Depression

[JOeKEool]

Hi one and all. I'm almost another page behind here. I'm doing OK for the most part. Dealing with it as it comes. And it keeps coming doesn't it. I have to make sure I log in here more often. I forget just how much it helps. Or I forget how much it hurts when I don't get that GA fix often enough.

 

Yetti One_ Thanks for sharing here. Every voice makes the burden a little lighter for all of us. Just knowing we aren't ever alone.

I know you will benefit from expressing yourself here. We all do. Depression is just not something you can talk about. We had a dicussion early on here about how coming out gay is more acceptable than "coming out" depressed. Like you said,until you've been there you just can't understand the depths that emotions can take us to. I was depressed for years and didn't realize it until I got married and had another person's point of view. My natural instincts seem to be to hide all emotion and keep everything bottled up. That may be a symptom of depression or it may be part of the cause. But having GA now to express myself has helped far more than therapy or medication have in the past. We can all take baby steps together.

 

Mark_ I HAVE to tell you how much I enjoyed your "A Fairy Story". Just brilliant !!! It only took me months to finally go read it ? EVERONE should read this little story of Marks'. Now on to the second fairy story. The Legacy will have to wait. ( I'm unstoppable now. I can read what I want to read .I'm not stuck with what my phone will LET me read.)

 

Thanks so much to everyone here. For listening. For sharing. For just being here and being you. HUGS for all !!!

 

Always with love,

 

Joe

[Mark92]

I'm always amazed how many visit here when I take a day off LOL. I dont mean a day off work, I mean a day of this thread.

You are all awesome amazing people. All leaning on each other and knowing here, there is a hug, an ear and a shoulder to cry on.

What can I say that helps KC? Apart from what Comic (Unc) has already said. We hurt, by your hurt,. I dont miss my mum but the fears continue, the nightmares the flashbacks, And then I'm down. I can sit here talking to Stuby on skype and suddenly the nasty words filter through and my mood drops like an anvil from a height. I can be laughing one minute and crying the next. Those times are less now but they still happen,

You are so loved here KC I hope you know that. And there is always someone here to open their arms and their hearts.

Please stay well people and keep talking. And great big hugs all round

[Yettie One]

Hey KC.

Unlike many of the seasoned regulars here I don't know all the circumstances of some of the stuff I read about in the threads, but Mark and Comicfan hit the nail on the head when they say that what hurts you hurts those that love you. That crack in the smile you see, will pain those close to you as much as it pains you.

I'm not sure I completely understand it, but its kind of comforting to know that we can share the pain. Selfishly I want to hold onto it, it has become familiar to me and something I'm accustomed too. Showing that private world of hurt and despair is alien and scary in itself, because suddenly this exterior façade of strength we've become so good at wearing is exposed to the world, and people see us as human, fragile and needy, just as they are.

It is also really scary to think that I need to rely on people, reach out and expose myself to potentially more hurt or pain.

Scary as it is for me, I guess I understand that by speaking out, I'm sharing myself with people who in time will become people I can learn to lean on and I hope will feel they can lean on me in return. We do need to feel needed, maybe that's why we just want to hide away when we realise we can't meet those needs so well anymore. One day at a time, one feeling at a time.

 

Mark it is so crazy how my mood swings like it does. I sometime wonder where the anger can come from so quickly, I'm glad I'm not the only one that gets swings like that.

 

Joe, lovely to meet you, and thank you for your words of encouragement. I'd never thought about it in terms of "coming out" but wow that is a good analogy of what it is like. Mad.

 

I got my diagnosis yesterday to confirm I exhibit symptoms of Clinical Depression. Not the best thing in the world to hear, but at least I know now. Maybe in time I can actually start to feel good about life again. It's scary but I was thinking the other day, and I couldn't really remember the last time I really felt good about life. Yeah maybe from time to time good about this or that. But good about me? I dunno when that last time was! Do you ever get that back?

[Bumblebee]

Ok guys a few things that I'm really confused about.. why is getting a diagnoses of clinical depression so bad? I don't understand that

and I also don't understand why what hurts you hurts those that love you.

 

I also don't understand everyone on heres fixation with hugging everyone. I personally don't like touching people so I don't really see why everyone puts a or hugs after everything or to say hello.

