[Grammar] Some Unusual Grammar

[TalonRider]

While checking some of my email achieve folders, I came across this little gem of a laugh.

 

 

 

HEIDI- noun, used as a greeting.

 

HIRE YEW- question, the remainder of the greeting. Usage: "Heidi, hire yew?"

 

BARD- verb, the past tense of "to borrow." Usage: "My brother bard my pickup

truck."

 

JAWJUH- noun, referring to the state north of Florida. The state capital is Lanner.

Usage: "My brother from Jawjuh bard my pickup truck."

 

BAMMER- noun, referring to the state west of Jawjuh. The state capital is

Berminhayum. Usage: "A tornader jes went through Bammer an' left $20,000,000 in

property improvements."

 

MUNTS- noun, meaning a calendar division. Usage: " My brother from Jawjuh bard

my pickup truck, and I ain't herd from him in munts."

 

THANK- verb, meaning the ability to cognitively process information. Usage: "Ah

thank ah'll have a bare."

 

BARE- noun, referring to an alcoholic beverage made of barley, hops, and yeast.

Usage: "Ah thank ah'll have a bare."

 

IGNERT- adjective, meaning not smart. See "Arkansas native." Usage: "Them

Bammer boys sure are ignert!"

 

RANCH- noun. A tool for tight'nin' bolts. Usage: "I think I left my ranch in the back of

that pickup truck my brother from Jawjuh bard a few munts ago."

 

ALL- noun, meaning a petroleum-based lubricant. Usage: "Ah sure hope my brother

from Jawjuh puts all in my pickup truck."

 

FAR- noun, meaning a conflagration. Usage: "If my brother from Jawjuh don't put no

all in my pickup truck, that thang's gonna catch far."

 

TAR- noun. A rubber wheel. Usage: "I sure hope that brother of mine from Jawjuh

don't get a flat tar in my pickup truck."

 

TIRE- noun, meaning a tall monument. Usage: "Lord willin' and the crick don't rise,

sure do hope to see that Eiffel Tire in Paris sometime."

 

RETARD- verb, meaning to stop working. Usage: "My grandpaw retard at age 65."

 

FAT- noun or verb. 1. a battle or combat 2. to engage in battle or combat. Usage: "You

younuns keep fat'n, 'n' ah'm gonna whup y'uh both!"

 

RATS- noun, meaning entitled privilege or power. Usage: "We southerners are willin'

to fat for are rats."

 

FERN- adjective, meaning not local. Usage: "I cuddint unnerstand a wurd he sed...

mus' be from some fern country."

 

DID- adjective, meaning not alive. Usage: "He's did, Jim."

 

URL- noun. Depending on region, same as "all" above.

 

EAR- noun, for colorless, odorless gas such as oxygen. Usage: "He cain't breathe...

give 'um some ear!"

 

BOB WAR- noun, meaning a sharp, twisted cable. Usage: "Boy, stay 'way from that

bob-war fence."

 

JEW HERE- noun and verb contraction. Usage: "Jew here that my brother from

Jawjuh got a job with that bob-war fence cump'ny?"

 

JEET- noun and verb inquiring about food consumption. Usage: "Jeet 'fore drinkin'

all that bare?"

 

HAZE- contraction. Usage: "Is Bubba smart?" "Naw...haze ignert. He ain't thanked

but a minnit 'n 'is life."

 

SEED- verb. The past tense of "to see". Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City."

 

VIEW- verb and pronoun contraction. Usage: "I ain't never seed New York City...

view?"

 

GUMMIT- noun, referring to a bureaucratic institution. Usage: "Them gummit boys

shore are ignert."

 

YAINKEE- noun. Anyone of a number of those sons of bitches from north of Richmond.

Usage: "Haze as ignert as ah damn yainkee 'at werks fer th' gummit."