What a boring life!
I've had even more free time than usual over the past couple of weeks (and I had *tons* of free time before that!), but now that I have even more free time, the lazier and lazier I've become. I mean ... I *should* be finishing my thesis, but I just don't feel inspired. There are also a couple of other projects that I'm interested in, but I don't want to get caught up in any of those until my thesis is finished ... kind of like a Catch-22, I suppose.
Anyway, one of the projects I want to work on is a paper (in Chinese) for the academic journal Chung-wai Literature. I'd like to write a summary/book review of a really great book that came out last year called The New Gay Teenager (Princeton: Princeton University Press, 2005). It's a really fascinating look at the "new gay culture" among teenagers in America, how they define/categorize themselves, and in general how American society has changed ... and in terms of gay youth and homosexual studies in general, things have changed *a lot* since I was in high school (9 years ago seems sooo long! hehe) Anyway, it's a really excellent book that I recommend to anyone, and it presents a fairly new theory called "personal trajectory," which is a bit different from the old "Social Constructionism" and "Essentialism" theories that were the main focus of gay studies only a decade ago.
I guess I just need to find some sort of focus or inspiration ... or find my center again. I've even run out of new stories to read online, so I really have no idea what to do with myself. I KNOW I should just finish up with the last half a chapter and conclusion of my thesis ... if I really dedicated myself, I could finish it up within a week ... but after writing so much already over the past year, I just don't have the energy to do it. And to top that off, once that's finished, I have to start preparing for the entrance exam for the Ph.D. program, which will cover the history of Chinese literature ... and there's over 2,500 years of that to cover ... so, it's not going to be that easy. I also have to give an oral defense of my thesis twice, once for my M.A. degree exam, and again for the Ph.D. program entrance exam. That shouldn't be too bad, because I like to debate ... the only thing I'm worried about is getting some 80-year old homophobic professor on the committee who will shoot down my research just because it's "gay" ... oh well ... I think my research is solid, so I shouldn't worry.
But besides all of this academic crap, I just really need to get a more interesting life. I had SO much fun in high school and college, tons of friends, was always going out and having fun ... and now everything is so different. It was a bit better when I was working and had stuff to do, but now I only work 6-9 hours/week (I have a scholarship so I don't need the money), so I just sit around ... and I don't know very many intellectually stimulating people ... and Taiwanese boys can just be *weird* sometimes ... so I just need to figure out what I want to do with myself now ... **sigh**
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