I can't wait until this Friday and I'll be in San Francisco! I really need to get away from all the shit going on in my life right now. And because I have nothing better to do right now, actually I do but I'm going to procrastinate like always, I'm going to take this time to bitch. Yes, another bitching blog. Are they getting old yet? Too bad.

Things to do before tomorrow: Do chapters 4 and 5 Accounting homework that are now late because I skipped class last Thursday, Write a 7 page English research paper that's going to be half-assed because I waited until the last minute again, Study for the accounting test that I'm sure to fail because I hate accounting, Do my Database homework which isn't technically due until Wednesday but if I don't do it now I won't do it at all, work a 12 hour shift tonight, and continue to be pissed off at myself for doing something extremely stupid... even for me. And because I have to do all of that, I'll be up for at least 45 straight hours before finally getting 3 or 4 hours of sleep and then going another 20 hours without sleep. Then repeat until Thursday at which point I have to go to dinner with my aunt that'll be in town. Then I get a few hours of sleep before having to leave for the airport at 5am for my flight to San Fran. So if any of you going think I'm a bitter asshole that day, I probably am. I know I am right now because in the past 24 hours all I've had to eat was a sandwich around midnight last night, but I'm not really hungry. I think my body is getting used to my f**ked up hours because I really don't even need caffeine anymore to function this long without sleep. Anyways, on to my other problems to bitch about!

Let's start with work. I like my job because it's easy and laidback, but the hours royally suck and I have to find a new job before the next school term starts or I'll be forced to quit because my classes interfere. Not to mention that right now I'm broke because I've had a lot of unexpected expenses come up that pretty much drained me. Blah! And I don't understand why some people I work with keep trying to talk to me. I have my MP3 player going and I'm not paying attention to your stupid comments. I don't want to take my headphones off just so I can hear about this chick you f**ked the other night. Honestly I don't care! And it's work. I'm there to make money, not friends. Especially with the people that work there because most of them are on drugs and half of them can't speak English. Let me finish my job so I can go find a nice corner to hide in until my supervisor yells at me for not doing anything! That's all I ask! I don't plan on staying there much longer anyway... assuming I can find another job that is.

School is annoying. My classes suck for the most part and I've stopped paying attention in them. And it really bugs me that after I've stopped paying attention in them, my grades go up because I'm forced to study on my own and understand what the teacher couldn't teach me. Why the hell do I have to go if I don't listen and all I do is study on my own anyway? Add that to the fact that I keep seeing people (namely Bruce) that I don't want to see there and having to purposefully avoid them, it makes for a long ass day!

Last night I was at work and got 3 text messages and a phone call all at the same time from people begging me to go to the club with them. Usually I'm up for it even though it's been dieing down a bit lately, but I really didn't want to leave work early again. And what do you know, the time that I don't go to the club, Lance Bass ends up going. But besides that, there was a gay block party on Saturday night that I went to that was fun. It was packed and I couldn't find some of the people I wanted to see, but I still had fun. I ended up seeing a guy in my English class there. I didn't even see him until he tapped me on the shoulder and said hi as he walked past.

Being lonely sucks. I don't know if it's because I'm too picky, too shy, or there just aren't a lot of guys available, but I'm really getting frustrated... especially with myself. I don't know what it is that physically causes me NOT to talk to a guy. I'm such a hypocrite when it comes to this. I always tell people that if it's someone you're probably never going to see again, then what's it matter. If you get rejected it doesn't matter. Yet when it comes to me trying to get up the courage to talk with someone I'm interested in, it just doesn't happen. In my mind I'm screaming at myself to do something and I know what to do, but I can never physically walk up to the guy and say something. And I hate that when I'm with friends that know I want to say something, they're lecturing me on all of this as if I don't already know it. I'm a chicken shit, I know that already. You pointing it out to me doesn't help the situation at all. If you could find a way to slap me upside the head (figuratively of course) and get me to talk to him, THEN you would be helping.

I had a deep conversation with one of my friends the other day. She and I always get into some deep shit and just keep talking until we realize what we're saying and then laugh because we think we're idiots. She commented on how she doesn't understand how I can be basically fearless when it comes to doing dangerous things and wanting to try new stuff and meet new people, but when it comes to talking to guys I'm interested in, I freeze up. I want to go sky diving and jump out of a plane for Christ's sake but I can't even speak two words to someone I'm possibly never going to see again. Insecure? Maybe. Self-Conscious? Maybe. Chicken shit? Deffinitely.

I really want to get the hell out of Texas and move somewhere else and start fresh. I'm sick of living a double life and not being able to be myself around everyone. And while I could just get it over with and come completely out of the closet, I know I would lose a few friends over it and I don't want to deal with all the shit. I would rather move away from my family and become self-sufficient and live on my own, but I don't think I can do that with where I'm at in my life right now.

Eh, I got bored and lost my train of thought so I forgot what else I had to bitch about so I'll spare any of you who are still reading this and end it.

Joe

(Who has no witty line at the end this time, sorry.)