Depression

[harcallard]

Well how quickly things can happen and how quickly my good day can go wrong...It went miserably and utterly wrong in a matter of seconds. I went out to brunch with my usual groups of friends and we were having a good time. Then someone asked me why I hadn't atteneded another friends party last night and I responded because I wasn't made aware there was a party and I must have been left out of the loop. This is when it all fell down. Then the person for whom I would have never thought in a million years would have turned on me, did exactly that.

 

I was told that no one wanted me around because I am clingy, nosey, pushy and the list went on. I began to feel more and more out of place as she went on. I could hear the others trying to get her to stop attacking me. It hurt me more that she would do what she did than what she said. I could have been so vindictive and slung back, but that is mot my style. So I excused myself, paid my bill and left.

 

I just checked my cell phone and I already have three messages from her. I am a forgiving type of person. We can work things out and I will forgive anyone. However, when it comes to you actually hurting my feelings, I tend to take longer to forgive and forget. I think I handled it pretty well since I did not reply back to her. The old me would of in a heart beat. Life is too short for this childish things. I may have some character flaws, but I am who I am..

 

I am beginning to feel better.. I just needed to write it down and tell someone. Hey who knew my therapist was right so long ago when he told me to write things out.

 

Hope everyone is having a good day.. mine is returning to that.

 

Hugs and love.

[Mark92]

I have been avoiding this thread for a couple of days. I really dont want to blather. But I am okay I do appreciate all the support and the hugs too. Thank you.

 

Harcallard, what can I say? Your friends dont sound much like friends too me, but thats only my opinion. You have to judge for yourself. I hope things improve for you. i dont forgive easily and its the painful things I dont forget. But thats my negative side. There is so much good here at GA, so many good people. Not only for the nice things but some telling you to pick yourself up or you'll get a kick up the jacksie.

And I appreciate it all.

 

Hugs all

[harcallard]

I am pretty sure that you have all heard about what has been going on with the actual or fictional Nathan89.. I just need to get somethings off my chest.. I am really pissed off that I fell for what seem to be one of the biggest hoaxes I have ever heard of before. To play with someone's emotions like this in my book is the low of the lowest.. So I am not sad or upset for the loss of the non existent Person, but only for my gullibility.

 

I hope you all have a a great day and may it bring you all the things you desire...

 

Hugs and Love

[podga]

Other than having one friend, who suffers from depression, I know nothing of the subject and I don't want to presume, but what strikes me most about this forum (and him) is how hard you all seem to be on yourselves and how high your expectations seem to be of yourselves.

 

My generation's parents worked hard to create opportunities for my generation. It seems as if what my generation passed to our kids is that they MUST take advantage of the opportunities and now it seems as if they're tellingTHEIR kids not only that they must take advantage but that they MUST come in first. Every single show on TV, from cooking to logging to ice-trucking is about competition, coming in first and eliminating the weakest, often in humiliating ways. It's like TV and the media our trying to turn our lives into a video game, where only the top 3 or 5 or 10 scores matter, as if there's not room enough for all of us.

 

Real life isn't that though. Even pushing 50, I don't really know what it's about, but I know it's not an endless series of races and competitions. Mostly it's okay to simply be good enough, not perfect, and to let other people carry you, when necessary, just as you would carry them, when you can. It's about taking care of yourself, and giving yourself permission to opt out of certain things, if they're too difficult, or, at the very least, to demand help, if you can't opt out completely. It's about trying not to let other people's judgements affect you, because in many cases they're not actually trying to get you to jump over the bar, but to psych you out of trying to jump at all and that's really their problem, not yours. It's about cherishing your friends, but only those that cherish you, as well. It's making mistakes, some of which you might never recover from, and many from which you will, and there's no telling beforehand which are which. A lot of times it's about luck, good or bad, whether you deserve it or not.

 

I see a lot of talented individuals here, and from what you write, many of you carry pretty heavy burdens even aside the depression. And I wouldn't presume to tell you how to feel better and I hope I'm not coming off that way (and if I am, I apologize). Just, if you can, don't add to the burden by thinking you need to accomplish or be more than you already are.

[Zolia Lily]

Have hit a pretty bad low atm - kind of out of the blue. Possibly bad news, but the worst part is the not knowing. Shocked my flatmates last night when I broke down at the table completely. It's kind of weird to be back here again - only with a cause this time and not just 'cause.

Feeling utterly helpless and more miserable than I have in years and years and years. I don't want to be back here again; I really don't.

