For those of you, who know what I do and those who don't, I had a very weird day today.

I am a head of accounting for a health management firm that manages community health centers, in European equivalence, these health centers are similar to a local clinic combined with an apothecary and outpatient services from a traditional hospital.

I work in tough neighborhoods in Boston, making sure the accounting works correctly and people are not trying to rob the organizations blind. Today, while I was working out of Washington Street in Dorchester, someone began to open fire with a gun.

At that moment, I had no feelings and no fear.

It's a feeling or lack of feeling that has been building for months now. I've seen a kid get run over by a car, which did not stop as the kid started bleeding out. That shocked me at first and haunted me for weeks. That happened back in November, but I know distinctly that I felt a sudden chill at that kind of inhumanity.

Throughout my time at this job as you guys might have picked up from blogs and my posts, I have had to make tough choices. A lot of people get harmed by choices that were made and I don't know how their health is now; heck they might be dead as I prioritized spending.

All that basically made me harder and tougher than most people my age.

I am not shocked as I knew a shooting might happen, but I really felt nothing.

Am I so cynical now that I no longer fear violence and accept it as background noise? Do I not care about human life anymore?

The only other member of GA, who is probably at or beyond this level of cynicism is Jamessavik, but I don't know if this is what you feel James.