Friends Taking Advantage

[Kanaye]

I have two friends who have just invited themselves to stay on my couch for who know how long. Today I had to drive them to RI and back and Marrisa said she would pay me.

 

Now on the night before New Years Eve they got kicked out of the place they were staying, another friend of ours who was being unreasonable. He was getting abused (more mentally than physicly) by his boyfriend and Marissa and Rick were staying there. The boyfriend got wound up and instead of throwing the boyfriend out, he threw M & R out.

 

They called me, ask if the could sleep over and I said sure, whatever. And on the day of New Years Eve it had snowed so Marrisa offered to drive me to the bank so I could cash my check to buy booze. She asked if they could borrow $20 cause they had no money, food & low on gas. I said sure. It was Ricks car and Rick wouldnt get up so by the time we made it to my bank it was closed. We drove around 4 places trying to find a place to cash my check. Couldnt. So I finailly called my bank account and found out that I had $53 in my account. We went to the liquor store and I bought my stuff and gave 20 to them so I only had $9 in my account.

 

I went to another friends house for New Years Eve.

 

Now last night was the second night I let them sleep over and today, before I drove them Marrisa needed to cash her check so I said I would do it at my bank. When I did, she gave me $10! I mentioned the $20 and she said it was payment for driving them around. EXCUSE ME! Ive been letting them sleep at my place, eat my food, kick me off my couch and my computer and I PAID them for driving me around?

 

Another thing, they usually ignore me for 2 months at at time untill they need something, like my couch. This is the 8 or 9th time theyve slept on my couch cause they couldnt go anywhere else.

 

And where are they right now? Partying with with another friend and was I invited? Nope? And when they are done, they are gunna kick me off my couch and my comp, like its thier right. Sometimes I HATE being nice.

 

 

 

Anyone else have friends who take advantage of them?

Edited January 3, 2009 by Kanaye

[Zeoanne]

Hey babe! I can't believe you are letting them step all over you! Been There, Done That, Got A Damn T-Shirt!!! I went through that way too many times with different people and I'm DONE!!! you give your "friends" an inch they take the entire yard stick! You have to tighten up your panties and have a talk to them. I'm pretty sure they have parents who can bail them out of their situation. DON'T let them run your life/house. Do what I had to do with all the idiots I helped, tell them... OUT! Give them a couple of days to get in touch with who ever they need to get in touch with and then make sure they leave at the end of that time frame otherwise they WILL stay and you WILL continue carrying their burden. Sorry I'm so blunt but I don't like it when those who you are trying to help turn around and abuse you. About the $20??? Just forget about it, you'll probably won't see it. But as long as they are gone, $20 is nothing!!

Keep me informed girl!! I hate to see this happening to you!

Sandra

[hh5]

It sounds like you're surrounded by people that take advantage of you.

 

Time not to be in that situation.

 

I had it much worst with several people.

 

BTW, when you tell them out, Keep to that word.

 

Just start making good friends.

Even if you have to test them out

Do so.

 

I have been through a lot in the last 12 years.

And in the life time, non of it makes me any happier.

 

Just keep from being preyed upon.

Be strong

[Kanaye]

Thanks, both of you.

 

And to make matters worse, around 4:15am or so, I was trying to move my bookcase a couple of inches so I could plug something in and my vase, my heavy 4lbs clay vase, fell off the top of the bookcase and on my head. I started crying and what does Rick do? Nothing, doesnt even ask me if Im ok. I yelled at him. Marrisa was in the bathroom and she came out all mad cause she didnt know what happened. Thats why I didnt throw them out there and then, if he goes, she goes, so...

 

I was ok, am ok, mostly. I just couldnt believe he just sat there.

 

Well, he's going back to his parents house tomorrow, he negoited w/ them and she's either going there or to her not-yet-ex-husbands.

[FrenchCanadian]

Remind me why on hod earth did you agreed for them to bunk at your place in the first place. I mean, if it wasnt the first time... Yes, you were trying to be helpful, but people dont change,,,, if they arent good friends to ya, just ignore further help request.

[MikeL]

Just remember the old saying, "A friend in need is a friend I don't need". Or, something like that.

[Pai-kun]

Ugh. Kick them out. They obviously don't care for you, so why should you go out of your way to help them? They sound like spoiled children who need to grow up.

