[Dion] 'Mind Over Matter'

[Cynical Romantic]

My only critique of the last two chapters is that they're too darn short!

 

Still liking the way this story is going. And especially liking that it sounds like Joe is going to get some help from someone other than Adam, leaving him free to build a real friendship (or more) with Adam.

[Dion]

Kevin - it happened to me once, the 'morning/evening' thing. Very confusing. I knew I'd have to use it someday.

 

CR - sorry for the short chapters. The story is almost complete anyway and posting all at once wouldn't read as well, I think. The epilogue should more than make up for it. In fact, I may have to post it in two parts as well!

[Tiff]

THis particular chapter was a bit short, and nothing much really happened. It was comical that Joe was confused about the time, but was too embarassed to ask. It was cute that the waitress figured it out and told him the real time.

 

In spite of the short chapter, you redeemed yourself with the ending. I'm glad Joe really understands that he needs help and needs to talk to someone. And even though he still gets physically ill at the image of being with someone sexually, he realizes he wants to be with Adam. I think it's a great idea to talk to someone other than Adam. While Adam has good intentions, well, sometimes it's easier to talk to someone, umm, not so close to the source or biased or something.... I can't explain myself! :wacko:

 

I look forward to the remaining chapters and the epilogue. Noooo, don't post the epilogue in two parts! Just give it to us!

[Dion]

I understood what you were trying to say, Tiff - sometimes it's easier to talk to a neutral party. As for the short chapter, it's kind of unavoidable. There's one more, I believe, before the epilogue.

 

I'm glad you're still enjoying it!

[Dion]

Quick update: My wonderful beta, Sharon, assures me the epilogue is complete.

 

Looks like you'll get your wish, Tiff.

[Tiff]

My wish...as in the epilogue being posted in one sitting?

 

....

 

I hope so!!!

 

Otherwise...

[Dion]

Chapter 11 is up. Only the epilogue remains.

 

Thank you to everyone for reading and letting me know what you think. I really appreciate it.

[Tiff]

Great ending of Ch. 11! Finally, some humor! Loved those lines and the fact Joe is finally feeling more comfortable.

 

How sweet that Adam was already waiting in Joe's place, although I'd be pissed if I wanted to wallow alone and someone was in my face. However, it all worked out in the end.

 

Epilogue, epilogue, epilogue....

[Cynical Romantic]

Now that the story is pretty much over, I have to say I liked it. It was sweet, and you sketched some very realistic characters - both the main characters, and the supporting cast like Mr D and Cindy.

 

I particularly liked the point about seeing the rejection by Joe's mom as "ultimate permission" to live life as he chooses. This is a very astute observation about how we can't control the actions of others; we can only control our reactions to them and our decisions.

 

I do have a few minor critiques, which I hope you don't mind if I mention. One is that, though Adam seems incredibly sweet, and Joe is an eminently likable protagonist, it's hard to see where the relationship between them really happened. What I mean by that is that they don't seem to have spent enough time together to really be that comfortable, or have that much trust in each other. I would've liked to see more, particularly see more time where Adam can see Joe as himself, not as just a messed up headcase, which, to be fair, is pretty much how he's acted in virtually every scene where he's with Adam. It's hard to see what Adam sees in Joe from the time they spent together, even though we as the reader get to see what's so great about Joe. Let's face it, not too many guys are going to find "I'm seeing a shrink" to be an attractive come-on line. Adam's obviously a caring guy and, for whatever reason, he's smitten with Joe; it's just hard to see, on the basis of the little time they've spent together, why. Give us some more material to work with so we can understand it!

 

The other thing is that I found the story pretty short, and now that it's done, I wonder if it would work better as one short story rather than as an 11-chapter serial. Each chapter is really just a scene, anyway. This isn't a criticism per se - I like short stories - it's just that I'm not sure there's a need for the chapter breakdowns.

 

In fact, the characters are so richly drawn and the setup is so good that I could see this as an intro to a much longer story, if you ever felt like writing one.

 

Anyway, thanks for sharing, and I look forward to the epilogue to see if Joe and Adam end up "happily ever after".

[Tiff]

Cynical Romantic makes some very excellent points that I would also like to touch upon further. My comment was made late last night, so I couldn't really write anything in depth. I'm slightly more awake and alert now, so I can add a little more sense to my initial thoughts.

