So, I have been having a lot of trouble with my back and joints again.

I have to admit that since I have not been working it has improved, but it has been a real struggle since I had the really bad episode in February. Usually my acute attacks last a week and then they go away. This time it didn't completely go away at all.

The problem I have is that my discs are crumbling. I have a lot of problems with my back generally since I broke it but the disc thing is the scariest because the discs are gradually drying out and will eventually 'pop' That, in itself isn't a huge problem although it will mean more pain more often. The real stinger is that if they 'pop' in the wrong way it could put pressure on the cord and damage it.

Doctors are arseholes. Initially I was advised to get cortisone injections but, since I researched it I declined and the consultant hasn't seen me since, despite me asking for a new referral once a year.

In the beginning it wasn't such an issue because I wasn't that mobile, but now that the stubborn bitch that I am is pushing the envelope the envelope is pushing back.

Various painkillers later I have got to the stage where I am having to face the fact that I can't do everything. That's why I am hoping to be able to avoid having to find another job. i have all sorts of difficulties.

If you go through your day and think about how many times you bend or twist and maybe you'll see how hard it is when either you can't or it hurts like a bitch.

Soooo.... enough of the whining and feeling sorry for myself. I finally went to my GP and basically said I'm sick and tired of coming here and being sent away because there's nothing more you can do. I am not moving until you do something.

So here I am 5 days into a 7 day morphine patch. The idea is that the patch lasts for 7 days then you change it for a new one so that I have a continual slow relase of morphine.

Wel... it has its ups and downs.

The up side is that the underlying generall constant pain is gone. It doesn't feel as if i am standing on razor blades when I get out of bed and I can actually DO things. I can bend and pick things up.

I have cleaned the bathroom floor, rediscovered the colour of my bath and shower, made room in Efans room, sorted out some things to sell on eBay to pay for the August trip cleaned various kitchen appliances and brushed the whole bottom floor including under the furniture.

On the down side.

Becuase I am not feeling the general pain I have sparked of another severe acute attack and...well... OUCH.

Also... i am sleeping. I mean 15 hours a day. I have that strange feeling of being slightly to the left of myself. I am finding it difficult to get the energy to write but when I do i can't stop.

My brain is misfiring on all sorts of levels and everything is surreal.

Anyway... I'm so drugged up I'm not entirely sure that I'm real let alone talking sense... nothing new there.

The moral of this tale is that, although I'm trying I am not going to be round quite as much as I was and not making as much sense when I do.