Old roommate's breakup drama

[Y_B]

My old roommate, who is still a good friend of mine, broke up with his girlfriend last week. After dating for 3 or so years, he just wasn't feelin' it anymore and wanted to try something else. In a way, he felt that she was limiting his potential and he wanted a chance to shine. She was devastated. It came as a surprise to me too because they were one of those couples who seemed perfect, and I thought they probably would have gotten married one day.

 

The problem is that she is driving me up the wall with her despondence. She doesn't go to class, eat or act like she is alive anymore except to call me to talk about how much she misses him. I want to help her but since I have never been in a relationship before, I don't know what's best for her or how to help her handle the situation.

 

Anybody here had a bad breakup? How did you handle it and what should I tell her?

 

Thanks

[AFriendlyFace]

My personal recommendation would be to simply be supportive, praise all of her good qualities to the hilt, express confidence that she'll find someone, and carefully avoiding becoming involved in their troubles.

 

It's up to her to bounce back, just be there for her, but don't get too involved

[JamesSavik]

Anybody here had a bad breakup?

 

Been there, done that, burned the t-shirt.

 

How did you handle it and what should I tell her?

 

Not to do what I've done which involved a lot of drinking, fighting, bad hook-up sex and writing bad poetry.

 

It's different for guys and girls. She's probably not going to want to go out, get drunk, fight and f*ck.

[Mark Arbour]

You got some good advice already. I've been on both sides of that situation, and the one being dumped, well, that's the hardest. My experience is that the only thing that stopped the pain was time. I remember needing friends to be around, so I didn't feel like a total reject. And I remember being pretty f**king depressing, so I'd have to vary the friends I hung out with so I didn't burn any of them out. And then gradually the pain ebbs, you meet someone new, and it's all good again.

 

So....I think you should be there for her and prop up her ego, let her cry on your shoulder, but you have to make sure you're not the only one she leans on or you'll go nuts. Just like her.

[Nephylim]

People deal with break ups in different ways. I dealt with it by going right into myself and not wanting to see or speak to anyone. I poured everything out in my writing and when I emerged again I was fine. However I am somewaht unusual in that respect.

 

Most people need reassurance and sometimes they hurt too much to ask for it.

 

Just be there and be sensitive to her reaching out to you. Give her a call now and again without her having to ring and don't be too concenrned if she doesn't want to talk/go out etc. It makes a huge difference just to know someone is there even if you don't want to hook up right then.

 

Whatever you do don't get caught in the trap of slagging off the ex. If she does get to a place where she forgives him or even gets back with him yuo will have lost two friends because she will remember all the bad thing you've said and will be embarassed.

 

Be supportive but neutral

 

At the end of the day it sounds like you are already doing fine.

[thatboyChase]

Forget her, exploit his sadness and give him a handy or something.

[Y_B]

Thanks all, she'll be fine, just needs time.

 

and Chase, how do you know I didn't do that first?

[thatboyChase]

Thanks all, she'll be fine, just needs time.

 

and Chase, how do you know I didn't do that first?

 

You wouldn't of cared about her feelings, like duh.

[Linxe Termoil]

Tell em to go get drunk and sleep with the first person they come across.