World Domination

[Masked Monkey]

Around 19 years ago I wrote my first resume. Using the standard format, I had to put filler in the "objective" part so that it looked alright. Naturally, I wrote "World domination through economic destabilization and religious fanaticism."

 

I have been wondering, given my stated goal and the state of the world today, would I be more successful as a member of Al-Qaeda or the Bush administration?

 

 

(future) Emperor Snow Dog the Domaholic Danderthal

 

disclaimer: Please note that this post was intended to be political satire and is not intended to: promote national, domestic, or international terrorism, advocate for the overthrow of the United States governement, defame religious fundamentalists, disparrage any religion or ethnic group in particular, or in any other way imply, state, declare or impart an intent to endanger the Security of the United States or the United States Governement nor any of her employees or officials.

[JamesSavik]

If I join your legions, can I have Australia?

[lurker]

If I join your legions, can I have Australia?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

World domination starts in Australia. There is only one border to protect, and you get the extra armies at the start of every turn. Control of Australia and South America is the key to success...

[Masked Monkey]

If I join your legions, can I have Australia?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

World domination starts in Australia. There is only one border to protect, and you get the extra armies at the start of every turn. Control of Australia and South America is the key to success...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

I am not paying for a bridge to Siam.

 

 

Beast,

 

If you would side with me based on the flimsy promise of a megalomaniac then you might not be as valuabe as yoou think.

 

However, of course you can have day-to-day control of Australia and I'll give you control of New Zealand if you promise you keep the great apples flowing to the Imperial Palace (providing of course you survive the post-victory purge)

 

Snow Dog

Edited June 7, 2005 by Snow Dog

[JamesSavik]

[

Beast,

 

If you would side with me based on the flimsy promise of a megalomaniac then you might not be as valuabe as yoou think.

 

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

No- I backed you cause I knew that you would be an enlightened dictator.

[reapersharvest]

My suggestion:

 

Write a popluar self-help book, right off the bat you're telling people how to live, and all you need is good PR

 

That turns into boook signings

Which turn into seminars

whihc turn into a nationwide fan club

Which reaches cult-like proportions

Pick an "enemy" with which to polarize them. It increases heir attachment and aggression

 

Finally: Pick up where Oprah left off and endorse a politician with the army you've created. Once they come to rely on you for votes, it's a sleigh ride from there to a backstage puppetmaster position a la Rupert Murdoch.

 

Succeed where I failed, "Reaper's 5 Steps to Overcoming Yourself" never even made it to bookstores.

[lurker]

My suggestion:

 

Pick an "enemy" with which to polarize them.  It increases heir attachment and aggression

 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Uh-oh. Perhaps I should start mobilizing my legions. It's time to get them moving from Kamchatka into Alaska...

[lagomorph]

If I join your legions, can I have Australia?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

World domination starts in Australia. There is only one border to protect, and you get the extra armies at the start of every turn. Control of Australia and South America is the key to success...

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

 

I want Madagascar. It's pretty isolated from attack, and you can sweep from there through Africa, to South and North America, and then Europe is good for the taking.

 

 

Val

Edited June 8, 2005 by lagomorph

[Masked Monkey]

You all seem to be treating my desire to rule the world as if it were some sort of board game (except for Beast, who definitely has a place of significance in my empire).

 

(future) Emperor Snow Dog the Domaholic Danderthal

[NaperVic]

You all seem to be treating my desire to rule the world as if it were some sort of board game (except for Beast, who definitely has a place of significance in my empire).

 

(future) Emperor Snow Dog the Domaholic Danderthal

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Snow Dog,

 

I think you'd have a better chance of achieving your goals if you get adopted by George Bush Sr. You could be groomed for the presidency (you could probably get in before Jeb's turn), and then you'd have a vast arsenal of democracy (read: lots of nuclear weapons) at your disposal.

 

OSB and Crew can and will foster instability, but not enough to overthrow the status quo.

 

Vic

 

During the post victory purge, keep in mind those of us who remembered it was your birthday

[Masked Monkey]

I think you'd have a better chance of achieving your goals if you get adopted by George Bush Sr.  You could be groomed for the presidency (you could probably get in before Jeb's turn), and then you'd have a vast arsenal of democracy (read: lots of nuclear weapons) at your disposal.

 

OSB and Crew can and will foster instability, but not enough to overthrow the status quo.

 

Vic

 

During the post victory purge, keep in mind those of us who remembered it was your birthday 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Unfortunately, I think it is too late to have someone pay for me to get into Yale (or was it Harvard, eh doesn't matter).

 

My key is to have them come crawling to me to give me the "keys" of power. Nuclear (fusion) weapons are overkill, atomics (fission) are the real stepping stones to international recognition and are significantly easier to build. The only real hard part is the separation of the fissile material, but that is another topic.

 

My real plan is to give them something to feed their spirit (religious fanaticism) while taking away all of their day-to-day stability (economic destabilization). I will be hailed not as a conquering hero, but as a focal symbol of the hope for the future.

 

As for the purges, they will be for those without vision, without honor, or who have failed me on the deepest levels during my rise. Purges are about removing threats to my power who were useful in my rise.

 

(future) Emperor Snow Dog the Domaholic Danderthal

[lurker]

Snow Dog - Have you been reading Dawn of Tears again?

[Masked Monkey]

Snow Dog - Have you been reading Dawn of Tears again?

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, no, my plan for world domination came to me in a dream when I was 17. It caused me to give up my previous life-ocupation (hit man/pimp), and was temporarily supplanted during my latter college 'hippy' days when I wanted to be an internationally assasin with the cover of a highly respected scientist.

 

DOT much like MOF are wonderful steps into a fantasy I would wish, but will never be (kinda like Disneyland).

 

(future) Emperor Snow Dog the Lukaholic Danderthal

[Masked Monkey]

If we get to nail you onto a cross, count me  in 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Umm ... let me think ... no thank you. I always try to avoid making martyrs (especially of myself). Executing political prisoners after a 'proper trial'

 

What was that name again?

 

:king: Snow Dog

[Masked Monkey]

If we get to nail you onto a cross, count me  in 

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Umm ... let me think ... no thank you. I always try to avoid making martyrs (especially of myself). Executing political prisoners after a 'proper trial'

 

What was that name again?

 

:king: Snow Dog

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

 

Damn, there hasn't been a party like that in a couple of thousand years.

<{POST_SNAPBACK}>

Actually, that party was pretty small, it is the anniversaries that seem to be popular in western society. I think the parties thrown by Atilla were much more .. um .. 'enthusiastic.'

 

:king: Snow Dog

Edited June 9, 2005 by Snow Dog