I always think that it is best to be honest with people. Tell her how you feel. In high school, I had a friend like this, and I started to do less and less with her and avoid her any way that I could, and it ended up ruining our friendship. Yeah, I couldn't stand the whole situation, but she was a good friend, and I enjoyed being around her.

Good Luck Vic!

Now Vic, come on, who can blame her for wanting to smother someone as cute and charming as you? Hey, maybe she can ride along when you stalk that guy from the gym?

As I see it, you have two options. The first is to confront her and tell her that you can't be this rock she wants you to be. Various excuses, lies, or the truth can be used to explain that. The second is to just ignore her, block her out, until she gets the message. Note, this second option doesn't work for some people.

Good luck bud!

... so sleep with her Might as well get the perks out of it.

(totally kidding)

I have mixed feelings about this. I am a VERY touchy, cuddly, openly emotional girl with EVERYONE. That said, if you're getting the vibe that she is doing it for some other reason than that it's just how she is by nature, then you have to put a stop to it. A little distance, some lines in the sand, that sort of thing before it becomes worse... as these things tend to get worse at exponential rates.

Good luck!

Tough situation! I've had this sort of thing happen to me before too. I think it depends very much on the individual and your dynamic with her.

One strategy that has worked well for me in the past is to make the effort to be emotionally attentive and affirming at a juncture that works for me. If I'm at a party having a nice time, then unless it truly is a crisis then in all honesty it isn't too convenient to stop what I'm doing, shut everyone else out, and focus all of my emotional energy on my own Sad Sally. On the other hand, if it's just a relaxing Sunday afternoon and I'm just tidying up the house, then it isn't such a penance to pick up the phone, call Sally, and encourage her to vent while I listen, support, and clean. I find that by and large, this helps Sally feel better and she's less likely to interrupt while I'm doing something else if it's something that can wait. If she still tries to waylay me with something that isn't pressing then I apologetically, yet firmly, say something to the effect of, "I'm sorry, Sally, I already have plans tonight" or "I'm sorry, Sally, but I need to catch up with Fun Faye right now; I haven't seen her for awhile." Then I finish with, "But let's have lunch tomorrow" or "I'll call you after work tomorrow." Then I really do. Basically, my approach is to try to give Sad Sally some of what she needs, but not totally give up my life in so doing.

It probably depends on your relationship with Nellie though. My strategy works with several of the Sad Sallys in my life, but it's an utter failure with a few of the Suffocating Sams. Give 'em an inch and... well, they close the distance, wrap their arms around you, and don't let go!

Anyway, good luck!

-Kevin

I always think that it is best to be honest with people

The second is to just ignore her, block her out, until she gets the message. Note, this second option doesn't work for some people.

I'm going with this strategy for now.

In a couple of days, I'll give her a call when I know she's busy and I'll get her voicemail. Then I'll ask her to go to dinner when I know she'll have a conflict and she'll have have to decline. This way I'm not 'ignoring her', I'll get credit for an invite without having to actually go.

I am a VERY touchy, cuddly, openly emotional girl with EVERYONE.

Ohh, don't get me wrong, I like touchy/cuddly, I just don't like all the other baggage that she's smothering me with. And while you have lot's of love to spread around, you also have lot's of people to spread it around too. And in your case, Rich is responsible for all the high maintenance stuff .

I wish my friend Nellie had a BF or husband so that she wouldn't need so much from me.

Thanks for your words of wisdom, Viv!

I've had this sort of thing happen to me before too. I think it depends very much on the individual and your dynamic with her.

Thanks for your advice! I think I'll try your technique of calling her on my terms, where I can control the distance and such, and be mentally prepared for her. Heck, I could call her while I'm on my next bike ride. Biking drains me physically, but I have mental energy to spare.

It probably depends on your relationship with Nellie though. My strategy works with several of the Sad Sallys in my life, but it's an utter failure with a few of the Suffocating Sams. Give 'em an inch and... well, they close the distance, wrap their arms around you, and don't let go!

Sad Sallys, Suffocating Sams, Needy Nellies....lol, we need to put together a list of all these .

I realized another reason Nellie is being so needy....our good friend Kool Karen is out of the country for several months. I hadn't realized how much of the load Kool Karen had been taking on. Now that Kool Karen is gone, Nellie needs more from me.