Heh, my mom told me a kinda funny thing about the whole annoying depression thing a lil while back and just the way she worded it was funny to me. Something to do with the fact that falling isn't bad, but not being bouncy is. She maintains that some people's problem is that they never learn to bounce.

Anyway, I'm back in school. No more roomie to make me feel degraded and hopeless (in fact I have a private room), a few semi-friends who are all nice in passing. One of them was my hall director last year, and he even gave me a ride when it was raining since I didn't have an umbrella; as in, he got up off his ass, got in his car, and came and got me. Things like that count a lot with me. When you do something that's moderately inconvenient for another person, it shows that you actually care and are interested.

The biggest annoyance now? I GAINED BACK WEIGHT! ~twitch~ I'm kicking 150, lol! I was almost to 140!!!! Noooooooooo, I can feel the honeybuns catching up to meeeeeeeeeeee! However, I know the solution, bwahahahahaha...

I'm in Hillcrest, which is the absolute furthest point from all of my classes, gas stations, restaurants, everything. The first day I got back I got in a solid six miles of walking. At this rate, I'll be fine. I've been ravenously hungry lately, but I'm chalking that up to the liver deal and being fed like a horse daily while at my grandma's for two weeks. I swear that woman would NOT let me just be like "I'm not hungry...", even though I seriously WASN'T. And quite frankly, sometimes I get in moods where I just don't want to eat, it makes me feel worse because then I get all full and tired and anti-energetic, and start thinking too much. I'd rather have the exhilaratingly empty and caffeinated feeling when I'm down, it counters it a little, y'know? I used to eat a lot when I was sad (which was all the time back in the day), and I paid the price for that by pushing 190 pounds at one point. My tummy is still jiggly, and it's gonna take ages to fix that because of the way skin works. It takes a long time for it to regain maximum elasticity, not to mention the fact that I've stopped doing my situps like an idiot. I've gotta figure out how to use the whole gym thing on campus; an ab machine would be a godsend at this point.

The liver deal, by the way, is still up in the air but I think I'm fine. At first, my doc was all like "Jeez, your liver enzymes are terrible, get an ultrasound", so I got the ultrasound yesterday. Chick's eyes didn't bug out, and from what I could tell my liver didn't look nutso or anything, so I should be just peachy. The liver enzymes thing was expected since it takes a while for your system to clean up after you trash it, so meh, I'm good. Not like I'm a habitual alcoholic or anything (I couldn't be, I puke too much when I'm drunk, and I do not know when to stop drinking, lol).

Um, truthfully I feel really good. Sometimes I wonder if I'm manic-depressive, but I'm not really "elated" or "euphoric"... just okay. In juxtaposition to a recent bad time, yeah, it seems great, but it's really just normal I think. I have a few things that really push my buttons, and at that point it was like somebody decided to play whack-a-mole with all my buttons but they cheated and just held them all down.

I have classes every day. French is every single day, bio twice a week, intro to computing only once a week. That last class, by the way, is a joke. Bio's gonna be my hardest one, but I think I'll be fine as long as I put in some effort. For once, I'm actually prepared to do that, too.

Oh, and that friend that gave me the ride, he also offered to help my bunk the beds in my room so I'd have more space. I've not taken him up on it yet 'cause I'm lazy and I'm not sure how I want to arrange things just yet, but it was quite nice of him. Haha, one more thing, the bed I have doesn't squeak. God the last bed was so loud, even if I was just turning over trying to get to sleep, it made enough noise to wake the dead. OH, I should check my mailbox today... haven't done it in weeks, lol. I should also ask if it's actually all nice and still registered for me to use during the summer. Also going to check on getting into a lab today, I forgot to sign up for my Bio II lab and they're all closed now but hopefully someone will take pity on poor lil ole me. If not, f**K it, I'll just add it in later. Bad thing is it starts at eight every wednesday.... and I HATE waking up before noon, let alone at eight.

I FINALLY WROTE SOMETHING AGAIN! My dear editor (Conner) is taking care of it for me, but I have a suspicion that no one will be all that fond of the story. It's a short, but it's the first thing I've written in ages that didn't feel like pure work, it was actually fun again. After the amount of papers I had to write over the last two semesters, I thought I'd never want to write anything again, but God it was great, so nice and fulfilling even if the story did turn out to be less than satisfactory. I just don't care, it was for me.

Something pretty funny... my little sister who is now fourteen is obsessed with Ryan Ross. I just don't have the heart to tell her that if it came down to it, I'd kick her ass to get him. If I get a car while Panic's still in its prime, I'm going to kidnap her and take her with me to a concert no matter what my mom says. It's about goddamn time someone in our family was allowed to have some good old fashioned senseless fun. The way my mom and the kids have been going, I'm worried they're all going to burn out and things will fall apart. Too much work and too much stress for all of them, and I'm not in the position to be able to help.

I also need to dye my hair again today. My roots grow out crazy fast, and I end up looking like I have a bald spot if I'm not careful because of the black surrounding the brown where my hair swirls.

Also, one of my sister's old friends added me on facebook. I had French with him but I didn't ever talk to him since he was on the other side of the room and I figured he'd forgotten all about me by then, even if he did recognize me. I'm guessing he did know who I was. Haha, and guess what! I'm pretty f**king sure he's gaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaay, which makes me giggle. I mean, I knew he was, but my older sister had told me something about him changing his mind or something. I suppose everyone considers that at some point, but I'd only do it for a select few women (Amy Lee and Yuka Sato come to mind). Even then, it's only because they're so amazing that it just wouldn't matter that they had a vagina.

Okay, so, today's gonna be a great day. I'm happy and healthy and going to take a shower now so I don't smell! Bye bye, love you all, and thanks again for being so nice to me while I was down. It means a lot, usually actually more than when it comes from my closest friends and family because I know you guys are a little more objective than they are. HAVE A GREAT f**kING DAY!

P.S. I'm almost nineteen, only about a month and a half to go. I don't feel like I'm almost nineteen, but it's still pretty f**king cool that my birthday's coinciding with what I consider to be a major developmental leap in my life and coping skills.