Jump to content
  • entries
    44
  • comments
    803
  • views
    9,943

Mindfulness

Mikiesboy

Entry posted by Mikiesboy

1,508 views

 Share

I messed up today. Again.  And i spoke to Michael about it, and asked his permission to write this.

 

 

 

For a long time, I'd heard this term: mindfulness. It sounded so much like a catchphrase because everyone was using it. Be mindful.

What the heck does that even mean? Took me a while to figure it out even after I'd looked it up.

 

Turns out I am pretty bad at it. The Doms in my life tell me so. Sometimes directly, sometimes in other ways.  I wasn't mindful when discussing something recently. I had to be reminded again, that being mindful is a good thing for a submissive (like me) to be.

 

There are other uses for mindfulness, other than learning to be a better boy.

 

My shrink thinks the same thing. 

 

I wanted to stop taking antidepressants. So he said to me, "I want to try  MBCT, or Mindfulness-based cognitive therapy with you."  I agreed.

 

We worked on that for some time while he weaned me off the drugs completely.

 

MBCT is educates you about depression using CBT (cognitive behavioural therapy), and mindfulness to  accept feelings and thoughts, rather than just reacting to them. This is especially hard for me, since I am a very reactive person generally.

 

The theory is that people like me who become who have been depressed and are distressed will repeat the same cognitive processes that trigger their depression in the first place. So MBCT interrupts that process and the person learns to focus less on what triggers them, and can look at the triggers from a higher level so to speak. Mindfulness helps me notice the trigger, and I can look at it from a more objective place and ask for help, or realize I need to make a change, therefore hopefully stopping a full-fledged depressive episode.

 

Sadly, it didn't work for me as after a few weeks with no drugs, I began having suicidal thoughts and slipped easily into that slick-sided rabbit hole.

 

Needless to say I am back on a mild antidepressant and still using MBCT. It, in conjunction with the medication seems to be working for me. I find myself telling someone that my thoughts are in a bad place. I usually know what the trigger was, and often I just need to get up and do something else for a while.

 

Stepping away from what triggered me and telling Sir, or a friend that I'm struggling, often helps me get through the episode successfully. My doctor said, I need to face the fact I will likely need medication for the rest of my life for depression. I have accepted that now, but I have hope that they can remain this mild option.

 

Now all I need to do is learn to be a more mindful about other areas in my life. I'm not purposefully unthinking, but I often am.

 

  • Like 2
  • Love 8
 Share

20 Comments

Recommended Comments

  • Popular Comment
MichaelS36

MichaelS36 25,652

Posted

  • Popular Comment

boy, I sigh when I read this, just as I did when you spoke to me earlier today.  you are not bad, you have changed much in this last year, grown. I had hoped that our day yesterday would prove that to you. you are beloved, boy.  Mistakes are simply to be learned from, do your best not to repeat them. No one is perfect, though we can strive to be.  

 

As to the therapy, it does seem to be working. you are seeing things as they happen, and reaching out to me, or John or others and that is a good thing. 

 

Be as understanding of your own failings, as you are of others. 

 

xo

  • Like 4
  • Love 5
  • Popular Comment
MacGreg

MacGreg 39,552

Posted

  • Popular Comment

Telling a sub to be mindful isn't an admonishment of behavior. It's a reminder to focus and consider things. Mike has said everything in his comment that needs to be said. 

 

"Be as understanding of your own failings, as you are of others."  Each one of us can benefit from learning that philosophy. No one is perfect, least of all me.

  • Like 5
  • Love 4
  • Popular Comment
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted (edited)

  • Popular Comment
1 hour ago, MichaelS36 said:

boy, I sigh when I read this, just as I did when you spoke to me earlier today.  you are not bad, you have changed much in this last year, grown. I had hoped that our day yesterday would prove that to you. you are beloved, boy.  Mistakes are simply to be learned from, do your best not to repeat them. No one is perfect, though we can strive to be.  

 

As to the therapy, it does seem to be working. you are seeing things as they happen, and reaching out to me, or John or others and that is a good thing. 

 

Be as understanding of your own failings, as you are of others. 

 

xo

i'll try Sir   yesterday was very special Sir.

