just went that route and had baby twins last week.

I hope you get that lucky! :)

  • Like 2
Dargon

Posted

Good luck =D

  • Like 1
Amelia

Posted

My boss did it four 1/2 years ago and on the first attempt ended up with her beautiful daughter. My cousin (also bought the insurance) and tried 4 times before it worked. His kids (twins) are fantastic. Here is too wishing 2011 is fruitful for you guys!

  • Like 1
Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

Blue - Thanks :) Though some might say it is not lucky to have twins, I am going to say I am lucky no matter what so long as we have a happy healthy child(ren) :) Happy new Year and thanks for thinking of us.

 

Dargon - Thanks Mate, when are you and yours going to show the world what awesome parents you can be :P

 

Amelia - I appreciate the encouragement, it sometimes has been frustrating and disheartening given how long it has taken but I agree, 2011 is going to be the year - I can feel it this time :)

soup

Posted

YAY an update! That's great news :D i'm glad you didn't give up. Happy New Year and good luck, Q-man!<br>

  • Like 2
Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

YAY an update! That's great news :D i'm glad you didn't give up. Happy New Year and good luck, Q-man!<br>

 

 

Thanks soup - hopefully soon you will have someone else in the house to stalk, though I don't recommend swiping the baby food, go for the good stuff in the basement fridge instead :P

MikeL

Posted

I'm glad you aren't giving up. Being a dad is awesome. I can think of only one thing that is better...being a granddad.

 

I think 2011 will be a great year for you.

  • Like 1
StonedOrchid

Posted

Good luck with it, Andy. I bet you end up with triplets, though, so stock up on diapers now while you have time to actually go to the store. :D

  • Like 1
Bumblebee

Posted

Good Luck :hug: we all know that if you have 1 or 3 kids, you'll be an awesome dad

 

 

  • Like 1
Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

Mike- Thanks for the encouragement, at this point, I might not live long enough to be a granddad, but the idea is still nice :)

 

Stoned - (a.k.a. Damian) - What did I do that you wish that on me :blink:. If I do have triplets I am going to name one after you and send you their diaper bills. :boy:

 

Bee That is a bit of expectations to live up to, but that is our goal. At least no one can ever tell the kid(s) they were unplanned or unwanted. 0:)

Frostina

Posted

Best Of Luck Andy.. and i was serious that day abt having my fingers AND toes crossed! maybe that wud mean twins.. lol who knows...

I agree with Bee you'd be an Awesome Dad.. Hopefully 2011 will put that statement to test!!

tons of hugs.. And like Damian said.. stock up!

 

:hug:

  • Like 1
Toast

Posted

Add my best wishes too, I want to be uncle bugeye!

  • Like 1
Nephylim

Posted

I've been wondering how things have been going for you and I'm glad you've updated.

 

I'm sorry that things haven't worked out as you hoped but I will keep my fingers crossed that this will be your year hun

  • Like 1
Lugh

Posted

Well September/October is a good birth time. Good luck Qbert.

  • Like 1
Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

Frosty thanks on all fronts and I think 2011 is going to be our year. Let's hope my feelings mean something :P

 

Sam Uncle Bugeye doesn't suit you, How about Uncle Sam?? :P

 

Nephy Thanks for the good wishes. I think this time is a charm, so let's all just go with that. :)

 

Lughbert Agreed October will be a fine month for a birth - 16 weeks of paternity leave will get me well passed the holidays too :P. Soon I can email you for parenting advice, you can be like my big little/younger brother. :worship:

  • Site Administrator
Cia

Posted

Early fall is awful for the preggo woman, being so big in summer but for holidays and such it's perfect. You'll know what baby/babies you'll have for all those nifty gifts they will be spoiled with by family. Plus you will get to live it up for your final non-diaper bag, formula can, spit rag and binky toting days. Trips to the beach, weekend mini-vacations, the ability to sleep in on Sunday morning, read the paper and have brunch, go for a walk before lazing around doing much of nothing will be things of the past.

 

On the other hand your sleep and food deprived minds and bodies will fall under the spell of the yummy smelling, satin skinned, beautiful baby/babies and you will find every loss of freedom (and money) to be worth it. When you get to hold the baby for the first time and watch them blink and yawn sleepily and then gently pass out in your arms, the first smile and coo as they make eye contact, the first time they grab on to your neck and hold on with all the amazing strength in their chubby little hands will rock your world and blow your mind. It may just be a survival mechanism on their part to keep you from smothering them at the 4th wake up call in 5 hours in the wee hours of the morning but it sure as hell works. Prepare for a whole new love to enter your soul, it's coming for you soon.

 

 

  • Like 1
Andrew Q Gordon

Posted

Cia, if you are smart you will never give me your phone number and maybe even changed your email. I am so going to be pestering you when I am at wits end :P

 

Honestly, this looks like the real deal this time so I'm getting excited and a tad anxious now. But I have wanted/waited for this for so long, I am just going to keep reminding myself all that went into making this happen if ever I feel the urge to smother 'them at the 4th wake up call in 5 hours.' That and Mike is SO much calmer a personality than me :)

  • Like 1

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