Things I have wanted to say at my new job:

"I am not a bartender. I am not paid to hear your life's woes. Please stop."

"Why hello there! Can you turn around for me? Hmm, you know, tight jeans are in fashion right now, you should look into that. Oh, no reason."

"Yes, I lived next to a beach, but I didn't go to the university of spoiled children. That's USC. My school was the University of Casual Sex and Beer."

"It took me 45 minutes to drive to work today. Again. This will not do. So you bastards will either get out of my way, or I'm about to match Japanese engineering versus German."

"As of right now, I have waited 11 hours for the IT department to get their thumbs out of their asses and let me start working instead of collecting dust. Go tech support!"

"You realize that the only reason you think I'm qualified to be a part of the IT department is that I don't get scared when lights go blink blink. That worries me. Deeply."

"Look, I'd love to give you an exact number right now, but that tends to make our legal department flustered and stern."

"Yes sir, you can do this yourself. You can also perform an appendectomy on yourself using a hand mirror. In both cases, I'd probably recommend seeing someone who specializes in these things. Wouldn't you agree?"

And, to show equality, one of my customers really got me today.

"I'm sorry, but my father can no longer be reached at this number? Sure I'll give you his new contact information, do you have a pen and paper handy? Good! Do you have a Ouija board? Oh no? Well, best of luck then. Try he California Psychics Network." She hung up on me at exactly the right time, because I damn near hit the floor laughing a second later.

Bad points:

--I feel somewhat predatory.

--The high turnover rate and potential high pay makes me real goddamn nervous. Give me a steady 13 an hours over a potential 13k a month any day.

--45 minute drive to work really will not do. And because of how skittish I am, I'm not exactly thrilled with idea of relocating to deep Orange county to be closer to a job I may not have in a month (week) or two.

--I'm spending way too much money on food.

--I was not able to disguise how intelligent I am, which may prove a liability.

--I hate sales!

Good Points:

--Guy I encouraged to wear tighter jeans.

--Plethora of young Asian men in the immediate vicinity, it being Orange County and all. While not quite the same as a tall, muscular white guy in a wife beater, a short, slim Asian guy with a crooked smile can arrest my attention fairly well. Lunch breaks are fun, as long as I don't spend too much time looking inside of Acuras.

--I'm doing fairly well, as a beginner. While I hate sales, I'm actually passable in skill. And they've made it idiot-ready, so as long as I don't display too much creativity, it'll be hard to screw up.

--High turnover means potential for personal growth within company, if I keep my nose clean and mouth shut (and eyes from wandering).

I've been reading a bit, here and there. The last book I completed was The Snow Queen by Mercedes Lackey. I got a wild idea about 02:30 in the morning when I was reading it, which I promptly forgot. So I might have to read it again, while more awake. And less drunk. And since so many seem to like Twilight, I may have to pick that up again and try and finish it this time. My first impression was that it was one of those books that made me glad I wasn't a teenager anymore (and if you don't know what I mean by that, you will), but it was liked by people whose opinions I respect. So I may have been too harsh in my initial assessment. Perhaps I should see the movie first, and that will help. Maybe not though. Every time I see Robert Pattinson, I keep wondering why i thought he was hot in Harry Potter.

Edited to add: I forgot. I've apparently been stuck at the crazy desk. My cubicle has been used by a series of whack jobs, most recently by a real doozy of one, so everyone is eying me with a bit of trepidation in their expression. Which amuses me, and makes me a little sad. Because I wanted to put the motivational poster seen in the background of this comic as my desktop.. I revised that plan, thinking it would not ease my fellow employees' concerns that I would be bringing the crazy. Today I decided to do it anyways.

Just to see what would happen.