[joann414]

Hopefully, the news will not be as bad as you fear. If so, hope all gets better soon. We all have our time in the pits of depression. Try to stay positive and strong.

[comicfan]

Lily - If you need to vent feel free. Otherwise know if you need us we are here.

 

Mark - Glad you are climbing out of the darkness. Hate seeing you down.

 

For those who have been following they know I have been dealing with my own crisis at the moment. Dad was bleeding internally and they released him from the hospital today. This is only a partial solution. While they stopped the immediate bleeding he has two aneurisms in his stomach area that they will have to operate on but want his body healed from round one before they begin round two. So panic one is over and now I wait for the second round. While not depressed completely stressed out and in need of some down time. In the meantime I try to soldier on. For those who have been offering support I can't Thank you enough. Just knowing someone was concerned was a big help in just keeping me focused and going.

 

Wayne

[Mark92]

Hi all

 

Harcallard I cant say anything about Nathan, because I didn't know him, apart from saying Hi occasionally in chat. What I did see was how he hurt others. Regardless of, if he did die, If he faked the whole thing. Or if he was just trying to be accepted and shown affection. We will all probably never know. Hopefully time heals as always and things improve once more.

 

Podga Hi, We all have different ways of dealing with depression, and I for one didnt grow up through any teen TV. Mine was old black and white films and old programmes farmer Sam used to watch. TV was sinful in my house. I have a lot of old fashioned thoughts and ways some call strange. But when you think my only influences came from farmer Sam in his 60's, Kate in her 50's and my own mum in her 40's its hardly suprising. My aim is to improve myself and try to learn what I missed out on.

You have a lot of wise words and truthful ones too. Thank you

 

Darling Lily what can I say? You already know I have an ear, and I am so glad I got to cheer you up a bit. And you have my phone too so call me if you need too. Its okay

Do what you said you were going to do. I'll help if I can

[Mark92]

Hi Joann Always glad to have an extra ear in here. Thank you

 

Oh Unc, I miss you so much, not just because you listen but because you always have your right boot on too. I hope you can de-stress soon. And all is well with your dad.

[JOeKEool]

Hi to all of you.

 

 

I am still slogging thru' this move-in. I t seems more like I'm moving out. We have not started moving her in yet. She works full time and I am busy with the kids and working nights. Makes it hard to jump in and accomplish much. I think I'm making progress.

 

I've been in a real slump mentally. I don't think it is depression. I don't feel that way. Maybe it is just all the stress. I do find I am grinding my teeth constantly. I can't seem to keep my mind on one subject for ten seconds. Slowly getting things done.

 

I still have the overwhelming bouts of emotion. Even that isn't feeling like grief or despair. It's intense tears and heartache but somehow it doesn't feel negative. Maybe i just know I have to let it out and I quit fighting it. Who knows.

 

I am trying to write but not getting anywhere. I wish I could bottle up all this emotion and just dip my pen in it. I am trying to be patient and not get negative . The writing will come when it comes.

 

I am praying for Roan. I have not heard anything for a few days but that he was awake. I am so glad to see he posted on his profile. I love you Roan. Stay strong. We all need our stallion !! And my prayers are for Darren. He is SO lucky to have you in his life. And you are SO lucky to have him. I keep saying it but you two deserve nothing but the best. You may only get it between the crises. Enjoy every moment you can.

 

I hope all of you stay well. I will try to get here more often. I miss being here.

 

Joe

[Mikelaing74]

Zola, I hope things start to improve and you don't end up back in the dark place. We've all been there and we all know it's hard to get out of it.

 

Wayne, I know what it is to worry about a family member, the stress and pressure you place on yourself can be unbearable at times. Sometimes you need to walk away for a while and take some 'you' time. It's not being selfish to do it, it's about being you best to support your family. You can't help them if you're so wound up that you're ready to snap.

 

Marky, Old fashioned ideas can be fine if taken in context, and softened a little bit with life lessons. You are one of the people I've come to admire and respect on the site.

 

Joe, It's good to see you back again, you've been missed I know that having someone moving in with you can be a very trying time. It totally disrupts your routine and ideas of personal space. But at the same time it can be beneficial. It's always better to have someone to chat to, rather than screaming at the walls or the TV

[Mark92]

Welcome back Joe We have all missed you. Things will soon settle down into a familiar routine.

