Depression

[ashessnow]

Hey everyone. Haven't been around in a while and I thought I'd check in. See how you all were doing. Very glad to see the thread still alive. Hope you're all doing well.

 

Things for me have been...tempestuous. But that seems to be typical.

 

Lots of love.

[Mark92]

Hi again Ashes

It's been quiet here lately, everyone is busy with life I guess.

 

I make sure to look in every day, and quickly run out of likes. It's good to see a returning face, so please keep checking in.

[joann414]

Hi Ashes

 

Thank you for this wonderful thread. It has brought many closer, and let them know that there is someone out there that cares. Again, I don't think you realised when you started this thread how special it would be. Thank You!

[harcallard]

I want to thank Ashes as well..I have been getting better with each passing day,,, I guess my relationship with my bf is getting better as well. I finally figured out what was causing me so much heart ache and stress. He is in the closet and has to be because of the job he has. I knew this going in , but I went into it blindly. I had to many expectations from the get go. This was my major problem. Instead of excepting it for hat it was, I wanted more out of it. So , we basically butted heads quite often. It had gotten so bad that we even separated for two weeks.

 

To say I was crushed would be an under statement. I thought we had broken up for good. He calmed I was needy and clingy. This could have not been farther from the truth. I had to come to a point in my life where I had to sit down and analyze what was going on. It finally dawned on me what I was doing wrong... I was expecting him and things to be what they weren't.

 

Now don't get me wrong, there are certain expectations we have to abide by. For example, there are those expectations placed upon us by society. There are ones that say how we should act, live...etc..... However, the ones I was holding over him were unnecessary. I had to make sure that I was the one in control of the situation every minute of the day. I think he was beginning to resent this which led to the start of the problems that he and I were having.

 

Then it all came to a head one night while we were having dinner. I made a remark and it was as if I had light a firecracker. He told me that he couldn't stand the fact that I was calling him 20 times a day, and yes I know this is a little much, but hey I wanted him to know that I was thinking about him. He also added that I needed to trust him more. Just because we weren't together all the time, it didn't mean he wasn't thinking about me. By this time, I was angry and felt the need to lash out at him, instead of keeping my mouth shut. I told him that i have a problem with trusting people. This is where my whole problems stem from.

 

He said many other things, of which I will not go into. However, my anger quickly left and sadness took over. So in truth, I was the one who initiated our two week seperation. I didn't answer his calls. so I thought we were done, Then he kept calling me several times and said he would continue until I called him back. We finally agreed to meet for lunch and this is when we had the talk everyone in a relationship should have. The one where you set boundaries. Where you state what you will accept and what you wont.

 

I finally learned and accepted the fact that I am a part of his life and not his entire life, if that makes sense. This have been getting progressively better since that day. I suppose I said all of this to simply say, Don't set expectations on others. it will only cause you heartache and trouble in the long run. My new philosophy is, "It is what it is."

 

It does feel good to be back on and come to this forum.. I do apologize for those who have contacted me and I have not answered you back. I am back now.. so watch out! hee hee just kidding.

 

There are so many here I want to thank for not only listening to me, but also extending your friendship to me.I am not one to easily express my feelings, so if I ever forget to say "Thank You," then I am saying it now.

 

I hope to hear from you guys soon,

 

"Keep a smile on your face and Love in your heart."

 

Harc

[Mark92]

Hi Tim

Stay strong buddy, and I hope you find a good place to be. I'm still looking, so wishing you all the best

[Ashi]

I usually don't come by this thread, but I just want to tell you guys, happy holiday season. Visit a place you always want to visit. Take a photo of an overlooked dandelion and make a wish. Try to shop for an inexpensive (but good) wine for your neighbor (or keep it for yourself). Smile (or smile back) at a stranger in a mall though you probably won't see him again.

 

I once passed through United Nation Plaza in San Francisco, which is known for its farmer's market and high concentration of homeless people loitering around. Someone set up a booth to pass out curry rice. It didn't specify the reason why foods were given, but I saw many regular folks like me lined up to receive the anonymous benefactor's kindness. I was quite tempted to join the queue, just as a spontaneous act of silliness.

[harcallard]

Well I must say that this is the fourth saddest weekend in my entire life. The first is when I lost my Mom to Cancer in 1996, lost my best friend since the third grade to cancer in 2008, my dad in 2010 to a heart attack, and now a real good friend, Karl ....aka Roan to cancer.

 

I know dying is an inevitable part of life, but no one prepares you for the pain and the empty feelings that their absence leaves. I have no idea what religious views everyone may have or may not have. However, it helps me deal with the pain and loss by knowing that one day we will see each other again. I think that they are all up above and they are looking down watching over us and waiting for the day when we will join them.

 

It is never easy loosing someone who close to you whether it may be a family member, or a friend. I believe that if we smile when we remember the good and the bad times, then they will never truly be gone. They will always will have a place in your heart.

