For many years I was a happy, unencumbered homosexual, who had not much more to worry about than if my ass looked to big in my jeans or if I was losing my hair, or where that wrinkle came from. But just for shits and giggles I decided to have a child - well me and the hubby did. She's a wonderful, happy, delightful little girl who brings me endless amounts of joy just by smiling.
But today I don't want to be a dad, don't want to be happy, don't want to pretend everything is okay, and I have to because I can't be this depressed around my daughter. She's too little to understand when daddy is unhappy. If we're upset so is she.
Bit of melodrama I know, but my dog is dying and I can't do anything to stop it. This was/is my first baby. We got him as a gangly little puppy who would try to steal the baseball hat from my head whenever I sat at his level, the one who claimed two of my best soccer balls as his and proceeded to spend hours convincing me to throw them so he could chase them and bring them back to me. He curled up next to me when I got a bad case of hepatitis and always came to sit with me when I needed him. He was truly this man's best friend.
But he's shutting down on us - we - the vet and us - thought he has a kidney infection, but the antibiotics aren't working. So it's probably kidney failure. It might be a bunch of other things but whatever it is, he's not eating and we don't have enough time to figure it out if he won't eat.
I've made him turkey, turkey burgers, chicken, liver, and a host of other can't miss things that even sick dogs will eat. He ate them for 1 - 2 meals max before he won't touch them now. He seems hungry but won't eat anything. It's like every time we try something, he'll eat it once and we can scratch it from out list of things he'll eat and we're quickly running out of options.
Yeah, I know, grow up and grow a set. I am, I have to. Mike's a mess and someone needs to make sure the kid is okay too. She doesn't understand what's happening so it's not that we need to be strong because she's upset. No, it's like I said, she seems to know when we're unhappy, and that makes her upset.
Like the title says, Adulthood sucks.