[CassieQ]

Ok guys a few things that I'm really confused about.. why is getting a diagnoses of clinical depression so bad? I don't understand that

and I also don't understand why what hurts you hurts those that love you.

 

I also don't understand everyone on heres fixation with hugging everyone. I personally don't like touching people so I don't really see why everyone puts a or hugs after everything or to say hello.

 

Well, you might like not hugging and people touching on you and that's fine, but that is you. That is not everyone else. I like hugs, I like them because they are comforting and affectionate. And I think that is why so many people use It's a gesture of love and support that is recognized by almost everybody. I usually hug my family members if I see them after a long while, or sometimes even my friends. A girl I am friends with stopped by at my office the other day and I ran right up to her and gave her a big hug

[Mark92]

Thank you Yettie and Cassie, it is so good to see there is support out there and here.

In my opinion Bee, and it is just that "my opinion". Being diagnosed is a conformation of what you have been denying is wrong with you, depression is an illness, a state of mind. Does it have a cure? who knows? but it isnt a label to hide behind, or gain sympathy for.

Felling someone elses pain is self explanitory. You care about them, so what hurts them hurts you. I dont know if your illness stops you caring about people. I assume it does.

As for hugs I agree with Cassie just because you dont like them personally, doesnt mean other people dont. I've never had hugs until recently. Up to now I have to say that the hugs I've had from Moira and Ruth, Lukey's girls are the best feeling ever.

So Hugs all

[Bumblebee]

Mark having an autism spectrum disorder is not an illness. its not something that can be cured, its not a disease or something that can be caught.

In simple terms it means my brain is different then most people.

 

And yes I find it extremely difficult to care or even think about anyone but myself. And being called a selfish heartless bitch in one way or another whenever I try to make friends with someone makes me really start to hate everyone. But I know its true, and no matter what I do I always eventually lose the few people who I have cared about. Its scary to realize that I can accept being alone if it means I don't hurt anyone else with my shit.

[Houdinii]

I'm not exactly sure how I feel on the entire subject. I've been what you would call 'clinically depressed' since I was a child, but more often than not I am happy-ish. A lot of it is me just wearing a smile when I don't mean it, but it still seems to cheer me up somehow. It used to be really bad when I wouldn't leave the house, and actually required psychiatric help, so yes, depression is real, and can have dire consequences.

 

(Oh, and just for mark )

[Roan]

Hi All Good to see everyone up and about and talking. I know when Im down but taling its usually a good sign, its when I go like a nuclear submarine and disappear that things are bad. That and listening to Gorecki, for some reason.

 

Going to start off with a post for KC.

 

Mate, pure 100% love and compassion and understanding from me. And I think from many others here. If at times that is what you need, dont forget its here for you.

 

I can tell you many things, not sure if they are helpful but I hope so.

 

I lost my Dad last December. He had been in poor health for some time, but the end when it came was still a shock. We didnt know he had lung cancer until he was effectively a week from dying, and that week he was under sedation and palliative care. It all happened so fast, we really didnt have a chance to get used to it before he was gone.

 

I can honesly say it still hurts like a bitch. Until recently, I would sometimes have nightmares. Horrible evil crap where I would either remember the moment he died, or have wierd ones where I was down in the morgue trying to convince people he was really alive and they needed to help him. 6 months and I really really thought it was supposed to hurt less, but no. This was my second time in a year losing someone like this, and it doesnt get easier with repetition.

 

So far, I have found that death is even more confusing than life. You grieve whether you want to or not, but when is unpredictable, and it comes in fits and starts. For the first while you are numb. The mask comes easily because you are still in shock. Then it happens - you start to feel it more and more and the mask becomes harder to keep up. Trouble is, anyone who hasnt been part of the experience expects you to get better not worse, so you dont want to appear weak to them. And anyone else affected by the same death, you dont want to set them off, and they will be getting more vulnerable at the same time as you. I couldnt feel, say or do anything or fear of making my mum feel worse. I didnt cry for weeks, then simple things would set me off. He gave me his watch when he was still conscious, before we knew what was wrong, because he didnt trust leaving it in a hospital room. I wore it, unconsciously, for ages, then one day somone asked me about my new watch. It hit me then and I cried for the first time in front of someone I barely knew who probably thought I was mad.