 

The whole "ultimate permission" thing was very good. It's a great way to turn something that is extremely negative and painful, into something positive. Sure, it's still painful, and that pain may never go away, but at least Joe can deal with it better. So his parents want nothing to do with him? Well, big deal! He has his own life, job, apartment, friends, pseudo family--he can do anything he wants. It's the ultimate freedom.

 

As for why Adam really likes Joe, or what he sees in him, I have to agree that at a first glance, it doesn't seem very realistic. More than anything, they'd be just friends, since Joe is so messed up, and Adam appears to be taking on this charity case. But then I thought more about it, having remembered everything I read, and Adam had known about Joe way before they had met. That means in some way, Adam kind of fell for Joe awhile ago, although not directly, you know? I guess through the tidbits he heard and his own analysis/interpretation, he feels something strong towards Joe. It happens. An infatuation that becomes real once you meet someone? I'm not too sure how this works, since I can be skeptical and cynical at times. But I do feel that Adam's feelings for Joe is quite possible...and at least in stories...anything goes.

 

You do write your chapters by scenes, for the most part. As in, there's not a lot going on, so in theory, you could have made this into a one shot piece, but then it would have been ridiculously long. Nevertheless, this is great. A really nice happy, but emotion piece. I can't wait for the epilogue.

[Dion]

Well... what if I said it was a chaptered short story? I'm kidding.

 

You're absolutely right CR in that I didn't outline the 'why' of Adam's attraction to Joe. There was reference made earlier on about how Joe and Adam spent time together before Joe was released from hospital and Adam did say he was attracted to him almost immediately. Since the story is from Joe's point of view as opposed to Adam's, it wasn't really possible to explore that angle in-depth.

 

Tiff got what I was trying to convey (although she does that a lot... I think she may be in my head), so I don't think it was too unlikely a situation. Nevertheless, the opinion is totally valid and I will definitely file it for future use. This is one of the great reasons for feedback - I wouldn't have realized the implausibility of the relationship if it wasn't pointed out to me. Thank you, CR!

 

Tiff - I'm glad you're enjoying the story that much. I hope the epilogue lives up to your expectations.

[Dravenn]

Been reading this over a few days and just finished the epilogue. For the most part it's a very well written story, it held my interest all the way through, and the scene in the shower was excellent, I didn't get an ounce of self-pity from the narrator it was just perfect the way it was written- a very emotional scene. Anyway, there is a 'but' for me with this story, and it's when Joe tells his parents he's gay. What I mean is, if the parents had caught him in bed with another boy then I might have been more inclined to accept their extreme behaviour. but as the narrator believes that they care for him, then they must have up to this point been loving parents who valued him as a son. So when he tells them he's gay, all he has done really is admit to looking at porn. This is where the problem lies, for me.

 

Would their initial reaction not be to encourage him to reject these feelings? To try and convince him (as well as themselves) that this is just a phase and that counselling or therapy or whatever might help set him 'straight' again. To just suddenly ignore his existence they way they do is, to me, glossing over the issue.

 

The only way I could be convinced by such an extreme reaction would be if the parents never really cared about him and were looking for an excuse to get rid of him, which is obviously not the case, or as I have already said, if they found him actually 'at it' with another boy so that in their eyes it would be too late to try and 'save' him.

 

In my opinion, they gave up on him too easily.

 

Apart from that and Cynical Romantics apt comments on the relationship between Joe and Adam, I loved both the characters and the story, so thanks for the read

[Cynical Romantic]

Epilogue was sweet, liked how you didn't try to force the reconciliation with his parents, that would've been kinda hard to believe in light of the rest of the story. Still finding too much of a clinical doctor-patient thing going on in Joe and Adam's relationship. Not really seeing the attraction there, not too sure if the relationship is healthy or what. Joe seems to take and take, and it's hard to see what Adam gets out of it. But it's nice when things work out, and I guess we can just take your word for it that Adam's in love with Joe and that it makes him happy, too.

 

A thought that occurred to me after reading the epilogue: In a way, this might have made a much better story told from Adam's point of view, not from Joe's. Or, at least, it might've. I'm curious to see.

[Dion]

Dravenn - I confess I didn't really think of that. Some things I can write from experience and some... well... I guess it's glaringly obvious as to what I've not had to deal with. I'll try to remember that for the next story. Thanks!

