Sorry Kev. You're last sentence, about remembering the happy memories, to me that's the key to moving beyond these traumas.

Kev, I completely understand where you're coming from here. I am an only child, and was the first grandson in my family on either my father's or mother's side. All four of my grandparents were or are singularly exceptional, at least to me--the memories just don't seem to fade in significance.

 

My maternal grandfather passed away from lung cancer when I was 9, at 61, in 1971 at the VA hospital in Long Beach, which is 10 minutes away from where I now live--oddly enough--I suspect that he was murdered by that "killer nurse" that was poisoning the terminal patients--they didn't catch him until the late 70's! Thanks to him I had my first taste of LUCKY beer when I was two years old--he fell asleep and the freshly opened beer was still ice cold on a hot evening. Although I'm not a nightly drinker, I still lift a cold beer now and then and think fondly of him--the town's best auto mechanic, and a damn good carburator specialist. Gram' divorced him decades ago, and is still going strong at 88, and has four grands between mom and my uncle--I have three cousins, two guys and a gal--each of them has given her two great-grands, for a total of 2 great-granddaughters and 4 great-grandsons...and she loves it. Gram's mom, my great-grandma, lived until 1987, and passed at the ripe age of 92, I was 24 or 25 when that happened.

 

My paternal grandfather passed away in 1989 of heart failure attributed to old age he was in his mid 80's, and gram' in 1998, in her early 90's, of system shutdown associated with advanced alzheimers.

 

I still can't visualize any of them any way other than how they were as I was growing up...and my earliest memories of them still have them all with dark hair. Still, there isn't a week that goes by that I don't remember some pleasant memory from our past and think fondly of any of them, however briefly. I hope that your recollections of your time with each of yours will be as sweet.

Kevin, my sincere condolences.

 

Time, they say, heals all wounds. They're wrong in that, but the passing of time lessens the pain, and as you say, cherish the happy memories. Allow yourself to grieve, but remember the good times, of a life well lived.

<hug>

CJ

Kev, Deeply sorry for your loss. Remember the good times you and your Grandfather had together. This may sound harsh and i don't mean it that way at all but don't worry about if your not crying enough if your crying too much. People act differently with death. Some fall into big heaps of mess others don't cry at all and get angry. I know when my grandpa died around grandma and my mom or my aunt i wouldn't cry at all. Alone i'd ball my eyes out. Cuz i felt like i had to hold everyone together. Some people do great at rallying in everyone others don;t.I just finished reading this book about this family and the husband died and at the end of the book it said "Grief is all about the griever".

 

I can totally relate to you on how your Grandpa was your Primary Male Influence. I know mine was for me.

It's been 5 years for me somedays it's good otherdays it's not. Take it one day at a time.

I'm so sorry Kevin. You've lost someone who was a special part of your family. Words are never enough at a time like this, but know that you are in my thoughts.

I'm so sorry for your loss Kevin

 

I know there's nothing I can say to make all of this go away, but like CJ, Jan, Mattie and everyone else has said, remember the good times, it'll help with the pain and hopefully make you feel a little better.

 

If you just need to talk, let me know I'm only a pm away

 

Eric

In time that sharp pain of loss will ease. My thoughts are with you.

Kevin, my sincere condolences,

 

I sadly know what you feel, having lost 4 family members in the last two years, for a year I would sometimes find myself picking up the phone and dialing my up mom before I realized what I was doing. Unfortunately, my sister-in-law is has terminal cancer at this moment, I doubt she will last 3 months.

 

Everyone is right, think of the good times, the funny times, the absurd moments you shared together!

 

Benji

My condolences, Kevin. I wish you strength to get through this difficult time.

 

(I lost my father and my grandmother in the same year. It was a very hard time for me.)

I'm so sorry for the loss of someone so special in your life. My condolences.

I'm feeling sad for you Kevin. As CJ says, the loss of someone like that doesn't go away and it's like a kind of relational black hole, but you do adapt to it in your own way as time goes on.

Best wishes.

Iarwain

I am so sorry for your loss Kevin

I lost my father last year of a sudden heart attack. What sustains me is the knowledge that we knew we loved each other and we had expressed as much to each other.

From what you wrote it seems that was the case with you and your grandfather. Take strength from that knowing.

 

take care of yourself,

 

-aikirangel

I'm so sorry for you. Something similar happened to me with my dad, he was in a stabilised condition after having had surgery and we all drew a breath of relief -- and then he suddenly died in the middle of the night. The worst thing was how I still, at least once a day, had a feeling of relief that he was getting better after the operation, and then remembered that he had died.

 

I'm not cheering you up -- sorry -- but I hope that you'll feel better soon. It does get better even though it takes time.

Thank you everyone. I appreciate all the kind words and the support very much

 

 

I am feeling a bit better and coping ok I think.

 

It's just all so strange though...I mean I really only had five immediate family members to begin with and I'm not as close with or in as frequent contact with my aunt and cousin. Now that my grandfather is gone and my grandmother is deep into Alzheimer's I sorta feel like my mom is the only close family I have left

 

It's not that we ever had big family get togethers to begin with, but it's sort of odd that now my "family get togethers" can take place at a table for two.