 

It was made harder rather than easier by the problems we had in our relationship. There was a lot of pain there, a lot of bad memories. While I sat there watching him die, over and over would come the thought - I wish we had found a way to talk about those things before it was too late. Now, it would be a case of what might have been. I wanted him to know that I loved him, that nothing that had happened stopped that. I hope to Christ he knew what I felt.

 

There is no rule book, no happy set of grieving guidelines. We come to it defenceless and the process does to us what it will. All we can do is come out the other side, alive, shaken but unbowed, when the time is right, and other people just have to deal with that. We also have to give ourselves a break - expectations are pointless, each day for a while just is what it will be. Its also not a linear process - you dont feel 74% over it on day, 75 % the next and so on. Up down around and sideways.

 

Sometimes you just need to be yourself, as you are, and people are just going to have to take you as they find you. Never apologise for being down, or feelig emotions, even really really negative ones like grief, regret. They need to have their day. They also make us human. SOme days its going to be a victory just getting through the day. Celbrate it.

 

One of the things that helped me most recently was a service at the hospital chapel where Dad died. The hospital pastoral care group kept in touch with families of people who died at the hospital, and there were regular services where family members could attend. Although it was a Catholic hospital, the service was pretty neutral.

 

There was a special speaker for the one I went to, and I knew her. She was the charge nurse for ward 2 south, the ward where Dad died. 2 south was a special palliative care ward, essenially patients went there to die. All the nursing staff dealt with there were patients in their last days and their families. I remembered the nurse because she was so compassionate, so caring, while still being so professional. Her team really helped as much as they could.

 

She was there not to talk about her job, but her process of grieving. She had recently lost her mother, who had spent her last week as a patient on her ward, 2 south. Suddenly, she was just another family member, starting the long process of grieving, but with a catch. She was also a nurse, and in charge of the ward, and for her that made life so much harder.

 

For her family, it was like she was fulfilling a special role, one so hard for her under the circumstances. She had the inside knowledge, and her family would bombard her with questions, what did it mean, what would happen next, what was the machine saying, or translating the doctorese for her family. It was a confronting experience for her, trying to be a carer, and a professional, and a grieving child, all in one. It was her team that got her through, making sure they ran interference for her so she could just be a daughter, and they could be the nurses.

 

It was a real eye opener for me - as hard as it is being a family member in these circumstances, how hard again it must be for a medical professional in those circumstances. There is no dodging the reality, no sugar coating. And who cares for the carers, when they are the ones needing care?

 

I guess from all of that then, what I am trying to say is - you dont need to explain, or feel bad. And there is a lot of love and understanding whenever you need it. And admiration and resepct. And that is not dependent on you being the rock for everyone else, its just because you are you.

[Roan]

Well, you might like not hugging and people touching on you and that's fine, but that is you. That is not everyone else. I like hugs, I like them because they are comforting and affectionate. And I think that is why so many people use It's a gesture of love and support that is recognized by almost everybody. I usually hug my family members if I see them after a long while, or sometimes even my friends. A girl I am friends with stopped by at my office the other day and I ran right up to her and gave her a big hug

 

Hugging is an individual thing I find.

 

I really really found touching difficult at first. Our family never did it, any public display of affection was frowned upon, so I was conditioned pretty strongly not to. In addition, teenage boys generally are pretty conditioned against it, at least in Australia. I remember the first time one of my friend's mums gave me a hug I just about had a panic attack.

 

I am an ardent hugger now, and apparently good at it because Im big enough to make people feel protected And I now love that sense of shared care; but it really took a lot of unlearning. It seems therefore to be something you learn to do (or not)based on environment and disposition.

[Roan]

Ok guys a few things that I'm really confused about.. why is getting a diagnoses of clinical depression so bad? I don't understand that

and I also don't understand why what hurts you hurts those that love you.

 

I found a lot of stigma in being diagnosed with depression, some from others, some form myself. I couldnt stop myself feeling that this was somehow a failure in its own right, a further confirmation of weakness, worthlessness etc. Its one of the worst parts of depression for me, how having it is self reinforcing. That is based on a sense that if it is an illness, it is one you bring on yourself, and by extension you can snap ourself out of if you really want to. That is still a prevalent opinion, and when you are depressed you happen to be vulnerable to internalising those opinions. I know I got that a lot from my family, whihc was of course immensely helpful.