 

Hello huggable Mikey take one yourself

 

Depressions and stresses effect us all differently, one story may be brutal the other more very hurt feelings. But to the sufferer, one is as bad as the other. It isnt a competion as to who has the worst story. They all matter. And I can only repeat, say it here, or email, or messenger, all will be heard and responded too

 

 

Hugs to all

[joann414]

Wayne, sure hope your dad does well. He has really been through it lately. HOpe life is looking up for the rest of you. HOpe your only problem is either the heat or too much rain. We can live with those. Hugs to everyone

[Yettie One]

This relentless forward march of time seems to sore past me like a bat out of hell some days, and then on others it barely stands still. It's weird.

So they tell me that I need to learn to associate my feelings with what is happening to me or around me at the time my feelings are provoked!

Hmmmmmm

That is really not as simple as it sounds!

Right, you suddenly feel blue. No apparent reason. Logically something must have caused it right? It's just I don't think this is a very logical illness. I've sat trying to figure it out, but don't seem to be winning.

I'm lucky I've been massively busy and haven't had much time to sit and ponder this much, as I think I may find it really frustrating, and that doesn't seem to be the positive result I'm meant to be looking for.

 

Zola Lilly I am so sorry you been feeling down recently. I hate the way the dark days creep up on you, and can only imagine your frustration. I appreciate that desire you express not to return to the darkness of the abyss, and hope that you are able to avoid walking these dark, lonely corridors once more.

If you should find that you are walking those well worn flagstones, please feel free to reach out and grab a hand for company, or bend an ear if you need, lean on a shoulder if you choose. I, as many others am here, and will stand shoulder to shoulder if we should wonder these halls together.

 

Marky, you continue to inspire and amaze me young man. You are a remarkable guy, with some amazing ideas about life. Thank you for being there, a quick whit and a cheeky smile on days I just need to know that there is someone that cares.

 

Wayne, buddy I really, really hope and pray that things work out with your dad. Things sounds like such a roller coaster of emotion and uncertainty for you right now, that it must be stress of an unbearable nature. I can only say I feel for you so mate. Stay strong, keep smiling if you can, and shout if you need. Sending you a huge Yettie hug as always buddy.

 

Harcallard, was lovely to get a message from you the other day bud, and I'm so glad you've had some good days of late. There will be good days among the bad I guess, and that is probably what we focus on living for ey? Enjoying the good times and working through the tough times together? Hugs man.

 

Podga, wise words and thanks for sharing. It was certainly food for thought.

 

Joe, I'm not a pro on writing by any measure, but I've also been going through a bit of a block on writing. I've sat twice now and tried to force it out, and when I read back over what I've written it's dark and wild. Not what I want to be writing at all, so I guess that is not really the right thing to do, at least in my situation. I'm just trying to say, when the time is right the words will come to mind and flow from you. Take heart buddy, there is so much going on around you, and change is always going to upset the normal rhythm a bit. Hang in there mate, and hope things settle down for ya soon.

 

Mike and Joann, thanks for your words of encouragement for us all, and being there for us when we need it. I know I love to see the simple lines of kindness and take heart from knowing there are people who care, and understand.

 

To anyone else I haven't mentioned, smile, take a hug, you deserve one, and shout if you need to, I'm always here, even if a few days late sometimes.

 

ps. If anyone knows how Roan is, plz let me know. xx Ta.

Edited July 21, 2012 by Yettie One

[harcallard]

I hope everyone is doing well today! IT has been rather boring form e today but eh.. I'll find something to do

 

Hugs and Love

[Breeze]

Hi all....I havent checked in for awhile but I have been reading this thread I keep you all in my thoughts and prayers(yes I admit to that ) and hope everyones good.

 

Anyway, tonight is a quiet night at home, just watched a movie and was reading. Later I went on fb and noticed one of my friends posted a link to Great Falls, Montana. Thats where I lived when I was married. My husband passed away in 2010. So until tonight I have more or less avoided anything to do with Mt, its too emotional. But tonight I thought what the hell, I can handle it. Jeez I wished I hadn't. I looked at those pictures and was just swamped with how much I missed that place, and the happy memories associated with Great Falls. Anyways it was depressing and bittersweet. But it helps to put it out there. Tomorrow I'll go back to my more normal self, lol. Tonight, not so much.

 

On the up side, I passed a final hurdle in kicking this illness that has been part of my life for more than 3 years. I saw my opthamologist this week and I am now in official maintain mode, lol. Over the course of three years, I've had a cardiologist, a gastroentologist, an endocrinologist, an internist, a nephrologist. There all gone now except for the cardiologist and opthamologist and those are just a once every year or two now. So yay me!