Edited by Mikiesboy
  • Like 3
  • Love 3
  • Popular Comment
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

  • Popular Comment
1 hour ago, MacGreg said:

Telling a sub to be mindful isn't an admonishment of behavior. It's a reminder to focus and consider things. Mike has said everything in his comment that needs to be said. 

 

"Be as understanding of your own failings, as you are of others."  Each one of us can benefit from learning that philosophy. No one is perfect, least of all me.

no Sir ... but it's what i hear, though not what was said.  i am never good enough.  i am working on my lack of self confidence, and self belief, Sir.   i'm not very kind to myself.

  • Like 1
  • Love 4
  • Sad 1
  • Popular Comment
MacGreg

MacGreg 39,552

Posted

  • Popular Comment
5 minutes ago, Mikiesboy said:

no Sir ... but it's what i hear, though not what was said.  i am never good enough.  i am working on my lack of self confidence, and self belief, Sir.   i'm not very kind to myself.

No one is kind to him/herself on a consistent basis. We're our own worst critics, right? This goes beyond criticizing what we create (which we all do). We criticize our thoughts, our opinions, our physical appearances, the choices we make or fail to make. But trusting the words and advice of people within your circle can help ease up some of that self-doubt, boy. And if I point out an infraction, it's not to point out that you're flawed or "not good enough" (god, who IS good enough?) It's to demonstrate that I care, and that I want you to succeed. Yeah, there's some tough love that comes along with it, but I wouldn't bother with someone I didn't care for and have respect for. I'm glad you had a "f"un day yesterday.

  • Like 1
  • Love 6
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

6 minutes ago, MacGreg said:

No one is kind to him/herself on a consistent basis. We're our own worst critics, right? This goes beyond criticizing what we create (which we all do). We criticize our thoughts, our opinions, our physical appearances, the choices we make or fail to make. But trusting the words and advice of people within your circle can help ease up some of that self-doubt, boy. And if I point out an infraction, it's not to point out that you're flawed or "not good enough" (god, who IS good enough?) It's to demonstrate that I care, and that I want you to succeed. Yeah, there's some tough love that comes along with it, but I wouldn't bother with someone I didn't care for and have respect for. I'm glad you had a "f"un day yesterday.

yes Sir.  i know it's me. i will try and hear what You are saying. I get tough love Sir, and respect that, and You.  yes Sir it was a lot of  f-un.. :)

  • Like 4
  • Love 1
  • Popular Comment
mollyhousemouse

mollyhousemouse 52,068

Posted

  • Popular Comment

that rabbit hole is indeed "slick-sided"

thank you for sharing this with us. now we are know what you are doing and we can all be a part of your team.

you'll let us know if we can help, yeah?

:hug:

 

 

 

  • Like 7
  • Love 1
  • Popular Comment
Brayon

Brayon 40,934

Posted

  • Popular Comment

:hug: I don't have many words to say, my friend. We walk similar paths, and I'm here if you ever need to vent. It'll stay between you, and me. I might not know the words of advice to say, but you can always count on my virtual hugs and my thoughts and prayers.

  • Like 7
  • Love 1
  • Popular Comment
Kitt

Kitt 46,144

Posted

  • Popular Comment

Well you and Michael both helped me emensely yesterday and this morning.  So when when you start thinking you are not good enough, let me remind you of just how good you really ARE!  Here when ever you need me friend.

  • Like 3
  • Love 3
  • Site Moderator
  • Popular Comment
Reader1810

Reader1810 52,129

Posted (edited)

  • Site Moderator
  • Popular Comment

tim, I know you are good and thoughtful and caring of others and that is something to be celebrated. 

 

As Mac said, we are our own worst critics. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing because it keeps us humble and grounded. Having said that, critics don’t always get things right, so take what your inner critic says with the proverbial grain of salt. 

 

Edited by Reader1810
  • Like 6
  • Love 1
  • Popular Comment
Zenobia

Zenobia 1,132

Posted (edited)

  • Popular Comment

You have so much to be proud of, and by that I mean things which you have achieved by yourself. My own experience is that it's hard to accept poeple telling you that when you feel otherwise, nevertheless (or rather: especially because of that experience) I think it needs to be said, and I'm quite sure there are a lot of people who tell you that you've come a long way. Well, some of them left a comment here.