 

Also as Mark suggested its almost as if I could pretend i was ok until I was diagnosed, then i had to deal with it. Which meant dealing with why I was depressed, the fact I was depressed, etc etc......all too much. Unfortunately its also fairly important in getting better, to actually know you have it so you can treat it.

[Zolia Lily]

Ok guys a few things that I'm really confused about.. why is getting a diagnoses of clinical depression so bad? I don't understand that

and I also don't understand why what hurts you hurts those that love you.

 

 

I found a lot of stigma in being diagnosed with depression, some from others, some form myself. I couldnt stop myself feeling that this was somehow a failure in its own right, a further confirmation of weakness, worthlessness etc. Its one of the worst parts of depression for me, how having it is self reinforcing. That is based on a sense that if it is an illness, it is one you bring on yourself, and by extension you can snap ourself out of if you really want to. That is still a prevalent opinion, and when you are depressed you happen to be vulnerable to internalising those opinions. I know I got that a lot from my family, whihc was of course immensely helpful.

 

Also as Mark suggested its almost as if I could pretend i was ok until I was diagnosed, then i had to deal with it. Which meant dealing with why I was depressed, the fact I was depressed, etc etc......all too much. Unfortunately its also fairly important in getting better, to actually know you have it so you can treat it.

 

I think Roan touched on why things that hurt you hurt those that you love in one of his other posts on between these two - to me it's because they love you and care about you and seeing you hurt makes them hurt for you. It's not sympathy - it's wanting you to be ok and whole and happy and healthy.

 

As for why the diagnosis is bad... I think it can be bad. It can be a shock and there really can be a huge stigma attached to it - especially in communities where Depression isn't seen as an illness that anyone can suffer from (and that a whoooole lot of people do and will suffer from), but as a failure to be strong enough or a weakness or a cry for attention or even just you feeling sorry for yourself ... you can feel judged and wonder why it's you and not everyone around you, and that compounds the idea of being weak and isolated.

For me, though - the diagnosis wasn't a bad thing. It was a huge weight lifted off my shoulders. It was as if suddenly the enemy had a name, and once it had a name, it could be fought. And if it could be fought, it could be conquered.

I think the diagnosis can be a good thing. It allows you to take a step back and realise that there's something wrong, it means you can make allowances for yourself and not be hard on yourself and wonder why you find it so difficult to function when no one else seems to. It gives you room to examine and to heal and yeah - even to fight; to attempt changes for the better. It's not easy and there's a lot of stigma out there - but in the end, i do think it's a positive step.

[JOeKEool]

I was diagnosed when I was in my 20's. 30 years ago now. Wow. It was quite a shock. I don't want to try any more drugs. I never found therapy helpful. Plus it cost too much.

 

I guess I'm not a "medical" success case. But I may not be a typical example of depression alone. I think I am bi-polar or manic/depressive.

 

The mood swings can be brutal. They come out of nowhere. Like you said.

I don't get anger so often . Mostly ovewhelming sadness will just slam me. Rarely I get a swing to the giddy , can't stop smiling , life is beautiful, side of the spectrum. When it is so extreme it can be as crippling as the extreme sadness. I'm overly emotional ALL the time. I cry at the most inopportune times. I keep thinking I am working thru' the emotional stuff and it will ease up. I don't know if it is. I am able to stay out of the really deep bouts of depression now. When I do slip under I have the strength or the will to fight back and come out of it.

 

I had to deal with a lot of the "oh, you're just feeling sorry for yourself attitude." My wife would insist I could kick myself in the ass and "get over it". And my folks remedy for everything was "pray about it". So, no support system there either.

 

I know I keep saying it : GA has been more help in just a few months than any thing I tried in the past. This forum seems to work magic .

Plus I get to express all my pent up emotions in poems. PLUS I get a benefit from reading great stories about dealing with being gay and all that that adds to the mix.

 

Just writing these words and knowing someone will care and understand is monumental.

[acht-acht]

Mark having an autism spectrum disorder is not an illness. its not something that can be cured, its not a disease or something that can be caught.

In simple terms it means my brain is different then most people.

 

And yes I find it extremely difficult to care or even think about anyone but myself. And being called a selfish heartless bitch in one way or another whenever I try to make friends with someone makes me really start to hate everyone. But I know its true, and no matter what I do I always eventually lose the few people who I have cared about. Its scary to realize that I can accept being alone if it means I don't hurt anyone else with my shit.

