The Chemistry of Hell

[Mark Arbour]

This was posted on "adamstories" yahoo group and I thought it was pretty funny.

 

HELL EXPLAINED BY CHEMISTRY STUDENT

 

The following is an actual question given on a University Chemistry

mid term. The answer by one student was so 'profound' that the

professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of

course, is why we now have the pleasure of enjoying it as well:

 

Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic

(absorbs heat)?

 

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law

(gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some

variant.

 

One student, however, wrote the following:

 

First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So

we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the

rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume

that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave. Therefore, no souls

are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at

the different religions that exist in the world today.

 

Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their

religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these

religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion,

we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates

as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase

exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in

Hell because Boyle 's Law states that in order for the temperature

and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to

expand proportionately as souls are added.

 

This gives two possibilities:

 

1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls

enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase

until all Hell breaks loose.

 

2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls

in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell

freezes over.

 

So which is it?

 

If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman

year that, 'It will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you,'

and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then

number two must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic

and has already frozen over! The corollary of this theory is that

since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any

more souls and is therefore, extinct..... .leaving only Heaven,

thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why,

last night, Teresa kept shouting 'Oh my God.'

 

THIS STUDENT RECEIVED AN A+

[Medlang]

lol! that is fantastic

[Conner]

Brings back the days when I studied phys chem. :wacko:

 

The only time my phys chem prof spoke to me, he said, "You had better catch up on 19th century physics if you want to pass this course!"

 

 

Thanks for the trip down memory lane.

[Graeme]

I've seen that one before, but the last paragraph was different in that he said that he still hadn't slept with her, despite numerous attempts, so the final answer was reversed. It's still amusing, though

[Zeoanne]

As Teresa said at the end.... Oh My Gowd!!! LMBO!!! That was too funny Mark, thanks for the laughter!!!

Sandra

Edited January 5, 2009 by Rush

[J_Ross]

lmfao, that was brilliant.

[Benji]

lmfao, that was brilliant.

 

..........That defiantly earned an A+

[Linxe Termoil]

yeah, that made my day, thanks

 

Off to write more of chapter 5

 

Jon

[rknapp]

ROFLMFAO holy shit I almost wet myself reading the end... haha nice find Mark.

[Verm]

That was the funniest thing I've read in the new year. Awesome.

[Procyon]

Hilarious, and wow, great news!!

[old bob]

Wonderfull !

Now I know what I'm expecting in a few years

BTW so late as possible

Old Bob (soon 80 !)

[JamesSavik]

I've been to hell.

 

They asked me to leave when it became obvious that if they let me stay in six months I would be running the place.