 

CR - Interesting idea. I may have to write a sequel sometime in the future. I know that particular aspect has bothered you throughout the story. I may contact you at some point for details.

[AFriendlyFace]

Epilogue was sweet, liked how you didn't try to force the reconciliation with his parents, that would've been kinda hard to believe in light of the rest of the story. Still finding too much of a clinical doctor-patient thing going on in Joe and Adam's relationship. Not really seeing the attraction there, not too sure if the relationship is healthy or what. Joe seems to take and take, and it's hard to see what Adam gets out of it. But it's nice when things work out, and I guess we can just take your word for it that Adam's in love with Joe and that it makes him happy, too.

Chicken Parmesan

 

 

 

 

Awesome epilogue, Dion!

 

I really enjoyed that a great day! It was extremely sweet and I'm just so happy for Joe and Adam

 

Fantastic story and great job!

 

 

-Kevin

[Dion]

Thanks Kevin. I'm glad you enjoyed it.

[Cynical Romantic]

Chicken Parmesan

 

True. Never underestimate the appeal of a man who can cook.

[Dion]

It happens to be one of my favorite dishes and something I cook rather well, if I do say so myself.

 

CR - if you could, would you be willing to do a short write-up about those points you mentioned (with elaboration) and send it to me? Then I could have it handy if the muse strikes. Thanks.

[Fishwings]

Love the story! I read all the chapters in one go.

 

I have one critique though, and it was with the chemistry between Joe and Adam. I felt as though their romance was really rushed, more so in the beginning, and at times I didn't really "feel it".

 

On the other hand, the conversation was fast and well done, and the history I thought was described well -- simply because it kept me interested.

 

Keep up the good work!

[Cia]

 

E-fiction Reviews as of 1-4-11

 

Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: iguanacoosbay

 

A hesrtfelt thank you for a truly touching story.....

Date: 02/21/2010 12:43 AM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: RCG2659

 

VERY GOOD STORY

Date: 02/21/2010 12:08 AM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: Jian Sierra

 

This story helps a lot! Thanks for this!

Date: 01/15/2010 10:21 PM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: taina1959

 

Ohh My!!! The boy knew it all, huh? LOL!!! I loved the last sentence!

Gave me a good laugh! "I was an idiot" LOL! Sad but true, no one know how the

closest people in their lives are going to react with the news you give

them.. Good First chapter!Author's Response:

Glad you liked it. Thanks for the review!

Date: 04/09/2009 09:10 AM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: PicklePip86

 

Thankyou for writing this-- its an affirmation that there is always light at

the end of the tunnel...

Another great storyAuthor's Response:

You're very welcome. And thank *you* for reviewing!

Date: 01/12/2009 09:28 PM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: Bill Moretini

Hi Dion, I fianally finished "Mind over Matter". You certainly displayed a

great sensitivity in your writing. I can empathize with Joey pertaining to his

relationship with his father. I liked your story a lot. Very good

writing.Author's Response:

Sorry it took so long for me to respond to your review, Bill. I try to be

prompt in my thanks when people take the time to leave a note for me.

I'm pleased you enjoyed the story. I'm equally heartened to find that the

emotions I was trying to convey came through successfully. My biggest problems

in writing are a) getting everything out of my head and onto the screen; and

writing an acceptable conclusion to the story. Judging from the responses I've

been getting I think - for this story at least - that I've managed to overcome

those hurdles.

Thank you for leaving a review!

Date: 09/29/2008 11:56 PM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

It has been a while, but I finally had the opportunity to read the Epilogue.

Life's been busy.

I can only say that your Epilogue was most in keeping with the rest of your

story. I think you captured the psychological nature to abandonment by a parent

quite nicely. Your healing process is also nicely formulated and presented. No

quick fix or cutsie little phrase heals such wounds--time is the only thing.

That, along with willingness for change works.

Just a beautifully written story. I, truly, look forward to more of your

works. Please, keep me posted when you do.

Warm regards,--Steven Keiths

Author's Response:

I'm very happy that you enjoyed it right to the end, Steven. Once again

I'd like to thank you for taking the time to leave an expressive review. I look

forward to them.

I have another story that I should be posting shortly. I'll let you know when

that happens.