 

Dear Bee, don´t give up yet. And I bet you´re not a selfish heartless bitch. It might be just more difficult for you to empathize, other people´s emotions are probably like a foreign language to you sometimes, because of your ASD - like with everybody else liking hugs while you don´t. You´ll learn to read people better, and you´ll learn to express yourself more easily. We all hurt people with our shit sometimes btw, it just happens by accident, even to the most benign characters. It´s life. We just say sorry and try to make amends or make the one we hurt better again ... there´s no other way.

[acht-acht]

Hugging is an individual thing I find.

 

I really really found touching difficult at first. Our family never did it, any public display of affection was frowned upon, so I was conditioned pretty strongly not to. In addition, teenage boys generally are pretty conditioned against it, at least in Australia. I remember the first time one of my friend's mums gave me a hug I just about had a panic attack.

 

I am an ardent hugger now, and apparently good at it because Im big enough to make people feel protected

 

THat´s so sweet.

[Yettie One]

Um yeah....

So many answers, so many thoughts.

I guess I can only speak for myself as I see it.

 

A hug. It's a sign to me of several things. 1. It tells me I'm accepted, and its ok to share. 2. It tells me I'm alive and can feel emotion. 3. It brings me warmth, security and encouragement.

Through the simple expression of a hug I understand its ok to go on and that even through I am feeling vulnerable or exposed, someone is there to lean on.

Yes there are times when a hug is personal. It can be an expression of love for example. People have different concepts of what is a comfortable distance and what invades their personal space.

A hug on a forum like this. That's an expression of understanding, saying yeah I know what you mean, keep your chin up, stay strong, we are hear for you.

Yes you can say them in words, but if an emoticon puts a smile on someone's face, is it that bad?

 

Why was it bad to get the diagnosis?

It's a mental illness. Can it be cured? What do I face ahead of me? Who do I turn to for help? Does this mean drugs for the rest of my life? I've read people are zoned out by the pills, numb and different. Will that happen to me?

Are these questions scary to me? You better believe it. Do I understand it all yet? No. I'm only just learning.

 

Before this, I was one of the one's that'd heard of Depression, but didn't give it the time of day. Now I'm hear. It's real, it affects my life in ways I didn't even realise. I've spoken to two people close to me and told them, and when they tell me things about myself, I wonder how the hell I could be like that, or not even realise I was getting to that stage.

I had no clue!

So bottom line. Shock. That's why its hard to accept. I feel weak, like I did something wrong. Like I didn't read the signs, wasn't paying enough attention and it's my own fault for being here.

I want to shout to scream and to hurt me, and I don't understand why.

It's dark, lonely and damn scary. That's why its hard. That's why for me at least its such a big thing.

 

Yes I smile. Yes I laugh. Yes some days are good. But there are days that I don't want to think about.

 

5 years ago I helped to nurse my father through prostate cancer. I watched it eat the strongest man I'd ever known to nothing. We are pretty large men in my family. Dad was called Ox. My brother was called Moose. I'm called Yettie. It took four men to carry my fathers coffin. I looked at that box and couldn't believe the man I loved could fit in there.

Right now I am responsible as the primary carer to my mother who has Alzheimers disease. Every day a little more of her mind slips away and it kills me slowly inside.

I've been very close and protective over my parents since we lost our lands in an African country. They had everything they'd ever worked for taken from them, and left them broken and lost in their old age.

I don't share any of this seeking pity. I'm not hear to get merit coz I have an illness. I just need somewhere to vent. Somewhere I don't feel judged, and right now for me, there is an element of anonymity here I quite like. I can say I'm broken and no one know's me enough to judge me. At least I hope not.

Truth is I'm too scared to say that to some of the people I am close to, coz I am really affraid that they won't understand and will judge me. See me as weak or pathetic.

"Oh look at him, he's gone and got Depression, silly fool!"

I haven't chosen to be here. If I could I'd run a mile. I'd quit today. But I can't.

So yeah.

We all have issues, we all suffer from different afflictions. I have depression. I know there is far worse out there and but for the Grace of God go I.

The one thing I can say is that I take comfort from the fact I'm not alone. Seeing people talk of their pain allows me to understand that they can appreciate my pain and feel it because they have been there. They help me to find strength to know that they found a way to cope and go on. Never easy, maybe never quite 100% right, but they found a way through, and right now that's all I need to know that I might not get there tomorrow, but if I try hard enough, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

Just can't see it yet.