It's so hard to assess oneself properly and it seems that you don't give yourself enough credit - realizing when something triggers a behavior that's unhealthy (or even worse) and then telling other people or finding another way to deal with it is a difficult task and requires not only effort and strength but also practice. I wish you that the number of cases you realize early enough what's happening will increase even more. You have every right to be proud of the self-reflective person you are.  xo

Edited by Zenobia
  • Like 5
  • Love 1
Parker Owens

Parker Owens 61,808

Posted

I connected with this in that Mindfulness is a habit I would like to develop. I admire you for this, and appreciate your writing about it. 

  • Like 4
  • Love 1
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 6/30/2018 at 8:21 PM, mollyhousemouse said:

that rabbit hole is indeed "slick-sided"

thank you for sharing this with us. now we are know what you are doing and we can all be a part of your team.

you'll let us know if we can help, yeah?

:hug:

 

 

 

it is.. and i am trying hard to not fall down it again ..  thanks molly... for being there for me xox

  • Love 3
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 6/30/2018 at 9:41 PM, BHopper2 said:

:hug: I don't have many words to say, my friend. We walk similar paths, and I'm here if you ever need to vent. It'll stay between you, and me. I might not know the words of advice to say, but you can always count on my virtual hugs and my thoughts and prayers.

thank you A.. you are a good friend.. xoxxo

  • Love 3
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 6/30/2018 at 10:04 PM, Kitt said:

Well you and Michael both helped me emensely yesterday and this morning.  So when when you start thinking you are not good enough, let me remind you of just how good you really ARE!  Here when ever you need me friend.

thanks Kitt ... i appreciate that ... glad we could help a bit xoxo

  • Like 1
  • Love 2
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 6/30/2018 at 10:13 PM, Reader1810 said:

tim, I know you are good and thoughtful and caring of others and that is something to be celebrated. 

 

As Mac said, we are our own worst critics. Maybe that’s not such a bad thing because it keeps us humble and grounded. Having said that, critics don’t always get things right, so take what your inner critic says with the proverbial grain of salt. 

 

yes, you and Mac Sir are right .. i'll do my best to tell myself to can it sometimes oxox

  • Love 4
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 7/1/2018 at 8:37 AM, Zenobia said:

You have so much to be proud of, and by that I mean things which you have achieved by yourself. My own experience is that it's hard to accept poeple telling you that when you feel otherwise, nevertheless (or rather: especially because of that experience) I think it needs to be said, and I'm quite sure there are a lot of people who tell you that you've come a long way. Well, some of them left a comment here.

It's so hard to assess oneself properly and it seems that you don't give yourself enough credit - realizing when something triggers a behavior that's unhealthy (or even worse) and then telling other people or finding another way to deal with it is a difficult task and requires not only effort and strength but also practice. I wish you that the number of cases you realize early enough what's happening will increase even more. You have every right to be proud of the self-reflective person you are.  xo

i have been told i am very hard on myself ... i managed to see a major slide coming last weekend...i'd been on GA too long and i just needed to get away, so i went and did the ironing .. it worked really well.  thank you for commenting. i really do appreciate it  xo

  • Love 3
Mikiesboy

Mikiesboy 143,868

Posted

On 7/1/2018 at 5:29 PM, Parker Owens said:

I connected with this in that Mindfulness is a habit I would like to develop. I admire you for this, and appreciate your writing about it. 

i need to, no doubt about it.. hope you're well xoxo

  • Love 3
Sarahmass

Sarahmass 1

Posted

I also was in depresionit was so diffcult at the time

emmanuelglover

emmanuelglover 0

Posted (edited)

I also was in depression or very close to it and when I went to the psychologist he told me this is because of the lack of movement. At my job, I stay in front of the computer all day and as I work from home there are days when I do not walk more than 10 minutes altogether. He recommended me to try practicing sport or yoga. As I am a bit lazy I decided to start practicing yoga and started searching on the internet for information about yoga. I stumbled on this site yogapractice.com, and get so motivated like never before. I started practising yoga the same day and now ten years later, I can tell for sure that yoga is awesome and was created for me.

Edited by emmanuelglover

Create an account or sign in to comment

You need to be a member in order to leave a comment

Create an account

Sign up for a new account in our community. It's easy!

Register a new account

Sign in

Already have an account? Sign in here.

Sign In Now
×
×
  • Create New...