Date: 09/21/2008 04:53 PM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: circa_divide

Yet again Dion, I love you!!! This was perfect, perfect,

perfect!! Please continue to write stories like this, they are

amazing. You are amazing! :DAuthor's Response: Thanks, c_d. I'm

really glad you enjoyed it! Thanks for taking the time to leave me a

review!

Date: 09/02/2008 08:39 PM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: maia

A very nicely done story. well-researched and did very well with the

structure & grammar. Hope to see more stories from

you.Author's Response: Thank you very much. I hope you enjoy my future

stories as well!

Date: 08/31/2008 07:58 PM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: steph291

nice story, Dion!Author's Response: Thank you, Steph! And thank you

very much for reading and leaving a review!

Date: 08/31/2008 05:40 PM

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Title: Epilogue Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Oh Dion, that was wonderful!It was so sweet and romantic and all

around awesome! Fantastic job :DAuthor's Response:

Thanks Kevin! I'm glad you enjoyed it right up to the end!

I hope you like the next one as much.

Date: 08/31/2008 05:25 PM

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Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Awesome chapter! I was really surprised when Adam was kissing that other

guy, then I was just stunned when Adam was waiting for Joe back at home! I loved

the sweet ending! They've really come a long way! Great job!Author's

Response:

Well technically the other guy kissed Adam, but I don't think Joe was in any

shape to recognize the difference.

Thanks for reviewing Kevin!

Date: 08/31/2008 03:07 PM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: emerald

this was great. im looking forward to the epilogue =)Author's

Response:

I'm glad you like it. I hope the epilogue lives up to your expectations.

Thanks for reviewing!

Date: 08/30/2008 09:03 PM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

I look forward to the epilogue, but this is wonderfully drawn to a close

as written. I, of course, have told you several times how much I liked this

story and how nicely it was written. I hope we/I get to read more of your works

in the future.

--StevenAuthor's Response:

Thanks so much, Steven. If I haven't told you before, your comments mean a

lot to me.

I do have another story that I just need to 'get over the hump', so to speak,

and then it'll be posted as well. I hope it's a likable one as well.

Date: 08/30/2008 05:08 PM

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Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: Jey

Awwww! Ahahaha, though, I probably would have been highly upset and pissed

be it me in his situation... that was so cute and sweet in the end. Jeez.

Awesome chapter... like the rest of the story. Duh! Ahahaha~Author's

Response:

Thanks Jey! I'm glad you liked it!

The epilogue should be up within the next couple of days. It'll be a lot

longer, too!

Date: 08/29/2008 08:45 AM

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Title: Chapter 11 Reviewer: circa_divide

AHHH! Dion I love you! This story is perfect. I can't wait for

the epilogue! :]Author's Response:

I hope it lives up to your expectations, c_d.

What an interesting way to make friends.

Date: 08/23/2008 10:46 PM

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Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: circa_divide

Aw, it's a short chapter. T.T I was hoping for a longer chapter but

it's still the amazing story as always. Keep it up Dion!Author's

Response:

The epilogue will more than make up for it.

Thanks for commenting!

Date: 08/17/2008 11:58 PM

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Title: Chapter 10 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Oh wow! I was surprised when Adam cancelled their date. It looks like Joe

is really trying to figure out a way to overcome his issues and I'm really proud

of him. I hope Mr. Winters can suggest someone.I enjoyed this chapter

and I liked the way you incorporated two common experiences in the human

condition: waking up and not knowing if it's morning or evening, and having a

dream about a sound that's really something happening in the physical

environment. Both happen to me relatively often, so it resonated. Well

done!Author's Response:

Hmm... this comment looks really familiar. LOL. The situation of waking up

and not knowing what time it is actually comes from RL. A very unsettling

experience to be sure.

Thanks for the review, Kevin!

Date: 08/17/2008 06:19 PM

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Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Jey

AW PSHAW! My love for Adam just dropped a few measures! I know he's trying

to do good and all but ):. Hehe, though I must admit... this chapter made me

smile quite a bit at how awesome the pairing was. Of course until that last bit

but still. In response to your response to my comment, DONT YOU WORRY! I am here

to the end! =DAuthor's Response:

I'm very glad to hear it! I hope to have the next chapter up within a couple

of days.

Thanks again!

Date: 08/13/2008 02:05 AM

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Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

It may have been short, for which you owe no apology, but it was wonderfully

written and packed with gut wrenching emotion. Again in that style of writing

that is precise and to the point. Great read.

