Novelty's DOR Review - Chapter 17

[Novelty]

Firstly thanks to everyone who convinced Dan to get his own forum. Muchos gracias! Hopefully, people can let their hair down and discuss more and more freely there. The blog was good and all, but it was getting a bit messy with 3 or 4 different topics being discussed in the same comments section. Hopefully, the new forums will enable Dan's fans to grow, pun intended, in more ways than one.

 

Two plugs to make: Dan has created a map of the "Eureka Air Force" base - it can be viewed by clicking on the link in the Do Over Redux page. Go read it if you haven't.

 

Also, the regular Danaholic chats have been extended to every day of the week now. It goes from 10pm PST to about 3am PST (except release days, which goes till about 8am PST, after Myr wakes up and posts the chapter). It's a MSN chat, so if you wanna join in the fun, please let me know.

 

 

 

First off, I must say Dan's descriptive narration has grown leaps and bounds since I first started talking about it in my earliest Do Over Reviews. It's nice to see an author taking feedback so much to heart, and improving himself in the process.

 

Let's see... I'm going to change the format slightly...

 

Argentinian development: Liked that rather much. Although I wonder if Dan is preparing for Reagan to send in troops to Argentina vis a vis Nicaragua. It would be intesting to see how this subplot develops.

 

Uncle Billy: I like the entire interaction there. What's more interesting is that the passages highlight Dan's thinking process, which got superimposed onto Davey. How can I pass off the office as being Dad's? Well, honest is the best policy, as Dan seems to favour in real life and here's just a case of fiction imitating real life.

 

Uncle Billy was good as it allowed us to observe the interactions between him and the Jones family. His presence gives a breath of fresh air to the entire situation.

 

Jenny: She got a bit of development in this story too, and it's not all horse related. We now know she uses the gym equipment in the basement among other things.

 

Mom: It may sound weird to me, but that's how I have always pictured Davey's mom - the argument in the last chapter wasn't too much of a surprise, what is surprising though is the way she's learnt to cope with it in this chapter. She comes off as being intelligent this time around, yet still maintains her "motherly" fashion. I love her portrayal here in this story.

 

Life in rural Nevada: It's interesting to see how things develop for the Jones in rural Nevada. A burn barrel... now that's one thing I've never seen, although I have knowledge as to why they are used. They were rather common just before I was born and I have heard real life stories about them, but to see that they were still in use in the 80s in rural Nevada is gratifying in a way.

 

Batman phones: I have no idea whose idea was it to have lights connected to the phone. The technology was available in the 80s, as I do remember Linda Boyle on Sesame Street demostrating in back then as well. I wonder what Dan was watching to write that into the story though. It gives the story a rather bizzare touch, but it works.

 

Tammy: Hmm... well, I guess it's much easier "blending in with the crowd" by having a girlfriend. Well, I wonder if that will come back and bite Davey in the ass.

 

2004 kidnapping of Sean and Brandon: Urgh, Dan is teasing me again. See, that's why I want a story set around that time, but nooooo... we aren't getting one. Well, I got Dan to start his forum... I guess I just have to try harder to get him to write about that time period as well. Still though, one has to wonder why Sean and Brandon was kidnapped in 2004... and who were the "they" that did it.

 

Russian: What no actual russian in the passage? The transalations make it easier to read, although the single word "What?" could have been in russian just for effect. Minor nitpick, but I like that entire scene.

 

Codewords: Sandcastle was explained in the blog. It's also started a new craze among Danaholics to greet each other via MSN with "Sandcastle, sandcastle". One has to wonder though what's the significance of a "Caremel Sundae".

 

David Wells: I really do pity poor David though. 2 years later and he still has a huge crush on Davey. I wonder if that will go anywhere.

 

 

I liked this chapter overall. The writing was good and I enjoyed it immensely. There was only one sentence that I took notice that sounded weird; "was wanting" just didnt' fit the sentence there where a "wanted" would have been better, but that's just me.

 

I did mention in Dan's blog that there were two things that I took as if they were specifically directed at me in this chapter. The first was the section in the Argentine war about the two submarines. I had complained to Dan a while back that he was using US submarines too sparingly, and Dan chose in this chapter to use not only two submarines, but two of the most famous nuclear ones. That made my day.

