For myself, I could have a terrible day, be mad at my partner, but if he suggested sex, I'd be all for it .

Like that's a big revelation.

You know, I think your friend is pretty selfish. Her guy goes out of town, misses her, and wants to reconnect with her in the way that means the most to him. But she's not "in the mood". Someday he's going to come home and not show any interest. Maybe while he's out of town he'll find someone else who is "in the mood." And then maybe, someday she'll find out that he's having a real affair, with emotional attachment and everything, with someone who is "in the mood." Then, when she's all alone, I wonder what kind of "mood" she'll be in?

I'm not saying that she has to drop her pants at the drop of a hat like you do. As a guy who has traveled a lot, I can tell you that when I get home, that's the time when I need to feel that connection the most, not just physically, but emotionally.

To be honest, I think the reason your friend needs to be on an emotional high to have sex with her fiance is that she's not sexually crazy about him. If she were, she'd -- like you -- hop into the sack with no questions. I think you presuppose that your boyfriend would be someone you'd be sexually crazy about. (This isn't a judgment call -- just my random hypotheses. )

Personally, I can see both sides -- the male and female side, as you put it -- and I think my response would depend greatly on the dynamics of the relationship.

Bah! you both are thinking like men. We need women to explain their side

Bah! you both are thinking like men. We need women to explain their side

Of course we are. Your friend should try that too.

There is an alternative. Maybe if he comes home and she's not in the mood, you could step in and help the poor guy out? Not that you're a slut or anything.... but who wouldn't love you Vic? You're the best.

PS: Will you still love me if I spell your name Vyc?

Panera is awesome! We have quite a few here I adore the portobello mushroom panini!

I think the sex thing sort of depends. I mean I can imagine myself in the place of the guy and after a long trip wanting to get it on, on the other hand, I can readily imagine that after the long trip I would NOT want be in the mood for sex. It could go either way. Similarly the long, hectic day she had might make me eager OR it might completely put me out of the mood.

Actually though, I kind of agree with Mark in this instance. If my partner went out of town for awhile and just got back from a long trip I probably would feel some degree of obligation to be 'readily available'. I think that actually is partly emotional though. I would expect his situation to be more emotionally overwhelming than a standard, run of the mill long, hectic day. So IF he was in the mood I would try to make his emotional state a higher priority (similarly if he was not in the mood after such a trip and I WAS, I would try to be understanding).

As for as the connection between emotions and sex, well I could see wanting sex (or not wanting sex) in any number of emotional states. However, the emotions I felt toward HIM would be very relevant. If I were angry with him I probably wouldn't be in the mood for sex, and if I did have sex it would probably mean that I was essentially over whatever anger I'd had and was making up.

I can tell you that when I get home, that's the time when I need to feel that connection the most, not just physically, but emotionally.

Hmm, ya know one of the oft put forth theories on why people become sexually active before they're ready, or just why people want sex even when they aren't feeling sexual, is that sex equates to intimacy, touching, and affection. There's nothing necessarily wrong with that, but I think it's important to know the difference between needing a hug and needing a blow job