Regards,--StevenAuthor's Response: Thanks, Steven!

Date: 08/06/2008 10:57 PM

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Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: circa_divide

 

I love this story, Most definately adding to faves.

I love the characters and how they feel so real, it's great. Keep it

up! Author's Response: I'm glad you like it! Thank you for

reviewing!

Date: 08/06/2008 02:06 AM

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Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Terrific chapter. I find it telling that even though Joey wanted to stop

Adam, Adam had to make the suggestion himself.I can't wait to read

more!Author's Response: I'm glad you're still enjoying it, Kevin! I hope

it continues to live up to your expectations.

Date: 08/05/2008 08:57 PM

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Title: Chapter 9 Reviewer: corvus

 

I read the last three chapters in one go -- when I last checked this out, it

was at chapter 6 -- and quite enjoyed them. There are few stories on GA that I

keep up with or read, and this is one of them.

I was a bit hesitant about the introduction of Adam's character because it

was so out of the blue, as was Joey's immediate attraction. The depiction of

emotional trauma is a difficult thing, because it's hard to make realistic.

Joe's physical reaction (vomiting) is great and gives his psychological distress

a visceral manifestation. DomLuka in his Log Way story used the loss of all

physical desire as an extremely effective manifestation of trauma. I find

it interesting that Joe doesn't seem to dwell too much on the normal

"problems" one would associate with beginning a romance: e.g., this guy's a

stranger, I don't even know him, etc., etc. Of course, that's probably because

he's trying not to throw up. I also find it both interesting and suspect that

Adam isn't trying to forge a strong friendship with Joe *before* initiating a

relationship -- I would think Adam should try to get to know Joe better before

trying to seduce him.

But these points are rather minor, and the story is well written enough

that I'm really enjoying it anyway. Update soon!Author's

Response:

They may seem to be minor points, but they are valid nonetheless and I thank

you for pointing them out to me. I confess I hadn't thought of it from that

perspective.

Thank you for leaving me such a detailed review!

Date: 08/05/2008 08:47 AM

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Title: Chapter 8 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Awww sweet chapter! LOL, even if a shower is just a shower

:-PAuthor's Response:

It was probably for the best anyway.

Imagine my surprise to find this story got 8 reviews all at once! I was so

pleased. Thanks for taking the time to read and review, Kevin. It means a lot to

me.

I hope you continue to enjoy the story.

Date: 07/31/2008 07:58 PM

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Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Wow! Awesome chapter! Really HOT! :-PGreat job, Dion! I can't wait

to read the next two!Author's Response: Thanks Kevin!

Date: 07/31/2008 04:39 PM

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Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Oh my! What a shocking chapter.Really well-written. Really

moving.Author's Response: I'm happy you enjoyed it!

Date: 07/31/2008 04:19 PM

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Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

What a wonderful chapter! It looks like everything is falling into

place!Author's Response: It's about time things were looking up for Joe.

Thanks again, Kevin!

Date: 07/31/2008 04:04 PM

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Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Awwww yay!Awesome chapter, Dion! :)Author's Response: I'm

glad you liked it!

Date: 07/31/2008 03:35 PM

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Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

What a dreadful town!Author's Response: It is, isn't it? Thanks for

reviewing!

Date: 07/31/2008 03:16 PM

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Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Wow....Author's Response: Is that a good 'wow'?

Date: 07/31/2008 03:00 PM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: AFriendlyFace

Wonderful first chapter, Dion!I can't wait to read on...and

fortunately I can ;)Author's Response: Glad you liked it, Kevin. Thanks

for reviewing!

Date: 07/31/2008 02:46 PM

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Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Tiff

OMG! I will say it again: I love you and I hate you.This chapter

was amazing. I love Adam and his character, in general. He's so nice and sweet

to Joe! Joe totally deserves that. I know Joe isn't out of the water yet, in

terms of emotional turmoil, but at least he's slowly admitting his feelings with

Adam's coaxing. I wasn't expecting Adam to know George and everyone else. A

little interesting twist. Mini-cliffhanger! Although since Joe is a bit

fragile emotionally, I don't think anything naughty will happen...yet. It's a

bit too soon for that. However I do look forward to them being together in the

future, or at least good friends. Making Joe get physically ill at his

attraction towards Adam was really good, for a lack of a better word to use. It

makes sense, since Joe is so scarred from what happened with his family, that he

doesn't want to feel anything towards Adam. But suppressing what is natural can

be stressful and cause bodily harm. I love this story and I love all the

characters. You have great secondary characters, strong-willed and admirable. I

very much adore George and Cindy. Cindy is such a sweet girl. Can't wait

for the next update. I will try to hound you more, as I know how much you love

it, LOL, but I will be taking a break from GA and will probably only drop in

occasionally, if evem. Then again, I might make an exception just for

you...since I love you so much. This was the longest review

ever...eek.Author's Response:

I like your long reviews. They help me focus on what's appealing to readers

and what isn't. I wasn't sure if the illness was plausible - this is what

stalled me in the first place - but Sharon assured me it would work.

I hope you enjoy the next chapter as well.

Date: 07/28/2008 04:16 PM

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Title: Chapter 7 Reviewer: Jey

In all of my honesty, this is an amazing story. Seriously... I'm glad I

stumbled upon this by accident when I didnt' even mean to click on it. Totally

not what I expected. The first few chapters were actually some of the saddest

happens I've ever read in stories I read... ): Argh, I want chapter 8 up now!

Still... ugh, his family and "friends" make me sick to muh stomach. In other

words, awesome story you have here! =PAuthor's Response:

Thanks for leaving a review! I'm glad you like the story - even if you didn't

intend to read it in the first place. LOL.

I hope you continue to enjoy it. Even if you don't, please let me know what

you thought of it!

Date: 07/28/2008 03:34 PM

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Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: corvus

 

*sniffs* Angst! Ahh.... *revels*

I very much enjoyed reading this fic. It's well written and compelling. If

I were to make a few suggestions, it would be to would tone down the parts a

little bit -- i.e. not have Joseph "whisper" realisations to himself, as it's

not very realistic. But that's mostly okay. Do update soon!

Author's Response:

I'll keep that in mind, corvus, although I'm not entirely sure what you're

referring to. Since this one's already complete I'll go over the next one with

an eye to what you mentioned.

I'm glad you're enjoying it and thank you for reviewing!

Date: 07/26/2008 11:42 AM

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Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

You have this subtle way of 'playing' down the tragedy. It's a great tension

builder. Very nicely written chapter. And yet another cliffhanger. Tsk, tsk;-)

Looking forward to the next chapter.

--Steven Author's Response: Ah - sorry about the cliffhanger,

Steven. They're a weakness. Thank you for leaving a review!

Date: 07/26/2008 11:11 AM

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Title: Chapter 6 Reviewer: Tiff

Oh, man! Come on. This is so sad! How is his mother so cold? She didn't

even care or show any emotion. And when he cried out in pain, the door slammed

shut. That small thing was very significant and powerful to me.The whole

robbery thing was interesting. Why did Joe seem to have so much compassion for

the guy? Maybe he knew what it was like to hit rock bottom and be so desperate

to do anything? I wonder if Joe will meet that robber again...romance!!! LOL,

I'm impatient. It's sweet that Mr. Dawson cares so much about Joe, and

that Joe knows it. When people care, they usually express it in anger, like Mr.

Dawson yelling. Then Joe worrying about the old man's heart. GAHHHH!!! I

want something nice to happen. Why do you gotta be so evil, man? Stalk

ya later, dude.Author's Response:

Thank you for another review!

Joe's only concern was to get the robber out as quickly as possible - he was

worried something would happen and Mr. D would suffer for it. The robber does

not return.

I'm happy you're still enjoying it, Tiff. ...You are, aren't you?

Date: 07/25/2008 06:28 PM

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Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: MyOregon

Just wanted to send you a note to let you know that I'm thoroughly enjoying

your story. I love Joe and my heart was breaking with his. I can kind of relate

to his situation. Although I wasn't kicked out of my house and I had loving

parents, I did finish my senior year of high school living on my own. I rented a

room from a cantankerous old woman whom I loved dearly. Most everyone else

couldn't stand her. She had lived in the area for ever and everyone knew her. So

please, I hope to see more chapters. I am so glad he's starting to heal his

heart and get his life back together.DebAuthor's Response: Thank

you for your review! I'm glad you're enjoying the story and hope you continue to

do so!

