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Nearly two years, and coworker like skin rash


In a day or two, depending on your location, I will have been a member of this site for two years. It seems strange, that it has been two years. On the one hand, since I have done so little here, it feels like it has been hardly any time at all. On the other, since I have checked this site near daily during a a time when my entire world has come apart and brought back together, so that I am now quite a different person than I was when i first joined, I can hardly believe it has only been two years. From that August to this has, for me, been a lifetime.

 

While on the whole, most of the changes I have wrought in myself have been positive ones, but there is something that I cannot stand. I have found myself more or less back in the closet, at least at work. Mostly it is because I don't want to rock the boat, and quite frankly I haven't liked many of my coworkers, so why should I share more of my life with them? But still, it has been easier to just let people assume whatever about me, to nod and demur when people ask who I've been dating, and that makes me slightly ashamed of myself. Where's the little political animal I once was?

 

Well, he hasn't completely left me. One of my coworkers is homophobic. Blatantly homophobic. He's not an asshole in general, but he is extremely uncomfortable around people he perceives as gay, which may or may not include me, I'm not sure. This has created a situation I find irritating. Especially since he will make fun of our "gay" coworkers when they aren't in earshot. Today I told him mid joke, "That's enough," and thankfully he didn't push it. I do wonder if he is doing this in an attempt to push my buttons, and if I should retaliate with subtly irritation of my own. I know the best thing to do, the honest thing, would be to talk it out with him and explain that I do not feel such jokes are appropriate for the work place, and maybe why. But I don't think that's going to happen.

 

As I tend to react explosively if something irritates me long enough, the conclusion to these events should prove interesting.

1 Comment


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Bob D.

Posted

I understand not wanting to rock the boat, but if his comments are bothering you even when they're not directed at you... Federal Regulations (I believe) are in place to protect the people he's 'harrassing out of earshot.'

 

They may not hear it first hand, but harrassment in the workplace is illegal. You have a right (even if you don't wish to) to report him. I'm leaving it up to you on whether you think it needs done. You can leave the information anonymously, and if it goes nowhere you can step up without outting yourself as gay.

 

Even straight people can stand up for gays, I've seen it. Can't say I've done it, cuz well... I'm not straight :lol: .

 

But if it's bothering you that badly, you can go to his boss or get a message to his boss about the behavior. It shouldn't stop just when he's around them or you, it should stop altogether. It's not professional, it's disrespectful, and if I read correctly then it's becoming detrimental to your ability to be a team with him.

 

Quiet or not, changed or not, I'd say consider the fact you can do something about it and still hold your head high, or do it quietly and never be known as the one who said anything.

 

If you're really brave, tell the folks he's talking bad about. Relate to them what you know, and that you don't want to be identified and that you want them to know it's happening so that it can be stopped. If they report him, then he's in deep sh...

 

Good luck with the situation.

 

Bob :wub:

Manager for Exxon (at one point)

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