I started my first full time job three weeks ago. And it's such an adjustment. I went from college life of commuting, skipping classes, goofing off, to bumming around for a year, also goofing off....to sitting in an office 9-5, dealing with bitchy employees who like to play tattletale and teacher's pet...GAHHHHH, and seriously the day just crawls by!

In reality, it's not so bad. I spend most days surfing the net, and this past week, I didn't do anything since the nurse and research director --my direct bosses--weren't in for the most part. There's not much I can do without their approval. But the best day was Friday. Payday and free skin treatment. Only one doctor was in the office, so everyone ran around, listening to music, getting free skin treatment. I got some as well. I'm going to see about getting a chemical peel and Fraxel laser next time, woohoo. What could cost hundreds in cosmetic procedures will be free for me. Maybe it's best I hang onto this job for a bit...

Nonetheless, it's hard succumbing to this daily routine. Weekends pass by entirely too fast (I spend it all by cleaning the house, buying groceries, and cooking in hopes my Mom will be encouraged to eat--she's depressed and nervous about upcoming chemo), and by the time I get home from work, I make dinner, eat it, watch TV, and shower, before hopping into bed around 10-11. I have no life. I miss youth. I miss college. I should have appreciated it more, tried more things, lived life a bit more. Anyone else share those regrets? Like you don't realize how good life could potentially be, until you passed that phase/period of your life? I think about that a lot, even though I try not to. It's not healthy to wonder what could have been, because I can only go forward.

I wish I could win the lottery. Or land some crazy, high paying job/gig where I can bum out and make thousands or millions. Ah, to dream, right? But working for the Man, and being the Man's bitch, it ain't easy. He steals a lot from my paychecks every two weeks to the point I'm considering getting a second job on the weekends and evenings. I'd really like to have more money saved up so I can visit my sister more often or meet up with her when she travels. It's lonely without her in the house, even if she's happier in Cali, starting her own life, developing her own roots there.

On a different note, I have some ideas for new stories or possible anthologies. I can doodle on a notebook at work and create some plots and characters just for fun and see where it leads me. If anyone at work asks, I'll just say I'm stimulating my creativity. Wonder if that would work, as long as I looked genuine and innocent enough.

Cheers--tomorrow is another day doing the Man's dirty work.

P.S. I bought candy today for Halloween. A lot of little kids in my neighborhood and they're so young and cute. Last year I went to the Halloween parade and as I was leaving, a couple kids came up to me, but I didn't have any since I wasn't planning on being home at all. You should have seen their faces. They looked crushed. I felt like a monster