 

I can only hope that gives you even a glimmer of understanding of why I feel the way I do. I try to understand what it is like for my mom, and there was a time I tried to understand what it was like for dad, but the truth is until you've walked in their foot prints none of us really know's what its like for another.

[comicfan]

I've learned a long time ago you have to do what is good for you. I am the kind of person that once I know you, look out, I will hug the stuffing out of you. Until I do it is a handshake, unless I know you like or need a hug.

 

My mother was a hugger, my father isn't.

 

I just see it as a sense of security.

 

As for the rest happening in here, well that is the reason I believe the thread was started. It is for everyone to share, the good, the bad, and know that they aren't alone.

[thephoenix]

I'm just going to drop in my two cents. Because I've been there myself, although I don't like to admit it or even acknowledge its existance in my life. At least not any more.

 

This was a few years back, in Toronto, Canada, when my grades were slipping, friendships almost non-existant, and the few that I had - well, betrayal, lies, deceit and all that. I saw a few counselors and psychiatrists, although I never started taking anti-depressants on a regular basis. I didn't want the side effects, and I didn't want to be dependant on them. There were times when it was unbearable, sometimes, it was just ok. Y'know, just life passing you by.

 

It took a great deal of willpower, an idea that spiraled into extreme amount of inspiration, which spiraled into motivation, which fueled my willpower. I assigned blame to others, and told myself it wasn't my fault. I put 100% into absolutely everything that I did, effectively taking myself off of auto-pilot and personally intervening in even the smallest of tasks. Thus began my recovery.

 

I had effectively declared all-out war on my depression. I vaguely remember someone saying that I looked angry all the time. You know those things that you just take for granted and don't think about - you just do? I personally intervened in everything until my life resembled some form of normalcy. For those terrible moments when you seemingly can't pick yourself up, I found that uplifting, movitating music helped. In the case of betrayal, I transformed all the hurt into anger. I dealt slightly better with that, because I could visualize beating that person up when I hit the gym. I was also seeing a counselor during this time to help vent my frustration and anger.

 

I put 100% into my classes. Some of my team's weekly paper reports looked like small textbooks. I was quickly voted in to the position of team captain for my particular team (about 12 teams in my program), and kept it for the entire semester, being the longest person to continuously hold the position in the history of the program at my college. It was not just a title though. There were responsibilities, I had to delegate the tasks, and I had to sign off each weekly task, effectively representing my team as a whole to the instructors. I finally graduated with honors. I took such an accomplishment as one of my victories against depression.

 

I was not yet done though.

 

The idea that fueled all this to begin with? The financial possibility of pursuing my dream job of being a pilot, as many of you know, is a very expensive endeavor. I submitted my application to the university I am currently at, and got accepted in the early months of 2011.

 

I was not simply making a move across the city, across the province, or even across the country. I was moving OUT of the country to the United States. In the span of a few months, I had thrown out, donated, burned or sold 90% out of ALL my personal belongings, including furniture from my fully self-furnished apartment. Not a piece of furniture followed me across the border. My iphone, xbox and my macbook were my only electronics to follow me over. And only just enough clothes. And my Ontario college diploma.

 

An apartment full of stuff minimized into 2 suitcases and a duffel bag. I abandoned my Ontario residency status, and cancelled and closed bank accounts/credit cards. Burned bridges, deleted contacts, and changed my phone number. Deleted people off of FB, and blocked certain people. On the eve of my departure from Toronto, I burned mementos of Toronto (photos, private/confidential documents), visualizing all the hurt, anger, and frustration, and yes, the city, going up in flames.

 

As soon as I arrived in the United States, I participated in as much as I possibly could to establish myself in my new state of residence. I joined the Air Force ROTC, an aviation fraternity, got inducted into an honor society, I am about to be inducted into the university's honors college, and am volunteering as much as time as I can. I am working out regularly to stay in shape, because of AFROTC, and wanting that endorphin rush and sense of accomplishment after every good workout. I was recently awarded a AFROTC ribbon recognizing me at the top 10% of my class (among 7 other ribbons I was awarded), and I maintain a near-perfect GPA. And I am a student pilot, who just finished my third solo flight and first instrument flight. I'm about halfway done towards my private pilot license.