 

I'll end this review with my favourite sentence of the chapter:

 

 

[Trebs]

2004 kidnapping of Sean and Brandon: Urgh, Dan is teasing me again.  See, that's why I want a story set around that time, but nooooo... we aren't getting one.  Well, I got Dan to start his forum... I guess I just have to try harder to get him to write about that time period as well.  Still though, one has to wonder why Sean and Brandon was kidnapped in 2004... and who were the "they" that did it.

I'll end this review with my favourite sentence of the chapter:

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

He actually covered this - forget what chapter, but I can go back and look. The Chinese captured Brandon, then got Sean and threatened to torture/kill Brandon if Sean didn't cooperate. It was that info from Sean that created their Do Over program. The 2004 mission of Davey's was to go in and rescue Sean and stop the Chinese.

[Trebs]

I should have just looked first - Chapter 2

 

 

"This friend of yours, Sean Rule, did he help them willingly?" General Armitage, the Marine, inquired.

 

"Sir, they held someone Sean loved dearly hostage." I pointed out with great care. "I believe that he laced his information with half-truths. Unfortunately, they must have been able to work around them. As it was, they already had most of the information they needed and were seeking to confirm that information. With the way the machine worked, as soon as it was used, the world around us was changed. The lives we'd known were lost. Essentially, the people we loved and cared for ceased to exist. Sean decided that he didn't want to start over again and reset the machine after I passed out from my wounds. He then sent me back, and I woke here early in the morning of the 30th of March. We know from the settings on the machine that the Chinese man went back to May 2nd, 1983. The only problem is I don't know his name. He looked to be in his late sixties or early seventies, which will make him in his fifties or late forties right now. My guess is he's a Party official in some government position. I worked last night with a sketch artist who did a pretty damn good job on the face."

[Novelty]

Thanks Trebs. See, very confusing NOT to have that in a coherent story form.

[Trebs]

Heh - it was clear for me, but then for some reason, I've taken a strong interest to any and all mentions of Sean.

[hughmelbourne]

I was also glad to see a bit of Jenny in this one. The emotional attachment seems quite strong in the original timeline, and sorta in the second, but not in this one. It's a bit of a shame, maybe. Sandcastle/Caramel/Sundae (Sunday?) were...interesting/intriguing...

 

I liked it. It seems like stuff is happenning

[primewordsmith]

Hey Nov, when ya gonna write your review of DOR 18?

You're slipping mate.

I really enjoy reading your reviews.

But if you haven't got the time or interest to write it, I can always try writing it for you, if ya like.

Would that work, do ya think?

Hmm, har?

PWS

Edited May 4, 2005 by primewordsmith

[Novelty]

Go ahead and write your reviews. The more the merrier. I don't have a monopoly for reviews.

[primewordsmith]

Go ahead and write your reviews.  The more the merrier.  I don't have a monopoly for reviews.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

But I prefer your reviews! Your reviews are so much more reviewable!! LOL

PWS

[Novelty]

But I prefer your reviews!  Your reviews are so much more reviewable!!  LOL

I'll take that as a compliment. Thanks.

 

The review is going to be late. I might as well wait for 19 and do a combined review, or something.

[primewordsmith]

But I prefer your reviews!

[Novelty]

Who knows what the future may bring? I could drop dead tomorrow for all I know.

[primewordsmith]

Who knows what the future may bring?  I could drop dead tomorrow for all I know.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Don't you dare! When you get to the ripe old age of Dan , then you can start thinking along those lines. Shame on you!!

[Novelty]

Heh, everyone has to dies at some point There are only two constants in life... and death is one of them. Who knows when and where the grim reaper will strike next? And who knows when Dan will drop nuclear warheads on poor ol' Davey?

[primewordsmith]

In the Story Reviews forum, the title description is:-

This forum is for reviews of gay stories found online by reviewers.

 

Does anyone else think that the title description should be:-

This forum is for reviews of gay stories found on other sites.

 

Just wondering....