That was one hell of a view. I knew I had to memorize some verses and give them back as a child, and I know as a teenager I begged a god to fix my head. I don't remember the shit the priests said but I know when I first a boy I was so ashamed and so lost in guilt that I seeked the first church I could find and begged for forgiveness, shit afraid of going to hell.
I never asked questions, I never looked at things as plausible, at some point I asked myself what kind of a sick god can it be that no matter what people do they would never be forgiven and always somehow end in hell. When I asked my question loud , I was punished with days of silence or guilt trips till I confessed I was wrong.
I hated that I god and I hated myself till I begged and tried to stop my whole existence, being the masochist god he was he made sure I never succeeded in my mission of self destruction.
And this god haunted me so long till finally the boy I kissed told me it was totally ok not to believe in any god so we could do more than kissing.
However the god was not happy so he said, ok fine Li you can ignore me for now but I will make sure you suffer every weekend for denying me when your father in law prepared his service for sundays.
Reading what you wrote made me question my entire genius brain. I know I'm not dumb but how could I blindly follow that shit and never question the narration?!
Brainwash is a powerful method who can mess up even the most genius people.
Thanks for all the research you put into this.
Now I know theres no fucking hell to be afraid of as an afterlife. Hell is now and here so it's fine to die when i want.
And nope I won't bug you again for the rest of your unfinished Stories, cause there's none.