 

Such a very abrupt change, intertwined with great accomplishments and success helped get the depression out of me. Hopefully for good.

 

I believe I am living proof that you can get rid of depression without medication. I wish all of you who still carry such a burden the best of luck in getting rid of it. But please take my experience with a grain of salt. It may or may not work in your circumstances.

Edited May 28, 2012 by thephoenix

[Johnathan Colourfield]

Well, I'm not depressed. I know that but I think i could just put my two cents in.

 

I've just posted a blog and recieved alot of support from it. This place is a haven for me, has been since i was 14.

 

Alot of people support me here, more so than any of my friends from my younger life.

 

I'm currently in a process of rediscovering myself. Its not a short term thing and it is going to take a long time.

 

Hopefully the journey is not too long or arduous

[Mark92]

Hey guys I have to say I dont have much to vent about right now. Reading through all you have added here. I'm saddened that there is so much sadness and pain, but relieved that you can, and do still come here to air it.

I've never made claims I know how to heal, I've never judged either. I can listen to someones tale, and then listen to the other side of things and their point of view. Kate always told me there is two sides to every relationship story. So I listen to both sides. Only then do I have an opinion, but I dont always tell it. Most of you live in and around the rat race. I dont have any instances of that for experience. I'm neutral. And I want to keep it that way.

Things are good on the farm, me and Stuby are good. Life is pretty damn good right now and i'm loving it.

I'm not hiding from my problems anymore, I vent them and work on them. I still have miles to go, but now i'm enjoying getting there.

 

Hugs to all

[Enoch]

It's heart warming how much people here on GA are willing to open up to help one another. I applaud everyone one of you for putting yourself out there to help someone else. This is an awesome community, perhaps like no other. I feel apart of something bigger than myself, and the goodness found here, warms my heart.

 

to ALL

[Zolia Lily]

I'm currently in a process of rediscovering myself. Its not a short term thing and it is going to take a long time.

 

Hopefully the journey is not too long or arduous

 

Don't know about that, Mr. Colourfield! I mean, laugh if you will, I'm only 24, but every time I feel like I've got myself all figured out, then I get all confused and wonder again. I feel like I might be getting close sometimes, but then I figure this whole "who am I? thing is probably part of life and I'll be "discovering" me for the rest of my life. Makes sense if I think about the fact that I think your experiences make you who you are, and unless you live under a rock, you're going to have new experiences and discover more about yourself for the rest of your life....

 

My dad is in his 50s and he often says he's still figuring it out. Then again, he just finished his PhD after going back to uni 30 odd years after his first degree and is finally figuring out what he wants to be, too.

 

I like that though - it means there are second chances. I believe in second chances

 

(edited because I keep forgetting to go "i before e except after c" in my head at the moment )

Edited May 29, 2012 by Zolia Lily

[CassieQ]

Well, it doesn't appear that I am doing as well as I thought. My Mom is taking me to the doctor today. She wants me to talk to someone about managing my weight. (I'm not gaining, I'm losing and she thinks that I'm beginning to look a little scary) It is a lot to worry about on top of looking for a new job and a new place to live. Can someone cut me a break please? </end whine>

[comicfan]

Well, it doesn't appear that I am doing as well as I thought. My Mom is taking me to the doctor today. She wants me to talk to someone about managing my weight. (I'm not gaining, I'm losing and she thinks that I'm beginning to look a little scary) It is a lot to worry about on top of looking for a new job and a new place to live. Can someone cut me a break please? </end whine>

 

Cassie, life continues to throw curve balls at us all. I wouldn't exactly say you are whiny or even complaining. The fact that you are willing to go see the doctor is a good sign to begin with. Never worry about how it appears to others. Just worry about how you are doing. Besides if you need to vent you found a good place to do it.

[Mark92]

Well said Unc, I am the same Cassie people think i'm this huge guy, and yeah i'm tall with huge shoulders but my waist is skinny. I dont eat enough. But I'm not hungry. I dont have an appetite, and I should. I just got my doc out today so I will know why, hopefully next week after some blood tests on Monday. Hope things turn out good for you. And you're doing the best thing. And agree with Unc this is what this thread is for, so whine away.

 

 

all round

Edited May 31, 2012 by Mark92