 

I hope and pray that when they are up there looking down on us here below, that they will smile when we think of them and forgive us for anything we may have said or done. I make it a habit to tell those I care about in my life how I feel about them. So in the event that something ever does happen to me, then they will never be sitting around one day wondering how I felt about them. they will already know.

 

I send up a prayer with a heart fill of love and admiration to all my family members and friends  I have lost along this road of life I have traveled thus far. may you all rest in peace until we meet again.

[hh5]

Enjoy your holidays ... remember long hugs and lots of them ... 

[Mark92]

Hi all

 

Lets all try and have a good one Officially it's my second Christmas, and even, not being with my man and having a pulled muscle in my back so I can hardly move. I'm damn well going to enjoy it.

So,  I wish you all the very best of Chrismas's and a joyous and hope filled New Year      to all.

[Mikelaing74]

I've not been in for a while, life got busy for a while there, but finally I've now got some time to myself. 

 

Gonna keep it short and sweet, I still have to slip Snuggle his tranquelisers so we can get him on the plane to Norway !

 

So we're gonna wish everyone a Merry Christmas from Mike & Snuggle !

[morgnita]

In high school I was sent to the schools psychologist after visiting a counsler because of learning problem. One of the first thing he did was to ask if I had ever thougth  about suicide and I answerd " Yes, I would jump from a tall building so I eider could finely feel free and fly or regret my choise. And I am afraid of hights so it wouldnt be easy. The thing that saved me was the thought of the pain I would put my famely in if I did it and that pain was worse than the pain of living one more day. So I understand the black hole. The thing about me is that I have had a pretty good life. A famely that loves me, and most of the time good friends. The only bad part was being frosen out by all the girls in my class (even my best  friend from preschool) for 2 years but after a year I found friends outside the class and at the end most of the girls apologized for their behavor. So why the hell should I be depressed? Last year my brain finely was finished growing and things became easier to handle.

 

For me depression is a constant batle, always looking for the signs and keeping the guard up so it dosen't take over me again. If I don't get enough sleep, neutrition, prais, sun or hugs, I have to fight hard not to let the depression come back.

 

I have told my closest friends about my problems and they respect me and my problems. They don't understand but they  suport me.

 

I have a light form for depression and only need som herbal thing my doctor recomended, sun and sleep to fight  and I have a great  life so I can't imagine how others have it. 

[Mark92]

Hi Morgnita

 

Welcome,  it's good to see a new face, and everyone is always made welcome. I think we all understand now, that depression is different for all of us and no remidies work the same either. We all have our own ways of dealing with and overcoming it in part.

What we do have here in this thread is all the hugs, ears, shoulders and a kick up the backside too if that's what works. that anyone could possibly need.

 

Hugs all

[harcallard]

Hi Morgnita! and welcome to the Blog!

 

I hope everyone's holiday was a great one.. I pretty  much spent it alone.. but oh well... it was great having sometime to myself..

 

HOpe everyone has a great day and week ahead..

 

Hugs

 

Harc

[Yettie One]

Hey you lot.

 

Kinda spent a lot of time lying i bed this morning thinking. I woke up mega stupid early, don't for the life of me know why, but yeah, so I was pondering to myself....

 

2013 is on us right? Heck we made it through 2012.

 

That is not a bad result really. We were supposed to self combust, or come to some traumatic end or something daft, but all that really happened was life reminded us how bloody hard it is right?

 

See, this is the thing. We are not in this alone. Don't get me wrong, I have days where I really do feel the pang of being on my own and having to make decisions alone. It is hard at times not being able to bounce stuff off of someone, or just be able to talk to someone about my fears, worries, frustrations  Yeah I think that'll hurt anyone. But I draw comfort in knowing that I have friends out there that are going through their own hard times, so when I need too, I can talk to someone that UNDERSTANDS.

 

See that is the big thing for me.

 

I can't explain how nice it feels to know that others can appreciate my feelings. Someone out there does not think I am a complete loon and has either gone through something or is going through something similar. I know that I have about four of five people here that I can shoot a message off to about anything at all, and they respond with support, kindness, love and helpfulness.

 

It may not be the answer I want to hear, but at least there is someone there right?

 

Does anyone else know what I mean? I guess words don't really give adequate meaning to what I am trying to say, but yeah, I guess I'm just rambling about what I was thinking, and the jist of it is that I am really glad I stumbled across this thread and got to know some of you really well. You've become a life line to me, and that I think is more special than anyone completely appreciates. We come here with our problems and insecurities. We vent, we rant and rave, we sound mad sometimes. But through it all, we learn that there are people that care here. People that reach out and make a difference for each of us.

[Mark92]

Hey all

 

Roberto, I know exactly what you mean, I spent christmas alone from 2am onwards until Stuby got home about 11pm. Family pressure that's all. Bless him he did try to be with me.  All I can do is distract myself by doing everything and anything, gaming, baking, studying anything so I don't think. That would be disasterous, I call it my 'bad side' and it really can twist the innocent to evil if I let it.

