It's funny, I never thought I'd be blogging here ever again, but once again GA has become a fun place to be. Don't get me wrong, it's always been fun hanging & commiserating with my fellow Dom fans, but last year there was so much drama that I used to dread logging onto GA. That 'okay, what's going to give me a headache or pain in the behind this time?' feeling.

But things seemed to have changed for the better . Now I know how the elves or munchins in the Wizard of Oz felt when Dorothy's house landed.

Sooo anyway, Here's my 'new' blog....

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Some of you know that last year, I broke up with my partner Bill. We had been together for 10+ years and he's still the only guy I've really loved. I won't go into details about our breakup (because there was some ugliness), but we've both made a HUGE effort to treat each other respectfully and nice during the process. Having been registered Domestic Partner's in California, we had to get a real divorce . Can you believe that it's still not fully done? We were both happy about how we agreed to split things (basically, I kept what was mine and he kept what was his).

I'm happy to say we've managed to stay friends. I still love Bill and I know that he still loves me, but both of us aren't sure that we can ever be together again. I think the big reason is that I'm not sure I could ever fully trust him again. Don't get me wrong, I want to trust him, I just don't know if I can do it 100%. I think he feels the same way.

Bill is still the person I trust the most (we still have financial dealings together and we are sharing custody of our dog Mina), but it's the matter of the heart that has me cautious.

Neither of us are dating anyone else, and personally, I'm not ready for it. I don't think I could do anything casual and since I'm still not fully over Bill, I don't think it would be fair to start something serious with anyone else until I can resolve those issues. It's sad, but I'm finding that the guys I find attractive all look like or have characteristics of Bill :wacko: .

Did I mention that he moved about 3 hours away? The distance makes it tough to pass Mina back and forth, but since we both really love her, it's going to have to do for now. Bill & I talk two or three times a week. What's really odd is that we're talking for a long time (like the last call was about 1.5 hours). We never talked like that when we were together.

I don't know what I'm going to do. I hope either 1) I get over Bill and fully start moving on or 2)We get back together...scary.

I'm 39 years old, so it's not easy to go 'start' over. I don't think I can do the bar scene and most single guys my age are still single for a reason . Ughhh, at least I have Mina (well, 1/2 time).

So anywho, that's me whining.

Take Care