 

I used to have a "friend" who was like that a few years ago. She used to walk all over me, loan money from me and never pay it back. And she wasn't very nice either(on several occasions she actually said that I should lose weight, even though my weight at that time was a lot under what's normal(which was probably why she kept saying it)). And I just took it because I didn't have any other friends at that time and we had been friends since we started kindergarten together. I later found out she had actually threatened other people in our class when they were being nice to me(she was big for a girl and had already broken a guys nose, so even most of the guys where kinda scared of her)... Anyway, she was held back three years(she cut classes... a lot) so when the rest of us started high school she had to redo junior high. I took that chance and cut all ties with her. That's when I found true friends. Those who give instead of take. It's easy to be wise afterwards, but I wish I'd cut my "friend" out of my life a lot earlier than I had. People like that are toxic. They just want someone who does what they say, not a friend. So my advice; Get rid of your two "friends", because if you don't, they'll just use you until there's nothing left and then they'll just move on. Beat them to the punch.

[JamesSavik]

Only y-o-u can choose to allow yourself to be abused.

 

You can tell them to get lost at any time.

 

On the other hand you might consider yourself lucky to have some friends around. Most of mine have been dead for years and its during the holidays that I really miss them.

[Kanaye]

Thanks guys.

 

I told them today that last night was the last night and they said ok. I told them I was spending the night at my parents and had to drive all the way here cause I knew if I didnt theyd be knocking at my door even though I told them I couldnt keep having them on my couch.

 

Rick has a bed for 30 days at a shelter and I think Marissa is sleeping at her place with her not-yet-ex-husband.

 

I hope they stay out... *sigh*

[AFriendlyFace]

Glad you got rid of them. If you want my advice, next time you see their number on caller ID, simply don't answer it and don't return their call. They'll take the hint...or not, but either way you'll be done with them

 

About the $20??? Just forget about it, you'll probably won't see it. But as long as they are gone, $20 is nothing!!

Reminds me of a joke I once heard:

 

"If you lend someone $20 and never see them again...it was probably worth it."

 

Take care, hun

-Kevin

[hh5]

Put it another way

 

you don't want to look at it years later and ask yourself why didn't i get rid of them years ago

 

---------

 

because they are rotten apples

 

it gives strength to that quote some one said

"A friend in need is no friend I need"

 

and what happens is ultimately no one helps anyone

because its no longer a good thing

 

Helping someone becomes a sin to ones own life

hence the survival of the fittest

dog eat dog

 

if u ask me why - I say I am living proof that it happened to me

 

it sounds like the moral of the story - don't help an adult

 

so update the saying

 

"An adult in need is no friend you need"

[Zeoanne]

Just remember the old saying, "A friend in need is a friend I don't need". Or, something like that.

 

 

HAH!! I love that one! there is also another one, I'm gonna translate it...

A friend is a buck $ in your pocket. In other words, as long as you have some $ you'll have leeches attached to you! That's why I don't believe in "friends", just aquaintances. USED to have a good friend, she burned me like no other could've ever done!!! It was a living nightmare where my life was at stake...

[Zeoanne]

Glad you got rid of them. If you want my advice, next time you see their number on caller ID, simply don't answer it and don't return their call. They'll take the hint...or not, but either way you'll be done with them

 

 

Reminds me of a joke I once heard:

 

"If you lend someone $20 and never see them again...it was probably worth it."

 

Take care, hun

-Kevin

 

Hey Kevin!! I'm so glad to see you posting again!! I'm fairly new to this group, since Oct. 26 and have read all your stories and LOVE every single one of them, well, not so much the "If No One Notices", just because it strikes a VERY sour chord. But LOVED BMAD!! Hope to see you posting more often.

Love and Light

Sandra

[Sarah]

I'm glad you have got rid of them. They aren't friends they are spongers.

 

If this situation arises again, just tell them no. You don't have to make up an excuse. In my experience, if you do that, they will find a way around the reason you have just given them. Keep calm, and say, "I'm sorry you are in this situation again, but you can't stay with me". Refusing them doesn't make you a bad person. You are a decent person who is no longer prepared to be walked all over.

[Kanaye]

Good idea. No excuses, just say no.

 

Well, I havent heard from them since they left. Like I say they ignore me till they need something. Next time they ask, Ill bd firm and say "NO".

[Sarah]

Good idea. No excuses, just say no.

 

Well, I havent heard from them since they left. Like I say they ignore me till they need something. Next time they ask, Ill bd firm and say "NO".

 

 

I hope for your sake, that's the last you will hear from them.