Date: 07/22/2008 03:39 PM

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Title: Chapter 5 Reviewer: Tiff

Heyyy Mr. Polite.Thanks for the new chapter! When I saw you on

chat, I had to grab the opportunity to hammer another chapter out of you. I'm

shameless. Ready for another long review? LOL. I'm happy to see that

Joe's luck is turning around. Mr. Dawson knows good people and I'm glad Joe can

finish his education. It sucks that he's keeping to himself at school, but it

makes sense since he's scared from his last experience. Nevertheless, he has

good friends with Mr. Dawson and Cindy. It's like a nice family, they're close

and no one seems to care that hey's gay. So...when are we going to see

some romance? Are you planning to injure poor Joe again before his luck turns

again? Evil, evil Dion. Hound you later. : )Author's Response:

I have to admit I didn't think you meant it when you said you were going to

call me that.

'Poor Joe' does have a tribulation or two to get through before he meets

anyone. Have patience, my dear...

Thank you for leaving a review!

Date: 07/22/2008 12:29 PM

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Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Tiff

Excellent chapter! I love the pacing of this story. Joe's background was

covered, with just enough detail and description without going on and on for

chapters. I'm glad we're back to the present and I like Joe's boss. He's grumpy

and cranky, but is ultimately a good person. I have a feeling they'll have a

great relationship, a love/hate one as if they were related. I look forward to

Joe's life as he goes back to school, and continues working, and rebuilding his

life. In very few chapters, you managed to make me feel connected to the main

character. Anyway...just curious. Is this story completed and how many

chapters are there in total? I'm just super curious and it will gnaw at my

insides every time I read an update..not knowing when I will get

more...: )Author's Response:

Thanks for leaving another review, Tiff! Yes, the story is complete (I don't

like posting WIP). As for how many chapters - I'm really not sure. I type my

stories as one document and then break a piece off for posting as needed. If

it helps at all, as an .rtf document with 9 point font it's 38 pages long.

Enjoy!

Date: 07/20/2008 04:07 PM

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Title: Chapter 4 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

Hi Dion,Some of my best friends are old curmudgeons; I already like Mr.

D. Again, Dion, you have a nice style in your unfolding of this tale without a

lot of conspicuous explanation. Your story is very descriptive and it easy to

'feel' your characters emotions and what they are going through.I look

forward to the further adventers of Joe.Warm

regards,--StevenAuthor's Response: I appreciate your continuing to

leave me reviews, Steven. I hope future chapters are just as enjoyable for

you!

Date: 07/20/2008 10:24 AM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

This was a wonderfully written chapter. Your portrayal of Joe is so well

done. As your previous reviewer noted, he is feeling all the pain and fear of

his situation, but has a stoicism about himself or more precisely, his behavior.

He has not resorted to being a cry baby. Not that I'd blame him if he did. I am

truly looking forward to more of this story.

Warm regards,--StevenAuthor's Response: My response to this

review didn't take, I'm afraid. Thank you for taking the time to respond and I

hope you continue to enjoy the story!

Date: 07/18/2008 12:03 AM

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Title: Chapter 3 Reviewer: Tiff

Wow, I really like this. You have a great style. You don't go into too much

emotional detail about Joseph's situation, as in he's not sobbing in every

scene, but you provide enough where the reader still feels his pain. Well done.

I look forward to reading more, because it's obvious he got that job.

Now I want to see how he get there. Great job. Jeez, where have you

been? You should have been writing earlier, so I have something good to read,

lol.Author's Response: Thanks for the compliment, Tiff! I'm glad you

like it so far!

Date: 07/17/2008 11:07 AM

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Title: Chapter 2 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

Hi DionDefinitely have grabbed my attention. My heart sank when Joe's

parents left the room as you described. That on top of losing his childhood

friend is sad. Very nicely written. I look forward to what life becomes like for

Joe. Regards,--StevenAuthor's Response: I'm glad you're enjoying

it so far, Steven. Thanks for the review!

Date: 07/17/2008 01:11 AM

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Title: Chapter 1 Reviewer: Steven Keiths

 

Dion,

Great start--you got my attention. Joe obviously got the job. Curious as to

why/what has Joe in the situation he is in, which I'm sure you're gonna' tell

me:-)

Glad you're sharing more of your talent with us, Dion.

Warm regards,--StevenAuthor's Response: Thanks for reading,

Steven. I hope you enjoy the story!

Date: 07/15/2008 10:14 PM

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