 

Hugs alll and stay well everyone.

[Mikelaing74]

Breeze, it's good that you're on the mend fighting an illness is hard at the best of times, but not really knowing what it is must be ten times harder.

 

Losing a loved one is terrible. But instead of avoiding the memories, sometimes it's better to confront them head on, and I'm talking from personal experience here. You and your husband must have had some really good memories in Montana, those are the ones you want to let live in your mind.

 

to all

[joann414]

Had a tough start to the weekend, but chatted with a few here over the weekend, and all in all, it has improved very much, and makes me appreciate people here more and more. Even tho I have not chatted with many of u here, I still try to read and post toward your well being if i feel i can help. always an open ear, and open arms here for a hug when needed. Hopefully the words that flow here will offer support and encouragement to anyone who need them. Hugs all!

[harcallard]

Had a tough start to the weekend, but chatted with a few here over the weekend, and all in all, it has improved very much, and makes me appreciate people here more and more. Even tho I have not chatted with many of u here, I still try to read and post toward your well being if i feel i can help. always an open ear, and open arms here for a hug when needed. Hopefully the words that flow here will offer support and encouragement to anyone who need them. Hugs all!

 

I am grateful that you are here to share with us Joann.. We are all here for each other to help us get through it.

[Mark92]

Hi Guys I'm all out of likes again

 

Just here for a bit of a moan today. So stressed I could pull every hair out one by one. Sunday is my one full day, per week with Stuby while he's working. And guess what? Most of the west side of Britain is on and off internet all day. We pulled every wire out, reset, rebooted and everything else we could think of to have as much time as we could together. We managed to get a full half hour just before his bedtime. So silver lining I guess.

 

All

[Mikelaing74]

Should I make arrangements for you two to be air lifted together ? And then locked together for about a month ?

[harcallard]

I agree with Mike.. Mark the two of you should be put together for two weeks on a deserted island..just he sun, beach, waves and no one to bother you.. hey that even sounds good to me..now if i could only find someone to go with...hmmmm....

 

As far as the internet..it is so unpredictable at times it makes me angry,,,,,, here is a hug to cheer ya up.

 

hope everyone is doing fine,,,hugs and love

[comicfan]

Figured I was overdue to check in so pardon me while I do my usual list of commentaries.

 

1) Breeze - Losing anyone you love is never easy. Each person grieves in their own way. What is impossible to see one day is your greatest memory the next. I am glad to hear you are feeling better. Any way you look it I will be keeping you in my prayers.

 

2) Yettie - Thank you for you words of encouragement. Trust me there have been moments in the last few weeks where I feel I am barely holding on by my finger tips, but I know I have too many people counting on me and keeping me in their thoughts.

 

3) Hacallard - You have been on a merry go round lately with highs and lows. Sorry things have been so rough, but remember there is one person you can always count on no matter what, you! Hang in there.

 

4) Joann - You have been so sweet to so many. Don't think your comments or wishes have gone unnoticed. The squeaky wheel might get the attention but the steady heart gets the praise. Thank you for your kind words and good intentions.

 

5) Mark - I love you and I know your time away from Stu has you climbing the walls. Just remember this job is just for the summer. Schooling is nearly done and then you two will have time enough to do whatever you wish. Till then my Nephew hang in there.

 

6) Mike - If you do that Stu will never finish school. I love you for the thought though.

 

to all of you. Keep your spirits up and remember to be there for each other.

[harcallard]

I do appreciate everyones comments and support..if I haven't told you this ..then i am sorry.. I have figured out for me it is a day to day thing. Like comic said above, I have been on a merry go around lately and to be honest...I want to make it stop so i can get off..I have through several bouts of crying, bitching, and crying some more is that i am expecting things, people and situations to be something that they are not instead of accepting them for what they are. It will take me some time to work through it....

 

hugs and love

[Roan]

Hi everyon.

 

Im back but not working too well. I need to be ptient. I may struggle at times to get stuff across and I cant concentrate for too long at time. So I wont be on lots and I will say stuff in bursts. Its frustratin because I want to say lots nd tell you ll how much you matter and how much you have helped.

 

I am getting better but it goes in waves a bit. I get tired really easily and sometimes confused.

 

I have been thinking of you all and I am sending colt hugs to everyone. Got lots of love to give back

 

Roan