I reflect back on a year of so many near misses, so many things to regret, but, and it's a big BUT, I have grown as a person and a man, being in love and making so many awesome, friends.

I'm now ready to move on, move from here, give up farming and try something new. The man I love more than life itself by my side.

 

So many hugs to all

[comicfan]

Hey all,

 

Well unfortunately I can be added to that group who found Christmas something to stress over. There wasn't much to celebrate. My cousins were all down south with their mother and children (my cousins are in their fifties and their children in their twenties and thirties now). That left me alone with Dad. The holiday was quiet. He really wasn't in a celebrating type of mood so I basically hid out in my room. My saving grace for the day so I didn't have a complete melt down was I had stored all the gifts my friends had sent me for Christmas. When I felt at my worst I sat down and began to open them one after the other. I'm happy to know people thought of me, and this was one of those times I was ever so grateful to have something to look forward to.

 

Luckily I was never one who needed a lot to make me happy. I get huge pick me up when I get a postcard, card, or letter, so seeing what my friends sent me was a bonus. Besides I am a certified Chocoholic and many of them sent me chocolate.

 

Those simple gifts kept me from focusing on too much on what I am missing. The people who have passed on, the friends I have left behind, my job, and my life in general. The one thing about life you have to be careful of, is getting complacent. I've stopped worrying about me and focused so much on everyone else that for a while my life has become gray. That leaves you feeling drained and wondering if you are worth anything. For me those gifts reminded me of better times, things I need to focus, and reminded me that if I am not happy with how things are it is time to get off my ass and change them.

 

I can't claim I'm happy. I am not a light switch were I go from one to the other. But for the moment I am no longer apathetic and that is better than I have been.

 

Hang in there everyone. New year, new chances, and new opportunities. Wishing you all the best as we start over again with a blank page. Leave your indecisions behind you and move on with your life. Things have got to get better.

 

to those who need them.

 

Wayne

[Mark92]

Ran out of likes Unc, but you know i'm thinking of you

[joann414]

Well, you can add me to the group that Christmas brought many difficult moments and happenings, losing my uncle on the 26th.  My home filled to capacity starting that afternoon and at night you could not even walk through the iiving room without trodding over someone sleeping.  All of the beds were filled and at least on person on the floor in the bedrooms.  My husband I even gave our bed to my brother and his wife and slept on the floor in the room with them.

 

Food was cosumed like there was no tomorrow, drinks the same.  I am just so glad that we were able to weather the storm, and do this one last thing from my uncle.  The last of the company should be gone when I get in from work today right after lunch .  I am sure the silence will be welcome ad relaxing. 

 

Numbess, sadness, emptiness have woven their way through my heart in just a short time, but I feel a certain strength for some reason that has lightened my heart because I know my uncle is at peace and will not suffer any more.

 

I cried many tears alone these last couple of days, trying to keep  up appearances in front of folks, but heavy hearted the whole time.  KNowing that he would have loved his little memorial service, everyone on the deck, a fire going in the fire pit, and the woods silent around us except for the wind howling in the trees making it even a little sadder for those there paying their last respects, it seemed the perfect setting.

 

Though many take life for grated the snuffing out of a life can be in a fleeting moment, so live your life to the fullest, forgive, be a friend, and keep love in your heart even when life is hard to handle.  Hugs all

[Mark92]

We are all right with you Jo and always will be

[comicfan]

I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and best wishes go out to you and your family.

[harcallard]

You and your family are in my thoughts and prayers! Love ya

[Zolia Lily]

Hello everyone -

 

I have been VERY absent for a while and feel very out of touch. I hope everyone is getting on okay and looking forward to everything that 2013 may bring!

I have had rather a lovely christmas, although it's very strange to spend it without family.  It can be a hard time of year.

I'm currently making resolutions for the new year, despite the fact that I have grave doubts about my ability to be self-disciplined. I think short term goals are something I need to work on, though. Cultivating friendships (getting better at keeping in touch), writing more (starting a blog might be fun, but possibly a little too ambitious!), excercising.... I think I need to make an effort this year as these really are things that I think will help my emotional and physical well being...

Recently, i've been grumpy a lot (i'm going to blame it on winter and SAD), but thinking about what I hate in other people (ohhhh that's a bit strong - dislike maybe...) has given me opportunity to reflect and realise that each person has to be the most important person to themself in life. I don't advocate being selfish or nasty to people, but I'm personally going to stop taking responsibility for anyone else, stop prevaricating, start being honest to myself and other people (because I can't see any point in untruth) and speaking up when it matters and making what matters to me known... All those things which in the end I guess add up to being true to one's self... and i think in the end will make me happier... which is always the aim!

 

Always all the best to everyone!

Lily

[joann414]

Hugs Ziola Lily, and hope you New year is prosperous and a happy place for you!

[layla]

Hi Ziola Lily, hope you have a happy new year!

[joann414]

Happy New Year to you Zoila Lily!